Backwoods Dungeon

Chapter Nine

A Goblin’s Quality

The goblin's eyes were huge. Not cute, but in a way that reminded me of that animated Johnny Depp gecko movie. It was creepy. The pupils were like dots, while the eyes were enormous and strange.

Its face had too many cheeks. Floppy bits hung off its face and triggered an uncanny valley response. Its fangs were spaced unnaturally far apart from each other. Their lips seemed constantly wet with drool like a dog, and I didn’t think it could fully close its mouth with all those teeth.

It was glaring at me, but not in anger. In fear.

“Hey,” I said soothingly. I made sure my aura was turned on and pumping out healing as I approached slowly with no weapon drawn.

The goblin quirked one of its huge eyes in confusion.

“I’m not going to hurt you. I’d just like to know why you’re here, where you came from, and why you and your friends tried to kill me yesterday, okay?”

“Pssshhh,” the goblin said, blowing air through its flapping lips. It slumped a little, partly in resignation, partly in weakness.

My shovel had fucked up something, otherwise, it wouldn’t still be here. It no longer seemed dangerous, though. Curious and wary but not dangerous. Less fearful, too.

“So… you don’t speak?” I asked as I took a step closer. I couldn’t see any blood, but there was a nasty bruise across its chest.

‘Damn, was that where it’s buddy kicked it?’ I thought, suddenly wary of the creature’s feet. With its red skin and blue blood, the welt was completely purple.

“Burrr… Kabrishka ta!” it said. Its voice was high-pitched but scratchy, like speaking through a cough. A soprano, trying to speak in bass clef.

“So you do, just not in my language,” I confirmed.

Still wary, it gave another low “Burrr.”

I approached it now. I’d thought ahead and brought bandages and disinfectant in my backpack, but there didn’t appear to be anything that needed bandaging. Still, my healing aura should be helping him.

“So… why did you try to kill me?” I asked, knowing he couldn’t understand. He didn’t seem so evil now. I ran my hand along my throat, pointed my thumb at myself, and then shrugged in what I hoped was a universal “What the fuck, why?” sort of way.

The goblin blinked at me, uncomprehending. Fuck, even our gestures weren’t the same?

“Well, shit. I guess I could take you back up to the house. Maybe we could figure out how to communicate,” I said warily.

It smiled again and nodded.

“Wait, you do understand me?” I asked, confused.

It ran its hand across its throat, pointed its thumb at itself, and then shrugged just like I did. Then it grinned disturbingly.

“Well… the classes and coins were fun, I guess, but it's not like I want to make a living off of killing you little guys. How’s the healing coming?” I asked.

I kind of thought he might be like a horse. Skittish but soothed by a constant, light tone. I didn’t have horses, but movies seemed to imply you could soothe them with gentle words.

Unfortunately, the bruise on its chest didn’t improve as I sat there, waiting for my aura to help him. When active, my aura gave me awareness of creatures in my vicinity, but I couldn’t actually feel the goblin. Did that mean it wasn’t healing him?

I got close enough to touch him. He let me, eyes wide and curious. He winced as I placed my hand on his head. The shovel had left a huge bump on his bald skull, but I hadn’t hit him nearly as hard as I’d thought in the heat of the moment. I wouldn’t have thought a bump on the head and a kick to the stomach would’ve kept this guy from moving all night.

I was about to reach for its chest to feel it in the same way when it grinned devilishly.

I lurched to my feet. Too slow. Two Goblin warcries screamed out from behind me as the one I’d been trying to help suddenly tried to bite me.

“Fucker!” I screamed as I just barely managed to get my arm away from the wounded goblin’s teeth. The little bastards had used their buddy as bait for a fucking ambush!

Daggers ready, the two critters were howling for blood as they reached me simultaneously.

I dodged one, and it barreled past me, trampling its wounded kin without care.

I was too slow to avoid the other, and its dagger slammed straight into my chest. There was a shocked moment of stillness while the goblin pushed itself off me. Pure disbelief.

I was… I was dead. It got me in the fucking lung. There was a dagger in my fucking–!

