Control Comes from Within

“Presenting Her Royal Highness, Queen Loithren of the Kingdom of Elpis! His Highness, Crown Prince Judwin! Her Highness, First Princess Olyria! And Her Highness, Second Princess Mazhaan! Kneel before the presence of the royal family!”

The voice of the court steward rang out throughout the city, amplified by formations, as it informed everyone in the capital that the royal family was about to be present. In what must have seemed like a choreographed event to an onlooker, nearly everyone went down on one knee as soon as they heard the order. Merchants, commoners, nobles, students, everyone regardless of status knelt and remained silent, as logic, fealty, and honor demanded.

A few moments passed where the only sound was that of the wind blowing and birds crowing, until finally…

“Why awe they awl knee’ing, Mama?” a childlike voice rang out in the same volume as the steward’s.

A patient voice replied, “Because they respect us, baby.”

“But, why?” the childish voice asked.

“Because we help with their problems and protect them from dangers,” the voice that could only belong to the Queen patiently responded, dumbing down the answer so the child could understand.

“Like with they’uh sweets?”

“Like with their sweets.” And a wet smooching sound followed by a high-pitched feminine giggle resounded throughout the city, eliciting all kinds of reactions, mostly from the commoners, but it seemed to endear the queen and the little princess to the people.

“You may rise.” the queen said, reverting to a courtly and proper tone of voice that one would expect from a queen, rather than the mother that she was a few seconds ago.

“All rise and give thanks for her grace!” the steward shouted out.

Shouts of, “Thank you, my queen,” and “Much gratitude, Your Highness,” and similar statements erupted from the people of the capital as they rose to their feet. A select few within the capital had the privilege of seeing the royals in person, but the majority had to turn their heads skywards to look at a projection of the queen and her children, moving in realtime.

Queen Loithren had freckles, and a beauty mark just under her jaw. Those were the first things I noticed about her. If anything, they only highlighted her beauty, understated yet obvious.

But the more I looked, the more she seemed like a real queen. Long black hair whose roots were slowly turning gold, standing just under two meters tall, her spine as straight as an arrow, her hands were gently laid one over the other while resting on her simple white gown.

She held herself with immaculate conduct, and I’m sure Countess Ryfellin would be crying tears of joy and appreciation if she could see the queen’s posture. For all that she was a mother to her children, she was the queen to the kingdom as well. Even from this far away and through a projection, she seemed to possess an aura of authority that complemented her status.

Turning to see the other royals, I saw that they had inherited some of their mother’s features, as all of them had flowing black hair and the same shade of ice-blue eyes that the queen did. Their father’s genes won out in other areas, as they all had a slightly paler skin tone than the queen, as well as a slightly thinner nose.

The second princess, Mazhaan, was being tended to by her older sister, the first princess Olyria, as the little girl was being held on the older one’s hip while her older siblings were softly patting her hand or stroking her hair.

The queen’s speech drew my attention back to her as she spoke, “First, I offer my thanks to the ancestors, without whom none of us would be here today.”

“We give thanks to the ancestors.” the crowd intoned. I silently mouthed nonsense words when I noticed what was happening, but it was pointless.

“Next, I give my thanks to the Mother, who has made sure that my family and my kingdom have emerged stronger than they were last year!”

“We give thanks to the Mother,” the crowd, including me, said aloud. I was getting the hang of it.

“And finally, I thank my husband, the king, for his continued work in ensuring peace, improving living conditions, and honoring the time-tested bonds of friendship with our friends across the sea!”

“All hail the king!” the crowd shouted. I fumbled it and said, “We give king,” before I just gave up and shut my mouth before anyone could notice. It wasn’t a big deal, and besides, it’s not like there was anyone watching.

“And thank you all for being here, to celebrate the Founder’s Festival once more, as another year has passed!” the queen jubilantly cried out.

The crowd clapped and cheered as if their presence was some big achievement. I had to restrain myself from rolling my eyes, as I’m sure that wouldn’t go over well.

