Auntie toasts the VRMMORPG

The tiny fairy brought Flora via another rollercoaster elevator to the next dome.

"You'll find the exercises for the primary attribute in there. The test measures how much fun and skill you show when acting out the essence of an attribute." Friedhilde chirped.

"Sounds intriguing," Flora said, her head cinema working overtime imagining the activities. "May I do it in time dilation? I have a lot of tests on my schedule."

The fairy swished her arms through the air, configuring invisible screens, and then flashed Flora a thumbs-up.

When Flora entered the dome, only a grey concrete arena awaited her. Her mech-suit, as well as the octopussies, had vanished. Instead, she wore a blue catsuit with the clan Riverstones logo.

"Are you alright, dears?" Flora asked her AI's.

"Yes, Milady. Although, I lost my connection to the octopussy."

*beep*

"Dear test, we'll do the attributes in the order listed in the stats tab."

The room rumbled, and a carnival appeared around Flora. A red and yellow striped tent with a "THE WORLDS STRONGEST PERSON" sign stood next to a high striker and a machine with a punching bag. As promised, each attraction included a pedestal with a grey miniature, the Kin-Route.

Power shot through Flora. Her body felt lighter, and she just knew that she was now able to lift boulders. A glance on her stats showed that her Strength OV had risen to 71.

"Holy Toaster! What happened to the sucky OV calculation? I would have never thought that 160 levels more would get me 40 more OV!"

"Level 249 would be only 54 OV. The fifth milestone, Ascension, is the reason for the increase. At level 250, the calculation of the OV changes."

"Alright. That does decide it. We have to get all the important attributes to 250. Let's not waste time and test out my new premium body." Flora took a step towards the high-striker and promptly stumbled. "Wow, take it easy old girl. Some additional horses hide their power under your skin."

Flora only needed a few steps to get used to her new power. Wearing different mech-suits helped her acclimate to different bodily conditions.

When she touched the miniature of the high-striker, her mind was sucked into the routine. The body she inhabited was taller and bulkier than her. It took up a sledgehammer and smashed it on a block connected to a scale. A dial shot up the scale and hit the bell.

"Can do!" Flora eagerly took up the massive hammer. It felt light−maybe because of her newfound strength, or maybe it would be too easy to use a real sledgehammer for the game, so they created a dummy for show.

Flora raised the hammer above her head and smashed down. The head missed the center of the block. Although the little puck raced upwards, it didn't reach the bell.

"Once more with feeling!" This time, Flora checked her reach and moved the hammer up and down a few times before she committed to the next swing.

"Eeeeeya!" The hammer crashed on the block with a satisfying thud, and the puck shot to the bell. Its ringing filled the small room.

"Ha! Not bad for a granny, right, Aidan?"

"Yes, Milady, especially your battle cry."

Flora laughed good-naturedly but blushed.

Next, Flora went to the boxing machine. Without consulting the kin-route, she hit the punching bag. The target snapped back, and numbers rose on display until they stopped at 1328. The record showed 1999, so Flora tried a few times to beat it. Her numbers slowly rose until she reached 1644.

Flora stepped back, accelerated, and crashed into the bag.

A hoot echoed through the chamber, and no numbers appeared on the machine.

"What is happening?"

Flora sighed and returned to normal punches. However, she couldn't beat the score in the next few attempts. She was sure she couldn't improve without investing time in her punching technique.

"Yes, please. I want to try the last challenge."

Regretful, she left the boxing machine and turned to the last attraction. This time she consulted the kin-route and chuckled. Arm wrestling, tug of war, and throwing trees were on the agenda.

Flora lost the wrestling match, then got dragged through the mud while holding a rope and finally threw a tree trunk on her toe.

"At least, I had the chance to wear a kilt for the last one." Flora consoled herself.

"Milady, please take into consideration that we need to be punctual for the Animator course, or we have to postpone learning the class until tomorrow."

"I thought the Sweeping Blow quest only takes four hours?"

"That is the average duration, Milady. You needed nearly three hours for the quiz part. Fortunately, you decided to do it in time dilation; otherwise, we would be already close to the timeslot reserved for your nap."

Flora glared at the popup, but the Animator class was more important to her than proving her strength to the system.

