Casual Heroing

“So, I hear both parties and I give advice on how to go forward with dealing with each other, right?”

Camilla nods at me.

God, help me, please.

“So, Amelia, do you want to go first?” I ask the woman with purplish eyes.

“Sure thing. At least I’ll be able to tell all of my story this time—”

“Amelia, please, let’s refrain from jabs and any generally mean comments. Just tell the story without being needling.”

The tall sister of the Three Roses looks at me, slightly surprised by my firm comment.

“Sure,” she’s a bit unsure now, “the story is pretty simple. I was dating Clodia, here, and we broke up. That day, I went out with a man, a friend of mine. That’s the story. He ended up sleeping at my place because we were both wasted. Nothing happened between us. I don’t like men.”

Well, a jealousy issue.

And it looks like something that would definitely damage my relationship with Lucinda if I’d mess up!

Fantastic!

But there’s something that’s not clear to me.

“Huh, I have a question… why don’t you just use a truth stone? I mean, if this is about honesty, it makes sense, right?”

Almost in unison, everyone goes:

“Humans.”

Well, it’s probably a taboo to use truth stones in relationships, isn’t it?

“It’s a taboo to use truth stones in relationships,” Lucinda says from the side. “Not that I would mind asking you a question or two like that.” She adds, the second part almost whispering.

“It’s against every tradition we have, Joey. If you bring a truth stone into a relationship, it means there’s no trust. It would mean the end of spontaneity and secrets. Truth stones must be managed carefully. They can’t just be used for any interaction. You’ve probably got subjected to many more than normal because you are the mysterious Human with weird baking secrets.”

“Well, that’s enough. I only asked because it wasn’t clear to me. Lucinda, Camilla, please do not derange this conversation,” I say firmly, “this is about Clodia and Amelia. They deserve closure on this matter, and I’ll try my best to deliver it.”

Everyone goes still at my attitude.

What? You think I can only be a joker?

Please.

I’ve read so much Russian literature and Latin poems that I could write my own Ars Amatoria, kid. Oh, you don’t know that book? You are a thousand years too young to mess with me. And if you think my experience is only theoretical, well, think again.

“So, Clodia, please, go ahead. And be respectful of the other person during this arbitration. Insults will not be tolerated. And if any one of you wants to just be mean and unkind to the other, I will sell my recipes to the person who actually behaved.”

Clodia grits her teeth, but still avoids being mean.

“What Amelia says is true, except the last part. The person she’s talking about is her employee and he’s always had a massive crush on her. She puts up with his shameless flirting and did so during our relationship too because she likes the attention.”

“Ok, stop it there,” I turn to Amelia. “Did you allow this person to be shamelessly flirting with you while you were with Clodia?”

Amelia looks like a deer caught in headlights.

Well, that’s my answer.

“Ok, let me reformulate. Amelia, why did you feel it was OK to have this person flirt with you if you are not interested in men and you were with Clodia at the time?”

Crack.

Yep, I can hear the cracks.

I read Anna Karenina eight times. There’s nothing about extramarital relationships that I’m not aware of.

“Clodia is…” Amelia struggles with her words. She knows she cannot insult the woman if they want to do business with me. “She…”

Amelia starts and stops several times, clearly having trouble putting her thoughts into words.

I gesture to everyone else to just stay silent and give the poor woman time to elaborate. Some people never really admit their feelings in the open like this. If Elves do not have such a tradition, I find it to be extremely weird. As it is, it’s just a bit weird.

“She never complimented me. She was always cold and distant. I don’t care about the work as much as she does,” Amelia’s voice is now steady and low. She’s breathing quickly and with shallow sighs. “My employee, Maximus, is one of the best. Camilla can attest to that. He’s sweet and he has a thing for me. I don’t really have anything for him. I mean, I wish I did, to be honest. He would probably be the sweetest little thing. But, alas, I like people like…”

She moved her hand up and down, pointing at Clodia.

“So, no-can-do,” she laughs bitterly.

“’sville, Baby-doll,” I mutter inaudibly. I know this is serious, but I couldn’t help myself.

“I—” Clodia is clearly very upset at this development.

“Clodia, I’m not sure Amelia is done yet. Amelia?”

“Maximus makes me feel wanted and beautiful. Clodia made me feel like an ugly duckling. That’s why I never rebuffed his advances. At least someone was trying to be romantic around me at the time. And it’s true that I let Maximus sleep at my place on purpose to make Clodia jealous; but he slept on the ground in another room. Not even on a bed. He’s probably the only true victim here. And yes, I always let him flirt with me both because it would make Clodia jealous and because it made me feel wanted.”

Well, the hammer’s just dropped.

Wait, is it the hammer that drops?

I think I’m getting it wrong.

“So, I guess that’s all from Amelia,” I say with a sigh and look at Clodia. “Now, I’d ask you to be as respectful as she has been. No insults, no swearing, no pointing fingers. Is that ok?”

Clodia is confused by me, but she nods, still taken aback by this side of me.

“I work—I work a lot. It’s true. I probably—definitely ignored Amelia more than once because of work,” Clodia starts fidgeting with her hands, something I’ve never seen her do before. This is the first time I see the woman so vulnerable.

“I just wanted to—I don’t know. My work is everything, Amelia. I’m sorry.”

Clodia’s gaze falls to her lap, and I can see wetness around her eyes.

I’m a bit unsure about what happens now. Should I call for this to end?