Conscious, Conscientious

~~~

Zayza would never see her parents’ burials. She would only become the cause of more.

Vayva stabbed into her chest.

“I’m sorry.”

Her eldest sister’s bold blue eyes focused on Zayza’s dress as she attempted to fasten a black flower to it with trembling hands. For now, this was all they could do to mourn their parents’ death.

Such was the way of the royal family: stability of the nation came first. Vayva’s immediate coronation waited on the other side of these extravagant walls. Guards found the King and Queen deceased in their bed this morning. Vayva was the Queen now. Once that was formally declared, investigations would follow. Then, the weeklong funeral ritual could ensue.

But for now, these black flowers were all the three sisters had.

“Is it painful like this?” Vayva checked.

Zayza heard her father weeping. She saw her mother’s breath stop.

She did it.

“Zayza?”

“It’s…rather irritating on my skin,” Zayza uttered. “But I’ll live with it.”

Vayva’s matching black freckles raised on each cheek with her attempted smile. It froze Zayza once their eyes met. Zayza always admired her sister’s beauty, despite everyone’s constant claims of their striking resemblance. But it wasn’t just physical beauty: barely a year older than Zayza, Vayva’s poise and assurance drew every eye. Her words swayed every mind.

She was born to rule Azvaylen.

But not like this. Not if her faith in Proscious continued.

She had to know.

“Let me know if I pinch you, alright?” Vayva said softly to her side. She had moved over to assist Layla.

“It hurts, Vayva,” Layla muttered.

“I’ll try another spot. How’s that?”

“That’s not what I mean.”

Vayva leaned forward and scooped her youngest sister into a hug. Layla immediately reciprocated, tears falling from them both.

Zayza took a step towards them, but caught herself.

What right do I have?

But Layla and Vayva’s dampened faces turned to her expectantly. While Layla often came to her in times of stress, Vayva hadn’t looked at her like this in years. It felt like they were destined to be at odds forever. But none of that mattered now: what they’d lost together could only be mourned together.

Zayza continued forward and embraced her sisters. She wept with them, alone in the dressing room.

But she just wanted to run.

She’d caused all of this suffering. No—Proscious forced her to. She destroyed her own family, and for what?

“We will reshape the Multiverse to our will.”

Wei’s words echoed within her. This wasn’t for nothing—but it would be if Zayza stopped here. Her father’s warnings proved true. Her parents sacrifices—her sacrifices—weren’t only to reduce their torment and expedite their inevitable deaths. They were to fight back against a brewing force that threatened reality itself.

And Vayva was about to become their next pawn.

Zayza had to keep going. She had to cut them off before they could grow any stronger.

Most of all, she had to save her sister.

Vayva wouldn’t understand. She would never forgive her. A confession would lead to the end of Zayza’s life as she knew it.

But she had to try.

“Who would do this to us…?” Layla whispered. “Who…?”

Vayva hugged them both tighter.

Despite her resolve, Zayza could no longer bring herself to speak.

~

The coronation was quiet.

Once commenced, it lasted for what felt like mere minutes. All royal personnel stood in even lines under glistening chandeliers, but the throne room felt gray. Every mouth recited their undying allegiance to Queen Vayva, but the air was lifeless.

This wasn’t the spectacular ceremony Zayza knew her sister had been dreaming of since they were little girls. Under emergency measures, it was swift and to the point. Mourning overshadowed what should have been the highlight of Vayva’s life.

She stood alone before the King’s former throne, poised, powerful, and utterly beautiful. Her illustrious blue dress and somber dark makeup should have been on display outside on the balcony for all of Azvaylen’s capital to see, years and years from now. Not today, isolated in the Throne Room.

Vayva’s speech was flawless: precisely what Zayza would expect even under these circumstances.

“I vow to you: I will continue the work my father and mother started,” she said in conclusion. “Working together closely with Proscious, I will see to the continuation of growth and prosperity for all of Azvaylen.”

Zayza tried not to recoil at her words.

The new Queen’s strong gaze landed close to Zayza and warmed. Zayza and Layla stood just before the throne, and right beside them was Fewpar.

For now, Vayva would rule alone until their marriage. But everyone in Azvaylen knew Fewpar would become the next king.

Zayza watched him for a moment. He stood tall and confident, a proud glimmer in his eyes as he stared at his Queen. Empathy flooded from the smile he subtly sent her way.

