carl@fire

Carl frowned as he looked around. He glowered. He scowled. He glared.

Is this a freaking tutorial? Did we even have one of those? Ugh, Engineering! You guys are driving me crazy today!

A plain, white room with clearly-defined walls had coalesced around him as soon as he'd touched the orb, and a girl—perhaps a few years older than Sammy and in her late teens or early twenties—sat on top of a white, wooden desk in front of him, her legs overlapping with the L of the word "welcome" which was emblazoned on the desk in blinding gold lettering.

Carl's expression turned to confusion. Who's she? If it's a tutorial, she'd have to be an NPC? But… New Era explicitly doesn't have any humanoid NPCs since it's supposed to be about that whole Shared Worldbuilding Experience mantra…

The girl leaned back on her hands, a slight scowl on her face. Her legs were spread slightly in an un-lady-like fashion, especially given her attire.

Carl grimaced. Is this Linda's? I know she did some of that kind of writing before she worked in script writing, but this is not appropriate for a teen-rated game.

The inappropriately-dressed girl's skin was dark blue, and she had small, delicate-looking, black horns which reached up and back over her ears under her light purple hair. A pink collar encircled her neck with a matching leather leash that hung down off it in front of her right shoulder to coil down on the desk beside her. "Greetings, human," she said, her tone somehow stirring something deep inside of him which, if he was truly honest with himself, made him worry that his eldest daughter might begin dating at any second.

I guess she's supposed to be some kind of demon race character? Is that a race in the game? I never really cared enough to check out any of the details since I don't do that kind of thing anymore, but they must really be covering all the fantasy bases. She's dressed like a stripper, though, Linda! This has to be against the content policy if it's an NPC—even if we do allow outfit creation for crafting professions. I mean, wearing nothing but stockings and some kind of skimpy lingerie like that—and the BDSM collar—it's excessive! Especially for a tutorial. I'll have to have a talk with Bobby when I get home and make sure she's not playing with anyone who dresses like this. Players are…somewhat less limited…in what they can craft…and…wear…

Carl's eyes widened. "Oh, no," he said. What if she's dressing like this? He shook his head, and his scowl returned. My little girl would never do that. And she plays a male character, anyway. But if Sammy does find a boy and wants to—

"Oh, no?" said the girl on the desk in a perplexed sort of voice as she tilted her head slightly. A few strands of her electric purple hair came down to partially cover one of her orange eyes, and she blew air up out the side of her mouth to move it back again. When that failed, she reached up and stroked a hand through her hair, parting it to the side of her face once more. "Am I not what you expected, human?"

"Um," Carl murmured absently, looking at the floor in front of him. He crossed his arms over his chest and his brow furrowed. He moved his right hand up to his mouth and stroked his beard. It's really—

The girl spoke again.

Carl tapped his foot, lost in thought to the point that he'd ignored whatever the girl had just said. He heard a rustling in front of him and paid it no mind.

The clicking of heels walking slowly towards him echoed, but that only made him frown more deeply. He ran his front teeth against the corner of his lower lip as his thoughts continued to progress.

A delicate clearing of a throat sounded in front of him, and Carl shook his head to return his mind to the present. He looked up into the very tall demon girl's orange eyes as she stood inches away from him with her lips slightly parted and a defeated expression on her face, the leash now hanging down along the center of her chest. "It's just," he began before pressing his own lips tightly together. "I have a daughter who's probably about your age, and she's kind of a late bloomer," he said, starting to ramble. "I mean, we've had the talk and all, but she hasn't started seeing anyone or been interested in it, and I don't want her to. She's my little girl!

"She's a bit of an airhead," he grumbled as he worked through his thoughts in this safe, judgment-free space, "like most kids are these days, I guess, and I keep worrying that some guy's gonna take advantage of her, or be, you know, a guy…" He felt something wrap around his waist and looked down, ignoring the prodigious, gravity-defying cleavage in order to frown at the tail that was now wrapped around him. The heart-shaped end of the appendage tapped gently against his stomach. "It's things like this, too," he continued, looking back up into the eyes of the girl who was tall like his daughter—though as he did, he realized that Sammy wasn't quite this tall. "If she goes out dressed a little too revealingly then—"

"I cause you to think of your daughter?" the girl NPC asked in a disgusted voice. Her entire being radiated disgust for a moment before she returned a more neutral expression to her face. "I…suppose I can make do with that. If I must."

Carl grimaced deeply. This is the weirdest NPC ever. Definitely against content policy. Voice acting's good, at least, and… He looked at her face—really looked at it for the first time. Actually, these graphics are much better than I remember. I guess it's been more than just a few weeks since I last logged in on my lunch break. Back when I had time for a lunch break. Did Roger and his team make some big changes to the engine in the latest update? I don't recall seeing that on the schedule…

"Let us be done with this, then," said the girl, letting out a sigh. She stepped forward and draped her arms over his shoulders, pressing herself against him. "Tell me what you wish for me to do to help motivate you on your quest," she said with a total lack of interest, making no further movements.

Wow, it even feels more realistic. I'll send Roger a mail when I get out to compliment him. Maybe that'll be enough to call off this prank war. That'd be great, since I'm assuming one of them forced the tutorial to enable itself for my account as another prank, and that's why I'm here.

Let's see, five things now including haptics once I add that to the list. Oh, six, because content policy: this is not appropriate in a teen-rated game, Linda!

Carl blinked, then shook his head again. "Sorry, I kinda spaced out again there. I'm not great at multi-tasking. Do one thing at a time and do it well, Dad always says. Er, sorry for the ramble, too, I know that was a bit futile considering the circumstances," he said, grinning sheepishly. "Not even much point apologizing, I guess? I know you're just responding to keyword triggers just like a normal NPC," he frowned slightly, "even though I could've sworn we didn't have humanoid NPCs since everything is supposed to be player-run…"

Orange eyes widened, turned red, then glared, and before he could blink, a hand was under his neck and raising him off the ground, the point of a tail now pressing into his stomach. "What did you call me?" the girl snarled, her voice suddenly much deeper and guttural. Her free hand's claws now loomed in front of his eye.

Carl's eyes bugged out.