Became an Observer in Love Company

The bus was quiet.

Since it was the daytime, there were only the two of us on board.

Every time the bus took a curve, Lee Jian would sway slightly.

Each time, my gaze would instinctively follow her.

To keep her steady, without thinking, I’d naturally shift my body to help her maintain her balance.

The faint sound of the radio from beyond the driver’s seat, the bus gliding over the road, and above it all, her steady breathing.

I quietly turned to look at her.

Lee Jian was asleep, her head leaning against my shoulder.

Just moments before, she had been playfully teasing me, and now, she was this still.

A strand of her hair had fallen across her forehead.

Ordinarily unnoticed trifles strangely caught my attention now.

Her face in slumber was much more serene than usual.

Her breathing was calm.

Her small lips moved rhythmically as she exhaled softly.

That sight strangely seemed unfamiliar to me.

This was the girl who was always loud, always making jokes, always annoying me, and yet now, she was so quiet.

Her hair brushed against her lips.

“Umph.”

She murmured strangely, nibbling at her own hair like she was chewing on something.

Frowning delicately, as if something was bothering her.

“Hmph.”

A laugh escaped me involuntarily as I gently lifted my hand to remove the hair stuck to her lips.

While silently observing her, I realized this feeling, this ease, might become too familiar, and that would be dangerous.

Because when it inevitably slips through my fingers, the sensation will be too vivid, excruciatingly painful.

That’s who I am — a coward who prepares to let go even before he’s held on.

“Heh heh.”

Lee Jian began to chuckle softly.

“She’s cute,” I muttered.

Only after saying it did I realize what I had done.

Instantly, my heart sank.

I had already closed my mouth, but the words had already escaped.

…Am I losing my mind?

I quickly turned my gaze to the window.

Pretending like nothing happened.

As if everything was normal.

But my face was burning hot.

I stared out the window, taking a deep breath internally.

In the quiet bus, the only sound was her breathing.

Every time the bus slowed down, there was a gentle rocking sensation.

The weight of her leaning against my shoulder would shift just slightly.

I remained still.

Just sitting quietly.

Without saying a word.

But she kept drawing my attention.

The warmth of her pressed against my shoulder.

Her steady breaths.

The fact that we were the only ones on this bus.

I tried to appear calm, as if none of it mattered, and I swallowed quietly.

The tranquility felt in this silence.

But once, this silence was suffocatingly unfamiliar and cold.

Once, there was a time when I struggled desperately in this silence.

Not peacefulness, but anxiety that surged in the quiet.

Not long after I had been transported to this world.

Every time the bus slowed, that gentle rocking reminded me of that time.

Back then, I—

Felt like a ghost.

The sunlight burned intensely.

I squinted and looked up at the sky.

A bright blue sky, white clouds, warming sunlight.

I stretched out my hand.

The sunlight grazed the back of my hand.

But it was strange—I couldn’t feel the warmth.

At that moment—

[System Error! Temporarily losing existence.]

Suddenly, the world seemed to flicker as if the screen had gone dark.

It wasn’t that my vision went dark, but it felt like I had merged into the background.

I took a step forward.

And yet—

There was nothing.

Even though I was clearly walking.

Even though my feet were touching the ground.

There was no sound from my steps.

The streets were filled with people.

A cacophony of footsteps, the vibration of cell phones, the rustling of wind through the trees.

But none of that sound was mine.

Voices drifted from around me.

Children giggling as they played with their friends, elders haggling over prices in front of shops, murmured conversations from inside cafés.

They—had sound.

They—definitely existed.

But I—didn’t.

So I hastily got onto the bus.

I couldn’t tell if they had stopped to look at me or at someone else.

I stretched out my hand, grasping the pole.

But I couldn’t feel anything.

Neither the chill of the metal nor the friction against my palm as the bus rocked.

There was absolutely nothing.

It felt like my hand might just pass right through the pole.

Click.

I pressed the stop button.

The sound should have been heard.

Click.

My fingertips tingled.

Click. Click. Click.

I pressed it, pressed it again, and again.

Yet—

Nothing happened.

The bus continued to move.

