All The Time Lost

Another month passed peacefully. June was slowly getting her head out of the water and she had found a job closer that only took half an hour to get to by bicycle. It was order packer for a big website and the pay was a bit better. She had started allowing herself a few pleasures and bought a few pencils and a sketch book at target. She had always loved drawing and though she had kept doing it to make her letters prettier and more interesting for Julian through the years, she had not practiced much until she decided to customise sneakers for his birthday. Now it went back to being her favorite hobby. She was done with the trailer park and the few gardening plots she had set up around didn't need constant tending to. She also had a stable work that allowed her to pay her bills, eat her fill and save a respectable amount every month. She still went to the library, she had enjoyed reading back in prison, desperate not to stay dumb, she wanted to be cultivated enough to be able to keep up with her children when she got out. The habit stayed and though she also read for pleasure now, she never went a week without a trip to the library.

This small coffee shop was her guilty pleasure. The drinks were relatively cheap and though at first, she had a hard time parting with three dollars for a hot chocolate, she found out that it was way under market price for the quantity and quality she was served. Also it wasn't quite popular since it was situated in a calm street a bit away from the center. It was small and cozy and the shop also sold flowers so she was always surrounded by their fresh smell.

It had been a nice but embarrassing surprise when she found out the owner was the beautiful red-head who had helped her some time ago. Beatrice was not only gorgeous, she was also kind, funny, smart and generous. Why she even sat down with her still confused June.

« Draw me, » Bea ordered as she threw herself down on the chair across from her and sighed in despair. « You'll call it 'Portrait of a Bored Lady' »

« This has no punch, » June smiled but turned the page to start sketching the beautiful model.

« The day is so slowww ! »

« Why set up shop here ? » June raised an eyebrow.

« Have you heard about rents in the center ? I'm a poor, passionate florist not a rich heiress. »

« You're too young to be so cynic. »

« Twenty-five babe, a quarter of a century. »

« Thirty five this month, less than two third left. »

« Not that thirty-five is old in any ways, but damn, I wouldn't give you a day over thirty and that was already pushing. »

« Thanks, » June chuckled and ran a finger on the scar over her nose and cheek out of habit when flustered.

« Can I ask what happened ? » Bea asked gently and mentioned to the nasty scar.

« I've been told I look guilty, » June shrugged.

« Of what ? »

« Everything, » June smiled sadly. « But this, » she pointed to her nose. « This was for stealing. »

« Did you ? »

« It was in her other pocket, » June shook her head. « But she did offer it to me afterward since I had already paid for it. »

Bea's eyebrows raised so high it looked comical before she burst out laughing.

« What was it ? » Bea wiped tears away.

« A candy bar, » June admitted hesitantly. Even if Bea didn't know about her, and there was a very slight chance of that being true, she would surely end up knowing soon anyways.

« Most fucking expensive candy bar ever, » Bea chuckled.

She joked a bit longer with her before packing her stuff and leaving. Julian was coming over for dinner and staying over today as it was friday.

She made homemade pizza and she was cooking it in the wood fired oven she had built behind the trailer in the small garden she was fixing when the car pulled up. She was so used to Julian coming on his own now that he had his car that she didn't imagine he could be accompanied as she called him over loudly.

« Please don't ask about pineapples because I'm never putting that on pizza, » she joked before turning around and froze as she found Thomas standing there along her son.

Over the months she had grown comfortable enough with Julian that she now allowed herself to show him more of her tainted skin. He had asked about a few scars and she forced herself to be honest while giving the minimum of explanation so as not to disturb him. But she hadn't been ready to show it to anyone else, the last person she ever wanted to see her this vulnerable was the man currently staring at every new inches of skin. His eyes stopped every few centimeters and he frowned harder. His eyes were so dark the green had almost disappeared when he looked back into her eyes.

« Hey mom, » Julian came over to kiss her head oblivious to her inner meltdown. « That looks amazing. I'll just throw my stuff in first ! »

« He-hello, » she forced herself to greet Thomas and crossed her arms defensively. « I thought he was… I mean I didn't know… Julian always comes alone so… » She frowned and looked down at the ground.

« I'm sorry, » he finally said and the tone was much too hoarse and intense for her to remain impassive.

« Whatever for ? » She turned around to get the first pizza out of the oven, unable to face him any longer.

Thomas didn't answer and soon enough, Julian came back.

