NOVEL WEB Chapter 10: A Fistful Of Friends
“What do you mean?” Jonas asked, taking a step back. Immediately, he realized how that looked, how he didn’t want that to look, and took a step forward again to show that he wasn’t pulling away from him. Her. Them. Jonas tried not to panic. “I thought you were struggling with your sexuality!”
“I mean…” Brett said, wiping their -- Jonas was sticking with ‘their’ until further notice -- tear-stained cheeks, “that’s a problem for later, I think.” They leaned against the table, fiddling with the phone like they were unable to put it away. “I… I thought you understood,” they mumbled quietly.
Elliot looked at Jonas, then at Brett and sidled up next to them and leaned against the table too. “I think we might have picked up on, eh… the wrong thing,” she said. “But I think I speak for both of us when I say we want to understand.” She nudged them softly with her shoulder. “We’re here for you. Promise.”
Jonas nodded, first because he agreed and then because he wanted Brett to know he agreed, then scooted up on their other side. “Yeah. We’re not going anywhere. Gay or trans or both… You’re my…” he paused. What if they didn’t like the name Brett anymore? “You’re our you,” Jonas finished. “That’s not changing.”
Brett (?) swallowed, and took a deep breath. Jonas saw them look over at Malena for a moment, who gave an encouraging little nod. “I think I’m a girl,” they said.
“Okay,” Elliot said. “That’s… well, it’s awesome. Girls are…” Jonas saw her get a little red in the face. “Girls are good. Do you uh… do you want us to call you something else or something?”
“If you want to try using different pronouns,” Malena interjected slightly, “this, I think, would be a safe space to do so. That’s what groups like this are for. Experiment with identity, names, etcetera.”
“Y-yeah.” A nod, a little shaky, but clearly encouraged. “I think I’d like to be addressed as a girl. And, um…” She took another breath, quavering when she spoke. “I’ve had a name in mind for a while now.” Jonas, Malena and Elliot listened quietly, patiently, while she mustered up the courage to say it.
“Take your time,” Malena said softly.
“Kira,” Kira said. “I want to try being called Kira.”
“It’s pretty!” Elliot said, and then shot a glance at Jonas, who quickly nodded in confirmation. He was still trying to figure out where this whole thing left him and his friend, but he also knew that right now, what mattered most was that he was a friend, and a good one to boot.
“It’s a beautiful name,” he said. “Kira.” That’s when he noticed she was crying again and he wrapped his arms around her. She was so small like this, and when she turned to rest her head against his chest, he knew that that part hadn’t changed and would never change. Kira or Brett, she needed protection right then and he was going to protect her. Elliot smiled tenderly at the both of them.
“Kira is a wonderful name,” Malena said. “She chose well,” emphasizing the pronoun just a little bit, probably to give Kira a bit of validation.
“And a wonderful person,” Jonas whispered softly. Kira squeezed him just a little bit tighter, and he held her close against him. “Kira,” he said again, and he heard the tiniest sob come from her as Elliot rubbed her back.
“And regardless of what happens with… with your parents, we’ll be here for you, okay? They can’t make you do anything you don’t want to, okay?” Elliot said. “You’re not alone.” Kira softly untangled herself from Jonas with a little sniffle.
“I don’t even know what I’m going to do. What if they pull me out?”
“Well,” Malena said, “there’s nothing they can threaten you with. You’re on a scholarship under your name because of the exchange program. That includes your stay.”
“Not my insurance,” Kira said dourly. “If I go home… maybe I can convince them that this is real, and then talk about like… hormones and stuff.”
“You think you want--” Elliot asked
“Yes,” Kira said, decisively.
“You’re already aware of everything hormones?” Malena asked, her eyebrows going up in surprise.
“I may have done some research a while ago,” Kira said bashfully, “out of curiosity.” The smirk on Malena’s face was practically lethal, and Kira was withstanding it masterfully, although she was blushing under the weight of it. “But I’d need their permission,” she added.
Malena’s smirk became a smile and she closed the distance and put her hand on Kira’s head. Jonas could only imagine how small she felt compared to the Eldritch woman. “Kira... “ she said, with a voice smooth as butter and soft as silk. “Just because I am limited to hormones doesn’t mean you have to be.”
“W-what do you--”
“You’re in a school that’s so chock full of unnatural creatures and beings they still haven’t found the fourth floor of the art building,” Malena said. “Between all of them, I’m sure we can find a way to help you… get along. Most creatures here can… pass on their identity.” She made little quotation marks with her fingers. “Their ‘monstrousness’, if you will.” She winked. “No parents or insurance needed. So if that’s what you’re thinking, what they have over you, don’t. That’s not something your parents could use against you.”
“I mean…” Kira said, still blushing, “if -- if -- if I can just… be… I mean… and I could stay…” She was so vulnerable, Jonas wanted to wrap himself around her and just keep her safe forever. But she was clearly infatuated by Malena. That was probably the ‘complicated sexuality’ she’d alluded to earlier. If she was a girl, then her liking girls would mean she was gay, just not in the way he’d thought, and yeah, that would make things a bit more complicated and would take some time to figure out.
“Yes,” Malena said. “If you want to stand up to your parents -- and I’m not saying you have to -- you can, and they can’t threaten you with anything.” She took a step back and put her hands on her hips. “And you’re going to make a very pretty girl if you do.”
