NOVEL WEB Chapter 14
[VTuber, Thread 29 Talking About Kainoh Izumi]
…
32. I wonder if Mei-chan will do well in the collab today.
33. From what you said yesterday, it seems like you really hate collabs.
34. 33 << More than hating it, it feels like she thinks it’s too much for her. 35. She’s clueless, stutters, and every time she tries to do something, it’s just Yeo-sang all the time, so it’s understandable.
36. Just how severe is her social anxiety for her to be like that?
37. 35 << But the Yeo-sang thing is also partly due to the Izutomo guys prompting her, so it’s kind of sad.
…
67. But honestly, Mei-chan is cuter when she’s panicking.
68. There are so many abusive fans among the Izutomo.
69. But doesn’t Mei-chan actually enjoy that?
70. Still, I’m glad she seems mentally strong.
71. I hope she doesn’t graduate. I’ve been enjoying her streams the most lately.
72. 70 << Her self-esteem looks super low, but since she’s been through so much, her mental strength feels strong. 73. But once those kinds of people start to break down, it happens in an instant. I’ve seen it more than once. 74. 73 << I’m also worried about that lately, so I try to Nade-Nade her as much as possible.
…
95. So, will we see a Yeo-sang in the collab today?
96. 95 << That seems like a sure thing… 97. Still, Mei-chan’s Yeo-sang is a big part of her channel’s growth, so she should use it well.
98. Well, even if it’s a Yeo-sang, it’s never caused any major problems.
[Virtual YouTuber Minor Gallery]
[Title: If There Are No People on Earth, Then Bad Things Wouldn’t Happen in the First Place.]
[Written by: Creepy Smiling Girl Mei-chan Is So Cute]
It’s true.
https://ontu.be/XXXXXXX
[Recommended 49 / Not Recommended 2]
ㅇㅇ: Why is this true?
Izutomo: What kind of life has Mei-chan lived?
ㅇㅇ: Is this really true?
└ㅇㅇ: So, would it be fake?
ㅇㅇ: It’s not incorrect though, lol.
ㅇㅇ: Is this… a current JK?
[Title: Can’t Wait for Today’s Star Flow 2nd Generation Collab, Upvote for Sure, lol]
[Written by: ㅇㅇ]
Especially Kainoh Izumi << I’m super curious about how she’ll create a Yeo-sang, lol.
[Recommended 68 / Not Recommended 6]
ㅇㅇ: A Yeo-sang master recognized even in the homeland, lol.
ㅇㅇ: Still, she seems to be trying hard to stick to her RP lately.
ㅇㅇ: But even if she tries, isn’t she a living testament to the fact that a person’s essence doesn’t change?
Mei-chan Love: Don’t slander our Mei-chan, you bastards!
ㅇㅇ: But honestly, if we’re talking about just fun, she’s at the top among the 2nd generation, lol.
ㅇㅇ: Everyone seems to agree that the hits are awesome.
★
“Ugh.”
The group collab starts at 5 PM.
And right now, it’s only 2 PM.
There are still 3 hours left, but I can already feel this tremendous pressure rising in my heart, making me feel nauseous.
So I asked my manager frankly if there was any way I could skip the collab, but I got seriously scolded for saying something ridiculous and had no choice but to give up.
The collab is happening on the official channel of Star’s Flow.
What about the content?
I don’t know.
I truly have no clue.
They contacted me saying it would be boring if I knew in advance and that they’d tell me after the collab starts.
Lies.
If I know nothing, it’s easier for the Yeo-sang to come out and it would attract more attention, so they’re clearly aiming for that.
They probably told all the other participants everything.
Star’s Flow, you guys are the embodiment of evil; it makes sense.
“Ugh…”
I know.
This is an outsider’s unique paranoia.
But if I don’t find some way to rationalize this, I really feel like I’m going to throw up.
I was already stiff when I collabed alone with Suzuha Koga; now, I have to converse with four people at once?
That’s like telling an ant to talk to a human being.
Just kill me instead…
[Natsune Nanase: Are you okay? If you’re having a hard time, just tell me. I’m your senpai, and I’ll do my best to help you!]
Looking at Natsune’s DM calms my heart a little, but that’s only temporary.
The wave of anxiety comes rushing back, soaking my back with cold sweat.
[Suzuha Koga: Are you okay, Izumi? If it’s tough, do you want to talk one-on-one beforehand?]
… Should I call her my first friend?
Just as I’m spiraling into negative thoughts and preparing to hyperventilate, Suzuha Koga timely DM’d me.
She must have realized I was panicking like last time.
Suzuha is indeed my precious friend.
[Kainoh Izumi: W-What do you think?]
Tada-dada-dada-daan, tara-ra-ra-ra~.
As soon as I sent a reply, it was as if she had been waiting for it; Suzuha Koga called me with a missed code.
“Ah, hello, K-Koga-chan.”
[Izumi? You sound really out of breath.]
“Honestly, I feel like I’m going to throw up because of the pressure, and I want to turn off the computer right away. But the manager said that’s not allowed, and I’m so completely….”
[Wait, wait, wait, Izumi? Just slow down and take it easy!]
As I poured out my true feelings without stopping for breath, Suzuha Koga interrupted me, trying to calm me down.
[I can tell you’re really scared, so let’s think of a solution together. Anyway, it’s been established that skipping this collab is impossible, right?]
“Y-Yeah?”
I must have looked really bad earlier, but Suzuha Koga continued the conversation as if nothing happened.
