Closed Door

It was surprising. I felt a little joy, a little regret, and a little resentment.

When did he start being with me? And when did he stop being with me?

I was curious to learn about the time spent with Sa Gongwoo, which definitely existed but which I didn’t remember, and about the time when we weren’t together.

When I realized that the boy, so similar to Sa Gongwoo that there could be no doubt, hadn’t forgotten grandmother and me, remembered and longed from some point in my past that I didn’t remember until the present time, I felt an inexplicable heaviness.

I wanted to ask.

What memories do you keep? Why did a person who was so close that grandmother left photos suddenly disappear? If you remembered and missed all the time, why didn’t you come? If you thought of leaving me everything you had, why didn’t you think of appearing before me?

If I had broken a little earlier… if Lee Dongjae had abandoned me a little earlier, before your death… would you have noticed me, unlike those who turned away from me?

Although I put one photo in my pocket, showing little Sa Gongwoo and me, and I had countless questions for him, in the end, I couldn’t take out the photo.

Because if asking about the past, he probably has a reason why he can’t speak first, and if asking about the future, it’s something that existed only in my memory and these events haven’t happened yet.

Instead of taking out the photo or asking questions, I silently watched Sa Gongwoo, who was calmly eating.

“Choron. Why are you looking at me with such a sad gaze?”

“It’s not a sad gaze, but a pitiful one. A gaze at a pitiful person who can’t even eat properly. Grandmother said that the most pitiful person is one who can’t eat.”

“Grandmother really did say that sometimes, but I feel like it wasn’t quite in such a negative sense…”

I looked at Sa Gongwoo, who was smiling with an indefinite expression, saying that it was more sympathy than such a negative scolding, and put a piece of radish kimchi on his spoon.

Eat.

Understanding the meaning of my gesture, Sa Gongwoo obediently put the kimchi in his mouth and started chewing.

“Does this happen often, like yesterday?”

“Huh?”

Sa Gongwoo, who was eating with a better complexion than yesterday, carefully chewing his food, made a stupid sound and blinked.

“Getting injured, coughing up blood, fainting… does this happen often?”

“Well no, it just happens sometimes.”

What’s the difference between “often” and “sometimes”? If “often” is seven out of ten, then is “sometimes” four out of ten? In the end, it still means that it happens frequently.

“It’s a job where you have to pay with your body, nothing can be done about it.”

Seeing my worsened expression, Sa Gongwoo awkwardly smiled and made an excuse that wasn’t an excuse.

“But now the mortality rate isn’t as high as before.”

“That was too long ago. If it’s happening now, then it’s a problem.”

He said that before, they just threw bodies in first.

In the beginning, when almost nothing was known about gates or awakened ones, when gates opened, they gathered people called awakened and just sent them there. It was like they were trying to capture gates with numbers, like in China.

They say that in most cases, not only awakened ones with physical abilities were sent into gates, but also research or production-type awakened ones, just giving them some kind of weapon. Many said that the life of newly awakened ones without money, connections, or pull was like the life of a fly.

Now, research is conducted on awakening abilities, and gates can be pre-measured for internal magical power to roughly estimate their difficulty. But even so, the internal environment of gates and what monsters will be there remain unknown, so the danger level is still high.

“They say you’re the team leader.”

“Huh? Yes, right?”

“What kind of uncertain answer is that?”

If you’re the leader, then you’re the leader, and if not, then not. Why is the answer in the form of a question?

I looked at him askance, as at a strange person, and put another piece of kimchi on his plate.

“The team members…”

At the moment when I was about to ask if they were good people and if they could be relied upon, a faint sound was heard from somewhere.

“Hm?”

“What?”

“No, some kind of sound… There! Again!”

The sound was so faint that it could have been missed if not listening carefully, but it definitely didn’t come from outside the restaurant. I looked around thinking “What is it?”, and then leaned down and looked under the table.

“Ah… this.”

Sa Gongwoo put down his spoon and unzipped the half-zipped leather jacket. Something small poked out from the gap.

“…What is this?”

“A gift for Choron.”

“…”

“Picked it up on the way.”

“Take it back.”

In response to my calm and resolute answer, the kitten confined in Sa Gongwoo’s jacket meowed “meow”.

