As It Was

Henry

Every day got a little bit harder. However, it also continued to get so much better.

Every moment I got to spend with Chan seemed to outweigh the stress and anxiety that bit at me from the inside. Even though my head spun round and round at a speed that felt sickening, the steady thumping of my love-struck heart was prominent enough to distract me from it.

I'd started working again earlier in the week. At first, I felt wary about leaving Chandler home alone. Yes, he knew where everything was by heart, but that didn't mean that I didn't wish I could tend to his every need, wish, and desire constantly.

Even though he tried to brush me off and do things himself at first, he began to allow me to baby him a bit as the week progressed. It'd been making me a bit smug; to see him giving in little by little and just let me do as I please instead of putting up a fight.

At the same time, I found it embarrassing because a big part of me couldn't help but wonder if he was only letting me coddle him so much because he was aware of just how bad I missed him when I was away at work.

Quite pathetic, isn't it?

I'd started making him breakfast before I went to work, as well. Some mornings gave me more time to make him a nutritious meal that would satisfy him, while others were rushed and left me grappling for random items and throwing them together without even a silly note stuck to the plate. Still, I tried my best. He knew it, and he was always sure to make sure I was aware of just how grateful he was for my efforts.

I'd just gotten dressed minutes prior to hearing the creak of the bedroom door opening and footsteps sounding down the hall. I straightened the throw blanket strewn over the couch messily and propped the plush pillows back into their rightful positions. Due to my back being turned away, I was unable to see anybody standing there in the shadows. From the noise I heard moments before, I figured Chan was simply going to the bathroom or coming to get a glass of water.

I grunted a bit as I straightened my stiff back and rubbed at my sore neck. Sleeping on the couch for the past week had really started to make me feel about ten years older than I was.

"What the-" I jumped, a familiarly large hand steadying me at my lower back as I stumbled over in surprise at such sudden contact when I hadn't been expecting it. Chandler looked down at me with his cat-like grin, perfectly straight teeth gleaming as he chuckled at my sudden reaction.

"You scared me to death!" I yelled, punching his shoulder lightly and then closing my eyes as I placed a hand to my chest. My heart was racing, partly from the scare I just endured and also due to the fact that the tall man was in nothing but a pair of light gray sweatpants that hung low on his taut hips.

His bare chest gleamed in the dim lighting of the room, and his abdomen was lined beautifully with teasing etches of a six-pack.

"Sorry," he mumbled unapologetically, "you gotta head to work soon?" His right palm clasped my shoulder and turned me around again while his left moved from my lower back and slid up to the back of my neck, squeezing and rubbing at the tension there.

I couldn't help but let out a noise mixing between a small moan and a sigh, my sore muscles greatly appreciating the tender loving care after so many nights cramped up on the sofa. My eyes widened dramatically, my hand flying over my mouth to avoid any more embarrassing sounds from leaking out.

I cleared my throat when Chan giggled childishly from behind me, "Feel good?" I squeezed my eyes shut, humming quietly as his strong fingers now began to work wonders on my shoulders.

Does he not understand how sensual he sounds-especially in the morning? Maybe he does and he just likes fucking with people. Goddamn sadist-

"Why are you up?" I managed, my voice more of a quivering whisper than anything else. I had to keep telling myself to calm down before I fainted. It wasn't like Chan never touched me before, but like everything else lately, it felt different.

"I wanted to see you off this morning. I'm always asleep when you leave." His voice was gruff with slumber and rang deep with a timber so low and sultry that just about anyone would drop to their knees in seconds.

"You don't have to do that, Chan." I started, finally opening my eyes and turning my head just enough to lock eyes with him in the dim lighting of the room, "You need your rest."

His sharp almond eyes glinted as he blinked at me, his gaze lowering from his hands massaging my neck and shoulders before rising back to my own, "Don't worry about it, it's the least I can do. You're even making me sleep in your own bed. I feel like the worst person on the planet."

My face had yet to cool and my blood was rushing through my veins faster than a bullet train. His touch was setting my skin aflame, and I wished more than anything that time would stop so that I could burn in the feel of it all day long.

I sighed and managed to muster up enough strength to pull away from his intoxicating touch, lowering his arms and putting them by his sides. I tried to ignore the sharp spark of heat I felt in my gut when his fingers caught on my own for just a moment before he let go.

"You're not a bad person. You've been through something horrible and it's my job to make sure you're being taken care of properly." I shot him a pointed look and let the corner of my lips quirk up slightly when he rolled his eyes and returned a sassy expression of his own before nodding.

