Conscious, Conscientious

Pang didn’t bother to turn off the light, or even climb far enough onto the bed to let her head reach the pillow. Her feet dangled off the end of the mattress, lifeless and heavy like the rest of her body.

It wasn’t like she’d planned on going to sleep, anyway. All she knew was that she needed to get away from everything. She needed to block out everyone.

Once she’d seen Aoi in the laboratory—or as she knew it to be now, the prison, she knew she’d found her ticket out. That was that. She could hardly recall what followed, because it hardly mattered. Clearly Aoi had warped her here and she let herself sink onto the bed moments later, but it was a blur.

Pang moved her face just enough to breathe easier against the pastel sheets. She wished she could just sleep. She wished her mind would turn off and somehow forget today.

I never realized I was this stupid.

I knew he was a creep. I knew the whole time.

And I went, anyway.

Pang gripped the sheets and watched them wrinkle.

Why did I care that Gage thinks I’m special? Why should I care if anyone does? So did Phillip, and look at him now.

I’m not special. I’m just useful.

That’s why Daddy left me on Artifex. That’s why Phillip didn’t come for me.

I’m useful, until I’m not. That’s all.

At least she didn’t have to deal with witnessing the moment Gage found that out, too. There was no way she was interacting with him again. She didn’t want to see his face.

But in a way, that wasn’t the only twisted benefit in all of this: had she never gone to the lab, she may have never learned the truth: the depraved reason she was here.

433 girls. Locked up for no reason.

Gage decided I’m the one he wants. They have no purpose anymore.

She remembered sensing several of their unique powers and type combinations, and even seeing some on display within those cells. They all had potential out in the Multiverse, and now it was totally squandered…for what?

Red rage swelled in her.

I’m not worth all that, she thought. I’m not special. Just useful. So I’ll make myself useful:

I’ll get those girls out of there. When I leave, they’re coming with me.

No sense of justice or righteousness occupied her emotions. Pang felt pity, but she hardly felt the pull to do the right thing. There was another dominating reason.

I’ll make you pay for all of them, Gage. Just to spite you.

Just because you piss me off.

A knock came from the electronic door. Recognizing that same rhythm, Pang realized it hadn’t been the first attempt. She recalled hearing Irma’s muffled voice a while ago, but she must have blocked it out.

Pang squirmed.

This time, the door slid open. Footsteps tiptoed in.

“Hey roomie…” Irma practically whispered. “Um…I left my flip-flops in here. I’m just grabbing them…”

Pang tried not to give any sign of her own discomfort, opting simply not to move as if she’d fallen asleep. After all, Irma had just knocked to enter her own bedroom—in her fit of misery, Pang had essentially taken it hostage.

Now with the slap of flip-flops striking her heels, Irma’s steps worked their way back towards the door.

But they slowed, and then stopped.

“You know…if Benton told me what was going on, I would’ve gone there with him too,” she said. “And I don’t care how strong he is—I would’ve kicked Gage right in the nuts for you.”

So Benton already filled her in, Pang learned.

Irma’s fiery words were soft to her ears. For a moment, Pang felt light.

“Heh…thanks.”

She wasn’t surprised a lack of knowledge was the reason Irma hadn’t gone to the lab. Benton probably hid his plan from her to keep her away from harm. But Aoi was his only way inside, and he knew she could hold her own if he asked her to.

Still, the thought that a fighter like Irma could ever be in grave danger rattled Pang’s head. Rank-S’s power was truly baffling.

But even more baffling than that—by far—was the thought that all three of her teammates would put themselves in such danger, just for her.

“You can have my bed as long as you need, alright?” came Irma’s blessing, now back in the doorway. “There’s gonna be dessert soon, if you’re feeling up to it.”

She held off this late to start dessert? Pang thought. She waited up for me?

The door slid closed, and Pang was alone.

But in a moment, she could hear Irma again through the wall.

“Oh! Wait Aoi, it goes in the blender first, remember? No—not like that…Uh, don’t worry! Here, let me show you…”

Pang’s ear perked.

Aoi? She’s still here?

