Come Back

In front of the photo of the bird and the tree. Wearing the ivory boat-neck sweater he had on the day they walked Namsan together. He was staring at Choi Hong-seo, who had stopped on the stairs. In the reflected light, he looked like an angel.

Choi Hong-seo couldn’t dare approach.

Wasn’t he the one who had called him from the void, from a place without form or voice, to this world? The all-powerful one standing right before him. In that moment, such a thought crossed his mind.

Unlike Choi Hong-seo, whose feet had frozen in place, the man’s gaze and expression, as he gazed at him from a distance, showed no surprise or astonishment. That’s when he realized. He had been waiting for him.

Choi Hong-seo carefully examined him, from his hairstyle to his posture, noting that he looked more relaxed and comfortable than when he wore a suit. His hair fell naturally over his forehead, his facial features sharper than when they had last met a few days ago, his lips slightly rough. And the summer boat-neck sweater he had worn that day, which had felt like their first date.

The man turned his body slightly toward him, noticing where Choi Hong-seo’s gaze had gone. With both hands in his pants pockets, he stood with his back to the window where light poured in and asked,

“Do you remember this outfit?”

His dry voice was cracked.

Choi Hong-seo nodded.

“When you took me back to the hotel… from Sowol Road.”

His voice didn’t sound like his own. Without realizing it, he took a step forward, placing his foot on the next stair.

“Do you know what number meeting that was for us?”

“…Second.”

*Us*. Was he referring to himself and the Choi Hong-seo standing before him, or to himself and the Choi Hong-seo who was not here?

With that thought, he took another step up. The distance between them was now closer.

“When you showed me the camera storage room.”

“…”

“You asked me why I liked you. What was it about you that I liked.”

“…”

“Do you remember what I said was the first reason?”

“Outfocusing.”

His eyes narrowed as he looked at Choi Hong-seo. The quietness that had surrounded him cracked. His long, strong neck twitched as he swallowed dryly.

Clutching the strap of his bag tightly, Choi Hong-seo took another step up the stairs. With every correct answer, it felt like he was allowed to get one step closer to him.

The man tilted his head slightly, narrowing his brow. Breaking the silence, he wore an expression that seemed to be barely holding back sadness, regret, or anger.

“When was the first time we slept together?”

“In Ho Chi Minh… the day I returned.”

Another step up.

He pulled a hand from his pocket and clenched his jaw.

“Our last meeting.”

“The Nox Hotel. The underground parking lot…”

With that answer, Choi Hong-seo reached the top of the stairs. The distance between them was now just two or three meters.

The man looked at him with a careful yet awed gaze, as if he were meeting an unknown life form for the first time. He seemed worried that if he got too close, he might scare him off, or if he took too long, Choi Hong-seo might disappear in the blink of an eye.

The hand that had been covering his mouth dropped to his side.

“When Lee Hae-sung asked if you were seeing me. When Jeong Ji-in asked you that.”

“…”

“What did you say? What did you say about me?”

His voice trembled violently, unlike before.

It wasn’t something that had happened between Lee Hae-sung and Choi Hong-seo. He never expected the man would have heard that story.

The last call with Jeong Ji-in.

He had been prepared for what would happen next. That’s why he had to deny him. To keep the filth from Lee Seo-kyung from tarnishing his name. He had to push him away. Maybe, at that moment, he had already been preparing for the end. Unconsciously, vaguely.

The pain from denying his love resurfaced in his left chest. Lee Hae-sung had not missed a single shift in his expression, taking it all in.

The hand that had gripped the bag strap like a lifeline began to tremble. His breathing became shallow. He bit his lips tightly, then released them to let out a breath.

“That… at that time…”

“I know. I know you tried to protect me. Just answer one thing, what did you say?”

It felt like the world had suddenly blurred, as if standing right in the middle of a storm. Despite his words that he knew everything, Choi Hong-seo felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. He lowered his head and barely managed to move his lips.

“Rojin…”

Heavy tears that had accumulated quickly fell onto the tiled floor.

“You called me… a naive man who only knows work… you called me Rojin.”

“This photo.”

Looking up at his voice, which had grown agitated, Choi Hong-seo saw Lee Hae-sung pointing at a photo of a bird.

“Who took this photo?”

“……”

His expression wasn’t one of interrogation, but a pleading request. Please, just tell me the answer. Only then did Choi Hong-seo fully understand the meaning behind Lee Hae-sung’s words. The words asking to wake the princess from the terrible curse. To accept this situation, evidence and certainty were needed. He wanted to believe in this moment, and so he desperately needed proof and assurance.

Tears that rose like waves were wiped away recklessly with his hands. He looked straight into Lee Hae-sung’s eyes.

“I took it. In Jakarta. With the camera you gave me…”

“You… who are you?”

His voice came out pale, like the ghostly scream escaping through the cracks of clenched teeth.

