Between Your Letter and My Reply

Chapter 7

[Translation By Divinity]

[But it’s true that I don’t want to see your face, and for that reason, I’d prefer it if you didn’t send a photo. I’m not saying I don’t want to see your face because I dislike you. It’s due to my own personal reasons, so please don’t be upset. It’s just…]

Damian stared blankly at the ink blot spreading from the word “just,” unable to easily lift his fountain pen from the paper.

He was struggling with how to convey his message without upsetting Lintray or revealing his vulnerability. So he scratched out the word “just” with his pen and continued writing.

[Instead, if I ever come to find you, would you show me your face then?]

After writing that single sentence, Damian slapped his own face.

‘Damn it. Tennant, I forgot your advice and made a promise. I’m sorry. But I won’t die. And to be honest, I have no intention of keeping that promise anyway.’

Damian contemplated starting a new letter but decided to leave it as it was. ‘Well, it’s not that important of a promise, and I don’t plan on keeping it, so it doesn’t matter if I write it down, right?’

[And I’m truly sorry, but I can’t send you my picture either. It’s not about security concerns. I’m a soldier who could die at any moment. There’s no point in having a picture of someone like that.

I’m worried about you getting attached to me. To be honest, I’d prefer it if you didn’t wait for my letters. If there’s no reply to your letter, it means I’m dead. I don’t want to see you endlessly waiting for letters from someone who’s gone. So I’d be content with just exchanging casual and trivial stories with you.

I shouldn’t have picked your letter in the first place. One of the other soldiers should have taken it.

September 24th, 1878. Second Lieutenant McCord, overwhelmed by your curiosity.]

Writing the letter felt particularly difficult today.

He wanted to mail it and forget about it, despite his exhaustion, but surprisingly, the reply arrived in nine days instead of the usual two weeks.

Blinking, he opened the envelope, and the familiar scent wafted out. Then, Damian had to face Lintray’s immense fury head-on.

[To Second Lieutenant McCord, the king of all idiots in the world.

You said the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard. I understood that you didn’t want to see my picture and that there might be reasons you couldn’t explain. (Do you have a lover? If so, I’ve made a grave mistake.)

Your words made me realize something. You truly are a soldier in a war where death could come at any moment. In that case, I’d like you to have as many conversations with me as possible before you die. I like you, Lieutenant, and I enjoy exchanging letters with you. So from now on, I’ll be sending all my letters via international express delivery. I hope you’ll do the same. If the shipping cost is a burden, you can send them cash on delivery.

But what kind of nonsense is it to say there’s no point in having a picture of someone who could die at any moment?!

My mother passed away when I was young. All I have left are a few of her belongings and some photographs. Now, when I miss her, I look at her pictures and reminisce. If I didn’t have those photos, I would have felt miserable as her face gradually faded from my memory.

It’s painful, but if I had to choose between being able to see someone’s face through a photo and having my feelings and memories of them fade away, I would definitely choose the former. Forgetting someone might erase the pain, but sometimes, being forgotten is even more painful.

So even if you do fall in battle one day and can’t reply anymore, I’ll be able to endure while waiting for your letters that will never come, by looking at your photo. So I won’t send you my picture since you don’t want it, but give me yours quickly. I need to know what you look like. Otherwise, I might find myself on a train to Lebe with my camera next week.

Yes, to see your face with my own eyes and capture it in a photo.

I apologize for saying not to get attached, but it’s too late. I couldn’t sleep that night after receiving your letter because I was so worried. So if you die, I will genuinely grieve and cry my eyes out. If you don’t want to see that, don’t you dare die!]

Damian’s shoulders slumped as he read the letter. Even though he didn’t know Lintray’s face or voice, her sharp rebuke pierced his ears.

Her usually round and legible handwriting was rough with anger, and there were clear signs of scribbling. In some parts, the paper was even indented, as if she had pressed down too hard with the pen.

He had thought she was a cheerful and innocent noble lady, even if a bit of a tomboy. He hadn’t expected her to unleash such a scolding. ‘McCord, “Your Highness”…’

[But there’s one part I like. It seems you do have plans to visit me someday? If you really come to find me, I’ll welcome you with open arms. Alright then. You can see my face then. So please come and see me safely. But I’m not as patient as you, Lieutenant, so I’ll still need your picture.]

‘You’re persistent, aren’t you, Lady Lintray…?’

[And about the handkerchief, your guess was correct. I prepared it beforehand, wanting to give it to you, and then I received that letter. The perfume on it is the one I wear whenever I go out. It starts with sweet pea and bergamot, followed by rose and peony, and ends with white musk.]

He didn’t know much about flowers, so he couldn’t tell what each scent was like, but it seemed like she was describing a mix of floral fragrances, so he let it slide.

[It feels like being in the middle of a flower garden, doesn’t it? I was worried the scent would fade during delivery, so I poured about a third of the perfume bottle onto the handkerchief. The paper wrapping got a bit damp because of it. If you need more perfume-infused handkerchiefs, just let me know. I’ll send you as many as you want, so don’t be stingy and use it even when your hands are dripping wet after washing them.

September 30th, 1878. Lintray, waiting for your Highness’s photo.

P.S.! I’m sending you a picture of Timo and the puppies instead of mine.]

At that line, Damian looked inside the envelope and found a photo. It showed a spaniel mother dog surrounded by her squirming puppies.

The sight softened Damian’s tense heart a little.

He felt like he might die from Lintray’s wrath before he died from an enemy bullet if he didn’t write back immediately, so he quickly picked up his pen.

[To Lady Lintray, whose words are as sharp as a school disciplinarian’s.

First of all, I apologize. I’m apologizing because I feel like you’ll actually get on a train to find me if I don’t. I didn’t expect you to be this angry. I don’t have a lover. I have other reasons for not wanting your picture. But to think you’d risk your life for my photo…

My concern for you is genuine. I truly don’t want you to get hurt because of me. You can’t deny that my worry about my next letter becoming an unanswered one is a realistic concern. I just want you to know that I worry about you even more than you worry about me.]

Damian suddenly thought that dying wouldn’t be so bad.

He now had someone who would shed tears for him. Lintray would definitely cry for him.

He should be happy about that, but…