ANBU: Card System In Naruto

Kaori emerged from her dormitory, feeling fresh as frosted fish. Her body aching worse than before, she dragged herself out through the main entrance instead of the rapid deployment tunnel... the one under Nidaime Hokage's nose.

As she stumbled through the stairs and finally made her way to the rendezvous point, she realized that it had already been fifteen minutes above the allotted time.

'Great! Captain Fukurō's gonna kill me!'

The Hyuga Elite Jonin could tolerate many things, loud-mouthed recruits, weak recruits, quiet recruits, and complacent recruits, but one thing he couldn't tolerate was late recruits. It was good that she knew what would keep his temper in check.

"You're late, Suzume."

Kaori limped into the clearing designated to be their meeting area, panting heavily from the effort it took to trek through the entire village with a newborn body. As expected, the other members of the ANBU squad were all perched on top of a tree, just like good baby birds. Their eyes glued on their acting Captain, Fukurō, who stood with his arms crossed and a murderous look on his face,

Kaori flinched, panic gripping her heart like a vice,

"A thousand apologies Captain, I... uh... got lost on the way here!"

She stammered out a lame excuse to which she knew was only one response.

"Lost? What the hell are you talking about?"

He scoffed, his voice betraying no hint of amusement,

"There's a straight path from the Hokage rocks to this gate, Chunin Hanada."

Man, she ought to kick herself!

Kaori blushed, or at least pretended to blush as her superior took apart her excuse with one statement.

"I... encountered some unforeseen circumstances."

She thought that ought to keep him off her back, but he pressed on with his questioning,

"Pray tell me, what's this 'Unforeseen circumstances' of yours that took priority over your orders?"

'I got melted into a slurry before being frosted back together with a completely different body structure.'

She didn't say that out loud. After all, there was no telling which loony bin they would lock her into if she said that.

"Um... I uh..."

The one who came to her rescue was none other than Hachidori, the gender-bent rip-off of Kakashi Hatake, or in other words, Hatake Amaya.

She walked over to the Captain and whispered something in his ears,

"Oh... is it? Now... I see... that's unfortunate..."

Kaori wondered what in the world was that Hachidori whispering into Fukurō's ears, but whatever it was, it was working at least. The Captain's frown eased up a bit until he finally let out a loud sigh and turned his attention back on her,

"Very well, Suzume. Be grateful that Hachidori is vouching for you."

Kaori nodded fervently, it doesn't matter what the rip-off Kakashi said to him, all that matters is that it worked. It actually worked on that prune of a Hyuga.

'Gotta ask her what she said.'

Fukurō turned his attention to the rest of the squad,

"Alright, listen up everyone. We don't have a whole lot of time to waste."

The whole squad snapped to attention, which in the case of an ANBU squad meant turning their head to stare at their Captain with dead eyes.

"Our mission is to reinforce Hoshigakure's defenses. The ANBU Black Ops will be vanguarding this assault this whole operation."

There was excitement visible in their eyes, and it... seriously creeped her out!!!

"But at the same time, this could be a ruse of the other two Great Villages to lure out our elites and ambush them, thereby dealing a heavy blow to Konoha's defenses."

That's what she said!!! Well... thought at least...

"Therefore, to ensure that the ANBU maintains a minimal combat efficiency, Sandaime-sama has decided that half the combat powers of all our strike squads will remain behind to guard Konoha."

'Wait a goddamn minute!'

Kaori blinked rapidly as her brain fried from trying to process the news. Half the combat power staying behind? Won't that mean...

"So, who's going and who's not?"

Fukurō's emotionless eyes zeroed in on Kaori,

"Silence, Suzume. You will listen to what your Captain has to say before questioning his orders! Isn't that the first thing they teach during the ANBU training!?"

Kaori shrank back, trying to make herself look as unnoticeable as possible,

"Now as I was saying, half of each squad will remain behind. From our squad, Hachidori, Suzume, Ookami, Inoshishi, and Hayabusa will be staying behind."

 Wait... so she woke up at one in the morning, ran down the second Hokage's nose, kneeled for half an hour, and was forced to use the bloodline card for nothing?

'Let me at him! I will break that old fossil's bones!!!'

[Technically speaking, he can kill you with a single punch.]

'Oh, shut up!'

Fukurō was giving some last-minute instructions to Hachidori and making a small speech for those who were to stay behind. But Kaori caught none of that, she was too busy fuming about the Sandaime.

"Very well then, DISMISSED!"

Kaori grumbled as dismissal came. What's the point of calling in the whole ANBU force if you're just gonna dismiss half of them?

'What a waste of time!'

Now she needs to figure out how to mask the change in her blood test!

As she limped back to the village, Hachidori flickered next to her and pulled one of Kaori's arms over her shoulder, acting as a support.

"You know, a hot water bottle will go a long way with bad months."

'Wut?'

What was she on about?

"Cinnamon tea helps. If the cramps get worse, you might wanna consult the medical corps."

'Wait a minute!'

Wait! Wait! Wait!

Did this rip-off Kakashi just say what she thought she said?

"No, no, no! You got the wrong idea!"

Hachidori turned her head to face her, and somehow, Kaori could imagine a warm smile plastered across her face,

"Oh, don't be shy. My sense of smell is quite sharp, I could smell the blood on you the moment you stepped into the clearing."

Kaori tripped over her own feet, landing face-first into the dirt. Hachidori tried to catch her but failed and instead decided to pat her on the back,

"There, there. Deep breaths help with the pain, you know."

'But... it's not that kind of pain!!!'