“Thank you,” Kira said, and took a step forward. “I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you, Malena.” She looked up at the tall girl -- it was hard for Jonas not to think of her as a woman, she just radiated something -- with clear admiration and maybe something more. “I wish I could just… tell you how much this means to me… how much you--”
Malena held up her hand, gently, with a small smile. “I’m going to stop you right there. Let’s have a seat, yeah?” She pulled some chairs over and sat them all down. “Now, Kira, sweetheart,” she said, crossing her legs, “you don’t have to answer, but I want you to be honest with yourself, okay?” Kira nodded. Malena returned the gesture, and continued. “If I’m reading this right, you’re in the middle of feeling a whole lot of things right now, yes?” Nod nod. “And, again, let me know if I’m wrong, but if I understand things correctly, I’m involved in several of those feelings, hmm?”
“I -- I mean -- But I --” Kira stammered, confirming Malena -- and Jonas’ -- suspicions. “I guess, but like…” She slunk into her chair, making herself small. Jonas was about to put a hand on her shoulder when Elliot already did the same, and he held off. She probably would prefer being comforted by a girl right now anyway, he figured.
“The point that I’m trying to get across, Kira,” Malena said, “is that you’re feeling a lot of things, and a lot of those are about you coming out to yourself, realizing, and that’s… euphoric, and great, and the problem is that emotions are all noise and nonsense. Do you follow me so far?”
“I think so,” Kira said, frowning slightly.
“You’re extremely vulnerable right now, Kira,” she said. “You’re vulnerable, and because I helped you hatch, your emotions are, among others --” Malena shot Jonas and Elliot an almost imperceptibly quick glance. “-- revolving around me. Contrary to what you might think, I’m not very interested in a power dynamic like that.” She reached over and took one of Kira’s hands and squeezed it slightly. “Even if your feelings aren’t the result of me helping you find yourself, I can’t romantically be who you want me to be.” She leaned back again. “I’m sorry if this is all a lot, but this isn’t my first rodeo and I’d prefer to nip this in the bud a little bit.” Malena smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry, Kira.”
“No,” Kira said, shaking her head. “This is… it’s okay. You’re right. It’s all a lot, and I have a lot to think about. I’m… I’m all over the place, I’ve never been so scared or so excited, and I just…” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “I have a lot to think about.” She turned to Jonas, and then to Elliot. Was she thinking her friends might end up leaving her anyway? Jonas would never, and clearly Elliot wouldn’t either. After they’d shared a second, her and Elliot clearly had a moment that went on for a bit, and when both of them looked away, both of them were blushing. Well, that confirmed it, Jonas figured. They’d be cute together, at least.
“You do,” Malena said, and stood up. “I reckon all of you do, in fact.” Her face was once again split into that grin that reassured any passers-by and observers that she was, in fact, an ancient eldritch monstrosity from beyond the stars. She turned briefly to Elliot. “If you ever want another reminder, let me know, okay?” She winked and turned away, leaving Elliot with her head even redder than it had been.
The three of them sat there for a moment, and Jonas wondered if he should leave. Ultimately, he decided against it. Right now wasn’t the time to think of who should be with who, his friend, his best friend, clearly needed people around her right now, and he was going to be there for her.
“So… what now?” Elliot asked. Kira leaned on her knees and rubbed her face. Elliot and Jonas both put a hand on her shoulder while she took some time to think. She sat back and there was a smile on her face Jonas hadn’t expected, and for a moment he thought she was breaking down when she started laughing. It stayed at a few giggles though, and she quickly relaxed.
“There’s so much, y’all,” she said. “Like… my parents. Malena was making sense, but like, fuck.” She looked at Elliot for a moment, and then turned to Jonas and the look in her eyes made him melt. “I get to be a girl. Y’all!” She giggled again. “Damn, I think I might have to start thinking about becoming a monster person? If I don’t want to fight my parents for hormones.” Another quick giggle. “Do either of you have any ideas? I mean, you guys are the ones that are going to have to look at me all the time. I mean, don’t have to, but I’d like to have you both around a lot.” She was blushing again, Jonas noticed. Probably because she was still scared she was going to lose them. “If you want to, you know?”
“Kira,” Elliot said. “We’re not going anywhere.” She smiled a little. “You couldn’t get rid of us if you tried. But the choice should be yours, you know?”
“I agree. Much as I like looking at--” Jonas bit his tongue, almost having said something inappropriate. “Looking after you, it’s ultimately up to you. What about a werewolf?” he offered, trying to move past his almost-indiscretion. Kira shook her head.
“Too… Toby,” she said with a little smirk. “It’s just not… me. What even are the options?” Elliot frowned and crossed her legs, thinking.
“Snake girl? Or is that too… ‘big’ for you?”
“I’m not sure I’d be down for being dozens of feet long.” Kira smiled. “Good for cuddles, though. But yeah, none of the like… really big ones. That’s not me.”
“What about… I’ve seen some plant-like people around campus,” Jonas offered. “I wouldn’t mind seeing you…” He chuckled softly. “Bloom.” He had expected a glare, or one of those ‘I can’t believe you just said that’ kind of side-eye. Instead, he got an ‘Awwww!’ from both Elliot and Kira.
“That’s… really sweet,” Kira said, tears immediately in her eyes again. “I’m not like, set on it, but the idea is really cute and sweet.” She squeezed Jonas’ hand and looked him in the eyes. “Thank you.” Jonas smiled. “Both of you.” She turned to Elliot and did the same.
“Of course,” he said, and he tried to be happy about the fact that she and Elliot would make a good couple.