Just like Vayva, he was meant for this life.

“We’ll find them, my love,” Fewpar whispered. But standing shoulder-to-shoulder with Zayza and Layla, only they heard.

Vayva shifted with increased assurance, returning her attention to the royal spectators.

“As the first and most imperative act of my reign, I will immediately oversee investigations into my parents’ deaths,” she announced. “I call upon Proscious to provide their mightiest support in collaboration with our forces. Together, we will obtain not only justice…but vengeance of the highest order.”

The throne room filled with applause, marking an unofficial end to the coronation. Zayza knew Wei and other Proscious members were mixed into the crowd.

She found herself with no other choice but to clap along with what was likely the onset of her own demise—and that of her sister.

Her heart almost gave when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned. Fewpar’s comforting smile now directed towards her.

“You’re in good, strong hands, Zayza,” he assured. His fingers squeezed lightly as he leaned closer to speak over the crowd. “We’ll find the killer. I swear to you.”

Vayva finally sat atop the throne, a tenured maid placing a silver crown atop her head. Only thanks to last night, Zayza recognized its design: a miniature replica of the spiraling Dreamer Chamber roof.

The King’s thousands of moans and howls mixed into the cheers, but Zayza realized it was only in her head.

Unless she could make her move fast, Vayva’s coronation was merely a death sentence.

~

“Don’t run off, sister,” Layla pleaded, her attempt at composure weaker than usual. “We must stick together.”

Her hand squeezed Zayza’s even tighter than before.

“I’m sorry, love. Please trust me; these are important matters,” Zayza uttered. She refaced a wall of armor. “Guards: a word with V—the Queen, immediately,” she requested once more.

“Yes, Princess. Please pardon the delay.”

While Zayza and Layla had walked these castle halls completely surrounded by armed soldiers more often than they hadn’t, Zayza still struggled to detect who was around them right now—or even where they were at the moment. Vayva’s order to transport them to their quarters with extreme security was only logical, but it hindered Zayza’s more urgent goal.

With every second, Proscious was closer to claiming Vayva’s mind.

Several moments passed before the walking fortress of metal came to a sudden halt.

“Princess Zayza requests a word with the Queen.”

“The Queen’s direct orders are to escort them as quickly as possible.”

“Correct, sir. But the princess’s authority trumps mine. I’m obligated to at least inquire on her behalf—”

“Zayza, do not mess this one up for me,” came Vayva’s voice.

Her ornamented hands pried between two guards, who shuffled out of her path awkwardly as she approached her sister, face red.

“Vayva…we really should talk,” Zayza tried.

“Of all times, Zayza. What do you think you’re doing?” fumed her sister. “It’s too dangerous to be waltzing about the castle and chatting. I need to protect us. I’m…not losing you, too.”

“That’s precisely why I need to talk to you,” Zayza implored. “I…I have to tell you something.”

Their quarrel shifted to their stares alone. Finally, Vayva accepted the determination in her sister’s eyes. She sighed, raising an impatient eyebrow.

“Well? I’m listening.”

Zayza’s eyes darted around at the guards everywhere, and then down to the attentive Layla.

“Not here…” she decided. “It needs to be private. Perhaps in the Dream World…”

“Zayza, it needs to be now or never.”

“Uh…miladies…maybe—”

Zayza seized Vayva’s hand while releasing Layla’s. She rushed forward through the new opening in the wall of guards and located the first door of the hall: a conference room.

“Continue escorting Layla,” Vayva ordered back to the guards as she followed Zayza into the large room. Half remained outside the door, while the others rushed the reluctant Layla away and reformed their human barricade around her.

Zayza hurried Vayva inside, and then turned back to the heavy wooden door.

“Leave it open,” Vayva ordered.

Zayza paused. Vayva’s tone was the slightest bit shaky.

“Vayva…do you not trust me?”

She immediately questioned her own words. Considering what she’d done, and what she was about to admit to Vayva, did she even have the right to expect trust?

“I’m sorry. Every possibility is on the table right now,” Vayva shared pointedly. “With the updates I’ve already received, I can confirm Mother’s death was by an unknown poison. But Father’s took place in the Dream World.”

Reluctantly, Zayza lowered her hand from the door. She tried to ignore the twisting and throbbing in her chest, and hide her shallowing breath. Cautiously, she stepped closer to her sister.

“That’s…what I need to discuss,” she said lowly, praying the guards outside the door couldn’t hear. “Vayva, there’s something you need to know.”

