Come Back

“Why is that?”

“what?”

“You don’t say anything… you just keep smiling.”

Still, he looked over his shoulder at Choi Hong-seo, as if he had no intention of telling him the reason, and pretended not to hear anything.

“It’s been a while. Idol Hongseo.”

In the gaze looking from under his drooping eyelids, warmth and heat, warmth of the heart and passion of the body coexisted. Choi Hong-seo also felt dry mouthed as he snickered at his earnestness in deliberately using formal language.

Choi Hong-seo looked down at his shoulder, carelessly touching his face, which was heavily made up for the stage.

“I was in a hurry to leave so I couldn’t even wash off my makeup…”

“If there’s an event like this in the future, please tell me again. Places like music show venues… I guess it’s a bit too much for me to visit.”

“why.”

“Showing up in places where young people enjoy themselves, stealing the main character’s spot, making people nervous… You’re like some tactless rich guy, that kind of thing.”

Choi Hong-seo laughed at the carefree tone.

While he clearly acknowledged that he would become the main character as soon as he appeared, I could tell that he did not like such attention.

“You came to the music video filming set last time, right?”

“So I just stayed outside the studio. I couldn’t even watch the filming. We had a quick meeting in the car… that’s all.”

He narrowed his eyes as he paused for a moment on the word secret meeting. It was clear that he was recalling the secret meeting back then.

They had a very long kiss in the backseat of his sedan. It was such a long and passionate kiss that Choi Hong-seo’s lip makeup smudged and faded after the kiss. The kiss that started while sitting next to each other became more and more intense. Without saying who would start, Choi Hong-seo rubbed her thigh on his thigh, and Lee Hae-seong pulled her thigh over his lap. They faced each other, hugged each other, and hurriedly kissed.

While rubbing their touching lower bodies in a lewd manner, they entangled and rubbed their wriggling tongues, overlapped their turned lips, and sucked their mucous membranes. At that moment, their lips and tongues felt like genitals that only felt sexual sensation. It was a kiss that was like a miniature version of sex, a kiss that was more than sex.

Just thinking about that time made his back ache. Choi Hong-seo, who had been absentmindedly lost in his memories while holding onto the sleeve of his suit, came back to his senses when a hand touched his lips.

“What were you thinking that made your face turn red?”

“No, it’s just a little hot.”

He stared at Choi Hong-seo, who was fanning himself, and smiled as if he had been fooled.

“I asked why you kept laughing.”

Only then did he feel like telling her the real reason, and he straightened up his body that had been leaning toward Choi Hong-seo.

“This is the first time I’ve seen Hongseo on stage in person since I became her boyfriend. Actually, I…”

He smiled awkwardly and tilted his head deeply. Warm lips touched my ear, and I felt his lips being pulled in deeper with a smile. A voice with the volume lowered whispered only to Choi Hong-seo.

“I was so shocked while watching the stage.”

“……”

Even though I heard the reason, I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t avert my eyes. My face only got redder.

“At first, the dance seemed a bit wild… and I didn’t feel good because people liked Hongseo too much. But then I thought about it, no matter how much they loved and wanted Hongseo, I was the boyfriend anyway, right?”

While explaining the reason for the perhaps perverted phenomenon of getting an erection while looking at Choi Hong-seo on stage, he did not feel embarrassed at all. He seemed calm and composed, and even a little proud.

Hae-seong Lee’s right hand grabbed Hong-seo Choi’s left hand and interlocked their fingers. He pulled the hand he was holding and buried his lips in the back of Hong-seo Choi’s hand, and continued talking.

“I couldn’t stand the thought of my boyfriend being that cool, talented, and sparkly… that superstar that everyone wants.”

“Your boyfriend?”

“Why? He’s my boyfriend.”

“I just… find it strange that you use abbreviations like that.”

He still had his lips pressed against the back of Choi Hong-seo’s hand, and lightly bit the thin skin covering the back of his hand.

“It’s not Haesung, it’s not you. It’s you again, mister.”

Choi Hong-seo, who had been quietly looking at his regretful face, put his right hand behind his waist and hugged him. To get rid of the awkwardness, he buried his forehead in his shoulder and spoke out loud.

“Mr. Haesung.”

If he wanted it, I would do it. Of course. It wasn’t that difficult.

“Haesung hyung wants to hear it too.”

“Brother Haesung.”

“Haesung, try it.”

“That’s a bit…”

“If we fight later, I want to hear Hongseo get angry and say, ‘Hey, Lee Hae-seong.’”

His voice sounded happy even as he talked about the possibility of a fight. He raised his head and looked up at him.

“Why are we fighting?”

“Um… maybe Hongseo got mad because I was too obsessed.”

Choi Hong-seo smiled wryly.

“Where are you now? Why can’t I contact you? It’s been two hours since I last sent you a message… Hongseo must have finally exploded because you kept bothering her so much.”

His concrete imagination continued to make Choi Hong-seo laugh.

Choi Hong-seo’s arm, which was wrapped around Hae-seong’s waist, dug into his suit jacket. Then, he hugged his waist over his shirt. Perhaps it was because they had slept together twice and revealed a much more primitive side to each other. They were able to do such bold skinship that they had not done before.

“I don’t get mad about that. And, sir, you don’t say things like that.”

He smiled happily as he hugged Choi Hong-seo’s shoulder, who was squirming inside his jacket. He hugged him tightly like a parent hugs a child.

As if they didn’t know what to do because it was so pretty and precious. They just held each other in silence for a while. They did that even though it wasn’t a promise.

