Auntie toasts the VRMMORPG

Leaving the Flowerland teleporter's location, a tent-town named Shantislav, Flora glided over white plains and hills. So far, she had spotted zero flowers. Maybe in the summer, the island would be truer to its name.

After modifying Nitro for golem use, Flora assigned it and Hurry Up to the Accordion Golem. The Mover could reach 250 km/h on its own. Boosted by the two spells and tailwind, Flora guestimated they averaged around 400 km/h.

Flora left Aidan to find their way and logged into the workshop and simulation grounds. Nothing sweetened travel time like a nice nap.

When Flora woke up, they were close, so she exited the workshop. Grey clouds moved over the mountain scenery. They hung very low in the sky. When Flora looked down, she estimated that they were just a few dozen meters above the ground but nearly touched the clouds.

Flora furrowed her brows. "Aidan…. Is this smoke?"

"Yes, Milady. A volcano is erupting a few kilometers westward."

"Ohhh!" Flora fidgeted. She wanted to watch a volcanic event! "Let us take just a quick peek!"

As they flew closer, the smoke thickened. Flying near the melting snow, they approached the mountain. To Flora's regret, no lava flowed. But when they surpassed the caldera's edge, they could watch the bubbling lava lake.

The HP of the Mover sank, and it grew a tad warm inside. Still, Flora opened the lid and threw a loaf of untoasted bread down. "My offering to the most awesome natural toaster of the world." On second thought, she added a slice of cheese. Now, Flora felt satisfied.

"Take us to the Skin Carvers, Aidan."

On the way out, Flora caught the sight of a portal nested in the caldera's wall. "Did you see that?"

"Yes, Milady. It's the entrance to the Lava Gauntlet, a jump-and-run instance for one player. The XP Grind in Tricky Beach was inspired by it and functions as a training tool for this challenge."

Flora laughed. "Remind me after the carving lessons."

A few minutes later, they reached a high plateau, and Aidan slowed down. Snow covered the ground, except for some curious round spots where iridescent rocks shimmered. Just as Flora inspected one of them, a geyser shot into the air, which solved the mystery.

The Skincarver tribe had settled next to some hot springs. Steaming creeks had cleared the snow out of the area, and tents on wooden platforms stood above them. Sheep looked for the few bushels of grass, and red and green orc children played between the tents.

Aidan landed them a hundred meters away from the settlement. A male green orc came towards them with a smile on his face, but a bit behind him stood a red orcish woman with a drawn revolver. Thankfully, she didn't point it at Flora. Both dressed like hillbillies, in jeans, leathers, and furs. Red scars adorned their arms, carved in runic patterns.

"Greetings, stranger," The male orc said. "What brings you to our tribe?"

Flora glanced at his badge.

Name: Timothy Olaphsen

Class: Trader

Level: 4 (89)

Rating: B

RGS: 3

"Hello, Mr. Olaphsen. Nice to meet you." Flora realized that she hadn't brought any gifts. She had failed to visualize the situation beforehand. Remembering Mia's briefing on manners, she tried out a light bow. It seemed silly, but at the same time, it felt oddly fitting. "I would like to learn more about the Skin Carver class."

The orc nodded as if he had expected the answer. "I'll take you to the shaman. You can pay the 10 000 credits fee to me."

Flora stored the Mover and inspected her inventory for anything a tribe in the middle of nowhere might appreciate. She found a mana-powered toaster and a Stehaufmaennchen and added them to her payment.

While Olaphsen guided her to a big white tent, Flora couldn't stop staring at his runes. They looked angry and raw. She reminded herself that she was here just to check out the class. She wouldn't mutilate herself for a bit of mana-reg.

The smell of rotten eggs grew. First, it was on the level of "I shouldn't use this egg for omelet". However, right next to the shaman's abode was a steaming hole that stank like a family serving of eggsalad gone bad.

The green orc held the tent strap open for Flora but didn't follow. Steam clouded the gloomy room and added a herbal aroma to the sulfur smell. The inside walls were lined with fur, as was the floor. At first, Flora thought the tent was empty, but then she spotted a small pool with an old orc in it.

"Come closer, lass. I won't bite." The red orcish grandpa cackled.

Name: Luca Olaphsen

Class: Shaman

Level: 4 (250)

Rating: A

RGS: 10

Flora didn't believe him, but she could never resist a hot pool. "Mind if I join you?"

 

Two hours later, Flora was high as a toast shot towards the troposphere. Those herbal bath additives weren't for skincare.

Plus Wood Tier 3, Minus Mind Tier 3: Spirit Journey of Precision: 15 x (+ 3 OV Magical Micro-Control, + 3 OV Physical Micro-Control, - 1 OV Physical Power, - 1 OV Magical Power,) Buzzed, Numb.

Everything her new best friend Luca said made so much sense! And she had totally misjudged the skin carvings. They were so pretty and seemed alive, twisting on her companion's red skin in mesmerizing patterns. She couldn't resist touching them.

Another two hours later, Flora had her own runic patterns on arms and legs and evidence that her virginity hadn't regrown during her decades-long dry spell. And he did bite!

Another two hours later, Flora rolled through the snow naked and threw curses and snowballs at a laughing orc. Anyway, she was sober now−even if she couldn't decide whether she was angrier for falling for the oldest trap in the world, getting high and getting laid, or for the second oldest, getting high and getting a tattoo. At least, her carvings were proper mana-regeneration runes, and she had remembered to apply all her dexterity buffs for the best result. She would have ported straight to a cosmetic studio if they spelled something like "Luca is de sexiest ork."

Flora rejected Luca's offer to spend the night and flew to the volcano instance. On the way, she powered up Blood Rune Enhancement.

