Crazy Britain:They’re All Raising Me

Artoria's plan could only be described as recklessly bold.

"Seriously, sometimes I really wanna crack open your skull and see what's inside. You sure you're not actually some kind of demonic fae?"

Nocnarele was clearly annoyed.

"Who the hell just casually fires off their Noble Phantasm in a confined space with allies in range? Bagst might be a tank, sure, but that doesn't mean you should blast her in the face with a light cannon!"

Artoria immediately pushed back.

"Oh come on, don't just shoot down my plan without giving a better one!"

"Uh…" Nocnarele was momentarily speechless.

To be fair, she couldn't immediately think of a better idea either, but still—Artoria's plan felt way too abstract.

"But even if Bagst was a potential ally before, one light cannon to the face might make her change her mind real fast!"

"Oh, that? Don't worry about it."

Artoria leaned in and lowered her voice.

"Listen, Bagst has her own simulator too, and she's got a thing for Guinevere. As long as Guinevere's still with us, she won't care about taking a light cannon to the face. Last time she even tanked a whole falling prison island, remember?"

"Ugh…" Nocnarele hesitated, clearly still not on board.

"But if she takes your cannon head-on, won't she be seriously injured?"

"Yeah, but think about it." Artoria argued logically. "Sure, it's rough for Bagst, but this prison tower is crawling with Servant-level inmates. Guinevere's not at the same power level as when she rescued us last time, and we don't have Paru as backup anymore. If we try to fight our way through, we're all gonna be wrecked."

She continued passionately:

"And if we take too long and the guards manage to summon Lancelot back, we're screwed. At that point, it's not just about injuries—we'll be done for, period."

"…Is this prison tower really that tough?" Nocnarele still seemed uncertain.

"Oh, you bet." Artoria nodded furiously. "I didn't climb the tower myself, but Gareth did—and she said it took at least a dozen Servant-level fights to reach the top!"

"How many?" Nocnarele's eyes widened.

"Over ten, definitely. Most of them were powerful and famous too."

After a pause, Nocnarele let out a long sigh and gave Artoria a firm pat on the shoulder.

"In that case… I'll leave this to you."

...

At that exact moment, still sitting quietly in her cell, Bagst suddenly shivered.

"…Why do I feel so cold all of a sudden?"

She frowned.

That didn't make sense—her physique should've been more than enough to handle the chill of the prison.

But then… she saw the light.

That day, everyone in Glasgow witnessed the same thing: a blinding beam of light shooting up from the ruins of the prison tower.

...

[Thanks to your rather unorthodox tactics, everyone in the prison tower—prisoners and the lanky prison guards alike—was reduced to dust in a single blast from your Noble Phantasm, Excalibur of Victory.]

[Not long after, you found the severely wounded Bagst among the ruins.]

"Ah… so it was you guys…"

Bagst looked like a complete mess. Her usually gleaming armor was now melted and warped from the heat, black ash clung to her armor and skin, and when she tried to speak, a puff of black smoke escaped her lips.

Before Artoria could even open her mouth to explain, Bagst beat her to it.

"No need to say anything. I can already guess what happened… I only have one question."

Her eyes narrowed.

"Whose brilliant idea was this?"

"…We've known each other long enough—who do you think?" said Nocnarele.

"Thought so."

Bagst turned to Artoria.

"Artoria. Got anything to say for yourself?"

"Uh… well… suddenly my stomach's acting up…"

Seeing her flustered, Bagst sighed deeply.

"Whatever. Honestly, this really was the most efficient approach. Since you came here to rescue me, I consider you my benefactors. I won't hold a grudge over a little personal injury during a rescue."

"Oh!" Artoria immediately perked up. "See? I told you it was a super-efficient plan! Even Bagst agrees—"

Before she could finish, a large hand clamped down on the back of her neck like grabbing a kitten and hoisted her up. She turned her head, trembling, to see Bagst's dark expression.

"…I'm not pressing charges, but that doesn't mean you get to take credit for it. I do not approve of these reckless, indiscriminate tactics. It's fine this time because I'm tough—but what if it had been someone else? You might've straight-up killed them, you know?"

"Y-Yes, ma'am." Artoria swallowed hard.

"Anyway, we need to leave now," Bagst added with a weary sigh. "I'm in no condition for a high-intensity battle. If Lancelot shows up, we won't stand a chance."

—Really now? You say you're in bad shape, but you just lifted Artoria like she was a chicken nugget?