Choi Hong-seo closed his eyes. He engraved again and again into his memory and instinct the miracle of Lee Hae-seong’s shoulders and chest, the strong arms that wrapped around him, and the ‘arms of Lee Hae-seong’ that were the safest place in the world, a hiding place where no worries or concerns could invade.

In a comfortable silence, Hae-seong Lee buried his lips in Hong-seo Choi’s temple and whispered softly.

“I want to do it, but I might just be holding back.”

When Choi Hong-seo lifted his chin and looked up, he smiled as if it was a joke. There was no playfulness in his voice as he spoke. Then, he hugged Choi Hong-seo’s body tighter and changed the subject.

“Ah… I thought I was a little used to sending Hongseo overseas. I guess not. This time, it’s especially hard to break up.”

He grumbled, lowering his head and pressing his chin on Choi Hong-seo’s shoulder. His words about how this breakup was particularly difficult spread like dark ink across Choi Hong-seo’s chest. Without saying anything, he just held onto his shirt tighter.

“Ah… Should I just see you off to the airport?”

“That… cousin, you said you were going to meet that person.”

“I said hello to you briefly a little while ago. Well, I decided to go in and see you again. I heard there was someone I wanted to introduce to you.”

“Then you should go.”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

He said this to himself with a reluctant sigh, patting Choi Hong-seo’s shoulder a few times before letting him go. Then he pulled a package from the other side of the seat.

“Instead of me being able to follow Hongseo, this is it.”

At first glance, it looked like a special bag for a camera.

“I’ll have to stay away for a while this time. I thought it would be good to take a picture of what Hongseo is looking at with this.”

He said that DSLR cameras are much easier to handle than manual cameras, and gave a few simple instructions on how to operate them.

“Let’s not share the photos we take with this on Messenger, but rather show them to each other in person when we meet again later. Okay?”

Choi Hong-seo nodded as he turned on the camera and zoomed in on the lens as he had instructed.

“Or, we could have a joint exhibition later.”

“The pictures I take are going to be a mess anyway. I can’t show them to anyone else but you.”

“My photos aren’t that great either. I just take them for my own satisfaction.”

The lens of the camera that Choi Hong-seo was handling suddenly turned towards Lee Hae-seong, and he looked at Choi Hong-seo comfortably without panicking or avoiding it.

“You didn’t forget that I promised you would come to the next exhibition, did you?”

Choi Hong-seo nodded while looking at the LCD screen where his face was captured ‘out of focus’.

“Aren’t you really going to tell me when it opens?”

He looked directly at Hae-seong, who was being reassured again, and answered with a smile.

Between LA and Long Beach, California, USA, Hae-sung Lee worked under an alias in a small gallery in a quiet town. It was a small gallery on the outskirts that sold copies of famous works and works by new artists, mainly to the wealthy who wanted to decorate their summer homes in Long Beach.

‘It’s more like a store than a gallery. Anyone can hold an exhibition, whether they’re a neighborhood old man or a seven-year-old, as long as they pay and rent the space. After one or two more exhibitions there, I plan to move the gallery to another city. Then I’ll change the name again.’

At first, he only said that he was secretly holding an exhibition under a pseudonym. Choi Hong-seo did not know what that pseudonym was. One day, while talking on the phone almost every day before going to bed and going over various topics, he told me the name of the artist who was holding the exhibition.

Lampas.

He explained that it was a Latin word meaning ‘star’, or ‘comet’, but he seemed a little embarrassed for a rare moment, perhaps because he felt the meaning was too grand.

And Choi Hong-seo had promised back then. He knew the gallery, and he knew the artist’s name… So he would go to the next exhibition even if Lee Hae-seong didn’t tell him. It was a secret between the two of them. He would be there even if they didn’t say anything about it. Like a secret. Like a miracle.

Since then, at least once a week, and sometimes three or four times a week, Choi Hong-seo would log onto the gallery’s homepage to check for updated news.

I’ve imagined it many times.

His exhibition schedule is announced, and I secretly book a plane ticket to match it. Even on the day of the flight, I talk to him about everyday things as I usually do. Talk about the weather, his work schedule, the reaction to the new product announced by ARA, the lyrics of the song Choi Hong-seo is working on…

And then I would board a flight to LA that afternoon, and after an eleven-hour flight, I would arrive at LAX the next morning. The gallery was not too far from the airport, so I could just take a taxi.

On a quiet street with no tall buildings around, a small two-story brick building with dirt was the gallery exhibiting the photos of ‘Comet’. Passing the first floor where a stylish old lady with glasses on her nose was manning the counter, I went up the narrow and steep stairs to the second floor where the photos were exhibited. A large window at the far end of the long hall allowed ample sunlight to pour in, illuminating the photos of ‘Comet’.

I will spend a very long time there, if possible, until the gallery closes. I will let the world, reflected through the eyes of human understanding, not ARA’s understanding, seep into my eyes and heart.

If by chance the writer’s visit coincided with my schedule and I could meet Rampas and ‘Comet’ in person, that would be great, but even if that didn’t happen, I wouldn’t have any regrets.

When I return to Seoul, I will tell Haesung, my lover, about my trip to LA to see the exhibition. I will honestly tell him about the awkward feelings I felt while looking at the photos, and show him the coasters, bookmarks, and eco-bags I bought on the first floor of the gallery. I will tell him that I have become a fan of the artist Hyesung.

Just imagining it gave Choi Hong-seo a kind of happiness that no one had ever given him. Surprisingly, such a thing was possible between lovers.