NOVEL WEB Chapter 15: Breaking tonight on The Not Fake Fox News: If God Came Back as a Woman—Would the World Survive the Meltdown?
Breaking tonight on The Not Fake Fox News: If God Came Back as a Woman—Would the World Survive the Meltdown? Hello, Chaos!
In tonight's top story, the world didn't end with fire and brimstone—it ended with a collective meltdown over God's new pronouns. Yes, God came back as a woman, and humanity lost its mind. Forget about actual miracles or world peace; people were too busy arguing about why God doesn't have a penis. Theologians fainted, social media exploded, and the Vatican tried to update its FAQ page before Twitter could cancel them.
Meanwhile, the Bible—supposedly the world's most unread best-seller—sat in the corner, quietly reminding everyone that "no sin is greater than another." Didn't call your mom? In God's eyes, you're right up there with history's worst. Missed church? Welcome to the club—eternal damnation, table for one. Yet here we are, pointing fingers, sending each other to hell for everything from tattoos to pronouns, and missing the point that the Bible isn't a GPS—it's a cautionary tale about what happens when you focus on everyone else's sins instead of your own.
And now, a story from the home front. My daughter is part of the LGBTQ+ community—however many letters there are now, that's how she, or they, identify. I'll admit, I struggle with the pronouns. It's not that I don't care; it's that I care enough to keep trying, even if I don't always get it right. That's what matters: effort, not perfection.
My son, after a week with his Bible-thumping grandparents—the "throw a verse at every problem" type—came home ready to wage holy war. He picked up the Bible and started quoting scripture at my daughter, trying to tear her down because he thought it was just a phase, or worse, that he had the right to judge her. So I took the Bible from him and launched it across the room. He looked at me, shocked: "You're going to throw God's word around?"
I stared back and said, "You are. When you can use the Bible the way it was meant to be used—to actually understand the real meaning, to love and not judge—then you can have it back." That's the real road map: not using scripture as a weapon, but as a guide for compassion, understanding, and humility.
Let's get real: the loudest voices quoting the Bible are often the ones missing the message entirely. They weaponize verses to shame, exclude, and judge, forgetting that the central message is love, not condemnation. If God came back and saw the way we use "the good book," she'd probably need a stiff drink and a long walk.
So tonight, as the world debates God's gender and everyone's busy policing each other's lives, maybe the message is this: Stop obsessing over what's different, and start caring enough to try. The Bible's not about who's holier—it's about not missing the point. Don't judge, don't exclude, and don't let the light you claim to hold become the very thing that blinds you to the truth. If you want to honor God, start by honoring each other—even when it's hard, even when you don't understand, and especially when the world tells you to do otherwise.
Because at the end of the day, the real sin isn't who you love, what you wear, or what pronoun you use. The real sin is forgetting that we're all just trying to find our way home—and sometimes, the only map we have is each other.
PS what fix did Jesus use to fix God and the devil will you see God got to buy a girlfriend and not at the same damn time like the rest of the idiot world of men hi welcome to my system little did you know fixing your own crap and letting you think you were doing stupid still how about that! P****** right bi gf suddenly his sister the lesbian is fine he gets it now!