… Is Suzuha really an angel?
[So, Izumi, can I ask you something?]
“…Yes?”
An ominous feeling crept up my spine.
My instincts screamed for me to hang up and run away.
But why?
Suzuha is my precious friend.
She wouldn’t do anything bad to me, right?
It must be unnecessary worry. My instincts aren’t always right, after all.
[Izumi, do you, um, hate us?]
“W-What? That’s… that’s not true…”
If I had to choose between liking or disliking, I’d say I like them.
Excluding my family, they’re the only ones I can truly connect with in this lifetime.
My classmates are stuck in a limited three-year time frame, and even if I’m not a total outsider with communication impairment, I can’t get close with every one of the nearly 30 people.
But in Star Flow, as long as no one graduates, I’ll always be connected to them, and there are only four of us.
If I extend the scope to Star Flow’s VTubers, Natsune or the first generation seniors can also be included, but the special feeling that comes with being in the same generation is different.
It means I like them equally in a sense, just like my favorite, Natsune, but in a different way.
… Oh, maybe that’s not quite right.
[I’m glad to hear that’s not the case! Ah, by the way, it’s not that you hate us, but all people, right?]
“E-Definitely not!”
[But yesterday, you did say that bad things happen because of humans…]
“Th-That’s not what I meant…”
[I know. Just kidding, just kidding.]
“Y-Yeah…”
Since Suzuha started casually speaking to me, she sometimes pulls these mischievous pranks.
I can now easily picture Suzuha’s avatar giggling.
[So, can I ask why you’re so shy?]
The reason I’m shy.
First off, I’m not sure if it’s fair to say I’m simply shy, but clearly, anyone seeing my situation would naturally become curious.
Unfortunately, it was a bit difficult to explain this to Suzuha.
It includes stories from my previous life that I can’t reveal to anyone.
★
In my previous life, I was somewhat of a lively boy.
People always gathered around me, and everyone seemed to cherish and like me! … or so I thought.
But when was that?
Was it in the 5th grade of elementary school?
I was late by about 30 minutes for an appointment because I overslept.
I thought everyone would be angry.
So I was naturally planning to apologize.
But when I arrived at the meeting place, what I heard was,
‘Isn’t he a bit too much?’
‘I’m starting to want to stop meeting him.’
‘Does he still think he’s in the lower grades?’
‘Let’s not invite him next time.’
What I had to hear as a penalty for being late was the true feelings of people I thought were my friends.
I felt nauseous.
I could have walked out with my usual bright smile and pretended I didn’t hear, but I didn’t want to do that.
In the end, I turned back and went home.
And that was the beginning of my isolation.
The next day.
As expected, I didn’t talk to them at school.
They had been treating me like I didn’t exist from the start.
At first, there were still some who approached me, but I pushed them away myself.
I thought they must have some ulterior motive, and that they were plotting to make fun of me.
In the end, the only ones left around me were my family and a childhood friend I had known since early childhood.
Thinking about it, I wonder how that friend is doing.
Did he feel sad when he heard about my death?
I don’t know.
Honestly, after that day, I also avoided him to some extent.
Anyway, from that day on, I began to avoid people.
Looking back, I was pretty foolish.
It had only been a little over two years at most since I got to know him in the 2nd grade of elementary school.
But they were precious friends to me back then, so the sense of loss was immense and hard to express, and the wounds I received then never healed, even after realizing how foolish I had been.
It became a perfect part of me, so in the end, I never formed new relationships until the very end.
And now, in this reincarnation.
Now, I’m just inherently shy.
No, it’s crossed that level, right?
By any measure, my awkwardness is way worse than in my previous life.
At least in my previous life, I didn’t stutter, and I could look someone in the eye while talking.
Even trying to recall my past life and talk naturally with someone makes me shrink instinctively.
What is the problem with me now…
Well, in conclusion, my current situation is a tangled mess of various things.
My inner being is still bound to my past life, and externally, inherent issues hold me back.
In other words, the worst of the worst has resulted in creating me, which transcends the ordinary level of a total outsider….
Heheh, I’m becoming scared of myself….
★
[So, Izumi, can I ask why you’re so shy?]
Anyway, in response to Suzuha’s question, I could only say,
“It’s just my nature….”
[That must have been a pretty awkward question. Sorry.]
“Oh, it’s fine. I think I’d be curious too.”
[Thanks for understanding. So, that means Izumi doesn’t hate us 2nd generation peers. Is that what we should take away from this?]
“Yes, yes! If I had to choose between liking or disliking, I think I like you all.”
[Got it. So that’s a relief!]
“Really?”
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Just then, as if on cue with Suzuha’s words, a notification sound echoed in my headphones repeatedly.
[Suzuha Koga has added Utsumi Ayaka, Akabane Yukari, and Aki Nekoto to the group.]
[Huh? What? Were you two already on a call?]
[Hmm, suddenly inviting me like that. I was taken aback.]
[Yawwn….]
“Eh?”
[Are you okay, Izumi?]
[What? Have you already dropped the formalities with each other?]
[I want to talk casually with Izumi, too!]
[Is it okay if I go to bed since I’m sleepy?….]
“…Hiiiiiick!”
As the whirlwind of conversation rushed in, I let out a pathetic sound and ripped off my headphones, escaping the room.
How could you, Suzuha?
Using someone’s genuine feelings like this!
I feel betrayed!
You’re not an angel, but a little devil!