BLEACH: UNOHANA RETSU IS MY WIFE

The Sixth Division's Barracks

With a spiritual pressure that boiled like a geyser, Araki, a demon god in human form, tore through the gates of the Sixth Division like a force of nature.

"Y-You're... Captain Araki of the Eleventh Division?!"

"The new Kenpachi-sama?!"

"The Eleventh Division's new captain is named Araki, right? That means… he's Araki Kenpachi! Why is someone like him here?!"

"I don't need to hear any more. I bet our captain's caused another disaster!"

"Shh! Shut up already! Don't say another word! You want to get dragged into something that's way above our pay grade?!"

The Gotei 13 shinigamis of the Sixth Division instinctively retreated. Nobody wanted to catch the attention of Araki Kenpachi—not when their own captain might be the cause of whatever storm he brought with him.

Because they knew their captain very well.

And because they knew Araki had no reason to show mercy.

No one stopped him. Araki walked straight through the barracks and stood before the captain's room.

"Bang!"

With a dull thud, the door flew open under Araki's boot.

Inside, Captain Saito Furuobushi of the Sixth Division—arms wrapped around a stack of paperwork—snored lightly at her desk.

"Huh? Who the hell's dumb enough to wake me from my nap?!"

Still half-asleep, Saito barked without even opening her eyes, venting her irritation at the presence before her.

"Heh…"

A cold chuckle answered her—and then silence. Araki had vanished from sight.

"Huh? Am I still dreaming? I could've sworn I saw Araki just now…"

Before her still-foggy mind could register the danger—

"You told Captain Kadori that my baby could regenerate like a gecko's tail, didn't you?"

The voice that whispered in her ear was ice itself.

"Uhh…"

Saito froze. Sweat poured from her temples in rivulets.

"I wasn't seeing things, then…"

Her mind cleared just as pain exploded from her scalp—Araki had grabbed her twin ponytails.

"OW—OW OW OW! I was wrong! I didn't mean it! I was just drunk that day and said it as a joke! I swear!"

The supposedly captain caved instantly.

"I told you not to do it on purpose! Didn't I?!"

Yank!

"Explain it to Kadori yourself! Return my stolen innocence!"

Araki was furious. Really furious.

This brat needed discipline.

Maybe… a weekly family meeting was in order—to discuss her fascination with his younger brother.

"…I get it, I get it…" Saito muttered, nodding like a scolded child.

Outside the captain's room…

"…So? What now?" one shinigami whispered, ear pressed to the door, his expression a mix of fear and awe.

"…We wait."

The gathered troops exchanged solemn glances. Eventually, they all silently agreed—"Wait and see."

"What?! Are we just going to stand here while our captain's being bullied by someone from another division?!"

An angry officer gritted his teeth.

"Then go be a hero!" another whispered. "Rescue the captain, and maybe she'll name you vice-captain on the spot~"

Silence.

"Uh…"

"I mean—listening in isn't really that wrong…"

And so, with no further protest, the officer gave up his dream of being a hero.

Because everyone had seen who was inside that room.

The man yanking on their captain's hair—the terrifying Kenpachi of the 13 Court Guard Squads—was the strongest Shinigami alive, save for Captain-Commander Yamamoto himself.

Fight him? Alone? That was suicide.

Now… if they could rally the entire Sixth Division, then maybe—just maybe—they could delay Araki until the Captain-Commander intervened.

But at the moment, everyone else was wisely pretending to be deaf, dumb, and blind.

So he followed suit.

Eventually, the door creaked open.

Araki stepped out, refreshed and satisfied, leaving behind a thoroughly flattened Saito Furuobushi, the Sixth Division's first-generation captain.

"Uuugh…"

The shinigamis instinctively lowered their heads as he passed, not daring to meet the gaze of the monster who had just conquered their captain.

"Shua!"

With a flick of his hand, Araki vanished in a shimmer of space—leaving behind only a simple wooden placard where he once stood.

"…Sigh."

As one, the Sixth Division members let out a long breath and returned to their duties.

