Chapter 9
Suddenly, the landscape of the capital city that Yeon had described once before flashed in my mind.
For sure, compared to that place, our village must just smell like a stinky pigpen.
In that case, the days I lived in that pigpen, rubbing shoulders with the lowly things, could really have been a nightmare.
Although I was born here from the start, Yeon had just fallen to the ground due to bad luck.
Even if my family ties were not great, it was still the place where I was born and lived.
Surely, I must have thought about wanting to go back.
Back then, when I was afflicted by a disease, I had no choice but to accept my relationship with her and life in the village.
They said that particle hypersensitivity would naturally heal when one blossomed into a wizard, but since there was no precedent, it was labeled an incurable disease.
However, miraculously, as my body recovered, Yeon was given a choice.
And Yeon chose the direction she was originally supposed to go, the opposite side from where I was.
Now, a guy like me, an insensible person, was no longer needed by her at all.
Moreover, just like she said, I truly couldn’t protect Yeon.
Instead, I failed to make a cold judgment and dragged her along into the depths of despair.
Even though I gave it my all, I couldn’t even hold onto the demons’ ankles, and all I did was embarrassingly faint.
If it weren’t for the soldiers who arrived just in time, we might have really turned into cold ashes by now.
It was frustrating how a single moment of betrayal could sting so badly, but given my disgraceful appearance, it was not unreasonable to feel a loss of affection too.
Thinking about it, everything may have just returned to its rightful place.
Our past was perhaps just a fleeting dream of childish days, and the present situation was merely the destined future arriving a bit early.
Though, while trying hard to act rationally, I comforted myself.
If I were to draw a conclusion from what had happened, Yeon leaving me was simply the natural order of things.
However, such efforts usually fell apart uselessly like leaves scattered in the wind.
Sorrow always pierced through my heart in its own way.
Now, it seemed my heart ached more than my body did.
I felt nothing but resentment.
I blamed those who attacked our village and turned innocent people into what they had become.
I resented Yeon, who reopened the still-raw wounds with her blade.
But most of all, I blamed myself for still being unable to wake up from the dream, despite everything I had endured.
During my hospital stay, I continually chewed over my agony in the hard and desolate ward.
There was no one left to lighten my burden, so all the pain was mine alone to bear.
And when my body began to heal, I was able to understand the meaning of what Yeon had said just a bit more.
“…Since the wounds were so deep… it’s already a stroke of luck that my face didn’t get damaged while healing…”
The nurse said carefully as she watched me unwrap the bandages from my face.
Barely dragging my shaky legs, I stood in front of the mirror.
The mirror showed a horrifying sight of my wretched appearance in all its rawness.
Naturally, my gaze turned toward my face.
I could easily spot an unfamiliar, grotesque scar that hadn’t been there before.
It was a long split running from my left temple, right alongside the bridge of my nose, down beneath my eye.
There lay the evidence of my weakness and patheticness.
“Ugh… ugh…”
The moment I faced the scar, an intense urge to tear my skin off coursed through me.
“Ugh… hick…”
Cold sweat trickled down and my blood rushed to my head.
My vision narrowed, and my heart thumped wildly.
Unable to take it anymore, I fled from the mirror like a thief.
From that day on, I could never look in the mirror again.
*
“Think again. What can you do if you go back now? You’ll just be a tasty snack for the monsters and outlaws.”
“But…”
“I already promised, didn’t I? I’ll provide enough pay and a place to stay. It’s an unsolicited favor, so don’t argue and just accept it.”
Even amidst the torment, time continued to flow.
Before I knew it, I could manage light movements without any issue.
Not wanting to keep being a burden, I expressed my gratitude to the doctor and conveyed my desire to return to the village.
After all, that was the only place I could go now.
But the doctor clung to me desperately.
The reason was that I still needed more treatment.
Noticing that I felt uncomfortable with the free treatment, he even offered me a job at the hospital.
Yet, the place he suggested, along with the high wage, felt like excessive kindness for a minor.
So, I declined indirectly, but the doctor rather changed his proposal and attempted to persuade me again.
“Ha ha, truly. It’s rude to keep a patient restrained, so let’s call it a day. I’ll come again tomorrow, so think it over until then.”
Until the very last moment, the doctor didn’t give up.
His face was filled with a troubled look.
