Control Comes from Within

“So, you’re really leaving, huh?”

“...Yeah, I guess.”

I was telling most of the people I had grown close to about my departure. It wasn’t that long of a list, but I didn’t let that bother me as much as it should have. Although, I was putting off this last goodbye because I thought it would be the hardest.

“Do you think you’ll come back?” she asked me quietly.

“...I honestly don’t know. Even if I do, it will probably take years just to be able to,” I replied.

Zinia and I were on the roof of some building, sitting on the edge while we spoke, our legs dangling off the edge and slowly moving back and forth. We were in the midst of our task of spreading a powdery bird repellent on every possible inch of the property, when I asked her to take a break and broached the subject.

“It’ll be hard to find another partner like you,” she said quietly, staring at the admittedly bleak winter view of the city. “But it’s even harder saying goodbye to a friend.”

“Zin –” I turned to look at her, only to be surprised by a soft pressure on my lips taking away the words I had prepared. That pressure disappeared instantly as we simply stared at each other, a look of shock and denial on her face that probably mirrored my own.

“I was aiming for your cheek, you, you, you…that was my first kiss…” Any steam she was building up was discarded as the realization struck her and bade her whisper.

I took it in stride. If it were a normal day, I would have joked about what happened to lighten the mood. Instead, I acted with more tact than I usually would have.

“Mine too,” I said, as I turned away from her and gazed out towards the city.

The remaining work passed by quickly, neither of us in the mood for our usual banter. Once the job was done, and it came time for the actual goodbye, all that happened was a simple exchange of words, and that was it. From then on, our paths diverged.

As callous as it sounded, I could see myself never coming back to Jyvra. Besides Zin and her siblings, I had no real attachments to this place. And, as much of an asshole as it made me sound, I couldn’t put whatever goals I had on hold just to hang around them.

As I considered my plans for the future, my thoughts jumped from one possibility to another. Graduation from the academy was the first thing that popped up. I assumed that, just like on Earth, having a degree would provide some kind of benefit. Beyond that were tentative plans to travel to the other continents. I had never travelled or vacationed that much back home, outside of a couple disastrous family trips in my childhood. Now that the opportunity presented itself, why wouldn’t I jump at it?

Then, my mood suddenly soured, as thoughts of travel made me think of Khime. I hadn’t forgotten who brought me here, nor his cryptic and mysterious task that he bestowed on me, which was simultaneously of paramount importance and vital secrecy. I had pondered what it could possibly be, but without any concrete evidence, or even flimsy evidence, I didn’t know what to do.

So, as I usually did, I cursed out that probable-god in the safe confines of my mind and focused on my newest short-term goal: getting ready for the transfer.

Frugality had been such a cornerstone of my way of living, not just recently but ever since my childhood, that I felt both emotionally lost and slightly guilty when it came time for me to make even the most reasonable of purchases. Clothing was the biggest expense I had, as most of my other necessities were covered by the academy, such as food, a place to stay, and arguably most importantly, bathing.

Throughout the year, I had purchased dozens of sets of clothing, made out of whatever materials the tailors recommended. The dominant, frugal part of my brain screamed at me to choose a different fabric so the costs would be less. The timid yet insistent part of me that was sense or logic whispered that if expenses were to be justified anywhere, it was with clothing. And so it was that I found myself with a tiny mountain in my beast space filled with tunics, pants, underpants made of the softest fabric I could ask for, formal outfits if the circumstances demanded them, four fur-lined winter coats, and a collection of boots of varying colours and heights.

Besides clothes, I had also made some smaller purchases that had never occurred to me before. A wooden chest to hold some of my belongings in public. A basket of my own for collection tasks. A few cages of varying sizes to transport temporarily tamed animals. Then there were the one-off tools, things I had used once and promptly forgotten about: a shovel, spade, gloves, a sewing kit complete with needles and thread, a small hammer, and other similar bits and pieces.

I never bought any weapons, as I had never had a need or desire for them. The majority of my time was spent safely ensconced in the academy, and the few rare times a job took me out of the city, it was always in the periphery. My bone dagger was always at hand, in case of emergencies, but that was the only concession I had made. With me moving to a tier 1 region, though, I would need to rethink my choice. Merely having a weapon close at hand wouldn’t be enough, a certain amount of competence would be needed to accompany it.

Thankfully, I was made aware that classes from the second year onwards were entirely electives, meaning I only had to attend the classes whose subjects I chose. Regretfully, the half-days I had grown fond of were now over, as that was a temporary measure meant only to acclimate first-years to the new environment of the academy. I was informed that my schedule would be set once I decided on my electives, which for the sake of convenience, would be delayed until I reached the tier 1 academy.

