Dairy of a One-Legged Prostitute

One of the things you learn quickly in my line of work is that everyone has a story. Some are sad, some are funny, and some are downright bizarre. But each client leaves a mark, whether they realize it or not. Tonight, I'm feeling particularly reflective, so let's dive into the annals of my "Client Chronicles."

(To the reader) Think of it as a behind-the-scenes look at the human zoo, with me as your slightly jaded, but mostly amused, tour guide.

The Academic

There was Professor Armitage, a history professor with a penchant for historical role-play. He wanted me to dress up as Marie Antoinette and re-enact scenes from the French Revolution. Apparently, "Let them eat cake" sounds a lot different when you're wearing a powdered wig and knee-high boots.

"I have always been fascinated by French history" he told me. "Especially Marie Antoinette"
"I like the part where they chop off her head" I said.
"Noooo!" he said, I had forgotten, he was role playing.

"I have always felt for Marie, she has been unfairly demonised, that is why I love the subject so much."

"Well, that isn't what I would do with you right now" I said "If you were Marie and I was one of the peasants"

(To the reader) - Let's just say that it was an experience, a weird one at that.

The Tech Mogul

Then, there was the tech mogul, Mr. Davenport, who was obsessed with virtual reality. Our entire session took place with him wearing a VR headset, while I pretended to be his digital fantasy. It was like being in a low-budget sci-fi movie, except the special effects were just my awkward attempts at pretending to be a hologram.

He was so rich, he couldn't even talk to girls normally, such a shame. I felt I had to charge him triple for the experience, all of that technology and he couldn't get a real girl to love him? Poor chap.

I think about him sometimes, I hope he is ok, maybe I should text him.

The Lost Soul

But not all clients were eccentric. Some were just lonely. Mr. Peterson, for instance, a middle-aged widower who just wanted someone to talk to. We spent the entire evening discussing his late wife, sharing memories and quiet moments of reflection. There was no physical intimacy, just genuine human connection.

He reminded me of my mum. That is probably why I felt so sorry for him. He had lost the love of his life, I know that pain all too well. It was a dark night in the hospital, I heard her voice.

"Lila…look after your sister."

And then she passed.

"Maybe it's not my place" he said "But you remind me of her"

"I am glad" I said. "It is nice to remind you of good memories, hopefully I can help you make new ones"

(To the reader) - People don't understand, it isn't always about sex, it is about companionship.

The One-Upper

Then there was, oh god, what was his name. I called him One Upper, because he just wanted to brag about all the things he had done. He had climbed Mount Everest, swam to the bottom of the marina trench, done this, done that. If I had to listen to one more story about him being the best at something. I swear, I was going to punch him.

I could see his hairline going back as well. A massive forehead shining bright, he probably wasn't getting much. I feel sorry for him to an extent.

"Did you know I am one of the richest men in the world?" he said.
"No way!" I said. "Well, why don't you show me then?"

(To the reader) I was being sarcastic. How annoying.

The Regular

Finally, there's Mr. Evans, my "regular." He's a businessman who comes to me not for sex, but for a mental break from his high-stress job. He'd come to me and moan about all the stuff he has to deal with. I would simply nod and listen to his stories. Sometimes he wouldn't even pay.

I always thought he liked me. But you can never know for sure. He's got a wife, kid.

"I am going through a divorce" he told me one day.
"Oh" I said. "I am sorry."

I didn't know what to say.

Mr. Evens sighed "I feel like I don't know her anymore"
"It comes with time" I said.
"I guess so"

(To the reader) - Well those are all my clients, from A to Z. As you can tell, this job is filled with interesting clients, it is almost a joke. Every client I meet is so weird. It almost makes me want to quit.