Conscious, Conscientious

“No…no…why?? WHY?!”

Pang’s utterances quickly intensified into exclamations of desolation and fear.

Phillip and Skrili, still in their nightclothes, both came to aggressive halts at the doorway as they witnessed the unfolding situation. Deon stared back at them, frozen.

“WHY DID YOU HAVE TO STOP?! NO…I HATE THIS!!” Pang shouted, her voice labored and choky. Her eyes widened as she stared through Deon at something unseen.

Deon reached out a cautious hand. “Pang, you okay…?”

Pang screamed. She began gasping uncontrollably, cursing to herself in between.

Immediately, Phillip sprung back into action. He approached Pang from an angle, seemingly to avoid startling her from behind. The look he shot Deon made it clear he should back away.

Deon quickly complied, still looking on with worry at whatever he had just helped trigger.

“Don’t go…don’t leave me…” Pang begged to someone invisible, still struggling for air.

Phillip stood close, but made sure not to touch her. “It’s me, Pang. It’s Phillip. I’m right at your side. I’ll never leave you.”

“It’s sinking…it’s sinking, I’m sinking, I’m sinking, I’m sinking like Mommy, oh God I’m sinking…”

“You’re right here with me. You’re safe,” assured Phillip softly. “You never have to go back there again. I know this feels horrible, but it won’t last long.”

Deon noticed Skrili was still standing at the door, watching with a knowing concern. Her hair was still somewhat pressed against her head on one side; she had clearly raced down here straight from bed.

When her eyes fell on Deon, he wanted to evaporate.

I blew it…I should have listened to her, he realized.

Pang’s gasps and sobs continued for minutes, until eventually, her eyes softened a bit. She wrapped her arms around herself, shivering. By now, Phillip had managed to place a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Why does it have to be so freaking cold in here?” she grumbled shakily.

Phillip smirked at the slight return of her usual attitude. “It is rather chilly.”

Skrili caught Deon’s eye again, and she cocked her head towards the open doorway for him to follow her. He couldn’t read her expression.

Concealing an anxious gulp, he began his way towards the exit. But then he noticed Pang’s pink hoodie lying on the padded floor nearby. He paused to retrieve it, and then turned back towards Pang and Phillip.

“Um…here you go,” he offered tenderly.

Pang either didn’t notice him or tried to ignore his presence, wiping her wet cheeks, so Phillip reached out to take the hoodie.

“I didn’t know…I’m sorry,” Deon said.

Phillip’s cold glare warmed slightly as he gave Deon a single nod. Then he returned his attention to Pang, and wrapped the sweatshirt around her shoulders slowly.

Feeling out of place, Deon turned once more to join Skrili. She stared at him blankly before leading him out of the training room. Even as they entered the dimly lit hallway, she said nothing.

The door rematerialized behind them, leaving Pang and Phillip to themselves.

Deon couldn’t waste any time. “Skrili, I’m an idiot. I should have just listened when you told me not to—”

“Let’s get back to the room,” Skrili said unemotionally.

Deon nodded, guilt’s unrelenting weight pressing down on him. “Right.”

Skrili lifted her TeamTrack. She aimed it at herself and Deon until a red light enveloped both of them.

Then, instantaneously, they were back in the low glow of their round room.

Deon wanted to apologize again, but Skrili still offered no hint that she’d receive it.

“You should heal up. You look awful,” she uttered. Then she simply turned to crawl back into bed.

“Wait, I shouldn’t have done that,” Deon told her. “Pang wanted to fight, so I went behind your back. I’m—”

“I’m sorry,” Skrili interrupted, stopping in place.

“Wait—you’re sorry?”

She refaced him. “This is my fault,” she insisted.

“But—how?”

“I know I’ve been forcing you to wait on the sidelines since we got here,” explained Skrili. “That’s not fair to you as my actual teammate.”

“I mean…sure…” admitted Deon. “But…”

“Besides, I told you not to listen to Pang, but I never said why,” continued Skrili. “I promised her I wouldn’t tell anyone…but that’s not fair to you, either.”

Deon still wanted to advocate for his own guilt in the matter, but his curiosity held him back.

“So then…what exactly just happened?” he asked. “Like, what was that?”

Skrili didn’t answer for several seconds. Then she sighed and sat down on her bed, so Deon sat on his own.

“Pang is…complicated,” she explained. “She’s from a really distant reality in Fiction Country called Artifex. Its only planet with life had the same name, and it was extremely isolated.”

“‘Planet?’” inquired Deon.

“A giant, floating sphere of stuff with things on it,” said Skrili.

“Okay, got it.”

“From how Pang explained it, civilization on Artifex was almost over before she was born,” said Skrili. “The whole planet had flooded, so the people lived on massive ships that could house thousands. But over the decades they started running out of resources and their ships failed. Pang was born on the last remaining ship: it was the biggest one, and the last place on Artifex with human life.”

Deon recalled the giant, shadowy vessel Pang had imagined in their fight. It must have been on her mind.

