Bad Born Blood

Chapter 232

I made contact with a high-ranking official of the Federation through negotiations with Sonsu Industries.  

‘Now, all that remains is the judgment and decision of the Federation government—or rather, Deputy Secretary Ismael.’  

I belatedly investigated the structure of the Federation's bureaucratic system and the role of the deputy secretary.  

‘The deputy secretary is the key figure handling practical affairs in their department. Those above them are largely symbolic. This means that the deputy secretary is the one who makes the practical decisions.’  

It was uncertain how much military value Ismael would assign to my defection. If it didn’t reach the value I desired, additional negotiations would be necessary.  

‘I have plenty of cards to play in the defection negotiations. Until now, it was my own reluctance that kept me from choosing defection.’  

I was, and always would be, from the Empire, having undergone near-brainwashing levels of loyalty training. Even now, despite my growing resentment toward the Imperial Family, I still felt an attachment to the Empire.  

‘If I come under the Federation’s protection, even Ivan won’t be able to make a move immediately.’  

The defection process needed to be completed before news of me reached the Empire or Ivan.  

‘I need to buy as much time as I can until I find Giselle.’  

I sat in my office room, my gaze shifting only slightly as I looked at my hand.  

Bzzzz.  

A tiny insect buzzed around my hand and arm.  

It flitted through the air in a seemingly erratic, overlapping trajectory.  

‘The result of long evolution. That kind of complex flight path makes it difficult to predict and hard to catch.’  

But I saw through the randomness. Even without conscious effort, I could discern the patterns hidden in the chaos.  

Click.  

I moved my fingers swiftly, snatching the insect out of the air. The moment I caught it was one of extreme precision.  

Using the delicate craftsmanship of my prosthetic hand, I adjusted the pressure to avoid injuring the insect.  

Bzzz. Bzzz.  

Trapped between my nails, the insect weakly flapped its wings.  

‘My brain function is still fine.’  

Of course, this was just a self-diagnosis, not a proper examination. Maybe I just wanted to believe it.  

‘Sometimes, in extreme situations, my brain overperforms to the point that even I’m surprised by my own abilities.’  

The peak of my abilities was now higher than it had been during my cadet days.  

‘But objectively, my brain’s resilience and durability aren’t what they used to be. When I push myself to the limit, I hit a wall faster, and recovery takes longer.’  

It felt like I was walking around with a time bomb in my head. No one knew when it would go off.  

I had to find Giselle before that happened.  

‘Limited time. Insufficient abilities. Looming dangers closing in.’  

What could I do? What would I have to give up?

Ragnata's words came to mind. She had emphasized the importance of choice and focus.  

‘We can't have everything.’  

I knew that well.  

I had tried to abandon many things to get this far—my own weaknesses and vulnerabilities. At times, I thought I had succeeded.  

I had wanted to become rough and aggressive. Someone without mercy or compassion… a fierce and selfish kind of person.  

I wanted others to see me that way, too. That way, they wouldn’t ask me for favors, and they wouldn’t try to form any kind of personal connection with me.  

The more isolated I was, the stronger I could become.  

…At least, that was what I thought as I faced the Storm Era. But in the end, what saved me during that time wasn’t the strength of isolation—it was the bonds formed from my own vulnerabilities.  

‘Remember those experiences. Find a compromise within yourself.’  

Even now, I didn’t know the right answer to how much I should form and maintain relationships with others. The world was full of chaos and disorder.  

People, by nature, couldn’t be trusted. Not just me—everyone was weak and fickle. And yet, in order to survive, I had to trust others despite that uncertainty.  

Step, step.  

I walked down the hallway of the office building, burdened with precarious self-awareness.  

‘…This isn’t the time to be thinking about this.’  

And yet, I was thinking about it. At this point, I wasn’t even sure anymore.  

It was like I was reaching out to help someone while standing at the edge of a cliff myself.  

