Beautiful Misery

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Baby Jonah wailed aloud.

Jason was trying his best to calm his baby down. He had been walking back and forth as he rocked his arms gently while hushing the baby. It was already past midnight and his son refused to sleep in.

It had been three months since he was admitted into the hospital and gave birth to his son, Jonah. Jonah had never been a fussy child ever since the day they were discharged. Jason had always put Jonah to bed in the evening and the child would wake up the next morning. Though, Jason was recently suffering from sleep deprivation as he had woken up to Jonah's cries for three consecutive nights. He was not sure what was bothering his dear boy.

He had changed the baby's diaper earlier. Checking the baby's weight by touching the baby's bump, it was still light. He then walked out of the bedroom, headed down the stairs in the dark. It was dangerous to be walking around blindly, especially walking down the stairs with a child in his arms. Nevertheless, he had carefully and successfully reached the bottom of the stairs.

He walked to the kitchen area with the crying baby. He turned on the lights and it blinded him for a second before he got used to the light. He went on to prepare milk in the bottle for his child and he was trying to feed the baby but Jonah refused to drink from it. His head keeps tossing and turning around, refusing to accept the bottle teat. Jason sighed as he abandoned the bottle in the fridge before climbing up the stairs and walked into his room.

Jason was at his wits end. Jason did not wish to bother his mother at this late hour. However, at times like this, he desperately needed her help. She was the only one he could turn to and she had the experience of looking after a baby after all.

He immediately grabbed his phone which he had left on his bed. He dialled in the familiar sets of numbers before he placed the speaker on his right ear and the phone was supported in between his shoulders.

Tut. Tut. Tut. Line connected.

"Hello? Jason? Why are you calling me at... 12:30am?" His mother's sleepy voice came through the call.

Jason's expression turned apologetic as he helplessly looked at his non-stop crying son, "Mom, I—"

The baby wailed even louder which cuts Jason's sentence as he tried to hush the baby down.

"Is that Jonah crying?! What happened?!" His mother panicked.

Jason sighed as he explained tiredly, "I don't know what to do... He kept on crying... I tried feeding him a milk bottle but he refused to drink it... I checked his diaper and it's not even dirty... There was no bad scent coming from it… It's been three days and he's still throwing fits… I need help, mom…"

"What do you do when he's crying?" asked his mother and Jason sighed in sadness as he replied, "Nothing. I really did nothing. He just cried himself to sleep. I feel so powerless, mom…"

The line went silent for a moment and Jason thought the line had been disconnected till he heard his mother's soft voice whispering into the phone.

"... Have you tried breastfeeding...?" His mother's voice came on and Jason had to blink his eyes a couple of times.

"I'm sorry, but what? Breastfeeding? Tell me that I heard it wrong," Jason said as he sat by the bed with the baby in his arms.

"Nope. You clearly heard me. Breastfeeding. The baby is crying, not because of hunger. He probably — maybe — wanted his mother's — well in this case, his father's — milk as a sense of security and safety. Never underestimated babies. They could feel threatened if they're not given something as an assurance," his mother stated as she yawned quietly on the other line.

Jason was sceptical with his mother. The nurse did give him advice regarding breastfeeding when he was still admitted into the hospital ward. However, he found no need for that since Jonah was never fussy till that night and he never expected his mother would bring up about it as well, especially during this crucial hour.

Before he could say anything, his mother continued, "Before you find this idea to be 'dumb', you should give it a try. Who knows? Maybe you could actually breastfeed the child."

Afterwards, the conversation had come to an end and they bid each other goodbye. As much as she wanted to help her only child, she could not do anything but give him a piece of advice. His mother sighed pitifully on the other line, "If only I'm there, hun."

"It's okay, mom. You picking up my calls is more than enough. Love you. Night mom," he ended the call afterwards and looked down to the whimpering baby.

"Your Grandma thinks it's a good time to try breastfeeding you, as much as I find the idea to be… ridiculous. However, if I give it to you, do you think you can keep quiet after having your fill?" he asked the baby quietly as he tried to hush the crying baby.

Jonah's cries quietened down after his small talk, as if he could understand him, and Jason ridiculed himself upon talking to a baby. He sighed aloud. 'Let's just try. Wasting more time means less sleep for me.'

He placed the baby gently on the bed, making sure the pillows could support the baby comfortably, before removing his shirt. He then cradled the baby into his arms and slightly tilted his head to the side, right above his teat. Before he could mentally prepare himself, Jonah immediately attached his lips to it and suckled hard. Jason jolted in surprise and winced at the pain.

"Wait! Hold on!" Jason groaned out and he gently pushed his child away. In doing so, Jonah wailed aloud when he was forced to be separated from the teat. Jason hushed the baby once again. Upon tilting his son's head, he realised there was a trace of white liquid on Jonah's chin. He looked down to his teat, surprised to see the same white liquid coming from it.

'I'm not dreaming, am I?' With his index finger, he scooped the white liquid spilling from his teat and without thinking twice, he put it in his mouth as his tongue reached out to taste it before swallowing it. 'It tasted… like actual milk… sweet milk… I can't believe this is happening.'

Although he had so many questions running through his mind, Jason knew it was not the time for questioning. Jonah would not stop crying and Jason had no choice but to help Jonah latch his lips back onto the teat. He silently endured the pain as Jonah happily suckled on it.

"Chu. Chu. Chu," Jason could feel Jonah biting it hard with his gums and he was worried for the day when Jonah had grown teeth. 'It would be so painful to endure…' He mentally whimpered.

Minutes later, the suction pain died down and as he looked down, Jonah had his eyes closed. The mouth enclosed around the teat was slowly widening and leaving it agape. Jason lightly tapped his baby's cheeks, checking if he was awake. After the assurance of his baby sleeping, he then carefully got up and placed the baby onto the cot. He grabbed the baby napkin and wiped away the drool mixed with milk around Jonah's mouth. He then looked for the pacifier and placed it inside Jonah's mouth, letting the baby sucking it in his sleep.

Afterwards, he looked down on himself and realised there was a trail of white liquid flowing down from his teat. Without thinking, he squeezed the teat hard and more milk overflowed out of it. He gasped quietly at the sudden sensitivity around his chest area and carefully rubbed the area around it to soothe the pain. 'Apparently, men were able to breastfeed and it actually hurts...'

He grabbed wipers that were located on the bed nightstand and wiped away the leftover substances that were trailing down from his chest. Without putting his shirt back on, he climbed onto his bed and decided to catch some sleep. He needed enough rest for a new morning.