Anticat

We Come in Prrr-eace, Just Kitten!

I stared at the sky as I ate a sandwich from a nearby store.

"Come on aliens, cats, or whatever you are. Come land and be entertaining please." I muttered. "How long is it going to take! You've already been circling the planet for four days! We somewhat harmless and furless beings wish to meet you, and some of us wish to fight you!"

I groaned and laid back on the grass. They were taking their sweet time.

"I really dislike people or uh cats who make me wait." I glared at a cloud while blocking the sun with a hand. "You might even make me hate you if you get scared and run away."

The nerve of them! Was it so much to ask for?

I crumpled the sandwich wrapped and tossed it into a nearby trash bin.

A stray cat with grey fur looked over at me "Meow?"

"Get lost furball!" I grumbled.

Great now I had no idea how to act around any cat. Which ones were real? What even defined real?

The cat suddenly turned to the sky and meowed three times.

"Weirdo." I muttered watching him.

Then he took a few steps and did it again.

I squinted at the little demon spawn. Really why are they so weird.

It walked off at a moderate pace and disappeared from sight. I sighed.

"I'm totally over thinking this now." I sat against a tree and started to close my eyes when another cat passed by going in the same direction. "Look another weirdo." I muttered, then I froze as two more appeared going in the same direction.

"That's...unusual." I got to my feet and started after them.

It just got weirder. Within ten minutes I was surrounded by cats all walking in the same direction.

"Creepy little things." I paused to avoid stepping on one.

Sure stepping on one isn't an issue but five hundred? I'd get clawed up in a second. They continued to move like zombies. I noticed a few other people following them, probably the cat lovers trying to figure out why their precious Furry McFluffyStuff was wandering down the road.

We reached the central park and I froze. How many cats can fit into a large park? Turns out, a lot. Like millions. I couldn't put my feet down without stepping on a tail at this point so I just stopped and watched as even more seemed to find a place to stuff themselves.

Just when I thought it couldn't get much weirder they all turned their mouths upward and screeched together like some horrid attempt at singing by a banshee with a sore throat that was terrified of its shadow.

I slapped my hands over my ears and tried to take a step back but ended up tripping on a cat and falling on my butt. I looked at the cat in horror expecting revenge and it to try to gash my eyes out but it remained staring at the sky.

I flinched as a new cat hopped on my head and three into my lap and another two on each shoulder while a seventh jumped onto my knees. I froze holding still as they all continued that caterwauling melody.

Creepy, so creepy, gods cats really are the worst!

Then as suddenly as it had started, it stopped in an instant. Dead silence enveloped the air, not even a purr could be heard.

A shiver of unease ran down my back. Ah maybe I should take back my desire to fight the cats, I was swimming in them currently. This many had to be considered unfair combat.

Then it appeared, the random blurry picture I had considered a joke a few days ago. This time it wasn't blurry, and it didn't fit nicely on a 10ft by 10ft screen either. In fact it would be more accurate to say it took up half the visible sky and get this, the dumb thing was shaped like a paw print.

At least one of these demon spawns had a sense of humor.

The giant pile of metal floated in the air for awhile then a light extended from it and down floated a cat. I winced, they even beamed themselves around like a proper dumb alien joke. What next? Take me to your leader?

The cat landed on the ground and I froze.

Strong muscles flexed beneath the fur as the orange cat strode forward.

"PrideSun! PrideSun!" Chanted some of the cats and my eyeballs nearly fell out of my head. Of course cats can talk, why not!

Then another cat descended this one mostly black with white socks, chest, tail tip, and a small star on his forehead.

"NightSong! NightSong!" howled some others.

"Don't worry we come in peace!" Stated the orange cat. Then he laughed "Just kitten! Hate to break it to you rock dwellers, but we decided this planet was perfect for our next litter box. You should be honored, not every planet is deemed worthy of being selected for FightFest." 

Who was he even talking to? I turned slightly in the way he was facing. A camera was rolling and a news channel person was hanging on his every word. So this was being broadcasted, well makes my job easier.

"Cats on vacation, I do apologize that this planet was selected but please we have another one lined up for you to live on. Just make sure to evacuate the planet before the conclusion of the games. Ships will be regularly docked to allow you time to collect your belongings, you may also each take one can opener servant per family sadly the new planet doesn't have room for any more. But hey we are being so gracious saving a thousandth of the world and all that. Be glad hoomons, we will save a piece of your species and train them well."

"I have a complaint!"

Huh? I looked over as a tabby cat strolled up to the front right next to the much more muscular space cats.

The orange cat flicked his ears in annoyance while the black one beckoned with his tail. "What is it?"

"You can't just waltz onto a vacation planet a use it for the games! I have a bronze membership!"

"Only bronze?" scoffed a different cat, "I paid for a gold one."

"Peasants" stated a silky Mainecoon cat, "I have the Egyptian plus membership, if anyone has a right to be upset it's me."

PrideSun growled slightly, "All memberships to this planet are being transfers with all privileges intact to any of the vacation planets in the TanMar galaxy. You don't have to worry about losing any points either."

"If you didn't file a complaint about the FIghtFest location within the designated time frame it can't be helped." stated NightSong.

 "Ah am I forgetting anything?" the orange cat flicked his tail.

The black one rolled its eyes, "You're forgetting half of it like usual Pride." He scoffed "Assuming your team will win like usual."

"We have won all our games." The orange cat replied, "You're too nice, it's no wonder your team always looses."

The black cat drew its ears back and hissed softly, "Watch your tongue, you haven't won yet."

"Yeah, yeah, go pick your team and what not." The orange one flicked his tail and four other cats appeared next to him, each looking equally dangerous.

The black one frowned and summoned his own four cats.

I stared between the giant monster cats, were they going to fight here? Now? Those paws could literally crush buildings.

Each team had one cat that was significantly smaller than the rest. Huh? That was interesting to note. Mind you smaller just meant size of a truck instead of a rhino.

"Each cat will pick a person to enslave." The orange cat said.

The black one coughed, "To partner with you mean."

"Sure, sure, that." The orange cat added. "Working together, humans doing what they are told, same thing really."