“Who are you?”

Lee Hae-sung repeated the question. More than the question itself, the fact that there were tears in his eyes was a thunderclap for Choi Hong-seo. He tried to speak, but his lips moved without a sound.

Trying to suppress his tears, his jaw muscles tensed, but with a deep sigh, he spoke.

“If you just say you’re Choi Hong-seo, then I…”

“……”

“I’ll believe you.”

He finally cried. The tears ran down his nose and along the sharp edge of his high nose, wetting his lips. It felt like the heavens were weeping.

Without hesitation, Choi Hong-seo rushed to him and embraced him. He couldn’t leave him alone, crying. Wrapping his arms around his back, he pressed his chest tightly to his. There was no fear of being rejected. It didn’t matter.

“It’s Hong-seo. It’s really me, Choi Hong-seo, uncle… I can say everything. I remember everything. Ask me anything. I’ll get it right.”

What once seemed like an indestructible pillar, the master of a city and the world, now felt like it was leaning on him, relying solely on his strength to stand.

Holding onto the warmth of his living body, Choi Hong-seo pressed his cheek against the back of his neck and sought forgiveness.

“I didn’t want to say it like that. That you’re my lover… and the person I… love… I didn’t want to say it, h-huh…”

His limp arms moved. Gently caressing the back of Choi Hong-seo’s head, Lee Hae-sung softly wrapped his shoulder around him.

“I know. How could I not know.”

“……”

“I know. I know everything.”

His arms and hands gradually tightened. He held Choi Hong-seo’s body as if to engrave it into his chest, tightening his embrace with all his might. It was a pressure that made it hard to breathe. But it was a hug that Choi Hong-seo never wanted to refuse, even if it suffocated him. As he closed his eyes, he could smell the familiar fragrance of cologne rising from Lee Hae-sung. Today was the anniversary of Choi Hong-seo’s death.

—

How much time had passed, and how long he had cried, Choi Hong-seo couldn’t tell.

The sound of a few boys laughing and talking outside the window gradually grew louder. He couldn’t understand the English they were speaking, but he could tell they weren’t using nice words. Two of them suddenly started arguing, their voices growing louder.

Lee Hae-sung must have understood their words, as he let out a soft, wind-like laugh from his chest at some point.

Choi Hong-seo gently caressed the arm wrapped around his lower abdomen.

Yesterday afternoon, the spot he had been sitting alone was now occupied by him. Leaning against his chest, Choi Hong-seo had his face buried in his arm. It felt like he had cried all the tears he would ever shed in his life. It seemed like he would never be able to cry again, even if he wanted to.

While crying as if vomiting out the darkness of the past that had stuck to the bottom of his chest, Lee Hae-sung didn’t tell him to stop. He simply held him, petted him, and kissed his hair, listening to every part of his sobs, just like before.

Even after the tears had completely subsided, they sat together in silence for a while, as if they had all the time in the world.

Choi Hong-seo was the first to sit up from his embrace. Resting his head against the large window that touched the floor, he pulled on Lee Hae-sung’s arm to keep him from falling.

Choi Hong-seo, who had no intention of moving far away, was awkwardly turning to sit back down, still holding onto Lee Hae-sung’s grip.

At a glance, the chest and arms of the high-end sweater he was wearing had tears on them. He rubbed the wet spots with his fingertips.

“Your clothes must be all dirty.”

“Yeah. With snot and tears, this is probably ruined now.”

His voice, even while joking, lacked strength, as if he, too, was exhausted. Choi Hong-seo smiled weakly in response.

The tissue packet that Lee Hae-sung had taken from Choi Hong-seo’s bag to wipe away his tears was now on the floor. He pulled out a few new sheets and gently rubbed them on the sweater. As if to say there was no need for that, Lee Hae-sung gently held Choi Hong-seo’s wrist.

“Even though I think you’re Hong-seo… for a while, I’ll keep trying to confirm that. Is that okay?”

Lee Hae-sung’s eyes were soft, but there was a definite certainty in them as he gazed at Choi Hong-seo, his eyelids lowered as he held the tissue in his hand.

“Why? It doesn’t matter. It’s necessary, right?”

“……”

“I wouldn’t have believed it either.”

His hand, which had been holding Choi Hong-seo’s wrist, moved to his face, gently tracing the traces of tears. It was obvious his face would be a mess, swollen and bruised from crying so much.

“Any number of times, however many times… it’s fine. I’ll confirm it in whatever way you want. I want you to be sure that I’m Choi Hong-seo too.”

His fingers gently traced over his facial features, one by one. Suddenly, the gaze felt frightening, and the thought that this might not be Choi Hong-seo’s face made him look away.

“My face… it’s different, isn’t it?”

He took Choi Hong-seo’s chin, lifting it slightly to make him unable to look away.

“Don’t hide it.”