Casual Heroing

So, I put my jeans on and double-check my gear. It’s night. Like all bad deeds, you got to do this stuff at night, man. You can’t just stroll in there in the middle of the day. Plus, Lucillus told me there are patrols during the day. Whereas at night, the security is lower.

“Why are you wearing those clothes?” Stan asks with restrained curiosity. He’s feeling guilty about this, but I don’t want to have this over his head all day.

“If I die, better die casual than in those weird Elven clothes,” I say.

He stares at me as if I wasn’t there, into the void.

It could be weird for some, but I want to have something from home with me while I go and try to free those idiots.

Now, I’m sure you have some questions, right?

Like:

• Joey, why do you think you can save those people?
• Joey, how are you going to make it past the guards?
• Joey, who says those people aren’t dead already?
• Joey, why are you wasting your time?

“Stan, so can you do the invisible magic?” I ask him.

He nods and chants a few words. After a second, my body becomes fully transparent.

Wow.

Trippy.

Very Harry Potter-y, I must say.

Now, off to some mischief.

“This spell will be undetectable for them. Even if someone bumps into you, it will stay up. However, as soon as you start casting magic, Joey, it will start losing power. I can’t teach you how to dispel it immediately, though. It would require time you don’t have.”

I’m so going to die, aren’t I?

“Thanks, Stanimal. Look after the bakery for me, will you? And remember to make the same pastries as usual. The others should be able to do a decent job even without me.”

Stan nods and stays silent.

He didn’t really ask me any questions about this. Like why, what, when, and how. And I’m missing one or two interrogative particles. But I bet you get what I’m saying.

My magical training has progressed quite a bit; I’m halfway through the entire Cantrip list. I have made discoveries worth entire novels, and without Lucinda, I felt like taking a bit of me-time. That meant practicing a lot of magic.

Do I think I’m good enough for this Dungeon?

Nah.

Do I think I will make it past the guards?

Maybe, thanks to Stan.

Are those people already dead?

Beats me.

Who knows?

“Joey, one last thing,” I hear dear Stanimal say.

“What?” I look at him.

“You are not going alone,” he hints at the stairs.

Huh?

Is he coming?

Then, two tall figures emerge at the staircase.

“Stan told us you are going to dive,” Lucillus says. “We are coming with you.”

What?

“What Lucillus said,” Antoninus keeps chomping down on a croissant that doesn’t look fresh.

What?

What?

“What?” I finally voice my only thought.

“We are coming with you. I like Gaius, and I think Captain Drusillus is playing politics. Stan told us he could cast an [Invisibility] spell to bypass the standard Watch wards. So, let’s go. You don’t even know where the mines are.”

Huh.

That’s a good point.

“What if you get executed?” I ask Lucillus.

The man looks slightly in the wrong direction since I’m invisible.

“We fought stupid wars with Humans because of politics and betrayals and whatnot. I’m not letting a Human make a sensible choice. The Dungeon is not that dangerous. As long as we stick to a simple mission, the extraction should go smoothly. Plus, Stan told us about your magic.”

“Stanimal!” I look at him, outraged.

“You have to trust someone,” he winks at me.

Oh, God, even a teachable moment.

Disgusting, Stanimal. So cliché!

But, alas, I prefer going with two well-built guards than alone. Plus, they actually seem to know what’s going on there, unlike me.

I’m so going to die.

Joey Luciani, not even 23, death by Dungeon. His hot baker friends will hold a memorial and distribute croissants.

Do I want croissants at my funeral?

Shouldn’t I get pizza? Isn’t that more representative of my heritage?

Food for thought.

…

“So, can you explain again why these people collapsed the Dungeon entrance?” I ask Lucillus as we move stealthily and invisibly.

“They were afraid the Boss would get out. Apparently, more and more monsters have been coming out of nowhere. They were probably going for spillage. But those aren’t burrowers. So, with the entrance sealed, there should be no risk of them escaping. The main monster is called a Skraktalosia.”

The name that comes out of Lucillus’s mouth sounds like gibberish to me.

“That sounds like gibberish to me,” I tell him.

“It’s a name. It’s a spawning monster. A huge, dark hound, female. It reproduces with its own offspring. It’s very stealthy, and their hides have a natural hiding property. They can hide extremely well in the dark. So, we’ll have to use extremely powerful [Light] spells.”

Lucillus directs his gaze at me.

I’m not sure what Stan told him, but he definitely knows enough.

“That’s not going to be a problem,” I nod.

“The problem is that we are going to face dozens of those bastards at once,” Antoninus says from the side.

We can somehow see a shimmer in the air, signaling the presence of each of us. Otherwise, it would have been hard keeping track of who’s where.

“The fact that a Silver-rank team couldn’t make it should give us a hint on our chances.”

That’s Lucillus for you, always positive.

“I think Joey’s secretly very strong,” Antoninus keeps eating despite the invisibility on him. His chewing is actually louder than his voice.

Well, is he wrong?

Is he not?

Who knows, baby.

But we are rocking this Dungeon soon!