“But her ship was also on its way out,” Skrili continued. “It was sinking gradually. The people managed to slow the process, but every year or so, another floor of the ship would drown. So the richest and most powerful people of Artifex claimed the highest floors. The less money and influence you had, the sooner you would drown. I forget how many floors Pang said there were—the ship was enormous—but Pang’s family lived at the bottom when she was a baby.”

“Why didn’t someone come help?” Deon wondered. “This is a Multiverse, right? Why didn’t someone from some other reality come get them?”

“They did—but you had to be rich, and lucky,” Skrili told him. “Some explorers from Science Fiction Country found them and set up a rescue. But the reality was so far on the outskirts of Fiction Country that it would take a long time to travel there. On top of that, the planet was extremely secluded and the gravitational pull around it made time pass much slower.”

She noticed she was starting to lose Deon with this terminology.

“Basically, it took a lot of time and resources to get there,” she simplified. “They could only show up a year at a time. And the only vessel that could handle the trip couldn’t fit more than one passenger at once. They would always take someone from the top.”

“Only one person got rescued a year?!” Deon repeated. “This place was torture…no wonder Pang was scarred. At least they got to her, but still…”

Skrili shifted uncomfortably. “Well…it gets a lot more messed up than that,” she admitted with reluctance.

“How? That’s already terrible.”

Skrili took another sigh. “Like you assumed, the rescue vessel eventually got to her. But…she had to do certain things to get to that point.”

“Like what?”

“If you didn’t have any money or power on Artifex, there were other ways to climb towards the top of the ship. The rich in their society had a favorite form of entertainment similar to the Consciousness League. So they allowed fighters from lower floors to challenge the ones above them. If they won, they would get to switch with the loser, moving farther away from the submerging parts of the ship.”

“So Pang had to fight her way to the top? That explains why she’s so strong.”

Skrili averted her eyes. “These weren’t just normal fights like the Conscious Competition, though…they were death matches. Pang had to kill her way to the top.”

Deon fell speechless.

“She never told me how many lives she had to take…it used to give her nightmares—I’m sure it still does.”

Deon would have never guessed she wore the burden of taking another’s life on her back. She carried herself with such self-assurance and energy. Was that all a show?

But even still, this didn’t quite tie into why she wanted to fight Deon again so badly. For some reason, she wanted Deon to beat her.

“The reason Pang is so strong, and why she made it from the bottom of the ship to the top, was because of her father,” Skrili shared. “He was the only person to ever beat her…until you. He was a fighter, but didn’t have consciousness powers—that was from her mother’s side.

“But since he didn’t have powers like the strongest fighters,” she continued, “he knew he wouldn’t stand a chance as the challenger. So he decided his best hope was to train Pang to fight. He started when she was just a little girl, and…well, judging by the stuff Pang used to say in her sleep…he didn’t go easy on her. Actually, I think he hurt her really badly—especially when she couldn’t follow his instructions.”

Deon’s heart sank. His father was a bit naggy, but he couldn’t imagine him ever laying a single finger on him to harm him. In Tailpiece, parents were supposed to pick you up and encourage you to grow. This sounded like a perversion of parenting. He felt his stomach turn.

She was just a little girl, he thought.

“But the harsh training worked—eventually she could defeat her father,” Skrili explained. “She won her first death match when she was seven, and her family was allowed to move higher up. But her mother refused to stand by it. She stayed behind, and drowned probably not long after. Then Pang spent her whole upbringing fighting for her and her father’s survival. She kept getting stronger, so they kept moving higher up on the ship. By the time they made it to the top, it was one of the only floors left.”

Deon let out a sigh. “Man…was her father able to get rescued, too?”

Skrili nodded, her eyes on the floor. “He…did what fathers do.”

“Huh?”

“Pang told me whenever the Science Fiction Country ship flew to them, chaos would break out. People would fight and toss each other overboard; whatever they could do to get to the highest point to be rescued. She really only mentioned this part to me once, and she tried to laugh it off: her father told her to clear a way, and said he’d give her cover so she could make it to the rescue ship. They made it all the way there, and at the last second…he pushed her aside and climbed in.”

“So…he used her,” Deon realized, clenching his fists. He felt sick. His rage began to swirl back to life within, but he immediately pushed it back.

“He did. Either just in that moment, or for her whole life, he used her,” said Skrili. “I don’t know which—and I don’t think Pang does, either. She probably never will.”

They both sat in dead silence for a moment.

“Pang never told me what happened in her last year on Artifex,” Skrili uttered. “She’s made off-handed comments about being the last survivor, though. I don’t know what she had to do to make that possible. All I know is that the only affection she earned growing up was from fighting and killing. And the only way her father showed her love was by training and beating her.”

Just as Skrili said this, Deon realized how much Pang still meant to her. Skrili’s eyes had gone watery, and her expression was one of subtle, passionate fury as her lip quivered. Even after everything Pang did to her in No Man’s Land, Skrili refused to hate her. It was probably too late to consider them friends, but perhaps their bond as teammates had turned into something inextricable: family.