“Do you think you may know who the killer is?” whispered Vayva, drawing close.

The killer.

The killer…I killed them. With my own hands, I took their lives…right? thought Zayza.

Am I guilty?

Her father begged her. Her mother was in silent agony. Proscious had begun them down a path that deteriorated their minds. Proscious was using them as a vehicle for their destructive ambitions.

I made the only choice they left me to make. They forced me into a corner where the only right decision was to destroy the people who loved me most.

My hands killed, but…I’m not the killer.

“Vayva…please…” She could already feel the pushback about to explode in her face. “You need to cease your trust in Proscious. You need to break off the agreement immediately—”

“Oh don’t, Zayza. Just don’t do this to me now. I cannot believe you’re bringing this up again at a time like this. Our parents…they were just murdered. And you’re spinning even this to spout your conspiracies…”

“But Vayva, I know—”

“You DON’T know! You can never just support my actions, or trust my wisdom like a normal sister. You’ve decided this Proscious partnership is your hill to die on. You’ve let it destroy our friendship, Zayza. You’ve let it become the final wall between us. The one we’ll never break down. We could have been…”

Her voice choked. The black makeup around her eyes began running.

“We could have been a team.”

Zayza clutched her sister’s arm. “We can. I’m trying right now.”

“Then please, honor my decisions.”

“I cannot.”

“Why…?”

Zayza had always been the first to choke up in their quarrels. But now Vayva fought back tears.

“You’ve never tried to understand our nation, or what it means to be the royal family…” she muttered. “You’ve never tried to prepare for the event that you’d become the Queen. You’ve never cared about the burden. You just run. So how could you ever understand my choices?”

“I…I don’t envy your position, Vayva. Or your call to rule. But—”

“WELL I WISH YOU DID!”

Her shout bounced against the conference room walls, the vacant seats serving as their ghostly audience.

“…What?”

“I wish you did envy me!” Vayva repeated. “I wish you had even the slightest ambition to be a better fit for Queen than I. We could have helped each other.”

Vayva inched back towards the door.

“I…I wish you looked up to me,” she muttered. “But no. All you want is to blame Proscious for everything, and instead of facing your duties to our home, you avoid them. I’m ashamed of you, Zayza. You say you care, but…you’ve become selfish.”

Zayza seized up. Her blood felt hot.

“…Selfish?”

She powered forward until her face was just before her sister’s.

“I’m trying to SAVE you, Vayva!” she screamed. “I’m trying to save ALL of us! Everything! Perhaps even the entire Multiverse—but more than anything, I’m trying to protect YOU! And you’re going to call me selfish?! You haven’t the slightest what I’ve already sacrificed. All you do—all you’ve ever done—is judge me for being different from you! Are you so stubborn that you’d trust Proscious over your own sister?!”

She always hated Vayva’s expression when they argued. It was like staring into a mirror that revealed who she was supposed to be in the eyes of others, instead of who she was.

But her shaking rage weakened peering into her sister’s blue eyes. For once, she saw fear. Uncertainty. And even now, Vayva couldn’t admit it.

As Vayva started turning towards the door once more, Zayza realized this could become the last time she ever looked into those eyes.

“Please, Vayva,” she whispered. “You don’t have to always be right. You can be scared, like me. Just…put some faith in me, and we can make it. I’ve seen Proscious’ secret experiments. I’ve seen what they’re really trying to—”

“I would always place my faith in Proscious before I ever placed any in you,” came Vayva’s words.

They cut through Zayza’s chest. Somehow, they were louder than anything else either had shouted in this conference room.

Vayva turned to the door and pulled it open. Guards waited dutifully, anxious to continue the escort for the Queen and princess.

But to the side of them, Zayza noticed another face peering in with hard concern: Fewpar.

His gaze rested on her speculatively.

Before Vayva finished exiting the room, she paused.

“And…” she uttered, arms shaking. She turned to her sister one more time, her naturally sharp face now soft and grimacing. “I am scared.”

Fewpar welcomed her into the hall with an arm wrapped around her tenderly. But even as their guards began surrounding them, his prying eyes remained on Zayza.

Then, Zayza couldn’t see anymore. Her tears clouded her vision. More guards came urgently to usher her to her quarters, and she wept alone.

~

Zayza’s sheets soaked against her face. A warm hand held her shoulder.

“I’m here,” Oflenur reminded her.

