Cycles of Entropy

I stood in front of the graveyard. Unlike the garden, it wasn't surrounded by a wall, which explained why it hadn't been chosen to dump the bodies. That and I supposed people would be less inclined to ignore it if they were unable to visit their loved ones. It was... nice. I had seen many graves in many towns and few were as well maintained as this one. In this city full of people who had given up, it was... nice. Nice to see the dead weren't being ignored, here. Particularly in contrast with the garden that first time.

It was far too easy to forget the dead. Especially the old graves, the ones that no one ever visited. Of course, a grave didn't need to be ancient to be lonely. Maybe that's why I was so glad to see that every headstone had been cared for. The grave keeper didn't neglect a single one. He must be their visitor. Their only friend after death. I hated neglected burial sites. Because I knew, in the depths of my soul, that would be me one day. A lonely grave. I hated seeing them neglected. 'Maybe, if I stay here, I'll have one visitor,' I thought to myself, actually giving the various neat and well-attended graves a slight smile. Even that cracked my chapped lips a bit.

It was strange how that managed to encourage me. In some ways, more than creating this loop and saving those lives did. I had managed to convince myself I could do something good. That was the spark that started to change me, but my feeling of worthlessness wasn't what I was really afraid of. I couldn't fear it because I was already certain it was true. I had accepted it. I didn't realize, at the time, what those graves represented to me. Even as I stood there, observing with a crooked smile, I didn't realize that dying alone was what really terrified me. Rotting away in a neglected grave.

Looking back, I realize that's what stayed my hand so many times. What kept my head out of that bucket of water. The reason I kept looking so desperately for my big sister. Yes, I wanted to make things right. I wanted to offer her whatever I could to fix what I'd broken. But beneath that was the little girl who always felt better when her sister grew her a sunflower. I wanted my big sister to hold me and tell me it was alright. I hadn't actually hurt her that badly; it was all a mistake. I wanted to find someone to visit my grave when I was gone.

But I hadn't realized that yet. So I simply enjoyed the quiet moment, then turned. I had to find Harrison. I didn't know if he would have a lead, but I hoped he would. He was all I had. His father hadn't told me which home was his, just that it was north. So I walked north. There were rows of homes not far from the yard. Not nice ones, more cottages than anything. But they were most likely where I needed to go. I didn't know which was Harrison's, but I had gone door to door before. Sometimes it was the only way to get enough money to make it to the next city or town.

I started on the right, then knocked on the door. An elderly woman opened it a moment later with a long practiced scowl painting her face. "I'm not buying anything. I don't want or need whatever you have, just leave me alone," she spat before slamming the door in my face. I stood still for a moment, then raised my hand to knock again but... lost my nerve. Harrison surely had other neighbors. It took some time to have any luck. The next door I knocked on went unanswered. I tried a few times, but ultimately gave up.

The next door also went unopened, but I was sent off by a "Fuck off!" shouted through the door. None of these were particularly pleasant, but it was the fourth house that broke my heart. After I knocked, it was only a few moments before the door was answered, this time by a young girl. She didn't speak, and hid half her body behind the door. I crouched down so I could speak to her at her level.

"Hi, I'm Mars. Who are you?" I asked. She looked down, then behind her nervously, and finally back at me.

"I'm Junia," she whispered, her voice so low I could barely make out the name.

"Hi, Junia. You don't have to be afraid, I just want to ask a couple of questions, if that's alright. Are your parents home?" I asked. She shied away from me and I frowned. I tried to look behind her but she moved the door in my way. "Is everything alright in there?" I asked and she looked down.

"Mommy went away," she mumbled and I frowned.

"Oh, I'm sorry, do you know when she'll be back?" I asked and she shook her head.

"Mommy's not coming back," she answered.

"I'm sure that's not true," I argued, "When did she leave?"

"Um... I think it was two days?" she guessed and my heart sank. Two days? I knew things were bad, but why would a mother leave her child for two full days? I understood things like that happened but even so... I couldn't just accept it.

"Is your mommy the only one you live with? Is there anyone else?" I practically pleaded and she nodded. I took a deep, relieved breath before speaking again. "Well alright, may I speak to them?" She looked at me in confusion.

"Um, Millie can't talk yet," she replied and a stone fell into my stomach.

"Millie?" I inquired and she nodded.

"Yes, Millie is my little sister. She can't talk to you for a long time I don't think," she answered and I closed my eyes. I didn't know what to do.

