carl@fire

Carl frowned. What the heck, Vol.

He watched the clock on his HUD as he waited. Five minutes later—though actually it was a little less since it hadn't ticked over yet—she reappeared in her chair.

"Welcome back," he said.

"Fuck, that was..." she grumbled, brushing her hair away from her eyes. "Okay. Computer shit. Carl, I fucking hate computers."

He chuckled. "Yeah, I know that feeling."

"So here's…" She held her finger out, and electricity sparked off it. The spark grew bigger, eventually shaping itself into an amazingly realistic, wavering representation of Ir'alith. "I can do this."

"That's pretty cool," he said. Some serious art skills.

"I am lightning," she said. She held up her hand, and the skin blew away, revealing a crackling, sparkling mass of hand-shaped electricity.

"Uh…huh," he said. Didn't know that could be a thing.

"So I've got computer knowledge and electricity knowledge, and I can do that," she continued, her hand stretching out and reaching over to touch one of the room's remaining chairs, which promptly erupted into flame. "Computers are all just electricity shit. So I did the right kind of electricity shit, and it fixed your problem."

The arcing current retracted suddenly, and skin re-formed around her hand, leaving spots in his eyes as he tried to understand what he'd just been told.

"Uh, Vol, that's…" Carl raised his hands in a full-bodied sort of confusion that he didn't get to experience all that often. "Obviously you didn't use game stuff to fix it."

"Game stuff?"

"Yeah. Like now we're in New Era, the game, and this is all game stuff. So—"

"Carl, what the fuck are you talking about?" Vol interrupted. She brought a hand up and pressed her face into it. "Shit, this is gonna be like your stats again, isn't it."

Carl took a deep breath. It was obvious they were talking past each other somehow, even though it didn't seem like there was really any room for that to be happening—though obviously he acknowledged that there was always the potential for misunderstandings to arise at any point no matter how hard he worked to ensure that he always expressed himself in the most clear way possible. "Alright," he said, deciding to un-recline and sit up so as to more effectively make his point. "So we're playing a VR game now, right?" he said slowly while making eye contact. "And that VR game is New Era."

"Is that… Is that another…" Vol seemed even more confused, and she tapped her chin as her brow furrowed. "So hanging out is the same as playing a VR game that is New Era?"

Carl sighed. "No, no, I'm not—It's not related to hanging out. We're hanging out in New Era. Right? You know, you put on your headband, and you're in the game."

"What the fuck do you mean by in the game?" Vol said. "I don't… Is this a Carl thing?"

He started to chuckle. "You're messing with me. I get it. You got m—"

"No, I'm really fucking serious," Vol said, un-reclining her chair and sitting up with a look of maximum confusion. "I don't understand. Usually you say weird shit, and I can figure out what the fuck you mean—and I've even got system shit for language now, so I'm not misunderstanding—or at least sort of make sense from other words around it, but I have no fucking idea right now, Carl. So you explain this shit to me for once."

This was definitely one of the more frustrating misunderstandings Carl had experienced in recent memory. It was such a simple concept to convey, and he'd done so many times previously, but somehow now he couldn't get both ends of the conversation to connect. "Which part am I not being clear with?"

"I don't unders…" Vol trailed off, and her expression brightened. "Oh! You mean a computer game? Like an immersive virtual reality game."

"Yeah, exactly," Carl said, now feeling relieved.

Vol tilted her head. "Carl, we're not in a fucking game. This isn't an immersive virtual reality game."

"Huh?" Carl said. What?

"Fuck, this is some real smart people shit," Vol muttered, pressing both hands to her forehead. "You really think this is a game?"

"Yes?" Carl said.

"Shit, this is gonna be…" Vol grimaced deeply. "Carl, you're really fucking lucky that I'm such a good friend. Urgh, this is already worse than the stats. Okay, so an immersive virtual reality game… It's like real life, but it's a game," she said like she was reading from a book. "How the fuck do you even make some—"

"Alright, can we maybe stop messing around?" Carl asked. "Feeling like this is going too far, and—"

"Nah, Carl, this is fucking…" Vol shook her head. "Fuck. Oh fuck, my head hurts. Okay, fuck, forget all that," she said, waving her hand. "I can't. Too hard. Let's just hang out. You've probably already been here, but I thought this was interesting when Mina and I went yesterday."

Their surroundings changed, and the temperature around them plummeted as they were engulfed in night.

Carl looked around, and his eyes widened. "Whoa, this is pretty high up. Where's this?" He frowned as he took in the scenery. Is that a city down there? Lots of…buildings…

"Yeah, it's the… Fuck, whatever that tallest building on your world is."

He looked down and let out a shout as he saw how freaking high up they were with absolutely nothing under them, which would've been incredibly unsafe in real life. "Whoa, we're flying?"

"Nah, floating. Electromagnetic repulsion."

"That's some cool magic," Carl said.

"Can't do magic, Carl," Vol said, sounding annoyed.

"Right, but you can make this huge—"

"Actually—Actually," Vol interrupted, her tone growing excited. "Got a great fucking idea." She stood up in her chair. "Let's jump!"

"Uh…" Carl glanced down again. "Yeah, that's not really…"

"You jumped higher than this over Onyxfell's wall," she countered, which was maybe a good point, but then also he wasn't sure there were any good points to be made on this topic with how high up they were.

"Think I'm gonna sit this one out."

"Why?"

"Just am."

"Nah, we're gonna jump. On three."

"Not jumping."

"Carl, you can jump, or you can let your chairs get destroyed when they fall this fucking far."

"Fine. Let me get 'em back in my inventory… How'd you even get us here anyway?"

"Quantum shit. One. Two. Three."

"It's not actually that baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad once you do it!"

