Congratulations on Your Magical Girl Duties

33 – Interlude – Clean Up (2)

Repetition and mastery.

Honestly, not words that resonate with me. Because there’s no guarantee that repeating something will actually lead to mastering it in the first place.

But I was wrong. Actually doing it made me realize that repetition and mastery are real.

“Oh.”

I finally succeeded.

Neatly blowing off just the outer part of a calf.

By the fourth one, even someone as utterly lacking in shooting talent as me could do it without breaking a sweat.

“Ah… ugh….”

Well, I practiced so much that the futanari’s lower halves are all mangled and shredded.

But that’s not really important.

What *is* important is that I succeeded.

It felt like such a waste to be the only one to experience this joy. So, naturally, I wanted to share it.

“Thanks, really. I got so much better thanks to you.”

I said to the futanari who had become my shooting target.

After all, isn’t there a saying?

Share the misery, share the joy.

The moment felt ordained.

“I’m grateful, so is there anything you need from me? I’ll try to help you as much as I can.”

This was genuine.

He’d dedicated himself to me this completely, spontaneously, didn’t I owe him at least a small recompense?

Unleashing him would be a bit difficult, but I was planning on helping him as much as possible within the bounds of what I could do.

A person helps another person, that’s just how it is.

“…Kill me.”

But all the futanari could manage was to feebly utter this strange request.

“How can you kill a person? That’s terrifying.”

A truly ghastly thing to say.

How could you kill someone for no reason?

From the start, even in this other world, the people I killed were always in self-defense. Killing someone in a situation like this wasn’t the act of a hero.

“You have to work hard to live. Right?”

“Kill me… please…!”

“It’s alright. Even if life is difficult, it all works out somehow.”

Even I was like that, after all. I gave him a bright smile, adding a final word.

Just then, one of the futanari spoke urgently.

“U-um, excuse me! In that case, instead of him, can I ask you for a favor?”

“What is it?”

I was curious. What was it that he wanted so badly, to be speaking with such earnestness?

He wasn’t quite my target practice, but I decided to show him ample generosity. If the person himself wasn’t in a state to ask, a comrade asking on his behalf would be fine.

“Tell me, what do you want?”

“Please take me as your lo─!”

“A cripple? Understood.”

– Ta-aang!

– Ta-aang!

This time I pulled the trigger twice, blowing away his ankles. And incidentally, the giant abomination along with them.

The futanari couldn’t say a word, losing consciousness and collapsing pathetically onto the ground.

My heart ached, but there was nothing I could do.

He was begging me so earnestly, what else could I do?

I could only concede to their desires.

“Hey! You’re really going too far!”

At that moment, a sharp voice cut through the air.

“What? I did everything you asked for.”

“That meant you were supposed to make me your lover!”

“Oh, really?”

I didn’t know.

Never having been confessed to, I honestly didn’t.

“You should have said it properly.”

Even so, I wasn’t exactly keen. Who takes a futanari as their lover?

Besides, though they’re magical major criminals now, they were once proper magical girls. Which is to say, they’re lunatics.

Would I take those kinds of people as lovers?

Absolutely not.

I would never bed a magical girl.

“My mom’s here with us, too! And you’re showing her this kind of dog-forsaken thing!”

“Oh, is that so?”

I didn’t realize her mom was here.

In that case, there’s only one thing to do.

I quickly rummaged through my pockets.

“Hey… what are you doing?”

“You said your mom’s here.”

“But why are you suddenly digging through your pockets?”

Unbelievable.

Do I have to explain even this, step-by-step? This should be common sense, why do you keep asking?

Maybe it’s because they’re magical major criminals, but their intelligence seems to be severely lacking.

Still, what can I do?

Here, the only sane one is me, so I guess I have to explain.

I’m the hero, after all.

“If we want to see your mom, we need to play Bunshinsaba. Just wait a sec, I have a pen, but I can’t find a coin.”

“What are you even saying, you cra–!”

– *Crack!*

“Why all the damn noise?”

I just pulled the trigger.

Even when I try to be considerate, they don’t listen to the end of what I have to say, just spout their own nonsense. You give an inch, they think they’re entitled to a mile.

Yep, she’s a certified nutjob, just like you’d expect from an ex-magical girl.

“Oh, my baby!!!”

Then one of the futanari crawled hastily towards the one that had just taken a hit from the magic.

Contrary to its delicate appearance, it had a folksy way of speaking, and a disproportionately large monstrosity hung from its lower half.

“Oh, honey! How’d you end up like this!”

“Ha.”

I, for one, could only sigh.

Did my reaction get under its skin? The old futanari, tears streaming down its face, glared at me with bloodshot eyes.

“You put my baby in this state, and you have the nerve to sigh!”

“Why even bother living if you’re so dense?”

Can’t do Ouija like this.

And I found a coin.

– *Crack!*

So I immediately pulled the trigger.

If they can’t be summoned with Ouija because they’re alive, then I just have to make them summonable.

Of course, I won’t kill them. Just a bit of a shock, enough to induce an out-of-body experience, should be sufficient.

Anyway, now there’s only one futanari left.

“Now it’s just you.”

It was a face I remembered.

Impossible to forget, really.

It was the futanari they called the leader. And the one that bothered me the most, right until the very end.

