Demon World Boba Shop: A Cozy Fantasy Novel

“This is insane.” Arthur sat in the weird, kinda-citrus fumes of the room as the bluish water he bubbled and churned. The blue, he had been told, was because he had the lowest level of vitality that could safely take an acid bath and the cyan tint signified the weakest acid they had. The bubbles, he was told, would shake off whatever particles the acid loosened. “There’s no way this can be that much better than a normal bath.”

“Just relax,” Minos said. “Give it some time to work. It’s not really done until after the post-bath scrub, anyway.”

When Arthur had climbed into the bath, it had hurt, but only a pinch. It was like an itch that demanded you scratch it right away, the kind that popped up at a distant relative’s funeral, but all over his entire body. He winced at it and tried to jump out of the bath, but the pain faded before he could do that.

“The body remembers when it didn’t have stats. And it shies away from things that would have damaged it then.” Minos relaxed into his own hot-orange colored acid bath. “Warriors train out of that, and so do people like Milo who work around intense heat. That pain you just felt? There was no reason for it except that your body expected to be hurt, whether it was or not. It goes away after a while. Or once you take a few more of these bathes.”

Now that Arthur had some time to adjust, it didn’t hurt at all. The acid water was a little different from normal water, but not so much that Arthur was put off after he got used to the overall blueness of the thing. It was a little bit more viscous than normal water, clinging to his skin as he moved around. Milo and Minos soaked in their own baths, joking and sloshing around as the liquid did its work.

After twenty minutes or so, the attendant poked his head through the door.

“All right, that should do it. Any more will just irritate your skin. Minos, can you show the others where the showers are, for the rinse?” the fox asked.

“Of course. And the kid says he can’t tell that the bath is doing anything at all, so it seems like you dialed it in pretty well,” Minos replied.

“Good, good. A lot like an ape-demon after all.” The attendant looked pleased. “Once you’ve rinsed, our scrubbers are ready for you. And don’t let the kid go easy. If it’s his first time, he might as well get the full effect.”

After the group got out of the bath and toweled off. Minos led them to the showers.

“The water here is from the building’s own well. They have their own weller, an independent contractor who specializes in this kind of this. It’s supposed to be better for rinsing,” Minos explained, excitement shining through his voice.

“How much better could it be?” Arthur asked. “I’ve had some pretty great showers so far.”

Minos shrugged his shoulders and turned on the tap to his own shower head. “No clue. I’m sure a weller could tell the difference. But this is the part where you’re going to start feeling the difference, Arthur. Get that tap on.”

Arthur did as he was told, letting the water run over his head. He reached for the soap, then realized there wasn’t any. Not only that, but he didn’t need any. His skin was clean. It wasn’t stripped like he had expected it to be or irritated. It was just somehow a bit cleaner and clearer than soap could have gotten it. Like the acid was an invisible soap that seeped into every pore and washed away all the dust and dirt.

“Milo, how did it do on your coal dust? Did it get it off?” Arthur asked, his voice carrying over the dividers.

“Yeah, Arthur. Good thing, too. It would have been days of baths before getting it out otherwise,” Milo replied.

“I was already clean, but I feel like I’m starting to feel it.” Arthur looked down at the skin on his hands. It was almost shining.

“Well, that’s the first half,” Minos laughed in a good-natured way. “But it’s never over until after the scrub.”

“What’s that, anyway?”

“Well, for me, it’s a brush with the hardest bristled brush you ever heard of. Milo will probably get an oil and comb, which is the scrub that works for feathers. For you, though? No idea. Guess we’ll see.”

—

Arthur’s scrub, it turned out, was an actual scrub in the most literal way possible. As the others laid down to get brushed, oiled, or combed, he saw his scrubber approaching with a bucket of sand and a stiff-looking cloth.

“This is the best we could come up with. It’s close to what we use for deer demon, or anything else with short hair over their hide. A while back, some sand came in that was a little bit finer than what we normally use and we set it aside. Good thing, too.” The scrubber slapped the rag into the oil, then into the sand. It came out coated. “Now get ready. It’s your first time getting a scrub, right? This is going to hurt like hell. Trust me, it’s going to be worth it.”