"Now," I backed away from the towering boy and grabbed my coat from where it laid across the kitchen table messily, and slung it on quickly. I grabbed my satchel and adjusted it on my sore shoulder before making my way back to him, "I have to go, or else I'll be late. You should go back to sleep, it's not even nine yet."

Chandler sighed and stared at me for a moment, raising a large hand and smoothing it through my hair gently before nodding in defeat.

"Fine," before I could react, I was being pulled into an absolutely smoldering embrace that filled my entire being with so many butterflies that I swore I was seconds from flying away, "It's Friday today. Let's have a movie night tonight, okay? Also, you're sleeping in the bed from now on." My cheek was pressed to his bare chest, leaving me paralyzed and experiencing far too many emotions for one morning.

His addicting smell wrapped around me sinfully as he had yet to let me go. He was just holding me to him like I was his childhood teddy bear.

In no way, shape, or form was I mad about it. My brows furrowed slightly when his nose and mouth buried into the top of my head and nuzzled slightly.

What?

Did he just smell me?

"Uh," my voice wavered slightly, quivering around the edges, "o-of course!" I managed to hold in my sigh of relief when he finally pulled away a bit, holding me at an arm's length away. As despairing as it was to no longer be pressed against him, it was beginning to become overwhelming. My patience and ability to remain calm from the outside was wearing thin and I feared I was about to implode into smithereens if I smelled his familiar scent emanating from his warm skin for one more moment.

Calm down, Henry! He's just hugging you goodbye. Grow a spine and shake it off like always.

"Alright." He smiled gently, his warm complexion suddenly brighter than the sun beginning to beam through the living room windows behind him, "Have a good day at work," he bent down to speak quietly in my ear before continuing,

"Oh-" his breath tickled the shell of my ear, causing me to shiver, "don't forget to check the refrigerator before you go."

My eyebrows crinkled as I made a small noise of confusion, but before I could say anything else, he stood back to his full height and planted a goofy kiss directly on top of my head like a mother sending off her child before turning back toward the hall and bounding into my bedroom casually.

"What the hell," I mumbled, one hand touching one of my burning cheeks and the other patting my hair where he'd kissed just seconds prior.

As if I wasn't already struggling enough, you just had to do that?

I shook my head and cleared my throat, suddenly very aware that I hadn't moved from the same spot in most likely over a minute and was probably going to be late.

I strode over to the fridge in a disoriented state, my mind too hazy from the event that just transpired between me and the man I'd secretly loved for years to fully comprehend anything. I opened the door and looked inside, not noticing anything out of the ordinary until a Tupperware container with a sticky note on top caught my attention from the fourth shelf.

I reached in and grabbed it, the cool glass doing little to soothe my skin that was smoldering with embarrassment. A little message was scrawled onto the note placed on the lid in endearingly messy handwriting.

'I know you don't eat breakfast before work- and we both know coffee doesn't count. I made you this while you were showering last night, so you'd better eat it up, or else I'll call your mom and she'll have to come force feed you herself.

I'm dead-serious,

-Chan'

My heart positively soared through my chest and refused to land as a smile so wide that it made my cheeks ache bloomed across my face. I couldn't hold back little airy chuckles as I re-read the note a few more times before glancing over at the clock on the oven.

"Crap," I mumbled to myself, quickly opening my bag and placing the container inside before making my way to the front door.

I slipped my shoes on and opened the door, stepping out into the cold hallway of the apartment complex. I couldn't find it in myself to wipe away the giddy smile that stained my lips as I closed and locked the door behind me, my mind racing with thoughts of nothing but Chandler the entire way to work.

Four o'clock couldn't have come soon enough. Lunch had rolled around after what felt like an eternity, and I'd spent most of it texting Chan, thanking him profusely for the delicious meal he prepared for me. It was simple and perfect- tea sandwiches and neat slices of fruit.

I savored every last bite, practically licking the container clean. I sent him a photo of the empty Tupperware, proving to him that I ate and was, in fact, a good boy.

After lunch, time quickened a bit when I'd gotten a few new manuscripts to edit before it was time to leave. The drive home luckily wasn't hindered by much traffic, and I thanked the gods when I finally made my way inside of the apartment. The warm air engulfed me immediately, the sweet smell of home, warmth, and Chandler all greeting me at once.

One of those smells I had adored over the others, and I'm sure it's not hard to guess which one.

"I'm home!" I sang as I slipped off my shoes and shrugged off my coat, hanging it neatly on the hook beside the front door. I walked past the foyer into the family room to see none other than a certain sleepy-looking young man sprawled out on the couch surrounded by a mess of blankets and pillows.