The scenery outside the window seemed to recede.

I needed to stop.

I needed to get off.

Click.

Please.

But once again,

There was no sound, no reaction.

My fingertips went cold.

Sweat made my palms clammy.

Cold sweat ran down my spine.

I looked at the system message again.

[System Error! Temporarily losing existence.]

Temporarily?

So it’ll come back?

Or… will it disappear forever?

I suddenly stood up.

This is an error.

It’s wrong.

I exist.

I am here.

I’m on the bus.

I need to get off.

So,

“…Excuse me?”

I took a step toward the driver and opened my mouth.

But—

There was no response.

“Excuse me!”

My voice trembled.

My lips felt parched.

It felt like my throat was being scorched.

I reached out my hand.

I tried to grab the backrest of the driver’s seat.

The moment my fingertips touched—

Chung.

I grabbed at empty air.

There was nothing there.

Instantly, my heart sank.

I—I can’t reach it?

No, no.

That can’t be.

Right in front of me, there’s the bus driver gripping the steering wheel.

He’s sitting there.

I’m standing right behind him.

But—

I can’t reach him.

I couldn’t catch my breath.

It felt like I wasn’t getting any air.

“Is it broken?”

The driver’s voice reached my ears.

At that moment,

My thoughts went blank.

…Broken?

What does he mean by broken?

I pressed it.

I clearly pressed it.

I felt the button with my fingertips, pressed it, and pressed it repeatedly.

And yet,

The button I pressed didn’t sound?

No,

Could it be that it couldn’t sound at all?

Was I just pressing a broken bell?

…No.

No.

Then,

If not the bell, could it be—

Broken? Not me.

I extended my hand again.

Toward the driver this time.

But,

Once more, I only grabbed at empty air.

The sensation disappeared from my fingertips.

My hand, my arm, my whole body felt like it was fading.

My lips parted.

But no sound came out.

I’m standing.

Right behind him.

I definitely exist.

Yet,

He doesn’t see me.

He doesn’t hear me.

Am I—

Not here?

Have I—

Disappeared?

…No.

Not yet.

I checked the mirror.

The small rear-view mirror next to the driver’s seat, facing the back.

There,

I should have been there.

My reflection should have been there.

I slowly peeked into the mirror.

But,

In the mirror,

The bus interior was clearly visible.

The people sitting by the window.

The passengers gripping the handles.

And behind the driver’s seat where I should have stood—

—I was gone.

In that moment,

Dizziness washed over me.

My toes felt as if they were floating away.

It felt like I was slowly sinking into the abyss.

I—I—

I finally understood.

…I’ve disappeared.

I opened my mouth.

But no sound came out.

I slowly lowered my hand.

Just,

Silently.

I stared out the window at the flowing scenery.

Even as the bus passed stations,

I couldn’t get off.

I couldn’t stop.

I was just there.

Silently sitting, observing the flow of the scenery, the passing people.

[System restoration complete. Existence restored.]

[Test completed. Subject’s reaction recorded.]

The sense of helplessness that came from being unable to do anything.

I was merely an observer, as if receiving a warning not to cross the line.

[Are you truly a part of this world?]

I don’t know. Not then, and not now.

I know nothing.

Maybe I’m still searching for an answer to that question.

“Student! Student!”

A unfamiliar voice startled me.

The bus driver was looking at me through the rearview mirror.

“Student, aren’t you getting off?”

I quickly grasped the situation.

We had already arrived at the stop.

And,

I could feel the warmth pressing against my shoulder.

Heavy and distinct.

“Did you press the button?” he asked.

“Yes, sorry,” I replied.

I looked down at Lee Jian, who was still sound asleep.

Her steady breathing could be heard.

Her even breaths tickled against my shoulder.

A strand of disheveled hair fell over her forehead.

I gently shook her awake.

“Hey, hey. Wake up, we’re here.”

“Eeek?”

Lee Jian rubbed her eyes and looked up at me.

Slowly, but clearly.

In my direction, looking at me.

I was definitely—there.

I existed here.

And,

Someone was looking at me.

Lee Jian, still half asleep, mumbled incoherently.

