Chapter 1134: Childish fit
'Act as if I were considering an engagement with Princess Rachel Montares,' Khan wrote on his phone. 'It's a ruse. Never give clear answers or confirm anything. Make the pretense last as long as possible.'
Khan reviewed the message on the screen several times before sending it to his Uncle. He could have explained the matter in more detail, but Prince Thomas was smart enough to understand what Khan wanted. Besides, Khan knew he had been aware of the marriage proposal.
It had taken a while, but Princess Montares had eventually let go of Khan, leaving the meeting room on her own to rejoin her escort and return to the teleport. She had completed her official mission, but other duties awaited her, so she couldn't prolong her stay in Nott Station.
Meanwhile, Khan had remained in the meeting room, with only his thoughts, mental exhaustion, and booze as company. He kept looking at his phone, considering whether to send a message to Monica, too, but eventually decided against it.
As sad and painful as things were, Monica remained part of Khan's inner circle. That secret deal between Princess Rachel and him would never hit the public sphere, but Monica would catch wind of it, and he wanted to reassure her.
However, Khan felt that contacting Monica after so long for political reasons would be worse than his silence. Moreover, Monica understood those ploys better than he did, and Princess Rachel was bound to talk with her privately.
Also, Monica knew Khan better than he knew himself. She wouldn't need to think about it to uncover his real reasons. Khan had no intentions of marrying Princess Rachel. He was doing what he could to help a friend, sacrificing himself in the process like he always did.
Khan studied the phone a bit longer before storing it in his pocket and focusing on drinking. Those political compromises never stopped being annoying or tasting bitter, but it was better like that. Khan had to get farther and farther away from everything anyway, so he preferred to set up as many insurances as possible before it was too late.
'Marriage,' Khan thought, scoffing as his empty gaze illuminated the interactive table.
Princess Rachel was beautiful and suitable, but if Khan had to marry anyone out of politics, he would still choose Monica. His debt toward her was too deep, and he was ready to use all his life for her. That wouldn't make her happy, but happiness sounded like a distant dream at that point.
'If I'd have any life left to give,' Khan mentally sighed, shaking off his dark thoughts. 'It's fine. Let them use you as much as possible. They need your name more than you do. Even if they feel bad about it, they'll be safe.'
Khan was staying true to his enlightenment in Zedekiel. Princess Rachel had tried to pull him back, but he had rejected her, throwing more of himself away in the process. Khan had placed his fame and name in someone else's hands, polishing the purity of his straightforward mindset.
The glass in Khan's grasp shattered as if replying to his decision. His grip had suddenly strengthened, and the shards that fell on the metal table crumbled, turning into wisps of reflective smoke that rose into the air.
A crack also appeared under the drops of booze that had fallen on the interactive desk. The technological equipment in the meeting room started to flicker, but Khan promptly sat on the floor, massaging his tired eyes. His mana wanted to throw a childish fit, but the disturbance eventually subsided.
Having feelings was hard, especially when wielding the chaos element. Khan wanted so much, and most of those desires conflicted with each other. Yet, his mana enhanced them all the same, screaming violently to express the urge to pursue them.
Nevertheless, Khan had decided to give up on almost everything in Zedekiel. He had needed to do that to summon his element's true power. He had pushed away anything that could ruin the purity of his strength, restoring his former desperation and all the suicidal suffering it carried.
'What are you complaining about, idiot?' Khan thought, seemingly scolding his mana. 'We have a job to do out here. We can't waste time getting laid.'
The chaos element seemed to hear Khan's thoughts, but its answer was as unreasonable as ever. His mana wanted to hold Rachel but didn't want to betray Monica. It desired to rush through the stars to find the Nak but longed for cozy weeks spent with someone in its arms. Those urges couldn't coexist, but the chaos element didn't care.
Nevertheless, the childish fit did wane, and the meeting room regained its stability. Nothing was broken except for the crack on the interactive desk and the glass. Khan could probably add his mind to that category, but that was the least of his worries.
Khan slowly stood up, glancing at the bottle that had miraculously survived his light outburst. He wanted to finish the booze inside it but rejected that idea, too. Khan had just refused Rachel, so temporarily giving up on drinking to dive back into his training hardly felt like a sacrifice.
As sad and lonely as that straightforward mindset was, Khan found it simple to follow. It was easy and empowering to focus solely on one goal and disregard everything else, even himself. Khan had always been good at that, too, so his brain quickly prepared for the torturous workout.
However, as always, the universe had a funny timing with Khan. He was ready to rush back to his quarters, only to find Gordon outside the meeting room. The noble guard should have been too busy with countless tasks to join Khan's escort, so his presence there had to involve problems he wasn't authorized to handle.
"What is it now?" Khan casually asked, too tired even to curse the universe in his mind.
"The White Mouse crew just landed in Nott Station, My Prince," Gordon announced. "The soldiers are awaiting your orders."