Despite everything, the very thought of Aoi trying to bake forced a brief chuckle out of her. While she didn’t know what they were making, the act alone was sweet. She couldn’t ignore the fuzzy feeling in her heart.

And yet…

I still can’t move.

Though it still stung, and though she still loathed herself for it, she’d accepted the reality of tonight’s events. She’d resolved to exact her revenge on Gage. She’d received the warmth of her teammates’ empathy.

So, why?

Why do I still feel so heavy?

Another knock.

Pang wondered what Irma had forgotten to grab this time. But it turned out her wonder was misplaced.

“Kiddo?”

Her whole body tensed.

Oh. That guy.

“Pang, it’s me: Benton,” he tried again, as if his clarification made any difference. “You uh…you wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

Silence.

Pang sighed. She’d spent all this time pretending this man wasn’t the source of her still-spiraling thoughts, and now here he was to squash that fabrication with his big, stupid feet.

At least he proved easy to turn down.

“You sure?”

Once again, Pang had guessed wrong.

“Yep. I’m sure.”

“Pang…”

The door slid open. Pang could feel his massive steps—though gentle as he meant them to be—shake the mattress. He let out a careful sigh through his nose.

And with those sounds, Pang’s racing heart returned.

The feelings resurfaced again—the ones that sent her running from Benton in the lab.

The ones she’d been desperately avoiding since then.

She felt so small again. So…starry-eyed.

It was alien.

That could only mean it was bad.

Suddenly, the mattress was on an incline. As if caught in a pillowy landslide, Pang began sinking towards the corner of the bed where Benton had apparently just sat down.

Pang wordlessly gripped the sheets to stop her plunge, too annoyed to bother expressing it out loud.

Then, silence.

Benton eventually opened his mouth, and Pang braced her ears.

Here it comes.

She knew exactly what to expect. It was time to hear how dumb she’d been for going to Gage alone without telling them. Now Benton could remind her how he’d warned her, how she didn’t listen, and how he was right all along.

She agreed with all of that already. She doubted she could hate herself any more than she already did right now, so what was the point of this?

Just spit it out already and let me move on.

“Listen, Pang…I’m real sorry,” Benton said instead.

Wait…what?

“The way I was talkin’ and actin’ with you back there must’ve made you real uncomfortable, huh?”

The bedroom fell silent again. Pang didn’t know what to say.

“…Uh…sorta,” her muffled voice finally managed.

“Based on your file, I’m guessin’ nobody’s ever treated you like that before,” Benton uttered. “You looked awful spooked. So I'm sorry.”

Warily, Pang tilted her head and peaked from behind her bangs. Benton wasn’t looking at her though, his eyes staring forward into the empty air.

“I don't mean nothin’ by it, but…that's just how I see y'all. Guess I can't help it.”

Somehow with every word he said, Pang's understanding of this interaction decreased.

“I…I don't really get what you're talking about.”

In spite of her cold reply, Benton let out a quick laugh. He shifted his weight, and the bed's tilt lessened.

“I'll never forget the feeling I had when my first girl came into my world. Nothin’ else mattered. My life was for her now,” Benton opened up.

Wait, since when were we talking about that…? wondered Pang.

She was no stranger to his unprompted probes for pity about his circumstances. Normally, she would roll her eyes.

But this felt…different.

“I had no clue I could feel like that. Couldn't imagine anything comin’ close to my love for that little bulb a’ light,” continued Benton. “And then…my second was born. And I felt it all over again. Then my third. Same thing.”

Benton leaned back, a reminiscent light in his eyes.

“Funny how that works: you think you can't make any more room in your heart. It's too full. But then each time, your life changes all over again. Like it's the first time ever. Your heart just…grows. You know?”

“...No, not really.”

How was she supposed to know?

Benton shrugged, his smile lines deepening as if to hint that she might get it someday.

“The oldest is sharp as a switchblade–but in a subtle sorta way. Picks up anything quick,” Benton uttered. “The middle girl is real quiet. A little clumsy, but she's got a big heart. And the youngest, well…”

At last, Benton's eyes fell on her, a twinkle in both. Pang couldn't tell if he wanted to laugh or shed tears.