By the time they’d returned from their investigation last night, it had become far too risky for him to try and leave the castle before dawn. And so he remained hiding out in her royal bedroom for the day. Considering the ensuing investigations, this posed its own deadly risk—but either way, Zayza couldn’t bear him going away. Not now—she needed his love.

Hours had passed since Zayza’s attempted conversation with her elder sister. It was probably evening now. And yet, she hadn’t moved from where she’d collapsed onto her bed.

Just when she was certain there were no tears left, several wooden knocks on the door shook her into a shock, forcing out more lingering sobs.

She could hear low mumbles beyond the thick, towering door.

Oflenur’s hand flinched just slightly, then lifted from her. “I’ll hide for now. If danger befalls you, they’ll have my wrath,” he whispered before scurrying to the closets.

Zayza didn’t react. If the investigation had made its way to her, nothing mattered now. It meant they’d arrived before she could figure out how to get through to Vayva.

The door opened with a hesitant creak.

“A guest,” a guard muttered.

Guest?

“Zayza…?” came Layla’s small voice.

Finally, Zayza lifted her weary head. Layla stood alone in her nightgown as a guard’s hand closed the door gently.

“Layla?” Zayza greeted airily.

“You’re still in your dress,” her younger sister noticed. She invited herself closer, approaching the bed and sitting beside Zayza. As always, Layla’s face read as a determined attempt at strength and maturity, but her still-red cheeks and puffy eyes betrayed her.

Zayza sat up and wrapped her arm around her. “You need someone?”

“You do,” Layla clarified flatly. “But…yes.”

They sat together in silence.

“What…were you trying to tell Vayva?” Layla asked at last.

Zayza couldn’t hide from her sister’s gaze. The truth choked her; she knew soon, it would all come to an end. Proscious would take over Vayva and empty her dry. It was only a matter of time until they traced her parents’ murders back to her and Oflenur. And then…Layla would be all alone, left with the weight of a crumbling Azvaylen on her young shoulders.

She didn’t deserve any of this. She was just an innocent girl.

Zayza took in a long, shallow breath, and spoke.

“Proscious…they trapped me with no choice…I’ve…I’ve killed Mother and Father, Layla.”

She didn’t know why it poured out. Maybe she hoped the truth would somehow protect Layla. Maybe she felt she deserved to know. Maybe she simply couldn’t withstand the pain of secrecy any longer, and needed to come clean for her own sake.

“Proscious was poisoning their minds…tormenting and controlling them…so Father begged me to…I—I tried to tell Vayva…”

The information surfaced as jumbles and waves, blended by her brokenness. She managed to recount her conversation with Vayva, but her throat choked her words before she could muster any deeper details.

Layla hardly blinked. She was haunted. But when Zayza couldn’t speak any longer, Layla’s careful words were not at all what she could have anticipated:

“She wouldn’t say that,” she denied flatly.

“What…what do you mean?” wondered Zayza.

“The argument with Vayva,” Layla said. “She told you ‘I would always place my faith in Proscious before I ever placed any in you?’ Vayva would never tell you that.”

“I wish that were true, but…she did,” Zayza promised.

“Believe me, sister: she’s told me hundreds of times about how she was disappointed in you. Especially when you two had just argued. But even still…she would always tell me it was because of how much potential she sees in you. She believes greatness can come from you, Zayza,” Layla stressed. “She believes in you more than anyone. Don’t you realize that?”

Zayza’s heart twisted. She knew.

“Then…why did she say…?” Zayza tried.

“What if…it’s already too late for her, too?” Layla could only manage to whisper.

A dread like no other pressed down on Zayza.

It was heavy. Quiet.

“I’m going in,” she declared.

“I’m coming with you.”

“No, Layla. It will be too dangerous for you. You won’t be able to handle the Dreamer Guards,” Zayza insisted. “The closer you get to this, the more danger you’ll be in, and I cannot allow that. Return to your quarters.”

“But—”

“Return to your quarters. It can’t wait,” Zayza ordered. “If there’s still a chance, I need to get through to Vayva.”

She embraced her sister tightly, and then pushed her to her feet.

Even still, Layla fought to maintain her attempt at a strong demeanor as she stared back at her sister, afraid of the inevitable next course of action.

“I’m begging you, love: go now,” Zayza pleaded. “And no matter what happens in there, when I return, I swear I’ll protect you.”

“…And Azvaylen?”