It did. The scrubber worked his legs, his feet, his back, and anywhere else on the very limited list of places Arthur was willing to let him go. It burned. It wasn’t comfortable. And it wasn’t in the least bit nice. Only repeated, intense mocking from Milo and Minos kept Arthur on the scrubbing floor.

Arthur was a big bag of wincing, whining, and generally hating his life ten seconds into the process. If it had been ten seconds long, that would have been bad enough. Instead, the scrubbing was a five-minute sort of affair, one that ended with a four-bucket douse of literal ice water and a not-at-all-soft, full-palmed slap on his back that he was pretty sure left a handprint.

“Minos, I’m going to kill you. Once I’m done, I’ll tell Ella you fell down a staircase or something.” Arthur was fuming as they put back on their clothes and left the building. He didn’t care if the attendants heard, which he was able to tell was happening by their laughter alone. “She’s still young. She’ll find someone else. Plenty of life ahead for that woman.”

“But not for me, eh?” Minos was laughing along with everyone else. “I guess we all have to go sometime.”

“Oh, he’s not gonna kill you,” Milo said between chuckles. “He’d have to catch you first. Arthur is a lot of things, but fast isn’t one of them.”

“Oh, don’t worry about me.” Arthur glowered. “I’ll wait for my chance. One day, Minos will pass by a dark doorway and I’ll be there.”

“All that said, how do you feel?” Minos said. “Really, I mean. You’ve been cussing me out since the first handful of sand came out. Stop for a second. How’s your skin?”

Arthur finally settled down enough to assess how he was feeling. And, despite being boiled in acid and scraped within an inch of his life by half a beach, he felt pretty good.

More than good, actually. It’s like I can feel every thread in my shirt. My skin is brand-new. It’s like the air is kissing my arms.

“I’m fine, I guess,” Arthur lied. “I feel okay. I’ll recover.”

“Oh, damn. It really did work,” Milo said. “I remember when I came here the first time, I managed to pretend to be mad at you until the next morning, at least.”

“Yeah, he’s glowing.” Minos kept walking towards the hotel. “You’re welcome, Arthur. I’ll let Ella know that you are going to assassinate me. So she can alert all the eligible suitors in advance.”

There were still more than a few hours left in the day, and as soon as Arthur saw Mizu waiting around outside the hotel, he knew how he was going to spend the rest of the evening until she set him straight.

“Mizu, come on. I’ll take you out to dinner. Wherever you want. Or wherever we find first. I’m starving,” Arthur said.

“Sorry Arthur, I can’t.” Mizu smiled. “I just came by to tell you that I wouldn’t be around. I have two wells booked for tonight. I’m learning a lot but I’ll be out of commission until tomorrow afternoon.”

“Oh, dang,” Arthur said. “Are you sure? I wanted to try and fit in one of those dates, but I guess if you can’t, you can’t.”

“And I can’t.” Mizu went tiptoe and kissed Arthur’s cheek. “But neither can you, actually. You’ve got a date with another woman.”

“Oh?” Arthur raised his eyebrow. “Who? Lily? Ella?”

“Lily found a warehouse where they let you ride muzzled dungeon monsters,” Mizu explained with a smile. “I wanted to stop her from doing it, but Ella said it’s safe enough. She’s busy, I’m afraid. And Ella has been waiting for Minos to come back. She says she likes it when he’s all nice and clean. So…”

“So I’m not going to be around either of them for the rest of the day.”

“Right. Anyway, it’s a surprise, but I can tell you she adores you, if for no other reason than she sent a carriage to take you where you are going.”

“Hm.” Arthur was pretty sure Mizu wasn’t actually setting him up with some random woman, but at the same time she wasn’t giving up a lot of clues to what was actually happening. “I suppose I’ll just have to find out?”

“You will.” Mizu gave him a hug and turned back towards the hotel, where Arthur’s walking-around bag was waiting on the ground. “You’ll need this. The carriage is right over there, waiting for you. Have fun, okay?”