Blood Lily

 

"Talk?" I worriedly asked. "What, um, do you want to talk about...?"

Amber stood up in front of me, her arms crossed and her face an unreadable puzzle.

"It... just doesn't add up to me," she started to explain. "I thought it was rather strange when you admitted to wearing curtains and taking a painful stroll in the garden, but I allowed myself to believe you, we're friends. But, to actually suggest something like what you just suggested... I'm definitely missing something. What are you not telling me, Lil'?"

"I- Um..."

My face was clearly contorted with guilt.

"If you're hiding something from me, well... at least tell me that. I'll understand if you're not comfortable saying it, but I am not okay if you intentionally deceive me," she added.

Do I just tell her? I mean, would she be mad if I explained how the curtains thing was just a misunderstanding? How I wore a dress that is directly underneath where I am currently sitting? How I met Sebastian in the garden? How completely baffled I am at how today has went? How much, in spite of how baffling today has been, I have enjoyed today? How much I'm looking forward to tomorrow, even?

Let's just... start with one thing at a time. As scary as it is, I trust her, and I don't want the lies to pile on.

"...I didn't want to lie," I shakily started. "B-But, well... I didn't wear the curtains to the garden..."

"I see," she said, clearly not as surprised as one might expect. "Then... how did you go to the garden?"

I gulped. Hard. I don't really know what to say.

"Um... I wore... something..." I weakly explained.

"I would hope so," she joked, causing me to crack a smile.

I realized it was probably about time I asked who and where my exact measurements went the night they took them.

"When, uh, Millie and you took my measurements, who did you... give those to?" I asked.

"We gave them to Lady Magnolia and Birch. Besides them, only the sunsilk tailor, Angelica, would know," she explained with a brow lifted. "...Why?"

"Um... I- Well..." I hesitantly started, terrified of whether I should even continue or just admit I would rather not say and hope for the best.

She took the liberty of sitting down next to me on the bed.

"I'm not quite sure what your measurements have to do with this, but again, if you don't want to talk about it, just-"

"I wore a dress!" I shouted, ripping off the band-aid, though I realized I had a lot of band-aids I was about to pull off.

"It was just in my room randomly yesterday morning and so I thought maybe you and Millie had it made for me but that didn't make sense so I didn't really have any idea where it was from but anyway I wondered what it would look like on me because it was clearly a gift but when I checked the mirror it showed what I used to look like which was really similar to my ex-father which freaked me out so I broke the mirror and hid the dress under the bed and then when I learned about sunsilk and really wanted to see the garden I put two and two together and tested how painful light hurts by taking the curtains down which does actually really hurt there's no way I could have worn just the curtains outside and well before that I almost tore the dress up too by the way but didn't and when I wore it I actually really kind of liked it like a lot so then I went ahead to the garden as sneakily as I could and met a guy and completely forgot about the lily he put in my hair and when you both came to check on me and noticed the evidence I forgot to hide I just let events play out which led us here I'm so sorry please don't be mad at me for not telling you sooner!!!"

Her sky blue eyes were as wide as, well, the sky.

"Oh," she said, not entirely sure how to respond to my massive confession. "...What dress?"

My heart was racing, so I took a deep breath to collect myself after rushing out everything I had kept hidden. Well, not everything. Not yet.

"Uh... I-It's under the bed... in a box. I'll get it," I explained.

Hopping off the bed, I bent down on my knees, reached under the bed and pulled the box out from under its hiding spot. I was slightly afraid it would have somehow disappeared the moment I didn't want to hide it, so I'm relieved it's exactly where I left it.

As Amber remained perched on the bed, I sat on the floor with the dented box in my lap, hesitating to take the top off. The awkward silence gave me the necessary push to unveil the dress that has caused so much.

"T-This is what I wore to go to the garden," I meekly explained, pointing to the hastily folded fabric.

"...I see," she said, certainly still internally deciding on what to make of this.

"Um... H-Here, I'll show you," I said, standing up and unfolding the dress, allowing it to spread to its full length and holding it in front of me to show how it looks.

"So... you wore this, then?" she asked. The question was simple yet I felt such a large weight placed on my shoulders even though I've already admitted to it.

"I-I did," I quietly answered.

She smiled, the tension in her puzzling face lifting at the same time.

"It's cute! I see why you like it," she said, her words piercing my unsuspecting heart with a euphoric sense of agreement.

"It is!" I instinctively replied before realizing my own words. "I-I mean, w-well... yeah, it's kind of c-cute... I guess..."

"You don't have to be ashamed for liking it," she giggled. "It's the same deal as the lily in your hair. If you like it, why should you hide that?"

"Because I'm... I'm not... It's the first time I've worn a dress..." I explained with the best reason I could come up with.

"Well, I can understand why it might make you shy then, but the important question is: Do you want to wear it a second time?" she asked, another weight falling upon my already heavy shoulders.

"...I do," I said, my voice small as I clutched the dress against myself.

"Then... would you like to wear it tomorrow?" she astonishingly asked.

"T-Tomorrow?!" I asked in fearful excitement, my heart happily trembling at the idea. "B-But I haven't explained to anyone why or how I have the dress, I-I don't even know who gave it to me!"

"True, I'm certainly going to have a word with Lady Magnolia about this... It also explains where the tailor's stock of sunsilk went to. But, just as you said to Lady Magnolia, no one has to know beyond what they see," she winked.

"Y-You mean, like... they won't know it's made of sunsilk?" I asked fairly surprised at her using my own reasoning against me.

"Mhmm, that way you could wear it as a normal dress," she added.