"Next attribute!"

The carnival vanished and was replaced by three new challenges: An obstacle course, an arena with a battery of turrets surrounding it, and six orange cones.

First, Flora went to the cones. She stumbled again but caught herself without a problem, thanks to the changed attributes. The kin-route showed her the Illinois Agility Run. You had to sprint ten meters, round a cone and sprint back, then do a slalom and then another sprint.

Flora laid on her stomach behind the starting line. When the drill sounded, she exploded forward. The cone, which signaled the change in direction, arrived faster than she thought, but she managed to round it. After sprinting back, she slalomed through the next section but knocked over one cone. For the last sprint, she gave her all.

A penetrating hoot signaled her disqualification. A board showed 14.1 seconds in red. Next to it stood the time to aim for−10 seconds.

"I failed the run in two different ways? Burned toast and stale jam, these attribute exercises are hellish!"

The following run lasted 12.7 seconds, the next 10.9 seconds, but Flora was disqualified again. Nonetheless, the result showed her that 10 seconds were within her reach.

Flora left the cones and went to the obstacle course. After watching the routine, she scaled a wall, crawled under barbwire, and balanced on beams. She beat the target time by two seconds.

Motivated, she went back to the cones and destroyed−9.9 seconds!

"We'll take just a quick peek at the last challenge."

Standing at the center of the circle, Flora dodged paintballs from turrets. In the beginning, they shot only from the north, then east and west joined the fun. After 40 seconds, the towers in the south activated.

Paint splattered Flora from head to toe when the turrets stopped after one minute. The display showed her that she needed under five hits to succeed, but received 34 loads.

"One more time!"

The paint vanished, and the turrets fired again.

One minute and 23 hits later and more artwork than engineer, Flora gave up.

"Next attribute!"

A piano, knitting supplies, throwing knives, and a butt appeared.

Carefully, Flora took a step forward, feeling clumsy.

"250 strength and agility are a drug!" Flora frowned, but when she wiggled her fingers, the smile returned to her face. "Let's try the dexterity high!"

First, Flora went to the throwing knives. She hit the target with all five of them, and they even stayed embedded. While Flora was proud of her result, the test demanded to hit the bullseye every time.

The knitting challenge requested 200 stitches in 30 seconds.

Flora grinned wolfishly and picked up the knitting needles and tested the yarn. On the signal, she started knitting. The clacking of the needles sounded like machinegun fire.

When the stop signal rang, the beginning of a shawl had grown in Flora's hands, 236 stitches.

"Finally, a granny-friendly challenge." Flora chuckled. "I've done speed stitching in the past, and 200 stitches in 30 seconds is impossible for a normal human being. This test demands superhuman results. Somehow that takes the sting out of failing the tests. On the other hand, they provided me with the stats to do impossible feats…"

Next, Flora watched the kin-route for the piano. She slipped in the body of a master pianist and enjoyed feeling her fingers fly over the keys.

"We'll cheat for this one, Aidan." Even with the provided sheet, Flora had no confidence in finding the right keys on the piano within the time limit. "Color the required keys in my HUD; for the first pass, we try 1.5 times speed."

Flora concentrated on the keyboard and pressed the keys Aidan marked for her. It worked pretty well. For the next attempt, Aidan raised the tempo, and Flora made two mistakes, but the third pass was a success.

The last few seconds, Flora spent with the throwing knives. She even hit the bullseye twice.

Flora's eyebrows rose when the new attractions arrived−an aquarium containing a fish with too many teeth, one pink fluffy monster with vicious claws, and a rack with an assortment of torture instruments.

The info sign "Touch the aquarium, and deliver the breadbasket to the hungry family" drew her to the first attraction. It wasn't a toast related quest, but bread was the base for toast, and the hungry family surely had some class and would toast it.

"For the toast!" Flora exclaimed and touched the basin. Teleportation whisked her away. In her excitement, she had forgotten about watching the kin-route. Thankfully the situation seemed clear enough when she arrived next to a river. A basket with deliciously smelling bread waited for her, and on the other bank, a family of four Metalings waved.

Flora remembered the toothy fish, so she cast an Acid Shield before she picked up the basket. Inspecting the water, she saw neither movement nor the river bed.