‘A perfect way for both of us to fall.’  

I stopped in front of Boyan’s room.  

Without knocking, I opened the door and stepped inside. The room was dark, but I could sense movement.  

“Boyan, it's me.”  

I spoke into the darkness.  

From the direction of the bed, Boyan’s sharp, yellow pupils gleamed like those of a beast.  

“L-Luka? S-suddenly?”  

Boyan seemed utterly flustered.  

“Well, I am your guardian, at least in name. It’s only natural for me to check in.”  

My eyes adjusted to the darkness.  

Boyan was sitting on the bed, wrapped in a blanket like a coat. He seemed overly sensitive to the cold.  

‘Goddamn it…’  

I immediately recognized the signs of withdrawal. The hypersensitivity and confusion—classic symptoms of substance addiction.  

‘It’s already this bad?’  

The symptoms had progressed much faster than I expected. I had been thinking in terms of human standards from the start.  

“When you have a guest, you should at least offer them a drink instead of just sitting there.”  

Boyan hesitated as he tried to get up from the bed.  

“I… I don’t feel well.”  

“Bullshit.”

I kicked the chair aside as if shoving it away. It crashed into the wall with a loud, harsh noise.  

“Ka-rgh!”  

Startled, Boyan’s pupils narrowed even further. Instinctively, a deep, guttural growl—the hallmark of his wild nature—escaped his throat. His concealed claws emerged, digging into the blanket.  

“Right. You were born a warrior species. Sitting at a damn desk like some scholar never suited you. No wonder Regor beat the crap out of you—I understand him a thousand times over now.”  

“B-but, y-you… you s-supported me all this time.”  

I sat on Boyan’s desk and reached out to the curtain covering the window. Without hesitation, I yanked it down, tearing the fabric apart.  

Crash!  

The curtain rod fell along with it, clattering loudly to the floor. Bright sunlight flooded the room.  

“Grrrhhh!”  

Boyan recoiled instantly, his entire body bristling as he scrambled further into the corner, trying to escape the light.  

‘Photosensitivity. Makes sense—he’s feline by nature, so it must be worse for him.’  

I felt a surge of irritation. He couldn’t even handle the consequences of his own choices… pathetic.  

“I supported you because you had a strong will. But the moment real competition started, you started whining and falling apart. Did you think it wouldn’t be hard?”  

“I-I didn’t know it w-would be this hard… I d-didn’t realize the g-gap would be s-so big.”  

“Are you kidding me? Of course, it’s hard. If it were easy, your species would be producing scholars and bureaucrats by the dozen. Instead, you have an advantage—becoming a powerful warrior comes easier for you than for others. If you trained properly for just two or three years, you’d be able to take down an entire squad of human soldiers on your own. Regor was an outstanding warrior, and you’re smart. You’re from a strong Crawler bloodline.”  

Boyan’s father, Regor, must have been an exceptionally sharp Crawler in combat and hunting.  

‘If Regor had been an idiot, he wouldn’t have survived while dragging Boyan around like dead weight—especially while being so damn stubborn about it.’  

I let out a deep sigh.  

Part of me wanted to drag Boyan out from under that blanket and beat the hell out of him right then and there.  

‘But Boyan isn’t the type to change his mind through violence. If he were, Regor would’ve beaten it into him long ago.’  

I grabbed a sharp writing utensil and hurled it at him.  

Whoosh!  

Boyan’s instincts kicked in. Sensing the danger, he quickly shifted his body to the side and snatched the pen out of the air.  

“Good reflexes. You’ve got a natural talent for being a warrior—it’d be a waste to let it rot. Don’t let your life end in drug addiction. The meds from the hospital weren’t enough, were they?”

“The meds from the hospital alone weren’t enough to get me where I wanted to be. Eventually, I had to… get them from somewhere else.”  