Though he said it was an unsolicited favor, at this point, even I couldn’t help but think differently.
The fact that the doctor had previously shown considerable interest in my constitution suddenly came to mind.
Perhaps, he wanted to satisfy that curiosity of his, offering kindness as a price.
In reality, even if he had other motives, considering the grace I received, I could easily provide this body of mine.
But in my head right now, all that filled my thoughts was the desire to see the village again.
Having recovered enough to walk, there was no reason to delay any further.
So, I jumped into action without hesitation.
I would be back soon enough, but just in case, I told the management that I was going for a walk around the city for rehabilitation and exited the hospital.
Considering how the doctor had treated me, if I had disclosed my true purpose, he might have completely blocked my outing.
Only after leaving the hospital could I finally face the scenery of the city properly.
Though it was a small satellite city, a city was still a city.
The roads were wide and clean, and the buildings boasted elegant shapes.
People hurriedly passed by. The walls in the distance were two or three times taller than the village’s.
If this was a mere satellite city, I didn’t even need to talk about the capital city.
So, it was completely natural for anyone to yearn to go back.
As I wandered through such melancholic thoughts, I soon found myself before a checkpoint gate.
Standing in line, my turn quickly came, and the guard at the gate casually asked for my business.
Since I was still in a cast on my arm and heading out, the inspection was relatively lenient.
I named a nearby village as my destination, made up a little, and passed through the gate without issue.
Although it was quite a distance from there to the village, lacking money and transportation, I had no choice but to walk.
Since time wasn’t abundant, I quickened my pace.
Passing through the well-maintained roads near the city,
crossing unpaved paths,
going through a quaint forest trail,
and hiking between gentle hills, I kept walking.
As I walked and walked, before long, the sun dipped below the horizon, and the gentle light of the moon and stars illuminated the world.
Normally, it would be curfew time due to the demon’s attacks, but I wasn’t in any state to care about such things.
I wandered for several hours.
When my legs were trembling and my breath was burning at the back of my throat, I finally arrived at the village I had longed to see.
“…Ah… ugh…”
However, what welcomed me was not the guards or friends, but the crumbling remnants of walls left as they were back then.
The once sturdy wall that had protected the village now stood as an eyesore.
As I surveyed the ruins, I could almost feel the acrid smoke and the stench of blood again.
I moved through the gaping hole where the main gate used to be.
Some solar-powered streetlights that hadn’t yet broken littered here and there, dimly illuminating the ground.
I trudged along the familiar path.
Soon, the severely destroyed scenery of the village started to come into view.
A grocery store with all its windows shattered, exposing the inside.
The movie theater where projectors and little trinkets rolled on the floor.
A school that once brimmed with vitality and freshness, now weighed down by silence.
With every view I encountered, my heart tightened painfully.
Having stumbled over the debris more than once, I didn’t stop my steps.
Just past that alley ahead, I would reach the house that I missed so much.
“Ah… ugh… aaah…”
However, the moment I turned the corner, I could do nothing but halt in my tracks.
What remained there was the collapsed remains of something once standing.
Only some fragments of its bones remained to barely identify it as our home.
Turning my gaze, I noticed a strange structure erected in the small garden in front of the house that hadn’t been there before.
Shaking, I forced my trembling legs to approach it.
In the garden stood a small gravestone with words engraved.
And surmounting it, as if it were always so natural, were the names of three people together.
My mother, Jin Ho, and Ina’s names.
“Ugh… ugh… urgh…”
I tried to steel my resolve, but that determination had crumbled helplessly long ago.
All I could do was sit there and weep endlessly.
Everything I once loved had truly left this world.
I sat there for hours.
Only when my tears had nearly run dry was I finally able to stop crying.
Yet the grief I shed was nothing compared to what remained piled inside me.
My mind was blank, and I couldn’t have any rational thoughts.
I only thought of one thing.
If all that I loved had left me, then wasn’t there no reason for me to stay anymore…?
Fortunately, it didn’t take long to reach a conclusion.
I scanned the ground around me. Soon, a piece of glass seemed fit for my purpose.
Without hesitation, I picked the shard up.
Confirming the sharp edge pointed squarely at my neck, I raised my arm.
“Hey, kid. That doesn’t seem very polite to someone waiting for you, does it?”
But at that moment, a rough, hoarse voice suddenly pulled me back.