“And Azvaylen.”

At last, Layla turned her back to hurry towards the door.

Zayza didn’t wait to watch her leave the bedroom—she couldn’t. Closing her eyes and sitting tall, she hurried into the traditional Dreamer position.

As she entered, all her racing mind had the capacity for were two hopes. One: that it was late enough for Vayva to be in the Dream World now.

And two: that for once, Layla’s sharp intuition was wrong.

~

Violence was immediate.

She should have known: Dreamer Guards were everywhere. They knew where the perpetrator had struck last. With hardly a second to spare, she once again tainted her energy with yellow and encompassed herself in it.

Zayza didn’t waste any time. There was no room for remorse now: it had to wait for hindsight. Rarely had any of these Dreamers felt this level of unforgiving destruction in the Dream World: Zayza unleashed powers only her family knew she wielded.

She tried not to see faces as her disguised energy blasts wiped them from the Dream World. Attack preemptively. Move. Those were the only actions she focused on.

But she couldn’t block her ears from their confused cries of pain. Her only solace was that despite her ferocity, she was merely ejecting them back to the real world or rendering them dreamless.

The grassy plains were blue, but blotched with the same blood red that spread across the sky.

Zayza didn’t know how she located Vayva so easily. The sense of her presence was like breathing; she simply had to reach her sister. There was no other possible outcome.

And the lack of droning screams across the Dream World this time signaled perhaps it wasn’t too late.

The hope that she could turn this around finally felt tangible.

So when she reached her sister at last, the contrasting reality crushed her.

As opposed to the valley she’d found her father in, Vayva was up on a high hill like a stage. But she offered no speech this time. Her throne was the grass, where she sat still on her knees staring ahead emptily. Her legs barely touched the tip of the hill, as instead of adorning her new crown, she wore a black rope tight around her neck. It dangled her in place, hanging from the infinite bloody sky above.

Zayza had nothing left. She couldn’t bring herself to warp or fly. Instead, she dismissed her energy, fell to her hands and knees, and crawled up the hill to her elder sister.

When she reached Vayva, the young woman’s eyes remained frozen as if she was already gone. Zayza had to crawl directly before her face before Vayva’s eyes locked on.

Both sisters were wordless.

Black, tarry tears forced their way down Vayva’s expressionless face.

Zayza raised her hands to her sister’s cheeks. They felt almost hot as fire.

“It must have been this morning. I met with them for an emergency meeting when our parents were found,” Vayva explained hollowly, her voice hoarse and almost unrecognizable.

Zayza couldn’t breathe.

“You were right, Zayza,” Vayva admitted. “I already knew when you tried to warn me today. But I had no control. I could only watch myself reject you. Even though I knew you were right…I couldn’t…”

Zayza fell forward and embraced her sister. Her whole body was as scorching as her face, but Zayza ignored the burning pain. She hugged Vayva tight. Still, Vayva simply dangled.

“I just wanted to be a good Queen one day.”

Zayza squeezed her even harder, sobs erupting. Finally, Vayva’s hand lifted and caressed her head tenderly.

“So this is what you had to do for Father…” Vayva realized.

“This can’t be happening. Don’t make me…Don’t make me…”

She felt Vayva’s cheeks curl up into a smile against her face. “More Dreamers are coming. I know you sense them. They can’t find out about you.”

“No!”

“Proscious will retrieve me shortly for their experiments. If they succeed…” she paused. “We can’t give them the chance. You need to do it.”

“I can’t do this! I can’t!”

“You can, Zayza,” Vayva whispered. “I always knew you were meant for incredible things. I always believed in you.”

She huffed a soft laugh.

“I won’t scold you this time. I promise. Just make me proud.”

Dreamers were flooding in. Zayza could feel it. If she left Vayva now, there was no coming back for her. If she stayed, even she couldn’t fight forever.

There was only one way to bring Vayva relief. There was only one way to resist Proscious.

Shaking, sick, and weak, Zayza raised her fingers to the back of Vayva’s neck. Vayva flinched lightly.

“It’s…it’s okay for a Queen to be scared of dying, right?” she checked in a hush.

Crying, Zayza brought herself to nod. “It’s okay, Vayva. It’s okay...”

“Good. Then I’m ready.”

“Vayva, I love you.”

“I love you even more.”

Trembling, Zayza released the energy into her fingertips.

Her sister’s warmth vanished from her embrace.