"Did your mommy tell you where she was going?" I asked, desperation creeping into my voice.

"No. S-She was scary when she left. I h-hid in the kitchen with little Millie," she stuttered and I put my hand over my mouth in horror. I was terrified I knew what the answer to the next question was, but I had to confirm.

"Can you tell me what you mean by scary?" I probed and she looked down, then nervously kicked at the floor with one foot in a torn sock.

"Um..." she trailed off, then shook her head.

"That's alright sweetheart. You don't have to say, just... can I ask you a couple of questions, and you can nod or shake your head, is that okay?" I suggested. There was a heavy pause, but eventually, she nodded.

"Thank you Junia, and if you get scared, or uncomfortable, just tell me. I won't ask you any more questions, alright?" I assured and she nodded in assent. Finally, I asked, "When your mommy left, did she get really still, and gray? Like a statue?" I asked. Her eyes widened, and she shook her head rapidly up and down. "You are doing really good Junia. Just one more question, alright?" She nods again and I follow with, "When she left, did she look hurt? Maybe her eyes were hurt?" I asked and she quickly nodded again.

I felt sick. I always felt sick at that point but this was different. Like a fever prickling at my skin, making me too hot while assaulting me with shivers. "You did a really good thing hiding your sister. You are a good big sister, Junia, I hope Millie appreciates that. Are you hungry?" I stumble through. She doesn't seem to notice how awkward I am, instead looking at her stomach and nodding. "Can I take you somewhere else? I know someone that can give you both a good meal and a place to stay with people to look after you," I offer.

She looks skeptical, as a girl her age should, but she looks back in the room again, and either hunger wins out, or concern for her little sister. Big sisters will do that. Take risks for their siblings. Let themselves get hurt just for the chance of protecting them. She swung the door open and I shattered. The home was filthy. There was a young girl, maybe two years old, sleeping on a rocking chair in the corner. The floor had dirty cloth wraps littered around where Junia had failed to change Millie properly.

She had been doing the best she could, but she couldn't be older than eight herself. I gently picked Millie up and clutched her to my chest. She still roused and immediately started to cry. I didn't have another option, however. I had to get her somewhere safe. "Come on Junia, let's go see my friend," I said.

She stops and looks at her little sister in my arms, then sets her jaw. "Mommy said I wasn't supposed to go with anyone I didn't know cause they might hurt me. But... Millie is really hungry so... please, I promised I wouldn't let anyone hurt her..." I rocked Millie in my arms, trying to calm her down.

"Your mom gave you good advice Millie. But you are safe with me, I promise," I answered. She gave a single determined nod, and we left the ruined home behind. I only made it a dozen paces before a man called out to me on his way back to the homes.

"You there, what are you doing with Tertia's daughters? Who do you think you are?" he demanded, and I saw him reach for a sword at his side.

The girl in my arms began to cry harder and Junia looked back and forth between me and the man like she was uncertain who to hide behind. "She says she can feed Millie," Junia helpfully offered and his face darkened.

"You have three seconds to explain where you are taking them," he ordered and I hurriedly tried to explain myself.

"No, please, I'm not trying to hurt anyone, It's just..."

"Mommy was scary," Junia interjected and the man furrowed his brow.

"Scary?" He asked, his hand loosening on his hilt a little.

"The... the Quiet," I mouthed the final word, and his eyes widened. His hands fell from his sword and he responded with a single word.

"When?"

"Two days," I answered quietly, and he put his hand over his face in horror, mirroring my earlier expression.

"I... I didn't even notice," he gasped, "Where were you taking them?" He sharply looked up at me.

"Livia's Inn. It's the only place I could think of with a room," I answered and he nodded.

"No need. They can stay with me," he immediately offered and it was my turn to give him a suspicious look. "I'm safe, I promise. I owe it to them for failing to notice their mom was gone. Let me help," He said and I took a step backward. "You can come with me for now. Stay as long as you like, you'll see, they are in no danger with me," he swore and Junia tugged at my tunic.

"Mister Harry is nice, I don't think he is scary," she loudly whispered and he gave her a warm smile. I decided to agree, but I was definitely going with them. I didn't know this man, but I worried the girls would choose him over my help anyway. Perhaps they were correct too, even. Then the name she used registered.

"Wait, Harry?" I asked, "As in...."

"Harrison," he replied, relaxing a little. "And you are?"

"Looking for you," I replied, shifting Millie to free up one hand to pull out the stolen pin. "Your father sent me to find you."