Attack On Titan: Dreams

"When this is all over," he begins, mouth at her ear, voice low and hoarse, "let's go back to Shiganshina. I'll rebuild our house. Would you like that?"

He almost regrets the masochistic game of make-believe, as he knows it will likely leave him insane with what-ifs long after she has passed, but he remains determined to stay the course, and for once be strong for her.

But he second-guesses the idea when he feels her body tense in his hold.

He begins to regret it when there is no reply.

His worry causes him to pull back slightly to look at her face, and he can see that the words have cracked at her calm exterior, her tired eyes wide and glistening with a veil of unshed tears, her brow arching in a mix of surprise and subdued sorrow, and he wishes he could take back his words.

But then, she nods with as much zest as one in her state can muster, mouth a small smile that is half rolling into a frown as she tries to hold back her tears, and he is pleased with himself, and at the same time ready to break down.

She opens her mouth to speak, then closes it, hesitance clear on her face.

"What is it?" he asks softly, urging her forth, but the reluctance remains.

"I... can't say it."

He was not expecting that especially not at a time like this.

"Sure you can," he insists gently, brow arching inquisitively.

"No, I "

"Hey," he says softly, yet curtly, pulling his hand from their clasp to catch her chin between his thumb and index finger. "Now's not the time to be difficult."

Her calm turns into that mix of puzzlement and sadness he's been seeing quite a bit of today, until the surprise on her face melts into an expression so incredibly wrought with restrained emotion.

Then, she speaks.

"Will you... build more bedrooms?" she asks quietly.

She falls silent, eyes searching his.

He blinks back, waiting for her to say more.

She does not.

She only stares back up at him, as though expecting him to speak.

So he does.

"That's it?" he asks, unsure of why she had been so reluctant to share the small request. "I could do that," he says with a small smile and a nod. "But, what for?"

He immediately wants to eat his words and swallow the question back and out of existence, because her mouth folds into a frown, and she purses her lips, her jaw setting as she clearly fights hard not to break down into tears.

The reaction has him panicking internally, wracking his brain to surmise what she could possibly want more bedrooms for that it could have her reacting in such a way.

"For... Armin to move in?" he guesses.

There is a break in her doleful expression when she lets out a small laugh and shakes her head.

He frowns and thinks harder.

"For..."

Then, slowly, the only other alternative descends on him.

As it dawns on him, his eyebrows shoot up, his jaw going slack, and he feels his own eyes sting, a terrible pain spreading across his chest, and he stammers before he answers, hoping that he is right so he does not seem stupid and overly bold and forward and presumptuous, and hoping that he is also wrong because now is the absolute worst possible time to be thinking of such things.

"For... children?" he finally asks.

And the pain in his chest worsens as she nods, her face beginning to crumple, mouth stretching into a half-smile, as she blinks stray tears from her eyes.

There is a sinking feeling in his stomach, as he pulls her body in closer, eyebrows arched pitiably in question.

"That's what you want?" he asks, voice gruff and cracking, and he can feel his throat closing up.

She nods again, and he is coming apart at the seams.

"With... me ?" he asks breathlessly, voice now low and unrecognizable even to himself.

And she nods.

And something within him bursts and breaks and renders him unable to form words.

At his silence, she averts her gaze, sucking in a shaky breath - but immediately, he brings a hand back to her chin, tilting it up so she is forced to look him in the eye once more.

He stares into her shining charcoal blues and thinks: 'Who else?'

There was no one else he would rather build a home with - no one else he found more fit to be the mother of his children, and no one else he would rather share his life with.

It is a terrifying and deeply depressing realization to come to, but despite it all, he smiles and nods vigorously, pulling her in closer.

"Alright," he says, feeling his face crumple, chest jerking as he bites back the overwhelming urge to cry, but he is failing hard, until he has no choice but to let himself fail because suddenly, the tears are hot on his cheeks, streaming freely down his face. "I'm gonna build lots of bedrooms, then," he says, trying hard to smile and speak clearly through his blubbering.

And now her expression begins to mirror his, her eyes growing wide as though not expecting his answer, brow arching pathetically as sobs begin to wrack her body.

Like him, she is trying her best to keep it under control, but a soft whimper escapes from the back of her throat, and she claps her hand over her mouth and shakes her head as she begins to cry harder.