If you don't see it, then just pretend it didn't happen.

Slip away, boys. Slip away…

Time flew.

Months passed.

And from then on—whenever Araki had free time—he'd "drop by" the Sixth Division to chat with Saito…

About life.

And about certain tails that should never have been mentioned.

So much so that the shinigamis of the Sixth Division had gradually become accustomed to Araki's visits.

Moreover, according to Araki, Saito had privately explained everything to the Captain of the Eighth Division, Kadori. After racking her brains, Saito finally managed to convey the situation to Kadori—who was extremely angry upon hearing it.

In the end, under Saito's reluctant expression and internal turmoil, she chose to personally compensate Kadori by gifting her ten of the latest and best-selling "Ero" articles—barely enough to calm Kadori's fury and reach a reluctant truce.

Afterward, Kadori, now in possession of the ten Ero articles, sought out Araki and Sasakibe Chojiro to offer her sincere apologies.

Sasakibe Chojiro responded with trepidation and a sense of being slightly flattered.

For a moment, it seemed that everyone—except Saito—had received a happy ending. It was worth celebrating... though Saito alone had to suffer the consequences.

But reality tells a more complicated story.

Inside the Sixth Division barracks.

"Now, Araki comes to visit me every month~"

Saito Furuobushi seemed to savor the situation.

Yes—just like high-end predators often masquerade as prey.

Just as no one ever suspected that a certain hairspray-addicted man was the true mastermind behind the scenes... until his perfectly styled head revealed the truth.

Compared to Saito's delight, Araki looked visibly drained.

Already fatigued from constantly using his Observation Haki throughout the day and taking weekly sparring sessions with Unohana Retsu to "strengthen their bond," he now had to dedicate time each month to visit Saito.

Araki genuinely felt like his body was being hollowed out.

Until—several months passed in the blink of an eye...

That day, Araki leaned against the floor-to-ceiling window of the 11th Division's captain's office as usual.

Just as sleep began to overtake him, a scene from the future suddenly flashed before his eyes like a broken PowerPoint presentation.

It was a warning—issued by his advanced Observation Haki.

"It's finally happening?! All these months of waiting… finally paid off!"

"…Ten Ting Kuro!"

Araki, facing the future unfolding in his mind, said no more. He calmly raised his left hand.

A wash of ink enveloped his arm, and a transparent circular wall, etched with a black sigil, manifested before him. In that instant, every soul in the Gotei 13 caught a telepathic message carried by Araki's spiritual pressure.

First Division Headquarters.

"Has it begun?"

Yamamoto Genryusai Shigekuni, standing in the sword dojo, gently put down his wooden practice blade and accepted his Ryūjin Jakka from a waiting officer.

"A betrayal…?"

Chojiro Sasakibe, walking beside Yamamoto, glanced down at his Zanpakutō, deep in thought.

Sixth Division Barracks.

"Haha! Now is the time to let the name Saito Furuobushi resound through the Soul Society!"

Saito, newly invigorated by the message, was thrilled. She would show the entire Soul Society who the strongest woman truly was—with war as her stage.

At the same moment, the captains of the Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth, Seventh, and Eighth Divisions…

Each clutched their Zanpakutōs.

As the old saying goes, "Once you hold a blade, the will to kill awakens."

The mighty warriors of the Gotei 13—many of whom were villains in their own right—prepared for battle.

On this day, dark clouds covered the Soul Society.

A quiet drizzle marked the opening act of a war between the Quincy and the Shinigami—a war where there would be no "handshakes or truces." It would be kill or be killed.

"Buzz~~~"

The heavens themselves seemed to echo the trumpet call of the Apocalypse.

The radiant Holy Star Cross, glowing from the throne of the Light Empire, began its descent into this world of wandering souls.

Led by their all-knowing, all-powerful monarch—a man who stood as God in both title and strength—the Quincy Knights marched forth.

They believed in one truth:

Their Majesty would not only reign as King of the World—

He would unify the Soul Society, Hueco Mundo, and the Living World.

He would become the Master of All Three Realms.

The War Had Begun.

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