“I know most of you are eager to eat the fruit and meat from our friends overseas,” the queen said, which received a round of cheers, “and some of you only want me to finish so you can run to the nearest alehouse,” which prompted another round of even more boisterous cheering. As the queen looked on and transformed her regal smile to an indulgent one, “I’m sure you all have been waiting long enough. So go! Your queen commands you! Eat, drink, and carouse! Enjoy the warmth of the hearth as the year approaches its end!”

“But before you end up passed out on the floor, do you have anything to say to me?” the queen asked, her bearing having changed almost entirely from a distant queen to an intimate mother.

“Happy Festival Day!” the city exclaimed at the top of their lungs.

“And a happy festival day to you all as well! Now go and enjoy yourselves, or I might start another speech again!” the queen jokingly said.

A round of clapping and cheering followed, as I could see the queen turn to her children, who were all as excited as the crowd, and inflict some combination of kissing, hugging, patting their head or pinching their cheeks before they ran off accompanied by a squadron of armored guards.

The projection cut out, and the people around me began walking and immediately started bumping into each other, pushing and shoving others aside so they could move faster. If I didn’t know any better, I would probably be part of that crowd, running to be in line to try the fresh meat imported from the beastfolk tribes or a fruity beverage that contained berries from the elves.

Thankfully, I had a couple of veterans who had visited this specific battleground before.

“So, we’re clear on the division of labor? Me, Rhaaj, Teroa, and Tyrithen will hit the sweets and meats. Orddis, Jissa, Timek, and Euchles will get the snacks and drinks. Actually, I think it’d be easier if I just…”

As Riddis fiddled with some ink and a piece of parchment, I reflected on how I had gotten here.

Everyone who had signed up for an event in the festival would be escorted to the capital via the academy’s teleportation formation. Groups of students each accompanied by a member of staff went through and came out the other side. I had never gotten a clear reason why some people suffered more from the disorienting and nauseating effects of teleporting, other than merely aptitude, which wasn’t exactly satisfying.

We landed in a building owned by Svenia Academy, which was part of a compound large enough to house nearly six hundred people altogether. I wasn’t sure of the exact number of students competing, but I had heard that all four tier one academies sent their students to compete in the tournament events every year, and there was a hard limit to how many students could sign up per academy.

Well, the tournament events were in a few days, and in the meantime, my friends and I were here in the capital now, ready to enjoy the festivities.

There were some events that would be held exclusively for academy students, but they would be taking place tomorrow or the day after. Someone heard there would be an auction or something, others heard that the king would meet with certain high-performing students privately. There were plenty of rumors flying around, and I would just have to wait to see what actually happened.

“Here you go!”

Riddis’ shout brought me out of my thoughts and back into the present, as she handed everyone a piece of parchment with one of two phrases written on it, ‘sweets and meats’ or ‘snacks and drinks’.

“Is all this really necessary?” Jissa asked, the most recent addition to our little circle of comrades. “Do you really think we’ll forget what to buy?” she asked doubtfully.

“You never know what might happen! Besides, the instructors are busy with their secret meeting so we might as well take this chance to explore the capital a little!” Riddis exclaimed.

“It’s hardly a secret meeting when they told us that –”

“Ahh-dah-dah!” Riddis shouted while covering my mouth, throwing propriety out the window. “We’re wasting daylight standing around and arguing when we could be chowing down on delicious meat! Remember, once you run out of money, come back here and we’ll split the goods equally. Now, hop to, everyone!” She pointed out the door and barked in a faithful impression of Sir Yalmaar shouting during classes.

The rest of the day was a whirlwind of activity as I found myself sprinting, weaving through crowds, pausing to look at entertainers and performers, and secretly partaking in whatever roadside stalls looked good enough to try out. My friends were just as unrestrained as everyone else, the infectious mood of the festival affecting us like a tangible force.

I even snuck a couple foreign fruits to Spearmint, who didn’t much care for them, while the others were preoccupied with a game reminiscent of hopscotch.

Our little group only reunited with the others in Teroa’s room well after the sun had set, the magical lamps that I was used to seeing were replaced by hovering and glowing balls of soft orange light that rotated around the capital in a set pattern, illuminating the city while also providing a light show of sorts.