“Why is it even in there?”

“Surprise?”

“This is crazy.”

The kitten, as if wanting to participate in the conversation, continued to meow “meow-meow”.

“It’s amazing that I haven’t noticed it until now.”

“It was sleeping all this time. Probably woke up hearing us talk.”

“Okay, enough. Who even brings animals to a restaurant? Remove it from here immediately.”

“But it’s a gift?”

“What kind of kitten can be a gift! And it’s still small. Return it to its mother cat!”

The kitten, which was no bigger than a fist, clearly hadn’t been weaned yet.

“It has no mother. The mother and other kittens, seemingly its siblings, died, and only this one was squeaking nearby. I thought of Choron and brought it.”

Sa Gongwoo proudly told about an act that definitely couldn’t be praised. No, it was a kind of rescue act deserving praise, but still…

“And why did you bring it to me?!”

“If left there, it’s the same as telling it to die…”

“A very sad situation, but no means no!”

Seeing my angry shout, Sa Gongwoo made a gloomy expression.

“Master, please take care of me.”

He said, gently taking the kitten’s small front paws and shaking them slightly, speaking in a gentle voice as if in a puppet show.

“No. Take it back.”

“Nyaongi will be by the master’s side so he won’t be lonely, and will reliably protect you.”

Yeah, right, protect. I don’t know what he was going to protect from, but I’d rather kill it myself than wait for it to grow up and protect me.

“Let Sa Gongwoo, who picked it up, take responsibility!”

“I can’t. When I enter gates, it’s a minimum of a week. During this time, there’s no one to take care of it, and even if there was someone, I can’t ask about this every time I enter gates.”

“Then why are you creating problems you can’t be responsible for! Why are you dragging me into this and making me endure a headache! This is a restaurant. I can’t keep it here even because of hygiene.”

“Meow-meow,” the weak cry was pitiful, but a kitten in a restaurant is absolutely unacceptable.

“Do you think I haven’t had a dog or cat until now for no reason?”

“Exactly.”

Sa Gongwoo nodded, scratching under the kitten’s chin with his finger.

“A person who understands this…”

“You wanted to have one. You were very upset when grandmother said you couldn’t.”

“…”

“She said you couldn’t because of the restaurant, but probably she thought it was too hard for you to take care of someone when you were little. Loving and caring are different things. Grandmother was a kind woman. She probably thought that even an animal is a life, and it’s better not to have one if you can’t take proper care of it.”

Honestly, if we had gotten an animal, we would have kept it at home, not in the restaurant, so the reason “can’t because of the restaurant” wasn’t very convincing. Back then, I just thought: “If grandmother says no, then it’s no.”

I purely gave up on this idea after grandmother’s rare decisive refusal and forgot about it. I didn’t think that now I would have the opportunity to have an animal.

“Both then and now, it’s difficult to take care of it. I have to be in the restaurant all day, how can I keep it?”

“People who keep animals don’t spend 24 hours a day with them. Your home is right above the restaurant, so it’s enough to just occasionally look in and check if everything is okay.”

A baby who has barely opened its eyes finds it difficult to survive alone in this world. It will die of hunger or be eaten by a wild animal or monster. Sa Gongwoo seemed to think that if instead it lives in a safe house and regularly gets food, it can live at least a little longer.

“But still, it’s so small, leaving it alone at home somehow…”

“How long are you going to keep it close? Even dog and cat lovers don’t hug them 24 hours a day. It will be tiring for them too if constantly cuddling and squeezing. During the day, you can leave it alone, and in the evening be together.”

“Hmm.”

Noticing that I had softened a bit, Sa Gongwoo quietly moved over to me and put the kitten in my hands. The kitten was so small and fragile that it easily fit in my palms.

Feeling that the warmth from Sa Gongwoo’s body had disappeared, the kitten started meowing “meow-meow”.

“But… why is it whining like this? Is it hungry?”

The kitten with fluffy fur was warm and soft.

Looking from above, its body looked tiny, with a big head and small torso. Very tiny paws and claws. Round ears and tail.

Although I resolutely said I couldn’t keep it, I feel my heart softening from its cuteness.