"This is sort of fun. Fuck, I forgot—"

Carl planted head-first into the ground, which, in this case, happened to be made of asphalt. He pushed himself out, again grumbling about how stupid everything was, which was to say that everything was incredibly stupid, and he still couldn't believe anyone would play such a freaking stupid game.

"Yeah, sort of fun."

"Where'd you say we were again?" Carl asked as he looked around now that he was at ground level. This is like, a regular city? Lights shone in the windows of shops on either side of the street, with a few small clusters of people wearing all sorts of game-y costumes walking around, and a number of them even started to point at him, obviously having a good laugh at the guy who couldn't freaking land on his feet even one single time.

"That tall building in your world. Can't remember the—"

"Burj Khalifa?"

"Yeah!" Vol exclaimed.

A very expensive sports car roared past, and Carl frowned. What the heck? "There's copy of it in… A copy of the whole city in New Era?"

"Carl, this is your world."

"But…" He looked around. Does seem pretty realistic. Lots of buildings. Cars. Streets. Not a ton of people, but I don't know how usual that is for however late at night it is. "Oh, I get it," he said, feeling some understanding finally click. "You and Ir'alith are pranking me. She did this thing before where it was like an illusion with Annie in it, and—"

"Illusion?"

"Yeah, it was like this purple ring in the air with—"

"Carl, that's a fucking portal."

"Huh?"

"Ir'alith's portals have purple edges. All her magic's fucking purple."

Carl frowned. He hadn't… No, they did take a portal that one time when she was finding the dungeon cores, but he couldn't remember…

"This is so much worse than the fucking stats," Vol grumbled. "How the fuck did seeing your wife not make you realize you weren't in an immersive virtual reality game?"

"Why do you keep saying it like that?"

"Like what?"

"Immersive virtual reality game."

"Carl, I just learned about this fucking thing. Honestly just trying to keep my fucking mind from exploding. Fuck, I fucking hate fucking computers fuck so fucking much. Fuck, fuck, fuck."

Carl continued to rub his beard. Purple… He suddenly recalled a few minutes earlier when Ir'alith had dropped into a portal on the floor, which… It did have a purple border, now that he thought about it…

"How about this," Vol said.

Their surroundings changed, and they were standing in front of his house.

"Uh…" Carl blinked.

"Think they put your fucking house in an immersive virtual reality game?" Vol asked.

"Well, it's obviously not…my…" He paused when he looked back and saw the Johnson kids ride past the house on their bikes, then up the driveway of the most overgrown yard on their street. A street which, as all streets did, led back towards the driveway of the house that he was standing in front of. And this driveway, while it had an unfamiliar car parked in it, had a mass of cracks spidering out near the end that he'd recognize anywhere, having taken enough photos of them during the very early stages of research into considering how much work it would be to find someone to resurface his driveway.

Which…seemed to be…his…driveway?

"Not really a lot I can do," Vol said. "This shit is… I'm not smart, okay? This is… Fuck, people actually play games like this for fun on your world?"

"They do," Carl said absently as he stared at the handle of the front door of his house. This is…definitely my house… But I'm… He reached up and felt around his head, but there was no sign of the brain link headband he knew he was wearing in real life. "So… Hypothetically, if I'm not in a game, how was… Like, status windows," he said. "How do they work?"

"Those're from Sateus," Vol said. "He's a deity. Can do anything he wants and thought it'd be fun to watch."

"Huh," said Carl. He sat down heavily on the cement stoop of his porch and stared at his palms.

"You, uh, okay?" Vol asked.

"And what about my inventory?" he asked.

"Inventory," Vol said. She pulled a huge ship out of the air and held it up with one hand, its metal hull towering over the house and blocking out the sun, bringing with it a sudden chill. "See?"

"But it's… And my friend list," he said. His mind raced over all the things he'd done and had happened.

All while he had very specifically not been playing a game.

"Carl, I don't know everything, okay?" Vol said, reaching over to pat him on his shoulder. "But we are friends."

"Friends," Carl repeated. He looked up at her, taking in her appearance. How she really looked. "You're really not fucking with me?"

"Said we were gonna be platonic friends, didn't I?" she said with a grin.

"We're really friends?" Carl asked.

"Best friends," Vol said.

"And you're… Like… Some kind of fucking god?"

"Eh." Vol shrugged. "Close enough. Still human though."

"Right," Carl said. His thoughts had raced over all the things he'd done and had happened, but they'd also stopped immediately at the first memory they reached, unable to proceed. "And Ir'alith is…not human?"

"Nah, she's a demon," Vol said. She walked around and sat next to him on the stoop, watching him.

Carl recalled, perhaps too vividly, the exact state Ir'alith had been in when he'd first met her. How she'd acted. How she'd reacted.

His mind recoiled.

"And Mina is… She's from your world?"

"Yeah. She's smart. Could probably help you figure this out."

Carl's head slowly sank into his hands as they rose up the sides of his face. "And…" His thoughts hit another snag.

Annie had wanted to talk.

About going to another world.

"So you believe me?" Vol asked.

Carl shivered. It's too much. "Maybe."

A singular thought came to his mind at that moment, blasting away everything else.

What if something happened to me while I was...

What the fuck was he thinking?

Was this what a good husband should be doing?

Was this what the best freaking dad of all time should be doing?

Was this what Carl "Low-Risk" Weathers should be doing?

He looked to Vol. "We're friends," he acknowledged. "I'm not gonna come to your world anymore though. Inventory." He tossed his recliners out onto the walkway in front of them. After a half-second of thought, he added his fishing spear. "Here, these are yours now. It's…"

He again took in the woman sitting next to him. She really is an awesome friend. He leaned over and gave her a hug. "Thanks, Vol. Say hi to Ir'alith for me."

"Huh? Carl, what the fuck are—"

"Log out."