Casual Heroing

“I—I”

I stutter.

That’s what I do.

I stutter.

Are we involved?

What is this? Is this a bad comedy? We just kissed and he’s basically asking me if we have anything formal. Captain, do you want me to have no chance with this woman? Do you really hate me that much?

What do you think? That I know what is going on between us?

And what would you like me to say?

She’s obviously not betraying your stupid Watch, you dummy.

But she is involved. I mean, I am involved, aren’t I?

But how involved?

Like, we just kissed and it was on the spur of the moment. We didn’t even have time to talk about it, Captain!

Oh, shoot.

Oh, shoot.

I think I’m hyperventilating.

“Luciani, answer the question before I cuff you both. And you, Officer, better shut up and let him answer if you don’t want to end up in prison for treason.”

“Lucinda is definitely not betraying the Watch, to my knowledge. And… I don’t think she would betray the Watch for me even if I asked her.”

Well, that was a diplomatic answer, wasn’t it?

I’m basically becoming a lawyer, the breed I most despise.

“Are you two involved, though?” Captain Drusillus pushes.

“Captain, this is not relevant!” Lucinda is beet red.

“Well, Officer, we have a suspect who blasted six people unconscious while being at level 3. Forgive me if your personal sensibilities are being hurt, but this is a matter for the Watch. For all I know, this guy could be manipulating you into saying those things. You know how truth stones work, if you believe the lie, it turns green. And I am thorough when I conduct an interview. Is that clear or do we have a problem?” The last part is spoken with the tone of a person you don’t want a problem with.

“We shared a little kiss, Captain. I don’t have any mind-altering spells nor enough charm to manipulate Lucinda. Instead, I believe she would be the one beautiful enough to manipulate me,” I give them both my signature wink.

Listen, the situation was desperate enough I might as well use it to shoot a compliment to this beautiful Elf woman… who’s now looking at me like she wants to murder me.

Well, I took my chances.

And I bombed.

Oh boy, I really bombed, didn’t I?

Oh man, she looks ready to finish the work the [Thugs] have started.

“Can I be excused, Captain?” Lucinda has a temper and speaks volumes with her fiery eyes.

“Sure, Officer. Just don’t go kiss another criminal suspect while I finish the report here.”

I snort.

Shoot.

Oh, shoot.

I didn’t mean to snort!

Oh for God’s sake and all the Saints up there.

She looks at me and her angry eyes are telling me ‘do you think this is funny? Because I know I can give you something funny to laugh about.’ I mean, that’s a bit of a stretch. But she does look very angry.

“Well, Luciani, I’ll send you your security detail to get a more detailed statement. Your two guards were very ashamed of themselves and not happy at all that you went out without them. Again.”

Captain Drusillus leaves my room right after Lucinda.

Great.

That’s just… great.

At least I get to rest a bit before…

[Mage – Level 6!]

[Conditions Met: Mage → Light Mage!]

[Light Mage Level 7!]

[Skill – Lightbolt Acquired!]

[Skill – Flash Acquired!]

[Skill – Eyes: Major Light Resistance Acquired!]

What the hell.

Get out of here.

I’m done with this magic for now. Just forget about it.

I’m baking, man. Imma bake real good from now on.

No more funny business!

I raise a fist to the heavens, threatening whoever’s up there.

I drop my head on the pillow, ready to finally rest and sleep a little.

“JOEY!”

Camilla and Clodia basically fall through the door, clearly fighting to enter first. Oof, that screaming isn’t good for my headache.

“Hey, beautiful ladies, falling at my feet already?” I joke while looking at them picking themselves up and staring daggers at me.

“If you want to stab me, get in line, I have a queue,” my signature wink flies to them and they both show a worried face.

Camilla puts a pinkish-blonde lock of hair behind her ear, trying not to show how concerned she is. Biting her lower lip, she takes a few steps to the side of my bed and rests a hand on my arm.

“Are you ok, now?”

“Yeah, just some Mana exhaustion, don’t worry. Some Elves were worried I would probably hog all the beauties in the city and decided they should remove the biggest player in the game, you know?”

I hear Clodia snort and she approaches the bed once again.

“I know about you and Lucinda,” the tall [Chef] says.

“What? Who told you? The Captain? That philanderer! He asked me if we were involved! For God’s sake! And now he goes on telling everyone about me and Lucinda kissing! Come on! You have to be kidding me! You don’t ask someone about being involved after a couple of kisses! She ran away! Can you believe that?!”

Camilla facepalms and grumbles.

“Joey, she didn’t know about that.”

Huh.

“Oh, for God’s sake, Clodia. Did you pull a…” I don’t even know if this has a name but it’s like the oldest trick in the world.

“That explains how you can be so cheery after getting stabbed and almost killed,” she says while shaking her head. She hesitates, but then she lets the tough exterior go and inquiries about my health. “Are you sure you are going to be okay?”

“I probably do need a kiss or two on my boo-boos.”

Camilla scoffs.

“Yeah, you wish.”

“We should probably tell Lucinda about you needing these ‘boo-boo kisses’ from us. She’d probably be interested,” Clodia grins evilly.

“Oh, yeah, Clodia. I think that’s an excellent idea,” Camilla’s expression becomes even more malicious than my boss’s.

“Listen, you two! I’ve already made a huge mess. The Captain made a joke about Lucinda having to avoid kissing other suspects and I laughed. Man, if you mess around with her, she might be the one who stabs me next!”

They both laugh and I stare at the two beautiful women who came to the infirmary to check on me on one of the most important elven holidays.

“Well, you two, since we are here, I might as well tell you what I decided about our business arrangements.”

Suddenly, both of them shift their expression from happy/worried to catty/aggressive. They look like two lionesses ready to pounce on me.

I’m half-turned on and half-scared to death.