Coherent thought left after that. I screamed and tumbled to the ground while the goblin danced in delight. The other one recovered from its tumble, and even the injured one seemed to be gearing up to dance in glee and victory.

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t fucking breathe! One moment’s kindness, making sure that they weren't little devils, and that had been all it took.

I gasped, but nothing came. My mouth bobbed like a fish on dry land, but no air swelled inside me. My chest heaved, and the agony grew sharper. I was… I was on the ground. How did I get to the ground?

I was dimly aware of my aura suddenly going into overdrive in an effort to heal me, but it wouldn’t have any effect as long as there was a dagger inside me. And I didn’t have long. The other one was coming back.

The one who’d stabbed me lunged. I rolled away in a blind panic but regretted it almost instantly as I slammed onto my back. I clutched at the dagger embedded to the hilt in my chest. It was sharp. Fiendishly sharp. I tried to pull it out, but my limbs suddenly seemed robbed of all strength.

The goblins cackled in glee. They really had been trying to kill me yesterday. Not out of any territorial dispute or cultural nonsense. No. These fuckers enjoyed it. Killing me. Killing each other.

They were… Demons. Real… demons.

And I would be their first victim if I didn’t do something fast.

With a wrench, I tore the dagger from my chest and gasped as a trickle of air flowed in. The goblins were still grinning. Reveling. Enjoying their kill.

I swung the bloody dagger, and they backed away, neither afraid nor intimidated. Predators, toying with prey. They knew I was dead. Hell, I knew I was dead.

Unless…?

I didn’t think my healing aura was meant to handle stabs to the fucking lung. Maybe if I’d chosen Cleric and could actually heal myself, but there was a chance.

I was losing oxygen fast. Thinking was becoming harder. The goblins weren’t in a rush, content to wait for my limbs to weaken.

Blood was everywhere. God, how did I have so much?

The injured goblin was my only chance. It still hadn’t managed to get back to its feet with the other two.

I bellowed a mad scream and charged with all the fury of my half-dead body, swinging the dagger that had killed me in my last moments.

Shocked, the Goblin was caught completely by surprise as the dagger slammed straight into its huge left eye.

The others didn’t let the opportunity pass. Claws from the disarmed goblin raked my back, and I thought I felt another, more distant pain in my leg, but neither attack even registered next to the all-consuming agony erupting from my punctured lung.

I heard it, though. Like a gift from god, the sound bubbles. The same sound I’d heard the day before. My vision was blurry, but I saw it on the ground. The goblin had dropped a potion.

Scrambling, I grabbed the tiny vial, uncorked it, and poured the contents down my bloody throat.

I gasped for breath almost immediately as the potion instantly set to work on my ruptured lung, but I had no time to revel in the victory. The goblins were already coming in for another stab.

I didn’t manage any sort of dignified dodge. No. I flailed. I tripped on a rock and banged into the unforgiving bark of an oak tree. The slope here wasn’t very steep, but I skidded a few feet down before thankfully catching myself.

I turned and found the goblin already lunging for another swing. I slapped at the advancing dagger like a toddler and screamed when the knife cut deep into my hand. The goblin was grinning, drooling.

‘It’s gonna stab me again!’ I thought, panic warring with rage and fear as I scrambled, desperately trying to get away. I had no thought to fight. What the hell had I been thinking, coming down here like some sort of action hero!?

I focused. I didn’t think I’d manage to flail my way out of another swing of that dagger. The way my aura felt. The feeling of it all around. That had to be how my Cyclone Armor worked. I tried to spin it around me, and instinct took over after that.

An invisible whirlwind blew my hair in all directions just as the Goblin swung again. The wind was strong enough that the goblin lost its footing and sprawled across the ground as I tried to dodge again.

The other one was still a few feet back, but it was holding the bloody dagger I’d killed its friend with. I must’ve dropped it while drinking the potion.

This was my chance.

“Fuck you!” I screamed, surprised I could speak again, as I managed to turn and sprint away from the two murderous little bastards. “I tried to help you!”

It didn’t matter how murderous they were. Their short little legs couldn’t keep up with my adrenaline-fueled dash, and they didn’t even try.

The echoes of their loud, guttural language followed me all the way through the ravine.

They promised murder.