Bum Magic: A Tale of Sludge and Slime

I hated being around Mickey — that should be pretty clear by now — but I wasn’t thrilled that he had just up and disappeared. It felt like a step backwards. We made a deal that we were going to fight these people together, and I couldn’t help but feel like we were stronger as a unit than we were as two lone wolves. It also meant I couldn’t keep an eye on him, and who knows what sort of horrible shit he’d do without any parental supervision. Last time I left him alone with these powers, he became a professional murderer for a gang of meth dealers. And he wasn’t nearly as strong back then.

I thought about going after him, but it was pointless. He was quick as hell and resourceful when he needed to be, and he didn’t have any more friends to run to that I knew of — he didn’t need them.

I’d see him soon enough, I reckoned.

It was still only two in the morning or so, so I just sat in my room with the door open, waiting for Caleb and Anita to wake up. Not sleeping was going to get real fucking boring real fast, it seemed. I was going to have to find a hobby; maybe I’d take up sewing or some shit.

When Anita and Caleb finally woke up, I told them to take my money and get out of here. Fortunately Mickey had only taken his meth — which wouldn’t be missed — and his half of the money. I suppose he didn’t want me chasing him down. I told them to take it and start over somewhere. They didn’t need to be involved in this. But Anita just looked at me like I was stupid.

“Gus, you tend to not make the best decisions, to put it nicely,” Anita said. “This isn’t just about you. You heard the Iron Granny: those guys that are coming for you are coming for the rest of the world next. You and Mickey are the only people standing in their way. And we’re not even sure if Mickey’s still standing in their way. We need you to beat them, and you need me to beat them.”

She was packing her bag, ready to leave now that the sun was up. Caleb laid on his bed, staring at his phone.

“What about him? I don’t think I need Caleb’s strategic mind for this,” I said. Caleb looked up at me for a second before going back to what he was doing.

“He’s smarter than you might think,” Anita said. “Smarter than you, anyway. Plus, who would I leave him with? There’s nobody I could leave him with, not without attempting to explain the situation. If I go back to Little Rock and say ‘Hey Tammy, can you watch Caleb for a few months? I have to go help my oldest son with his wizard battle. Thanks!’ she’d probably try to have me committed. And now that they know you have a family, I wouldn’t be surprised if they wanted to come after us too. Nope, you’re getting our help whether you want it or not.”

“Great,” I said.

She handed me a Golden Grahams cereal bar, a toothbrush, and some toothpaste. She had gone to a grocery store the night before, evidently, and stocked up on some basic supplies.

“Here’s my first piece of strategic advice: eat this, and then use that,” she pointed to my toothbrush. “Please.”

I did what she said, scarfing down the cereal bar in two bites and then going to the sink with my toothbrush. I couldn’t remember the last time I had brushed my teeth. I’d gargle some salt water on occasion, but never really took care of my teeth beyond that. Somehow, none of them had completely rotted out of my head yet, but I’m sure a dentist could find a cavity or two if they had a poke around. The sensation of bristles against my teeth sent a strange vibration up to my head. I didn’t like it at all, but I had to admit my teeth looked a lot better when I smiled in the motel room mirror.

By the time I was done, they were packed and ready to leave. We handed our keys to the front desk clerk, a bulldog-looking woman with jowls and an underbite, who grunted at us without looking up from her computer, which I assumed translated to “Goodbye! Have a wonderful day!” and we took off.

We continued west out of habit more than anything. It was clear by Anita’s silence that she wasn’t any more sure than I was what we should do next. We drove for hours with only the radio playing the biggest hits of the ‘90s, ‘00s, and today to break the silence. After the third time we heard Smells Like Teen Spirit in the span of an hour, I cut the radio off.

“If we can’t find out any more about this cult, I need to focus on becoming stronger so that I’m ready when they come to me,” I said. “I wonder if there are ways for my mark to progress without having to kill people,”

Anita sighed. “Yeah, that would be nice. If I could just sit down for a minute and do some real research, maybe I’d actually be able to find something out about these guys.”

“What if you just actually learned how to fight?” Caleb chimed in from the back seat. I swear I’d never get used to that deep voice of his.

“Like, learn to box or something,” he continued.

I reflexively wanted to say it was a stupid idea; what, am I gonna fuckin’ fist fight with the teleporting, hound conjuring lunatic? But the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. If I learned the fundamentals of fighting — how to dodge an attack, how to land a counter, all that good shit — maybe it would help me hone my powers, and I could be stronger without my mark progressing.

“Yeah, I think that’s a great idea, Caleb. Find me a boxing gym, and let’s go. Good thinkin’.”

I didn’t know what was happening. The urge to be a supportive big brother possessed me like a demon. I gave him an awkward punch on the shoulder, a little harder than I meant to, but it didn’t phase him. For the first time, Caleb smiled at me, and that felt good.

Anita looked over at the interaction and smiled too; her eyes became watery, but she didn’t cry.

“Yeah, let’s do that,” Anita said.

“There’s a gym run by a former pro a couple of hours from here,” Caleb said, looking down at his phone. “Knuckle Heads Boxing, run by former heavyweight champ Freddie Kidd. Dallas, Texas.”

“Knuckle Heads it is!” Anita said. The mood in the van was suddenly a lot more cheerful.