I also had a veritable banquet’s worth of food in my beast space. It was meant to be another safety net, a backup measure in case something disastrous happened during a teleportation and I arrived in the middle of nowhere, cut off from civilization. That, of course, led to a small argument with the green deer, which I really needed to name at some point, with the beast demanding access to more food on a regular basis, despite its ability to subsist off my essence passively. I gave in, despite my seemingly petty concerns about money, as I could see that saying no here and now would be the first step on a road that made me more utilitarian towards my tamed beasts than I would prefer. I had negotiated for feeding it every other day as long as it didn’t touch my emergency food reserves.

Oh, but the voranders didn’t get any food for themselves. They wanted it, but they were living just fine off my passive essence, and their inexplicable fear towards something made them incredibly compliant whenever I was made to communicate with them.

Finally, after double checking that I had everything ready, with most of my things safely sitting in my beast space and a plausible amount of my possessions locked securely in a wooden chest on the floor of my room, I waited for the few hours it took for the message I had been anticipating to arrive.

Maybe the tier 1 academy would have some answers about the oddities perplexing me, or at the very least, they could point me in the right direction. I was eager to find out.

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“So how long will it take?” a feminine voice softly asked.

“I brought them down to two months. Old Paso wouldn’t go any lower than that. I’ve told you about him before, right? We were in the same division together, back in the day, and he owed me a bunch of favors from that time. He wanted me to stay for six months, and we had our usual back and forth game. Sometimes I think he lives for those arguments. That man could use a wife to keep him company,” a tall, well-muscled man replied as he gently ran a small comb through his wife’s hair.

“Company, huh? Is that all you think we do?” she asked him coyly.

“I mean, among other things…” he said softly.

As he gently lowered himself to reach his wife’s mouth, a loud knocking sound and a panicked child crying disturbed whatever semblance of mood there was.

“Mommy, mommy! Help!”

Sighing to no one in particular, she gave him a quick peck on the cheek and a wry glance back before turning to open the door. “What is it, baby?” She picked her son up off the floor and into her arms. He was getting heavier than she expected. It was a sobering realization that made her cherish these fleeting moments all the more.

“Sniff, sniff, there, there was a, a, a, sniff, a lot of little black things! And, and, sniff, they, they were running away from the sun, and, and mister Rhaaj the villager was there too! Mommy, they were… I think they were monsters!” Gill cried out, panic and fear written all over his face. His body was pale and clammy, and sweat covered his forehead, to say nothing of the tears and snot running down his face.

“Gillie boy, it’s okay. It was just a nightmare,” Ganturo assured their son as he softly patted the little boy’s head. “You know the monsters can’t get inside the walls, right, buddy? And mister villager, I mean, Rhaaj, he’s safe in the academy, there’s no monsters there,” he quietly said.

“Your daddy’s right, baby. There’s no monsters, everything is okay,” she gently said as she started rocking him back and forth.

But to their surprise, he kept insisting.

“No, you’re wrong! I saw them! There, there were a lot of them, a lot, like a lot! And, sniff, and there were, um, sniff, those, those, guard people were there too! And there was a magic man too! He kept making rocks and throwing them at the monsters! And, he made a really big rock to stand on, and, and. Oh! One of the guards people, he, he had a really loud voice, and, and he said some not-word. I don’t know what it means, but he said it and then everyone else said it. It was like oh, oh-sen, oh-sen-ear –” Gill kept sniffle-talking as his voice gradually began to soften and lower.

“Osenir?” Ganturo asked sharply. “Osenir, you’re sure that’s what they said?” He asked, a bit more harshly than intended. At least, it better not be, Evelyn thought to herself.

All they got was a quick nodding in response, but apparently the action and the retelling had exhausted him, abruptly sending him back into the arms of sleep. Evelyn saw that her boy was truly asleep, then took him to his bed and laid him down, covering him with the blanket as she did so. She laid a single kiss on his forehead, and gently pushed his hair aside before she left. A quick glance at the other end of the room showed her daughter peacefully sleeping, blissfully unaware of what happened.

“What was that about?” Evelyn asked her husband back in their room, her tone promising that he would not like her response if he failed to give a proper answer.

But the implicit threat was wasted on him, as he paced back and forth in their small bedroom, an odd look in his eyes that told her his mind was somewhere else entirely. All she caught were muttered phrases he whispered occasionally. “How” and “This isn’t” were chief among them.

“Ganturo!” She said forcefully, bringing him out of his thoughts and his pacing. “What is going on?”

It took him a moment, but he collected himself and slowly pulled her so they were both sitting on the bed. Finally, after a few deep breaths, he replied, and his words threatened to send her into hysteria.

“I think…I think Gill might be a mage.”