What followed after was the most fun I’d probably ever had in my entire life. Food, games, genuine laughter, conversation that wasn’t vapid or overly serious, friends. I had everything I could ever want, everything I had convinced myself that I didn’t need and was better off without.

So why did I feel so convinced that it was all temporary?

What was stopping me from truly enjoying myself and beginning to let go of something that had been the core of my personality for nearly my entire life, my apathy?

Was I so afraid that I would lose what I had that I subconsciously clung onto my indifference like a blanket? While it was comforting to know that I would never have to face that kind of pain again, living life like this would also mean I would never truly be able to experience the best of what life had to offer.

Was that something I could live with? This…isolated existence, even while surrounded by a group of friends?

How do you know they are truly your friends? Perhaps they have their own agendas for approaching you. Can you confidently say that you know what lies in their hearts? Are you even aware of your own motives for befriending them?

That thought, which truly came out of nowhere, struck me like a bolt of lightning.

I ignored the joke that Jissa had just made and retreated into the corner of my mind while automatically nodding along to the conversation with a half-smile on my face so my mentally checking out wouldn’t be noticed.

Even within my own mind, I was almost ashamed to admit that I spoke to myself, despite having done it for so long. Different voices with different personalities and opinions helped sometimes with…various things, but I never thought it was detrimental. Awkward, embarrassing, or maybe even bordering on insane, sure, but not a process that would actively harm me.

In fact, it was so obviously not my own thought, as it was directly opposed to what I was thinking, that it could only have originated from one possible source.

Spearmint…what did you just say?

“I said nothing, contractor. Why do you ask? Now that you’ve opened the connection, I’d ask that you give me another of those fruits, what did you call them, small water melons? The juices are sour at first, but that sweet flavor that comes afterwards is truly delightful.”

Are you telling me that you didn’t just share your thought about the nature of my friends with me?

“No, that would be foolish and a waste of time in the extreme. I have learned that you will do what you will do, regardless of my input on the topic, in the course of our time together. For the most part, I have no opinions on your actions, so long as they do not harm me. Your fledgling herd is yours to deal with. Yawn, forgive me, contractor, but I believe I will need to sleep soon. The teleportation you warned me about seems to have had an effect on me.”

Are you hurt?

“No, but,” a long bleating and snorting sound that I could somehow understand as a yawn interrupted, “I do feel slightly tired. I will be sleeping…”

And that was all he had to say before falling asleep.

Do you feel better now, believing you can trust the little beast within you?

“Hey, are you okay, Rhaaj? You look all sweaty and a bit…nervous,” Tyrithen, who was closest to me, said as he put his hand on my shoulder.

The gesture was probably meant to be comforting, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that there was the slightest, tiniest, slimmest possibility that it was a calculated action that was part of a larger plan to endear himself to me.

So I rose unsteadily from the ground, thumping my leg to get the blood moving again as it had fallen asleep, before I manually did so with magic.

“Yeah, I’m fine, it’s probably just the teleportation catching up to me. I think I’m going to turn in for the night, sorry everybody.” I stated.

“Sigh, well, feel better man, okay? You want some water or something? Maybe some ice?” Tyrithen offered.

I shook my head and waved off the concerns and questions headed my way. “I’m fine, I just need to lie down, sorry guys. I’ll see you in the morning,” I said, as I walked out of the room as fast as I could and headed to my own bed to lie down.

Now that I thought about it, I had escaped from the room so I could attempt to do something about the weirdly intrusive and manipulative voice in my head that wasn’t mine, but all of a sudden, I did feel tired enough to sleep, like I had just run a hundred laps and recited exam answers at the same time.

I opened my room door, locking it behind me, and only took a moment to take my boots off with my feet, before I collapsed onto the bed, falling asleep within moments.

When I woke up, I found myself in the basement of my childhood home, a tall deer with a brilliantly verdant coat and electric-blue eyes looming over me.

“Are you able to explain this, contractor?”