As Aizen in Naruto and Joined a Chat Group

Wig Guy: Huh? Why did it suddenly get so quiet?

Skirt-Flipping Maniac: It's not that it suddenly got quiet—everyone's just too shocked by you. For a moment, nobody knows what to say.

Curly-haired Guy: You actually managed to eat that filthy thing? You're insane.

Doujin Artist: Didn't you notice something weird about the taste of the bread?

Weird?

Katsura Kotonoha took another bite of the baguette in his hand and slowly chewed: Hmm, it does feel a little less soft than usual.

Skirt-Flipping Maniac: What do you mean "less soft"?! That's not the problem—the problem is the taste! Didn't you smell something off about it?

Wig Guy: Not really. Actually, I found the smell kind of… familiar. Honestly, it's like this bread and I come from the same roots. Could this be... a gift from the heavens?

Katsura's face suddenly turned serious, his expression oddly solemn.

Doujin Artist: Gift from the heavens, my ass!

Soul Society's Villain: ...

Unohana Retsu didn't know what to say anymore. She was starting to doubt everything she thought she knew about "humans." Is someone this dumb really a human?

Curly-haired Guy: Well, I can't argue with that. His poop and his brain definitely come from the same source—both completely useless.

Wig Guy: Gintoki! You still haven't answered my question. Why am I in this cell?

Curly-haired Guy: Hmph, of course there's a reason. Eri-chan, you tell him!

Doujin Artist: ?

Eriri was instantly thrown off. How the hell would she know?! This idiot didn't even make up a reason and just threw her under the bus?

Skirt-Flipping Maniac: M-Maybe... because of the bread?

Wig Guy: Bread?

Curly-haired Guy: Yeah, the bread! I can't believe you've sunk so low, stealing someone's bread like a madman! I really misjudged you, Wig Boy!

Wig Guy: No way! That was a gift from the heavens! Besides, I'm a proud samurai—why would I ever steal bread? Even jokes need limits!

Scarlet Lotus Fairy: Then where do you think that bread in your hand came from?

Wig Guy: Uh... I... I can't remember at all! Every time I try to think about the bread, my head starts to hurt!

Skirt-Flipping Maniac: Pfft, it traumatized him?

Curly-haired Guy: Of course it did! That bread holds the mark of your crime, Wig Boy! Take some damn responsibility!

Wig Guy: Did I really do something so shameful that it defiles the way of the samurai? No... How do I even atone for a sin like this? (expression: evil grin)

Doujin Artist: What's with that evil grin?! You're supposed to be thinking about how to make up for what you did, but you look like a damn villain! Who are you even trying to act like?!

Wig Guy: Aizen Sosuke?

This is an Actor: That's probably the worst slander Aizen's ever gotten.

Skirt-Flipping Maniac: Hahahahaha! I can't take it anymore, I'm dying from laughter! My own roast is the deadliest!

Curly-haired Guy: If you're trying to make up for your sins, can you at least put down that bread first? Stop stuffing your face, you jerk! I'm gonna puke—Gin-san, I'm seriously about to throw up! Blegh!

Machete Girl: Is Kotarou Katsura seriously still eating?! That's terrifying!

Kotonoha's lips twitched hard. She had no idea how this version of Katsura managed to swallow bread that had her own poop on it. Just thinking about it gave her goosebumps.

Whew.

She took a deep breath to calm down. With her right hand gripping the blade, Kotonoha quietly followed behind Makoto Itou into an empty alleyway.

*Slash.*

In the quiet moonlit night, the dull sound of a blade cutting into flesh echoed. Dark red blood splattered inside the alley.

[Notice: Machete Girl has killed a level-2 intruder. +200 points.]

Scarlet Lotus Fairy: ?

Skirt-Flipping Maniac: Whoa, Miss Katsura actually took out the Makoto Itou who was possessed by a demon?

Machete Girl: Mhm. It was pretty easy.

Kotonoha looked down at Makoto Itou's body, now completely separated from his head. Her pretty, blood-stained face showed no emotion at all.

Doujin Artist: What about the live stream? Kotonoha-chan, you liar!

Machete Girl: I didn't think it was worth streaming. It was over in just a few seconds. [Photo]

Skirt-Flipping Maniac: This looks like a scene from a horror movie!

Doujin Artist: Yeah, but I gotta say, it kinda matches the original story. Makoto's just a head now.

If this had been the old Eriri, she probably would've felt sick seeing a photo like that. But now? Nothing. Not even a flicker. Honestly, she found the way he died kind of funny.

Wig Guy: Why's the blood black?

This is an Actor: Because he wasn't really alive to begin with. He was just an empty shell whose soul had already been eaten.

Machete Girl: Yeah. When he fell to the ground, he didn't even scream. It was like watching a wooden puppet. So boring.

Doujin Artist: Boring? What do you mean boring?! You're acting really weird, Kotonoha-chan!

Machete Girl: Hm? What's wrong?

Skirt-Flipping Maniac: Saying it's boring because the guy didn't scream—this is exactly how movie serial killers talk!

Machete Girl: A serial killer? Nah… I just think he *should've* screamed. Like, only if he screamed would I feel… satisfied?

Curly-haired Guy: She's snapped. This girl's totally snapped! She went from shy girl to full-on sadist queen!

Wig Guy: Personally, I prefer the shy housewife type.

Doujin Artist: Shut the hell up! Nobody asked about your kinks!

Amegakure Village's Angel: There might still be other intruders nearby. Kotonoha-chan, be careful.

Machete Girl: Yup. Hopefully the others are a little tougher than that demon. I'm starting to find these fights kinda fun. :)