"Oh, dear," Flora feared the unknown more than monsters. "Just a little stroll through piranha territory. Nothing to worry about. You have an awful lot of HP and a sturdy shield, a whole collection of sturdy shields and healing spells. Aidan, how big is my current health pool?"

"730 Health Points, Milady."

"Right. That's a lot." Flora took a deep breath and entered the river.

After five steps, the water reached her navel, and she held the basket above her head. "Nothing will spoil the potential toasts!"

Liquid entered her Water Shield, but it held.

"Aidan, I think I felt something bouncing off the shield," Flora said, her voice higher than normal. "Did something hit it?"

"Yes, Milady. The combat log says four Multumdente Saturni attacked it for 3-4 damage each."

"Miep!" Flora accelerated. "I mean, I'm totally brave. Tremendously brave. Some fish with too many teeth don't impress me at all!"

<Lightning Breath>

Flora discharged the spell in the water, and dead fish rose to the surface. Just as she relaxed, the surface bubbled, and only a bloody mist remained.

"Meeeeeeep!"

*beheheheep*

"Not funny, Aito! Okay, maybe a bit. Ouch!"

A fish had bitten into Flora's calf. The next bite followed into her flank, then the next into… "My buttocks, ow! Bless and Condemn! They're eating my bum! Burned Toast! Bless and Condemn!"

Flora hurried through the water, casting spells non-stop.

Short of breath, Flora arrived at the river bank and checked the bread.

"Finally safe!" She sighed.

"You never had less than 94% of your maximum health, Milady."

"Oh well, never mind. You can't be too safe. Okay, maybe you can, if your safety impedes your freedom, but that is a discussion for another day." Flora turned to the family. "Please enjoy your bread. I can highly recommend toasting it."

As the Metalings thanked her, Flora ported back to the room.

The challenge counted as a success.

"Let's take the monster next. At least, it's too big to hide."

"Take the strongest blow of the mighty Knuddelsuess. Bonus points the more combatants survive."

Flora watched the kin-route and rolled her eyes. After discussing the skill rotation with her AIs, she touched the monster and teleported away.

Flora found herself in a clearing, wearing armor. Her left hand clutched a shield, her right hand a plasma sword. She stared at the pink belly of the monster as a claw as big as she hit her shield.

"Aito, skills!" Flora ordered as she braced against the impact.

From watching the kin-route, Flora knew that other fighters and even healers surrounded her. Now, the sounds of spells and grunts reached her, but her eyes never left the enemy.

<Set Mark>

<Smite>

<Radiant Circle>

Flora prayed, and a glowing circle appeared surrounding the monster and the melee fighters. Defensive skills cast by friendlies had now a chance to propagate to other combatants.

<Fortification of Faith>

The monster jumped in the air and balled his claws into fists.

As the fists smashed into the ground, Flora threw herself to the side.

<I Bow to you and Roll with it>

The shockwave rocked Flora as she came up, but she was ready for casting the next skill.

<Bless and Condemn>

The scene vanished, and Flora was back. The info sign changed to "Success, Bonus: 4/4 melee fighters survived."

Flora looked at the stack of paddles and whips and shook her head. "Next attribute."

"Yes."

"I spent some, okay, a lot of time in time dilation. Feel free to scan the logs for that."

"Thank you, Mr. Administrator."

"Great, thank you." Flora beamed. "Next!"

Immediately, Flora sensed the difference in her stats. It was as if a bubble protected her skin. She poked her arm, and it felt normal, but she was sure that someone would have to employ some power to damage her.

"Welcome to the world of masochists part two," Flora mumbled, surveying a thorny thicket, a bed of nails, and a turret.

First, Flora ran a lap in the thicket. Because she closed her eyes when the branches brushed against her face and avoided the nastiest patches of thorns, she failed the test. During the next lap, she steamrolled through the bushes, but couldn't suppress the reflex to close her eyes.

"Alright. One last attempt!" Flora opened her eyes as wide as she could.

"Don't blink! Don't wink! Don't blink!" She chanted while dashing through the thicket.

"Success! And now a nice rest on the bed of nails," Flora chuckled.

After she laid down, a timer started counting down from 1 minute.

"It's rather comfy."