Guinevere couldn't help but mentally snark at Bagst's claim.

...

[After successfully rescuing Fairy Knight Gawain—Bagst the Hound Fairy—from the prison tower, your party quickly departed the island.]

[The massive pillar of light attracted a swarm of guards, but with help from Nocnarele and her elite unit, you fought your way out of Glasgow.]

[However, just as you were preparing to board a ship and leave the island, you were ambushed by two more elite fae guards—Maruo the Fish and the Sea Goblin.]

"Foolish intruders! You think you can waltz out over water after alerting us? This is our domain!"

Maruo sneered loudly as he swam swiftly through the water, phosphorescent waves dancing around him. Flames flickered along the markings on his back. Beside him, a faint green shadow moved underwater—undoubtedly the Sea Goblin, ready to strike.

"This is… not great."

Aboard the small boat with his teammates, Guinevere frowned.

There wasn't much he could do in this situation. His only option would be to dive into the water and fight head-on, brute-forcing his way through with Endless Trial, sacrificing himself repeatedly to outlast the enemy...

But just as Guinevere was wracking his brain for a plan, a cool voice spoke beside him.

"Hmph. Just two scummy fish in their pond. You think I'm gonna sit this out?"

With a wave of her hand, Banshee summoned her scrying orb above her head. Then, she poured the blood she'd harvested from earlier battles into the surrounding lake.

The moment her finger touched the surface, the once-calm lake roared to life. Massive water tornadoes surged upward, sweeping both Maruo and the Sea Goblin into the sky.

"Your domain? Sorry—this is my home turf."

With a smirk, Banshee flicked her fingers again. The blood-tainted water moved like it had a will of its own, lashing out at the airborne enemies. In no time, both were shredded to bits.

Then, with another casual gesture, she manipulated the lake again, raising waves to push their boat swiftly toward the shore.

[Banshee effortlessly disposed of the two fae elites, and you safely departed Glasgow, returning to Edinburgh alongside Nocnarele.]

Watching the swirling water tornadoes on the screen, along with the accompanying text, the real-world Guinevere sat stunned for a long moment.

He hadn't even figured out how to deal with the situation yet… and it was already resolved?

It left him uncharacteristically silent. Then he slowly shook his head and smiled softly.

—Of course. He'd grown so used to solving everything himself, he'd forgotten that his companions had grown too. Grown to the point where they didn't need him to clean up after them. In fact… they could even protect him now.

Back at the prison tower, he'd had no good options either. Artoria's "blow it all up" approach was insane, but honestly… it worked better than anything he'd have thought of.

This infiltration of the prison island?

It seemed like he hadn't needed to do anything at all—his teammates handled everything flawlessly.

And you know what? Being the slacker… actually felt kind of great.

Thinking that, "Guinevere" threw up his hands and sprawled back onto the couch.

At this point, it didn't seem like the simulator even needed him anymore.

He'd raised these powerhouses with care—now it was finally time for him to rest a bit. He'd earned it.

[But the very next night, after a day of rest in Edinburgh, there was an unexpected knock at your door.]

[You opened it to find none other than the Fairy Knight Gawain.]

"…?"

Guinevere frowned.

Wait. Why was Gawain here looking for him?

...

P.S. I only planned to take a one-day break, but something came up and I didn't get home until late. Started writing around 11–12, and by 2am I was too wiped to go on. Sorry about that.

That said… after resting two days, writing today felt a lot better. Still hitting writer's block, but at least I don't feel that overwhelming dread toward writing anymore. Guess taking occasional breaks really is important.

PY corner: Recommending a fellow author's work:

Synopsis: Sato Yuu wakes up in a parallel Japan, where ACG culture never really took off.

Worse, he's an orphan with no home, no car, and only a terminally ill adopted little sister—and a weird, masochistic Cat-Client System.

"You can cure your sister, but only by gaining fame from making anime."

"…What? You want me to become an overworked animation slave? Screw that—I'll just plagiarize some light novels from my world and rake in cash."

Why should he bother saving a girl who's not even related to him?

But then…

She cooks for him with her frail little hands. She calls him Onii-chan with gentle affection. She warms his bed on cold winter nights.

Petite but dependable. Fragile but strong. So adorable it makes you want to do anything for her.

Sato Yuu sighs in defeat—and reactivates the system with renewed determination.

"For her sake… I'll do it."