"How was work?" He lifted his head first to look at me from his slouched position before sitting up properly and patting the couch next to him. His full lips parted in a warm smile, his unfairly chiseled face welcoming me as I made my way over to the sofa and sat down next to him.

"It was a long day." I leaned back and let out a tired sigh as I let my eyes close for a brief moment, "How was yours?" I forced my eyes to open so that I could look at him in all of his cozy, soft glory.

"It was alright. I've been waiting for you to get home so we could start our sleepover!" He threw both fists into the air dramatically and wiggled on the couch from next to me.

I laughed at the childish excitement written all over him, shaking my head softly before pumping my own fists in the air and copying him. Once our laughter had down, he leaned forward slightly and grabbed his phone from where it laid on the coffee table.

"Pizza?" His eyes twinkled as he waited for my response, the deep chocolate color seeming to turn amber in the center near his pupils as his eyes calmly stared into my own.

"Sounds great." I patted the top of his unruly, freshly showered hair without a seconds thought and stood up from the couch to make my way to the bathroom, "I'll be right back, I'm just going to wash up really quick."

He hummed, preoccupied with dialing a number for the pizza as I excused myself and went to the restroom with a fresh towel slung over my shoulder.

Before the door clicked shut, Chan's deep voice boomed through the hall as he called out to me from the family room, "Don't forget to put on something cozy!"

I laughed, not believing just how cute and soft someone as hard-edged and tough-looking as Chandler Lee could be.

"Yes, sir!" I teased before I closed the door and undressed for my shower.

After quickly washing my hair and scrubbing my body clean from the day's grime, I stepped out of the porcelain shower and fastened the plush white towel around my waist. As soon as I opened the bathroom door, the heavenly smell of pizza wafted through the air around me, causing my mouth to water as I let myself imagine just how good it was going to taste.

I quickly made my way into my bedroom in search of the coziest pajamas I owned. I considered putting on my embarrassing bunny onesie as it was softer than silk, but decided against it because Chan wasn't wearing his teddy bear one.

Also, all he ever did was poke at my cheeks and coo at me constantly every time I put the damn thing on. Not that I minded the attention from him, but it definitely didn't make it any easier to hide just how flustered he could make me with only a few teasing words.

I decided on soft white cotton socks, gray sweatpants, and a cream hoodie that never failed to warm me up on even the coldest nights. I quickly toweled my hair dry enough that it wasn't dripping wet, but it also wasn't anywhere near dry either.

I tousled my fingers through the wet strands and decided to let it air dry, too tired to care that I most definitely resembled a wet rodent. Catching my reflection in the mirror, I decided that it was acceptable before exiting the room. I pulled the soft material of my sweatshirt tighter against me, the evening springtime air chilling my apartment a bit more than what I usually preferred.

It wasn't until I came bounding into the family room, eager for pizza and some one-on-one time with my best friend that I realized our coordinating outfits. I blushed slightly as I took note of our similar choice of clothing- sweatpants and soft sweaters. While I was in gray and cream, Chandler was in black joggers and a light blue sweater that made his already flawless complexion glow even more.

He pulled back the blanket he had draped over his lap in an invitation for me to join him on the sofa. I smiled lightly as I scooted in just enough that our knees bumped under the blanket and licked my lips as he opened the pizza box and began to place a piece on two paper plates for each of us.

I gratefully took mine when he handed it to me and dug in. The cheese melted deliciously on my tongue as I chewed, and tried desperately to ignore the way my ears pinked slightly as Chan moaned around his mouthful. The sounds he was making were innocent- just a person enjoying some good food.

To me, however, they were fueling far too many erotic thoughts that were sure to earn me a one-way ticket straight to hell if I didn't clear my mind that instant.

I sighed out in relief when he grabbed the remote control and began to search for a movie to watch on Netflix, directing my mind to a different topic other than just how incredibly sexy the man sitting inches away from me was. We settled on a cheesy horror flick that didn't seem scary in the slightest and ended up cracking up at the horrible acting less than five minutes into the movie.

Slowly, the pizza box emptied and our stomachs were filled with greasy food that made us feel about twenty pounds heavier. We'd gone from sitting upright next to each other to Chandler sprawled out behind me while I laid in front of him facing the television. It wasn't anything new- we often ended up laying down in various positions like this whenever we watched movies. It was comfortable, and it was platonic.

At least, to him it was.

Usually, there was more space between our bodies than this. Or, if we were touching, it was at the legs or sides as we shared a blanket. During those situations, I was able to force my mind to block out how warm Chan felt so close to me and how good it felt to hear his deep, obnoxious laughter just inches away from my ear. I was so used to being around him that hiding my feelings came naturally.

