NOVEL WEB Chapter 4: Chapter Four
HE'S STILL LOOKING AT ME
He keeps coming back.
I don't know why.
Maybe he's curious.
Maybe he's stupid.
Or maybe… he sees something in me I don't even see in myself.
That boy — Elian.
I finally know his name.
He said it yesterday, shyly, like he thought I'd laugh at it.
I didn't.
I liked it.
It felt like it belonged in my mouth.
Today, I saw him from the window again.
He wasn't doing anything.
Just standing across the street, leaning on the railing, watching the building. Watching… me.
I stayed behind the curtain.
Safe. Hidden.
But my heart didn't get the message. It kept making noise — pounding, racing, whispering things like "Go to him."
I don't go to people.
I ran from people.
From the ones who used me. From the ones who lied.
From the ones I hurt.
But Elian…
He's not running.
He's not even walking away. He's standing there like he's waiting for me to make a decision.
And I hate that I want to.
I keep remembering how he looked when that man came.
How scared he was.
How I threw myself in front of him like it was instinct. Like I'd always do it.
What is wrong with me?
I'm not supposed to protect people.
I'm not supposed to feel.
Not after what I did.
Not after what I lost.
But every time Elian looks at me… I start to forget that.
I start to feel like maybe there's still a piece of me worth something.
He waved again today.
And guess what I did?
I waved back.
Stupid.
Stupid heart.
Stupid wings.
Stupid boy who keeps looking at me like I'm not a monster.
What happens if I let him in?
What happens if he stays?
Worse…
What happens if I fall?