"I... I guess I could... I mean... Y-You don't think it's weird that I want to, do you...? After all, I'm not really a-"

"You don't have to be one thing or the other in order to like something such as wearing a dress. They're not mutually exclusive," she reasoned. "Guys can wear dresses, girls can wear dresses, and anyone in-between or neither can wear dresses. Everyone can wear dresses."

"Yeah, I guess so..." I agreed. I liked that argument, but, at the same time, I feel like... I don't know. "But, I mean, what if I liked wearing it... because it made me feel like... I was... one thing..."

Amber noticeably caught on to the words, her ears seeming to perk up.

"Oh! Is that so...? What... does it make you feel like, then?" she cautiously asked, hesitation clearly echoing in her voice.

And there it was, the most dreaded question I had set myself up to answer.

"W-Well..." I started, incredibly nervous. "It makes me feel like... a-as if... I was always a..."

The words just wouldn't come out of my mouth as much as I tried to. I couldn't say it out loud in spite of everything I had said leading up to it.

"...A girl?" Amber finished for me.

I was surprised. I mean, I shouldn't be, it was obvious where it was leading, but I still couldn't believe it. She said exactly what I couldn't say, and, honestly, I was terrified of how to respond.

After nervously quivering for a moment, I hugged the dress tighter and simply nodded, my eyes unable to meet hers.

"B-But... I-I don't know if that's really what I want! I mean... I feel like I've only just started living these past few days! I-I could just be overthinking things, l-like what if I'm just associating all the other nice things I've been experiencing for the first time with my body? A-And all the terrible feelings of my past with my old body? And-"

She quelled my fears with a simple hug.

"It's ok to be confused," she whispered in a kind, sympathetic tone. "You don't have to know those answers right away."

"But I want to know..." I whispered back.

"Is that why you suggested being a girl for a day tomorrow?" she asked.

"...Yes," I answered, quiet and shy.

"Well," she started to chuckle, releasing me from the hug, "I won't tell anyone what you're actually doing tomorrow. And, no matter what you decide, I'll support you, ok?"

"Mmm'kay," I lightly nodded. "But... is that all? I thought you would, well, I don't know... I'm not sure how you would react."

"Well, I'm your friend and you're questioning who you are. Were you afraid I would judge you?" she asked.

"W-Well, no... That's why I decided to tell you, I didn't think you would be mad or anything, but..."

"Do you want me to... start referring to you as a girl a bit early, then?" she interrupted.

I froze, or well, I tried to at least. My mouth couldn't help but twitch into a grin. A wide one. I nodded after realizing I couldn't possibly say no.

"I'll take that as a yes, then," she giggled. "Until you say otherwise, you are now my sister, just like Millie! Oh, and by the way, what was that you said about meeting a gu-"

Hearing her words, my grip on the dress loosened and it fell to the floor. Without even considering the rest of her words, I rushed over to give her a deserved hug.

"T-Thank you..." I said, my voice beginning to crack as my eyes watered. "Thank you for understanding..."

"Hey, it's not easy to admit something like this. The first person I ever told was my birth sister, Sapphire," she said, patting me on the back. "I was a complete wreck back then and I don't know what I would have done if she reacted poorly, but I'm so happy I took the risk anyway. Being someone else... being something not yourself? It's a hollow, empty feeling and I would never wish it on anyone else. I'm proud and honored that you were willing to tell me, even if it's not what with you stick with in the end."

"Thank you..." I mumbled again, the tears barely able to keep themselves from bursting forth.

I gently released her from my tight, appreciative squeeze, taking a step back and wiping away a single tear that had fallen from my peacefully content blink.

After a moment of silence, I noticed my dress was on the floor.

"Ah, oops," I said, picking it up and smoothing it out before attempting to fold it.

"Here," Amber offered, "I'll show you how to fold it properly. If you want to take good care of it, that is."

"Oh, sure!" I happily agreed as she swiftly and professionally taught me how to fold it. "Thank you."

"No problem! Think of it as your first girl lesson," she teased, forcing yet another impossible to hide smile from me.

"O-Oh, um, will there be a second lesson?" I asked somewhat hopefully, yawning.

"Yup, and it starts now: You should get some beauty sleep," she winked, making me aware of how tired I am, and how dark outside it is, of course.

"Oh. Good idea," I said, unable to giggle due to my increasing rate of yawns. "I should probably get a good rest for tomorrow, shouldn't I?"

"Mhmm, you'll need to be at full focus if you want to defeat Max, which, by the way, I still think is a horrible idea," she replied.

"He can't be that bad, can he?" I questioned.

"Well, you'll see. It's too late to turn back now," she vaguely warned before heading towards the door. "But I should get going, Millie is probably wondering what's taking me so long."

"Oh, okay!" I said. "Um, thank you again, by the way."

"Of course! Thank you for being honest with me, it means a lot," she said before giving me a well-mannered bow. "Good night, Lady O'Sang."

"Heh, good night!" I cheerfully responded. "But um, you can still talk to me casually, the formality is still pretty weird."

"I know, I'm just teasing," she winked. "Night sis, cya tomorrow!"

"Night... s-sis!" I managed to say in kind as she gave me a smile, the door opening and closing as the ker-chunk's ring affirmed that I was alone.

Before settling down, I slid the box back under my bed and- well, actually... I'll leave it beside my dresser, I mean, if there's no need to hide it anymore. After I moved it, I slipped into my pink pajamas, hopped into bed, and slid under the covers.

I clapped my hands twice and the tv cut on.

"Oh, uh, whoops."

I clapped them twice again to turn the tv off, then clapped three times to turn the lights off. 

"There we go."

I snuggled into my favorite spot and nuzzled against the fluffy pillows, taking a long, deep breath. I smiled as I shut my eyes.

…Then they went wide open.

"Oh my god. I think I'm a girl."