Tonight, my spine tingled as my sweater began to ride up slightly on my lower back and jumble up a bit, leaving a patch of exposed skin that was pressed onto Chan's sweater-clad abdomen. We'd been quite close more times than I could count, but this was practically spooning.

Earlier, my back had been aching, so Chan had suggested that I lay down as well. He insisted that the couch was plenty big and he was more that happy to scooch back to make some room- so long as I promised not to bite. With the way his large stature felt like a predator stalking its prey from behind me, I was the one who was at risk of being bitten.

Even through the soft fabric, I could feel each ripple of his abs with every one of his chuckles, and every breath he took pressed our bodies just that much tighter together. It felt like I was, quite literally, sinking into him. It was as if we were morphing into one being on this damn sofa in the middle of my family room.

I closed my eyes for a moment and tried desperately to calm my racing heart, almost ready to jump up and excuse myself to the restroom just so I could get away for a minute and breathe.

Then, he sloppily slung an arm over my upper waist and pulled me impossibly closer to him. If there was any amount of space between our bodies before, it was now diminished.

My eyes snapped open and I held my breath, scared to move in case this was all just one amazing dream I was about to wake up from. He nuzzled his face into the back of my neck, yawning as he wiggled slightly to get more comfortable. His breathing evened out from behind me, and I swallowed.

What the fuck do I do? Is he moving in his sleep?

Do I get up? I can't just lay here like this all night.

I bit my lip, squeezing my eyes shut as I lifted my right leg slightly to move it off the couch and sit up. Before I could lift my head and make my escape, a rich, heavenly deep voice sounded from behind me and sent my stomach churning in the best way possible.

"Where are you going?" Chan's voice was rough and jagged around the edges, sleep creating an edge on his tongue as his tone carved into my bones and left me shivering helplessly.

"You're tired," I tried my best to make an excuse- anything to get away and relieve myself of this sadistic pleasure I was caught in, "...We should go to bed."

"Ngh...," he whined lowly, pulling me in tight from where his arm constricted around my waist. The little breath I previously had left my chest, seeming to run far away. Suddenly, I felt as though I could cry out of frustration.

"Stay here." his thumb rubbed little circles into the skin of my stomach through my soft sweater, melting me into a puddle of mush, "Just..." He slurred, forcing me to realize that he wasn't fully conscious and wasn't truly aware of what he was about to say, "Sleep here."

I sighed, bringing a hand to my forehead and rubbing. I already knew there was no chance for me. How the hell could I refuse that? I swallowed, almost cackling maniacally at just how pathetic I felt in this moment- like a little girl who finally got to cuddle her crush.

There was no way I could go back now. What was one night going to do? It wouldn't miraculously change anything. Whether I slept right next to him or across the country, the way I felt about him would remain set in stone as the sun rose high in the sky the next morning. Besides, Chan's the one who asked me to stay. Even if he regretted it in the morning and shoved me away, If it's what he wanted at the time, I'd do it.

I was well aware that I was using his half-asleep state as an excuse to keep myself trapped in this heavenly hell. Even if I tried to fight it with balled fists, I'd lose. After all, I could never say no to Chandler.

I can push my feelings to the side for one more night, right? Even if it feels more like drowning than simply ignoring at this point.

The way his voice seemed so frail and almost vulnerable made my chest tighten with too many emotions than I could handle at one time. I couldn't refuse him- I didn't want to refuse him.

"O-Okay." I hummed, bringing my leg back under the blanket and readjusting them over us so that we were completely covered by the thick mass of warmth and comfort. My voice was quiet and nothing more than a whisper. If it weren't for the tiny sigh I heard from behind me, I would've assumed he'd already fallen back to sleep.

Chandler Lee, you're absolutely- positively- going to kill me.

The weight of his strong arm around my middle felt like a lifeline as I closed my eyes and let myself get lost in a trace of his cologne that began to cling to my own skin. The steady rise and fall of his strong chest pulled me into a drowsy sleep like a tidal wave of euphoria as I finally began to let go and just enjoy this moment I'd been given.

My erratic heartbeat began to slow after what felt like an eternity and the blazing of my cheeks began to burn out, extinguishing as I let myself slip into this moment. It felt like saying, 'To hell with it!' and diving headfirst off of a cliff. Like taking a sip of alcohol after years of being sober, I allowed myself to get drunk off of him.

One night. That's it.

Live in this moment; in how he feels against me and how his warm breath heats the back of my neck as he drifts back into a world full of dreams.

If I was going to drown in him for one night, I may as well sink to the very bottom.