Casual Heroing

“What is that?” Agostina, my terrifying landlady, stares balefully at me.

“A hole?” I smile.

“A hole?”

“A big bad hole,” I nod.

“You put a hole in my walls?” she shouts.

“Yep,” I say while clicking my tongue.

“This idiot put a hole in my wall,” she stares at it, uncomprehending.

“You know, sometimes it happens.”

“Holes? Are you saying that holes happen?”

“Well, now, let’s not dismiss that as if it was so stupid. Maybe there are some wood-eating bugs that—”

“You better tell Clodia that I’m having her pay through the nose for that!” she says and then she slams the door behind her.

I’m so close to sighing in relief but then she opens the door again.

“And if you damage my property once again, Luciani, I’ll poison your damn tea and have you drink it through your ears. Is that clear?”

Is the ear thing some elven slang?

“Aye, madame,” I stand to attention like a soldier.

“Humans,” she spits out before going back.

Well, that wasn’t the most pleasant exchange, was it?

I have to admit, though, I did put a very conspicuous hole, the size of a baseball, in the wall. It’s hard not to notice it as soon you enter the apartment.

I do need to practice my magic somewhere, don’t I?

A training ground of some sorts or—

Someone knocks on my door.

“Luciani! You have a visitor!” my landlady shouts from the other side of the door.

Camilla is almost thrown at me by my landlady, who shuts the door right after.

“That woman is even worse than they describe her,” Camilla looks at me with wide eyes. “I just asked her where you lived. Shouldn’t she avoid barging in her tenants’ apartments?”

“Oh, wow. Hi. No, yes. She’s a bit much, but I just damaged a wall and—whatever.”

I stumble a little on my words, confused.

I take a step back and look at her again.

She’s wearing a pinkish dress, similar to a spring fashion look back on Earth. It doesn’t have many frills, but her cuteness is still off the charts.

“Hi, again, Camilla,” I’m getting a grip on myself, finally, “what brings you here?”

“You promised me a dinner, remember?” she winks at me.

Oh.

Did I?

“You don’t remember? Don’t worry, I already sent a message to the owner to reserve a table for us.”

I mean, at least I’m not starving in this world. Everyone seems quite happy to take me out for breakfasts, lunches and dinners. In fact, I start worrying about my waistline. Will I become a little pig and then find out that Elves actually eat humans?

Could that become sexual?

Probably.

“Hello?” she waves a hand in front of my eyes.

“Sorry, I just realized that you Elves really like taking people out to eat,” I note.

“Yeah, I know that humans are usually more reserved and aloof. We like to treat our guests. Even if they are stinky humans. Are you coming dressed like that?”

I look at the simple garb that I acquired from the market. Or that Clodia bought for me. I don’t remember what’s what. It’s just a simple combo of brownish pants and a linen shirt.

“I have some nicer clothes,” I say with a smile, “but I still have to wash them. You might find them a bit weird for your tastes, though.”

“I have a [Cleanse] wand with me,” to show me, she simply points a stick at me and mutters something.

The next second, I feel like I just took a shower.

“WOW!” I immediately go for the armpit sniffing. “I don’t stink anymore!”

“It’s a must when you spend your entire day in the kitchen, baking. This cleans flour clumps from your hair easily. It’s also a quick solution to cleaning clothes to re-use. However, if you buy one, don’t forget to wash the clothes regularly. This is a quick fix, but most of the dirt simply dissolves and becomes almost invisible. If you overuse it, you might find yourself covered in very nasty grime at some point. And it’s going be hard to wash that off.”

I listen to Camilla with rapt interest.

She’s refreshingly direct and honest.

“So, where are the other clothes?” she jiggles the wand.

“Right.”

After getting her to clean my jeans and shirt I was wearing on the subway, I take a quick look at my backpack and other stuff I hid under the bed. I haven’t even tried to use my phone. I remember turning it off in the subway, but I never turned it back on again. I suspect that seeing remnants of my past life would not be pleasant at all.

“Are you ok?” she asks when I stay a bit too long crouched above the backpack.

“Yeah. I’m trying to avoid thinking of home. I can’t go back, and I still have some… things I carry with me that remind me of that.”

She’s surprisingly tactful for such an energetic person and doesn’t ask any questions.

“By the way, are the two guards in front of the building here for you?” Camilla changes the topic while I sit on the bed.

“Yep. Clodia said some people might have it out for me, especially while we are in the middle of a negotiation. She says it’s extremely unlikely, but a couple of chaperones would also help me get accustomed to Amorium.”

“And are you? Getting accustomed, I mean,” she smiles and sits in a chair in the apartment.

I’m not sure I mentioned it, but this is basically a studio apartment. It is quite large, but there isn’t the usual privacy of a multi-room solution.

“Honestly, I’ve mostly met nice people. I haven’t suffered any racist episodes. I got treated to lots of meals and very nice people want to work with me because of my baking knowledge. Considering the precarious situation I was in when I arrived, I’m doing extremely good.”

Camilla bit her lower lip. Not sexually, but with a well-hidden frown.

“Laying roots in a new place is not easy, even if people are nice and if you make money,” she gives me a sad smile.

I don’t know how we went so deep into this melancholic vibe, but it happened so naturally, I didn’t even notice slipping into it. And I’m pretty sure she’s only partially talking about me.

“Camilla, I need to be honest with you. I’m not sure I can pick the Three Roses. I—”

“It’s fine, Joey. But let’s go put some food in our stomachs before we talk about refusals and business, okay? I’ll wait outside. Get changed.”

After she’s out, my eyes linger on the door for a few seconds.

And I smile with both eyes and mouth.