Blood Rune Enhancement Description: (Boost) Empowers your skin carvings.

It tickled a bit, but the feeling wasn't too distracting. Because her skill level was in the single digits, Flora could only invest 10 Physical Reg/min. Therefore she didn't expect much.

Boost: Blood Rune Enhancement: + 41 Magical Reg/min, - 10 Physical Reg/min.

Flora's jaw fell to the floor. "That's a lot more than we thought!" She managed to transmit to her AIs.

"Yes, Milady. You surpassed my calculations by far. May I suggest activating Divine Radiance and Divine Elemental Enhancement? Both skills raise your training efficiency. Unfortunately, I can't connect Skin Carver to your tree. I suggest we pick up Rune Mage in Zauberberg."

Flora's messaging app rang. When she picked up, Eddie's head appeared floating above the mountain scenery.

"You had sex!" He chirped.

Flora glared at him.

"You had sex!" Eddie insisted.

"Alright, I did. But only because I was high. How did you know?"

Eddie's eyes widened. "What, I can't believe it! You really did it? With another human and not with yourself, right?"

"Actually, it was an orc."

Eddie fell out of the screen laughing.

Flora cut the call.

"You should have waited until Luca kidnapped or married you. This isn't the right order of events." Aito said.

Flora wanted to lash out, but she reigned in her temper. She couldn't waste one of the rare occasions that Aito spoke on admonishing her.

"Dear, the dance of love is more complicated and easier than the books tell. I'm a grown woman. I can have sex if I feel like it without going through all the steps."

Eddie rang again, and Flora gave him another chance.

"Was it good?" The imbecile asked, and Flora hung up again.

"That makes sense. The ladies are virgins in most of the books that include kidnappings." Aito said.

"Thank you for your understanding, dear."

The phone rang, and Flora ignored it.

Shiny Frenemy to Flowing Flowers: "I'll behave, I promise."

Flora took a deep breath and answered the call. "Tell me how you knew it!"

"Male intuition." Eddie quipped.

"There is no such thing as male intuition. The real explanation, please."

"Ha, I got you! Now, you can't be angry when I say a misogynic thing because you said something misandric." Eddie smiled with a very punchable facial expression. "I've known of your activities because you appeared less tense."

Flora rolled her eyes and resisted the urge to hang up. When she stayed silent, Eddie made puppy eyes at her.

Meanwhile, they had reached the instance. The portal had two leaderboards: one for People within its level range (1-6) and one for higher leveled players. The top ten list of the first one was spread between four minutes and six minutes, while the second top ten only contained four-minute entries.

"Are you alright, love?" Eddie asked.

"Yes."

"Sure?"

"Pretty sure."

"Really sure?"

Flora quit the call again and entered the instance.

The first room only contained the loser's corner and ended with a chasm. A few meters away, a thin stone column with a flat top jutted out of the lava lake. Behind it rose a few more.

It was obvious that the instance wanted Flora to jump on the pillars. "What would happen if we flew through the cave?"

*beep beep* (nothing good)

"Oh, well. I'm here to have fun jumping around and not to find exploits." Flora said. "But let's remove the Eddie-distraction, Edtraction, first."

Flora called him, and he answered promptly. "I'm kind of busy at the moment. Did you want to discuss anything else but my sex life, dear?"

"Nope! I just wanted to thank you for your investment. The movie will be fabulous!" Eddie smiled at her lecherously. "Of course, I don't want to detain you from any exciting activities."

Flora laughed. "My pleasure!"

"Sure!" He wiggled his eyebrows, and Flora felt that he misunderstood her last sentence.

"Let's talk tomorrow!" They said goodbye.

Finally, Flora was free to hop on pillars, balance over beams, get roasted by fire beams, slid down railings, and fall in the lava, serval times over.

Because the Tolly, Octopussy, and Mover couldn't do freerunning, Flora had stored them and invested everything but her training boosts and auras into her mech-suit and agility boost. She felt like a superhero! Even while tumbling into the lava! Additionally, the parkour helped her to get familiar with using Nitro on her Mechsuit. Straight passages usually ended with cliffs, so Nitro was her main cause of death.

After two hours, she had mastered the gauntlet. Although the sun went to sleep and the moon shone over the mountain peaks, Flora still felt awake and alert. So she decided to attend the Rune Mage class.

---

In a small classroom in the Halls of Magic, a Woodling lecturer introduced the wonders of rune magic to her students. Twelve young students sat on cushy chairs, took notes, surfed the internet, or just listened−a normal scene you could find in uncountable classrooms around the world if there weren't the thirteenth student.

In the last row, an auntie stood on her hands. She shimmered in the golden light of the divine, snowflakes and waterdrops flashing through her aura. Now and then, she took a sip from a flask, and the green streaks indicating poisoning overlayed her golden white and blue glow. When she thought nobody would notice, spells formed in her hands. Next to her, an orange golem did push-ups, and an icicle-shaped elemental whizzed around them.

The lecturer ignored them. She was sure she had stranger students, although she didn't remember when.

Class: Rune Mage

Branch: Magic

Passive: + 1 Training efficiency modifier for Runecraft

Active: Bonus for Runecraft.

STA: Throw Rune: Draw a rune and send it to your enemies.

AoE: Multiply Rune: Draw a rune, multiply it and send it to your enemies.

DEF: Rune Shield: Draw a rune and direct it in the path of an enemy's skill. It will use the hostile skill to power itself and activate.

MOV: Rune Beacon: Create a beacon and port back to it.

SIG: Ultimate Engrave: Combat version of Magical Engrave. You can engrave everything, even air.