“She's a little ball a’ TNT. And it ain't her fault, but she don't get how to love herself yet,” he finished. “That's why I had to go to the lab.”

Pang's eyebrows furrowed behind her hair.

We're back on the lab? He changed the subject again?

“Wait…I thought you were talking about your daughters,” Pang tried to course-correct.

“That's right,” Benton confirmed. “I am.”

Suddenly, Pang couldn't feel her body.

“Like I said, Pang,” Benton said, “I can't help how I see you three girls. Guess it’s just in my blood.”

He paused when a high-five rang out from across the apartment.

“We did it, Aoi!! Good job! Wait–AH CRAP!!”

Something clanged against the kitchen floor.

Benton chuckled.

“Pang, listen…I've got no right to talk about what your old man did wrong,” he said. “But since I've caused the same pain before, I'll say this: Daddys ain't supposed to be the ones who make your mess. They're supposed to be the ones who bail you out of ‘em.”

Irma's sigh reached them from the kitchen, followed by an expectant laugh.

“Well…don't worry, Aoi. If it stains the floor, Benton knows how to fix it! He'll just give us THAT look first.”

Pang's grip on the sheets trembled and wavered.

“All I can give my girls–my biological ones–is Proscious money. All ‘cuz I blew it with one freak punch that took a guy's life. So by the time they grow up, I hope they’ll move on,” admitted Benton. “You gotta do the same, Pang. Let go of the people who can't–or won't–come back for you. ‘Cuz you'll see that this time, I ain't goin’ anywhere.”

He tensed.

“I promised myself that. For Irma. For Aoi. And for you, kiddo,” Benton swore. “Y’all are my second chance to get it right. So maybe…I can be yours, too.”

Suddenly, a memory flashed in Pang’s head again: the rescue craft flying away, her father safely inside.

Her outreached hand.

“Daddy!! Come back!! Please don’t leave me!!”

The frantic arms of others blocked the ship from view, until its engine sounds were gone.

But this time, there was more.

She remembered the rest—the part she must have blotted out:

The moment when finally, her hand fell.

The moment she knew.

When the crowd around her had turned violent once more, crammed atop the sinking ship's final floor, her hand curled into a fist.

I chose to keep going. Not for Daddy–for me.

I hoped I could start over again.

“If that makes you uncomfortable, Pang, I'll try to stay outta your hair. I can be subtle,” Benton assured.

His words blinked her back to the present. Pang almost chuckled to herself.

You can? Since when?

“But this is just how I'm wired,” he continued, as if to ward off her ongoing silence. “So, I mean…so–”

“It's fine.”

At last, Pang could feel the warmth of her own body again. Decidedly, she sat up beside him.

“If…if you want to be that…for me,” she mumbled, folding her knees to her chin, “...then I guess that's okay…”

Though Benton said nothing, she could feel the sheer joy emerging from him.

“Hey…how did you know where to find me?” asked Pang quietly.

“Intuition,” said Benton with a finger on his head. “Nah…I think Aoi planted some thoughts in my noggin on our way home. You’ve really helped her branch out, you know.”

She heard my mind again, Pang resolved. She got worried.

“Well…thanks, old man.”

But just when she thought she could finally breathe, Benton's reply froze her again.

“Pang…” he started. “We're bein’ watched.”

Pang blinked.

“...Huh?”

She followed his eyes to the doorway, and it immediately quelled her alarm.

A pair of multicolored eyes, and another pair hidden behind blue-green bangs, peered in from the side of the door like a couple of cartoon spies.

“Aoi…he's giving her that ‘I’ll be your Dad now’ spiel,” Irma whispered.

Aoi nodded.

Then, Irma's eyes widened.

“Uh-oh…Are they looking at us? Can they see us?”

“Yes,” Pang barked.

With a start, Irma and Aoi slipped and tumbled onto each other in the doorway.

Irma stood and propped Aoi up beside her.

“Well if you're done already, it's time for dessert!”

Benton's gaze narrowed. “Irma…what in the blazes happened to Aoi?”

