Dark Lord and I Committed Tax Evasion. Now We Mug Gnomes to Survive.

"No, I'm telling you. According to the law, we have to file slime cores under section B. If you put it under section C, you're going to pay less, sure, but you're going to end up behind bars," Peter liked his new life with Asmodeos.

Sure, the Dark Lord had his quirks and liked to eat expensive meat and also liked to take from their allowance after a job just to buy himself new robes…

But the man was the good sort.

 The one thing about him wanting to take over the world wasn't such a big deal for Peter.

Not really.

 After all, if Peter had been transmigrated as a Dark Lord, he would have wanted to take over the world too.

Heck, even though he was transmigrated as a hero, he still wanted to take over the world. Some days he asked himself if Asmodeos coming to him was a blessing in disguise.

 "And have you ever seen the prisons from the inside? They're in the dwarven ruins. There are talking snakes there! Talking snakes, Asmodeos!"

 Asmodeos just nodded.

Sure, they could end up behind bars, but was it really so bad? They were going to get three meals per day, warm at that, and even a place to sleep.

Heck, if his attempts to get into prison had worked, then he wouldn't be in this situation and he wouldn't have met Peter.

 Because, as most prisoners knew, he could have worked for a wage, and he could have finally gotten himself new robes.

"You're thinking too much about this. Look, we can only hunt slimes. You're weak. I'm weaker. We don't even have a system. And who is going to check if some slime cores get listed under section B or section C? We're going to pay, what, 5% less taxes? Come on. I've known war criminals who were not put behind bars. And those, those, have done some terrible things against fairies."

Peter snorted.

Yes, war crimes against fairies.

The fact that the fairies were pure, noble creatures, and everyone who had a bad thought against them was shot down, didn't mean that those war criminals had done much, no.

No, the mentioned war criminals had simply repainted the fairy village orange, which, for the fairies, was a big deal.

But for everyone else, it was more of a rebellion against the wealthiest class in the world.

"Come on, I don't want to go in a muddy cave. I can already go in a muddy cave with you and actually take some pearls from a tapestry."

 Peter wasn't ready to give up.

 No, he wanted to get what he thought he deserved. And not just that, but he wanted to finally get rich. This little scheme of Asmodeos, where they were going to pay 5% less on taxes, was not going to make them rich.

 The simple fact that they were not strong, and they couldn't kill enough slimes to make a difference and make those 5% count, hurt.

Peter was just being realistic.

Asmodeos ripped the papers from Peter's hand and signed them.

The mana activated them, the tax fraud was finalized.

 "Okay, if there's a big prisoner in prison, and he wants someone who drops soaps, I'm going to nominate you," Peter was not one who went back on his word.

No, he knew the price of tax fraud and already had a plan for that. They were paid 5% more, which was actually... just a single copper coin.

 Peter just wanted to throw Asmodeos off a cliff into an active volcano so he could be eaten by a sand shark, which, for some strange reason, were a real thing in their world.

Asmodeos sighed.

 His new partner was good at killing slimes, he had to give him that. But he was too much of a scarcity cat most of the time.

 "So? We can actually buy some equipment! What do you say? I think I saw something in the thrift store, which," Asmodeos paused.

Yes, he wanted to suggest going back to the thrift store, but this life didn't appeal to him.

Why couldn't he be rich? Why couldn't he buy stuff which was new and not third or fifth generation? Why couldn't he actually have nice things? The Dark Lord narrowed his eyes.

 "You know what? If we're going to be criminals, we should go all in! I know just the place where we can get our gear."

 Peter began to shake his head.

He did not want to do this. He did not want to steal.

 But Asmodeos teleported them away into the castle of the real Dark Lord of their world: the Necromancer Nestor.

 Peter knew that he was going to do a good thing because the Necromancer had a phoenix in his dungeon. Peter looked at the brightly colored bird, then at Asmodeos, then back at the bird.

Peter was not a selfish man.

 It was not in his nature to simply take things that weren't his.

But this was a phoenix, and he was supposed to be a hero. And heroes had to have good pets.

 Peter looked at Asmodeos, winked at him, and then smiled, as Asmodeos shook his head.

"No, we are going to take a staff, some clean robes, some armor for you, maybe even a sword. Wait, do you even know how to swing a sword?"

Asmodeus wasn't very sure about that, but he was pretty sure that if he asked the question again, he could actually get an answer, and he knew already that he wouldn't like it.

Peter shook his head. Asmodeus sighed.

 The phoenix looked between them.

Between those two creatures who couldn't be more different. Between this hero who couldn't fight his way out of a bag, and this necromancer Dark Lord who couldn't so much as revive a dead gnome.

The phoenix, who was actually a system and a former PVPer of great renown, decided that their life wasn't hard enough.

 As unfair as it was, they needed something to make them into true adventures. They needed something to push them in the right direction. They needed him, and he needed a way out.

 The cunning phoenix took a couple of steps towards the bars of the cage he had been put into 500 years ago. Back when, the Dark Lord had figured out just what sort of rotten creature he was.

His chirps were a symphony. Peter's heart was conquered; Asmodeos wasn't very convinced.

 But as Peter gently pushed him to the side and opened the gates, Asmodeos knew that something was very wrong.

 For the phoenix would have been locked if his value was great.

But before Asmodeos could do anything, Peter already bonded with the phoenix, and they got a system screen.

 On the system screen, in bold letters, was the following message:

 "Welcome, suckers! We are going to take over the world! That's the good news. The bad news is that you're probably not going to survive to enjoy the spoils."

Peter's face was the very picture of paleness.

Asmodeos on the other hand, took that as a challenge.

A challenge to see if his recipe for fried chicken was as good as his mother always told him. And so, Asmodeos took out his knife and took a couple of steps towards the phoenix.

 Ready to prove that everything could be fried, provided one had oil.