“This was inevitable. Now that you're addicted, you won't be able to control yourself. The symptoms are progressing faster than I expected. As we agreed, go lock yourself up in a detox ward and get treatment. After that, do whatever you want—I won’t care. If you need a job, I’ll put in a word with Jafa. She has sympathy for you. Even if I’m not around, she’ll look out for you.”  

Boyan pulled back the blanket draped over his head like a hood and shook his head furiously.  

“I-I've been going to school regularly! A-and my grades are good, really good!”  

He fumbled with his terminal, bringing up a screen before tossing it to me.  

Thud.  

I caught the device and checked his report card.  

‘…This is surprising.’  

His grades were improving. They had been at rock bottom, but now he was ranking among the top students. Considering he transferred in midway, it was impressive.  

“I-I realized something. I-it wasn’t that I liked studying. I wanted to use studying to c-change something. It was just a means to an end. My instincts crave blood and flesh. L-lately, I’ve been craving raw meat. I even go out to buy it and eat it sometimes. I used to hate that—it felt so barbaric.”  

I widened my eyes.  

‘Boyan is going through withdrawal right now.’  

At first, I assumed he simply couldn’t get his hands on the drugs. But from what he was saying, he had been quitting on his own and was trying to control it.  

“When was the last time you took anything?”  

“Right after my exams ended. I haven’t touched it since. Staying holed up like this makes it a little easier.”  

“But you can’t just skip school because of withdrawal.”  

“…I pretend I’m fine while I’m there. That alone is exhausting, so I can’t do much else. I secretly record the lectures and watch them later when I feel better.”  

Honestly, I had underestimated him. I thought his concentration and willpower would collapse sooner rather than later.  

‘He’s eating away at himself for his goal. Either he’ll achieve it before his body breaks down, or he’ll destroy himself first.’  

Even if luck was on his side and he succeeded, his body might end up beyond repair.  

Yeah, this was why I was drawn to him in the first place.  

‘He’s like me.’  

I stepped down from the desk and pulled the chair I had kicked aside back toward me.  

Srrrk.  

Adjusting my posture, I sat down.

Boyan must have sensed the shift in my demeanor because his eyes widened in surprise.  

“That girl… yeah, her name was Yanaka. She’s worried about you. From what I can tell, she’s worth keeping around. She genuinely cares about you.”  

“Y-Yanaka? You met her? W-where? She hasn’t been coming to s-school lately. And I… I wasn’t in any condition to attend any meetings.”  

Boyan slowly crawled out from the corner.  

“Where I met her isn’t your concern. It’s my business. And honestly, I still don’t believe you can control your addiction on your own. Seeing how bad things have already gotten only confirms it for me. From my perspective, you should check yourself into a detox ward before it’s too late.”  

Boyan hurriedly opened his mouth to protest.  

“B-but I don’t think y-you’re actually going to do that, Luka.”  

“Yeah. Even after seeing the mess you’re in, I’m not sending you to a detox ward. I’ll probably regret this choice when I see you ruin yourself later. But I’d regret it just the same if I sent you away now. That would mean I dismissed your potential based on my own narrow judgment. And I know for a fact that one in a million chances do exist.”  

Both Boyan and I were living proof of that. That’s what made us irregulars.  

I made my decision and stood up.  

Boyan’s trembling had subsided, and his eyes looked clearer. For the moment, his withdrawal symptoms seemed to have calmed.  

“Luka, I think you’d make a great father if you ever had kids.”  

“Hah. Hahaha. A great father? That’s the funniest joke I’ve heard in a while. Is your judgment already clouded?”  

I scoffed and turned to leave the room.  

“Before you go… please listen to me for a bit. I’ve finally figured out exactly what I want to do. Expanding my knowledge through education helped me understand the world on a broader scale.”  

I didn’t have time to waste. But I decided not to think of this as a waste.  

I sat back down and gave Boyan my time.  

The things he spoke about weren’t useful to me.  

But just because they weren’t useful didn’t mean they were a waste.