“Whatever do you mean?”

Aoi looked between them all unbothered, her cloak covered in powder and splatters of icing.

Irma caved with a groan. “I'll find her another cloak…you guys left one here ages ago. Now get off my bed, already!”

While she walked away, Benton turned back to Pang and shot a wink.

“Come on, kid. Let's eat.”

~

“I did it again!” Irma beamed, hands on her hips before the dining room table. “Aoi like, helped a ton too! Bon appetit!”

Sitting amongst her other teammates, Pang beheld their creation: triple chocolate cake with peppermint Ganache.

Pang's heart fluttered: this morning, Irma had mentioned making something else entirely for tonight. The last-second switch-up to chocolate wasn't lost on her.

This was the only dessert Pang had added to their wishlist on the fridge.

Irma rushed to serve plates so she could make her own, her cut sizes a bit too generous.

“All in favor of playing hookie tomorrow and hitting the courts?” she inquired.

Everybody's hand shot up.

“Thought so. There's also this movie I wanna–”

The doorbell sang throughout the apartment.

Everybody's eyes shot to each other. Nobody took another bite.

“This…late?” came Irma’s fragile observation.

Turning pale, she worked her way towards the door. But more strength poured into her with each step.

“Irma, careful,” Benton stressed, bursting from his seat.

“I know. And my legs are low on battery,” she warned.

“Go hide in your room,” Benton stressed, “Pang, you too.”

But just as Irma didn’t waver, Pang didn’t budge.

I'm not scared of him. This time, Gage is getting a piece of my mind.

“Girls…”

Irma ignored him, her march reaching the apartment door. She inflated with air.

“I don't give a crap how strong you are!” she boomed, pressing the button. “Right here, right now, I'm gonna kick your a–”

“Hey guys~!”

“AH!”

Irma jolted backwards.

Their uninvited guest was likely even more powerful than the one they'd expected. Yet, she was certainly a relief in comparison.

Pyper stood waving at them all, her smile wrinkling her nose against her wooden glasses.

“I came to talk business,” she said as if the concept was akin to a birthday present. “Is it a good time?”

Irma tried with all her might not to frown in front of her superior, but the effort itself made it more obvious.

“Well…it's kinda late…” she mumbled, “and, like, we just got through a rough night–”

“What is that amazing smell?” Pyper gasped. “Did you bake a cake, Irma? I've heard so many good things about your desserts!”

Faster than she'd recoiled with surprise a moment ago, Irma made way for Pyper to enter.

“Well, what can I say…?” she basked, fanning herself with her serving spatula. “Try it yourself and praise me more!”

Pang sighed. She's way too easy…

Pyper joined them with soft, polite steps and took the open chair beside Aoi. The cloaked woman's focus remained locked on her. Irma hummed as she served her a gorgeous slice.

“Alrighty! Let's get this out of the way first:” commenced Pyper, “You finished Gage's curriculum! Congrats!”

“Huh?!” came the team's chorus.

“Today was the last day…?” doubted Irma.

“Nah. He's sick of us,” assumed Benton. “Good. He better be.”

“Actually,” said Pyper, “A little birdie filled me in. So few minutes ago, I gave him two options: end his curriculum now, or fight me one-on-one! I guess it was a no-brainer.”

Her ensuing giggle didn't at all match the magnitude of her words.

“You won't be interacting with him much anymore,” she explained.

Her oddly casual words were met with sheer silence. Once again, nobody could manage a bite of their cake.

Alright…thought Pang, a devious grin forming. Maybe I like this dorky chick.

“Okie-dokie! Next thing on the agenda,” Pyper already resumed. “Your next and final curriculum is with me! And it starts right now!”

Wait, what?! Right now??

“Tomorrow morning, we're leaving the base. I'm taking you all on your first mission with Pang! Fun, right?”

The team exchanged slow glances.

“Mmm! Irma, this tastes incredible~!”

They all watched Pyper dig in, totally oblivious to their frozen state, as they tried to process what she'd just said.

It dawned on Pang all at once.

We're leaving the base, she realized. Tomorrow…we're leaving the base.