In that moment, the leader futanari opened its mouth.

“Are you even human…?”

“Of course, I’m human. Why would you ask that?”

I replied nonchalantly.

The leader futanari went into hysterics.

“How in God’s name can someone just casually shoot a mother and daughter like that!”

“Easier when you get close.”

Definitely felt like my accuracy improved up close. The slight issue was the potential for splatter.

“That’s not what I’m talking about!”

Even after explaining so meticulously, the other party just kept glaring at me.

What’s the big hang-up?

“You don’t even know how much it hurts!”

“What are you talking about.”

Not know pain? Who knows it better than I?

“You weren’t even hit by the magic, so what’s hurting you! Huh?!”

Okay, I’ll concede that.

I wasn’t hit.

But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

“My heart aches more from having to cast magic on you, than you do from being hit by it.”

Honestly, that’s right no matter how you slice it.

Getting hit by magic is a straightforward ordeal of just suffering. But me, the one who has to shoot it, how tormented do you think I am?

No one could possibly fathom this torment.

“What kind of goddamn bullsh–!”

-BANG!

With tears in my eyes, I pulled the trigger.

It couldn’t be helped. The other party had no intention of understanding me, not even a shred. In that case, the humane thing to do was end it as quickly as possible.

Still, the leader, perhaps they were different. Even after being struck head-on by magic, Leader Futonari hadn’t lost consciousness.

Though, judging by their unfocused eyes, it was hard to say if they were thinking straight.

In that moment, Leader Futonari’s mouth opened.

“But… but…”

“But what.”

What were they trying to say in their final moments?

Maybe they had some important last words?

I listened intently.

“But… pe-pe-“

– *Crack!*

And here I was, trying to listen to them with an open mind. What an idiot I am. What else would these b*stards have in their heads *but* their dicks?

Anyway, all the futas were subdued.

I even managed to cook up some evidence for Whitey.

Though, for evidence fabrication, the result was a little… extreme. I was supposed to apprehend them, not turn them all into cripples.

Still, it’s fine. No one’s going to dispute Whitey’s testimony after this.

There might be some grumbling about being excessive, but the chances of anyone suspecting him will be practically nil.

So, I managed to pull this off.

But.

“Hah.”

All I feel is emptiness, not accomplishment.

“Fucking hell.”

It was too much.

Today, honestly, was even more grueling than back in the other world. At least there, I only had to worry about getting my head chopped off, not my ass reamed.

I barely survived. I almost really died. In a way that was infinitely more horrifying and miserable than anything I experienced in the other world.

And the surrounding scene was utterly ghastly.

Blood and flesh scattered everywhere, and viscous streams of semen splattered in every direction.

It was hell itself.

Even the other world was cleaner than this.

If I was a Futa-in, I’d probably be weeping tears of joy, calling this a miraculous land flowing with cocks and honey.

Like the Jews arriving in the Promised Land of Canaan, flowing with milk and honey.

But I’m not.

Far from being moved, I felt like everything was just one big pile of shit. I was a little proud that my shooting skills had improved, but my mood just wouldn’t lift.

Then, suddenly, something popped into my head.

“Ah.”

The Magical Cigarette in my pocket.

The ‘Sailboat’ that Whitey gave me during the cleanup earlier.

It was crumpled pretty badly, but it wasn’t completely broken. It was a close call, but I should still be able to light it.

I lowered Whitey from my back to the ground, then rummaged in my pocket for a moment, pulling out a lighter.

“Got a light to borrow.”

Not that I needed permission, but considering how hard I worked for Whitedog, they could cut me some slack.

Presently, I lit up a Magical Cigarette.

Of course, I wasn’t going to smoke it. Just needed the flame. Never tried it, and no intention to start.

It’s just, if I didn’t do something, I couldn’t bear it. That saying about people reaching for cigarettes when things got tough, it made all too much sense today.

“There.”

After trying for quite a while, the cigarette finally caught. Carefully, I stuck the lit cigarette into the ground.

The Magical Cigarette was certainly different from regular ones; a sweet fragrance wafted up as it burned.

But my own mouth tasted bitter.

“Said it would make me happy…”

Just makes me more depressed.

Even more worried than I was back in the other world. Back then, I just worried about who was going to try and kill me next, but now I can’t even begin to guess what’s coming.

Will this kind of thing just keep happening?

How many more insane things are waiting for me?

Will I really be able to endure all of it?

I don’t know. That’s why I’m worried. Scared, too.

Barely a few days have passed since I became a magical girl, and my confidence has already hit rock bottom.

In a way, it was only to be expected. Even when I was an A-lister, military life was brutally hard; no reason to think being a magical girl would be any easier.

Suddenly, I missed my mom terribly today.

I missed her when I got back from the other world, but since I almost lost something truly precious today, the longing was even worse.

But, it’s a tall order.

Practically impossible, really.

I don’t even know if she’s alive or dead.

Was that why? The rising cigarette smoke somehow felt like incense at a funeral.

Like the incense that rose at my mother’s funeral.

“Hah.”

Suffocating and gloomy.

I just couldn’t shake the mood.

Unable to bear it any longer, I quietly called out, with a choked voice.

To my mom, trapped in memories, whose life or death was now unknown, let alone the possibility of ever seeing her again.

“Mom.”

It was summer.