“Then that’s why she wanted to fight me again,” Deon recognized. “Because when I beat her the first time, it reminded her of…”

He didn’t let himself finish.

Skrili sniffed, and then crawled back into her bed. “It’s late. I’m gonna need to get more rest before we fight…um…”

“You’re up against Alex and Ving,” Deon revealed, remembering she had missed the whole fight.

“Oh. Great.”

Deon reached for his TeamTrack again to heal the injuries he sustained against Pang. But something Pang had told him flashed in his mind. Despite the poor timing, he needed to ask Skrili about it—especially after everything he had just learned.

“When we were in the waiting room, Pang insisted you were ‘just like her,’” Deon said. “What did she mean?”

By now Skrili was under her blanket, turned towards the wall. Deon wondered if she’d respond at all.

“Um…I’m sorry, you don’t have to share,” he decided.

“If you really want to know,” said Skrili, “I’ll tell you…in time.”

Deon nodded, even though she couldn’t see. The fact that she said ‘in time’ eased his mind—perhaps he hadn’t pushed her away with his actions, after all.

But the guilt still loomed: he thought about Pang’s episode, and how his personal goals enabled it. If he hadn’t stopped himself when his powers rebelled against him, if he had given in to his selfish ambitions instead of acknowledging something was wrong, this evening could have ended much worse.

He closed his eyes and recalled the words Twitchy had said through the voices of his loved ones. “We want you to be love.”

Trying to look at all of this from the outside, it quickly became clear to Deon. Skrili, Pang, and Phillip…everyone around him was much more broken than him. If he couldn’t learn to respect that, he would never understand his teammate. Skrili would have no reason to trust him.

It was decided: if he wanted to be a good teammate, it was no longer about being the strongest. He wasn’t even a participant in this tournament—training and punching things could wait. If he wanted to be a good teammate right now, it didn’t mean being a fighter.

It meant being a friend.

“Skrili, all my bets are on you guys tomorrow, no question,” he assured. “If you need anything at all, just let me know!”

His sudden enthusiasm must have repelled Skrili a bit, because she didn’t respond.

Okay…that was a bit much, Deon realized.

“I appreciate you,” Skrili finally said.

Deon smiled.

“And you can start by letting me sleep,” she finished.

“You’re right—sorry.”

~

The next day, Deon wasn’t so confident about Skrili and Pang’s chances.

He managed to wake up while Skrili was still getting ready, so finally, he was able to join her on her way to Gloat Stadium. But as they exited the room, he couldn’t help but notice Skrili’s baggy eyes; waking up in the middle of the night to deal with him and Pang clearly hadn’t helped her re-energize after healing.

Deon decided not to point it out, figuring that would do no good.

But it wasn’t just Skrili—Pang seemed just as unprepared for this semi-finals match against champions.

They met up with Pang and Phillip in the hotel’s large courtyard. Pang didn’t give them some grandiose greeting, or say anything about “crushing” the next fight. She just waited for Skrili, avoided eye-contact with Deon entirely, and proceeded walking with the group, rather slowly.

Last night must have left her even more exhausted than Skrili, Deon figured. The fact that he played a part in both of their conditions hung above him. He kept glancing between the two of them as they walked.

Pang must have noticed, because abruptly, she turned and looked at him.

“It’s fine, alright? I’m here now. Sorry I freaked you out last night,” she said overconfidently, quickly turning away again. Deon read right through it—she sounded like she was impersonating herself.

“Well…I really am sorry,” Deon said. “If I had known…”

“Thanks, I’m fine,” she called back.

The four fighters fell silent once more, even as they took to the skies with their levitation bracelets. Soon, Deon couldn’t take it anymore: this downtrodden attitude, though understandable, wasn’t a way to go into their biggest fight ever. If they lost, they made it this far for nothing. He couldn’t imagine what Phillip was feeling, betting everything on this.

Besides, this was partially his own fault. He couldn’t watch it go on like this.

“Alright, I know everyone’s a bit shaken up,” Deon started as they glided along. “And I’m probably not the right person to talk, but I’m gonna say something anyways: winning this Competition means a lot to you guys, so you can’t stop here. You’ve been tearing the place up, so you can do it again.”

No one responded, aside from Phillip, who simply looked at him briefly.

Deon tried again. “I’ll just leave it at this: after watching Alex and Ving win their last fight, Pang made a good point: it’s because they know and trust each other more than anyone. I know stuff has happened between you two, but now I also know now how much you two understand each other. Honestly, it’s pretty obvious you still care about each other. So if you wanna win, if there’s ever a time to try and trust each other again, it’s gonna have to be now. You guys can win this.”

He waited again for some kind of response. At this point, even a negative reaction would have eased his mind a bit.

After a while, Skrili and Pang glanced at each other briefly. They looked away at the same time as they flew.

Deon tensed. Skrili and Pang were moments away from facing their strongest opponents yet, and they couldn’t be less prepared.