Then, they stare at one another, both convulsing from their sobs, caught in an agreement that has forever changed the way they will remember one another, making plans that they will never get the chance to see through.

"It's not fair," Mikasa sobs into her own palm, each soft gasp stabbing at his heart, and he is in more pain than he had ever thought imaginable.

Vision blurred by the seemingly endless stream of tears, he pulls her up into a tight embrace once more.

"I know," he whispers into her hair through grit teeth, cinching his arms tighter around her, holding her closer as though if he grips tight enough, maybe she will stay.

They sit like that for a while, until their sobbing quiets down. When her body finally stops shaking from her crying, he feels fear rip through him - which is vanquished momentarily when he feels her turn her head and bump her nose into his temple.

"Eren?" she whispers into his ear.

"Yeah?" he replies softly, sniffling, refusing to loosen his grip.

She is silent for a while, and again he fears that she might have already passed. But then, he feels her light, warm breath on his ear, feels her lips gently graze against it, feels her fingers fist tightly on his shirt.

"I... I love you."

The words come out in a choked sob, and they should not at all come as a surprise, considering the empty promises they had made to one another not a moment ago. Yet, they still blindside him completely, and his emerald greens widen like saucers, and he is paralyzed in her grip.

She presses her forehead to the side of his, sobbing softly.

"I love you so, so much," she says, voice a quivering, cracked whisper as she weeps, and the words burn and sting and truly fuck him up, his head spinning, stomach turning in both horror and elation, and before he knows what he is doing, he is pulling back only enough to turn his head and press his mouth to hers.

And he finds he never wants to pull away, because, though she tastes of salt from their mingled tears, she is soft and warm, and touching her like this feels terrifyingly natural, and he is immediately filled with regret at discovering so, far too late.

When he pulls back, remaining close enough so that their noses are still nearly touching, her eyes flutter open, exhaustion mingling with her surprise.

She blinks up at him, eyes shining as she tugs weakly at the bottom of his shirt.

"Again," she commands in a whisper.

Despite the circumstances, he finds a small smile creep across his mouth before he presses a chaste kiss to her mouth, and he can feel fresh tears begin to stream down her cheeks.

He has barely pulled away when she repeats, "Again," the corners of her lips quirking up in a slight smile at their sick and twisted and beautiful and tragic game.

He obliges, heart breaking and soaring all at once as he moves in, first pressing a kiss to her nose making her eyes crinkle in watery mirth before kissing her full on the mouth once more.

When he pulls back, her eyes are closed, a small smile on her face.

And there is silence.

"Mikasa," he calls her name softly, lifting his other hand to brush her hair from her face.

She does not stir.

"Hey..." he says, voice quivering, blinking fresh tears from his eyes, feeling his throat close completely.

He shakes her lightly, until he is rocking her limp body in his arms like a madman, shouting down at her serene and unflinching face.

"HEY! Mikasa! Mikasa, Mikasa-M-Mikasa," he repeats her name like a mantra, the words slurring together as he shakes her.

Body wracking violently with his sobs, face now doused with tears, he bends to bury his face in her scarf, continuously calling her name, his whimpers muffled as he holds her limp, lifeless body in his arms.

"Don't leave... me."

And then, he pulls back, his vocal chords scraping together painfully as he heaves an anguished, guttural scream into the air.

He blinks, and he is bolting upright in his bed screaming out her name," MIKASAAA!!!" his vocal folds scraping and giving out as he claps a hand over his mouth.

Chest heaving, he gulps for air, body drenched in sweat, face drenched in tears, body convulsing with sobs.

He digs his fingernails into his cheeks in the hopes that the prickle of pain will serve to halt the flow of tears, but the attempt is futile. And, despite his relief at his return to reality, the melancholy persists, and covers him like a thick blanket.

When his breathing slows, and his violent sobbing has died down into quiet weeping, he slumps back onto his bed and presses his forearm to his eyes to wipe away the moisture, cursing under his breath all the while.

Afraid to fall back asleep, he stares at the ceiling, the residual tears continuing to stream down his face.

And slowly, horrifying clarity begins to descend upon him.

'After we all just finish what we've set out to do, I'll... I'll have all the time in the world to work this nonsense out with her.'

'Will you, though?'

He stares dumbly at the ceiling for the remainder of the night.

Sleep only finds him when sunlight filters in through his curtains.

'Fuck you Mikasa you've messed up my head entirely..'

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