She stood up unsteadily, not quite back to her full senses.

“…Hm.”

She muttered something in a low voice.

With half-closed eyes, she looked up at me, then closed her eyes again.

Stagger—she slumped forward, collapsing into me.

“Hey.”

I awkwardly caught her.

“Are you a zombie?”

“…I’m going to…sleep…now…”

“It’s not a good idea. We need to get off.”

Sighing, I helped her to her feet.

The bus driver chuckled as he glanced at us, then wore a meaningful smirk.

“Take good care of your girlfriend.”

“…”

In that instant, my mind went blank.

His word—“girlfriend.”

I considered replying but stopped.

There was no need to correct him.

…But,

It wasn’t unpleasant.

Not at all, in fact.

“…”

I quietly inclined my head to the bus driver.

“Yes, thank you.”

Slowly, we exited the bus.

Just before the door closed, I glanced back at the bus driver.

He was still watching me through the mirror, grinning slyly.

His smile irked me somehow.

“It’s a good time. A really good time.”

“…”

I realized my ears were still red.

Lee Jian, still not fully awake, wobbled around.

“Haa.”

I let out a sigh and carefully picked her up.

She felt light—not feather-light, but quite.

And at the same time, she felt heavy too, the weight of my heart pounding as if echoing.

Still, I knew the way to her home thanks to having walked this route many times together.

Even though it was mid-day with the sun still high, the sun was starting to tilt.

The summer sky seemed to be causing the day to end earlier.

The long shadows silently swept across the road.

There was no breeze, and the skies were clear.

Yet, a subtle sense of isolation permeated the air as the temperature rose.

The hurried rush of cars and the people around felt strangely distant, just like that time before.

Will I become a ghost again?

The quiet breathing I could feel against my back.

She was half-asleep, leaning on me.

Her limp body.

“…Kim Dohyun.”

At that moment, a small voice reached my ear.

I immediately focused my attention.

“…Mm.”

Lee Jian mumbled faintly against my back.

I slightly lowered my head.

She was still resting quietly against me.

I could feel the warmth.

It was warm.

A reality so different from the moments before.

I hadn’t disappeared.

In this world, I still existed.

And—

Currently, on my back,

There was someone who clearly acknowledged my existence.

How much anxiety did I feel back then?

Even though the sunlight was shining brilliantly in the midday, the streets felt too quiet.

Beyond the window, the scenery changed, but I wasn’t a part of it.

I was…

Alone.

But, now,

Unlike that time.

I am carrying someone.

I’m walking down the path with someone, side by side.

I haven’t been erased or vanished.

Right here, now.

I definitely exist.

I took a slow, deep breath.

And,

“…Kim Dohyun.”

The faint voice called out again.

I chuckled quietly.

“…How do you always find me so well?”

She didn’t reply but leaned more deeply into my back.

Silently, I continued my walk.

In this world, she was the only one who had found me first, among everyone.

“Next time…if I disappear again…”

I lifted her up once more.

“Will you still look for me then?”

She remained silent,

But quietly leaned into me more deeply.

I chuckled softly.

That was enough. I wanted to believe that it would be.

A strand of her disheveled hair brushed against my cheek.

So soft, her calm breath, and that subtle warmth.

And then,

Even in her sleep, her arms moved slowly.

It was a sluggish, weak motion,

But the way she wrapped her arms around my neck felt unmistakably real.

I caught my breath in that instant.

She carefully,

But undeniably, held onto me.

Her forehead touched my shoulder.

Gently, very lightly.

She leaned in more.

That small movement alone conveyed, the warmth seeping deeply.

It was warm.

Her light breathing tickled my ear.

Rhythmically, and so familiar.

I closed my eyes.

Unlike the time when nothing was visible,

Now, I felt unmistakably embraced.

Her arms, her fingertips, her breath—

All of it was directed toward me.

The steady beat of my heart reverberated quietly through the air.

I spoke in a very quiet voice.

My voice trembled unexpectedly.

Midway through my words, as if moisture clung to my throat.

“…And grab onto me, Jian.”

This time,

For sure,

So I don’t disappear.

Never again,

Wanting to not be alone.

---