« Let me help you, » Julian playfully pushed her with his hips and picked up the crust she had been spreading out. « Dad taught me everything there is to known about making pizza. »

« Would you like something to drink ? » She forced herself to look in Thomas' direction but couldn't bring herself to catch his eyes. « I've made limonade and iced tea. »

« Please, » Thomas cleared his throat. « If you don't mind. »

He went to sit at one of the four garden chairs she had recycled from the dump and fixed. They were pretty cute and went well with the table her mother had kept for longer than she remembered.

She poured iced tea in a glass, hoping his tastes hadn't changed and offered it to him without another word. She felt way too self conscious in the baggy short that barely reached her knees and an oversized tee.

« How was your day ? » She slid an arm around her son's waist and watched him as he spread tomato sauce on the crust.

« Great. Matthew lost his usb key so we had to do our presentation without support but in the end the teacher was even more indulgent and we got an A. »

« You should always send the file to your mailbox just in case, » she chastised him gently.

« Yes, boss, » Julian grinned sheepishly. « How was yours ? »

« Great, » June answered and helped him slid the pizza on the pizza shovel to put it in the oven.

« Are your colleagues nice ? »

« Mostly. I only spoke to a few but they were all very welcoming. »

They spoke a bit more as the pizza cooked before Julian picked up the one that was ready and headed to the table at which his father sat.

« I'm sorry I didn't warn you that I was bringing dad, » Julian rubbed his neck awkwardly. « Lizzy went out with Ruth and he was all alone for dinner. »

« No, no, » June hurried to reassure her son. She'd accept anything for him. « He's welcome. »

« Thank you, » Thomas smiled softly and the sight was as familiar to her as the back of her hand.

« You have the same smile, » she remarked without meaning to and blushed as both men smiled brighter her ways.

« Mom says I have the nicest smile, » Julian bragged.

« Really ? » Thomas wouldn't look away from her and it didn't help her blush.

« They're lucky they didn't take much after me, » she looked down at the pizza and busied herself with cutting it.

« Lizzy is all you, » Thomas shook his head. « And she's the most beautiful girl. »

« I don't see it, » June blushed harder before changing the subject. « Help yourself, I didn't prepare any plates since it's pizza. »

« I have your eyes, » Julian turned the subject back around. « And your nose. »

« You do, » June forced her heart to steady and smiled up at her son.

« It's amazing, mom, » Julian moaned around his first bite and she felt full just from watching him.

« Eat, there's more, » she made to get up but Thomas stopped her.

« Where are you going ? »

« I'm going to prepare the next one, » she pointed to the small table she had set up with the crust and toppings.

« I'll do it, » Thomas got up and she was once again reminded of how big he was. How he even fit on the tiny chair was a mystery.

She wanted to argue but he was already over the oven in a few stride and she didn't have the courage to confront him even for such a small matter. She sat down and enjoyed herself as much as she could with her son while remaining acutely aware of who was cooking behind her.

« Did your sister enjoy the movie too ? » she asked Julian after he told her he had finally convinced Lizzy to watch the Princess Bride.

« She loved it, » he nodded and she could barely hide her joy. It was her favorite movie. « Next is The Silence of The Lambs. »

« You'll like that one better, » she assured him and put another slice in his hand.

« Sorry mom but I don't trust you anymore, » Julian shook his head. « We don't have the same tastes in movies. »

« Nonsense, » she leaned her head on her palm and looked up at him adoringly. « I liked the last movie just fine. »

« You fell asleep halfway through the second ! » Julian chuckled.

« You have to admit it wasn't the best Fast and the Furious, » she argued.

« It wasn't, » he agreed. « But I could barely keep my eyes open through It's a Wonderful Life. »

« You enjoyed Seven, » she pointed out. « And Back to The future. »

« Touché, » he winked at her. « Movie nights are still on then. »

« They better be, I borrowed Twelve Angry Men from the library. »

« No, this week we're watching The Conjuring ! » He reminded her and laughed at her grimace.

« Your mother hates scary movies, » Thomas suddenly came back with the second pizza and put it down before sitting down.

« It's fine mom you can hide behind my shoulders, » Julian taunted her.

« She'll claw at your arms, » Thomas said almost fondly and June forced herself out of sweet but far gone memories.

« I'm not that young anymore. I can handle spooky films now. »

« Then The Conjuring it is, » Julian beamed at her and she tried so smile back confidently.

« Great, » she forced herself to say.

They talked a bit while eating, it was mostly her and Julian with the occasional remarks from Thomas. He made himself discreet and something about eating casually at home like this allowed her to finally let her guard down a little. She found herself laughing at loud and exchanging taunts with her son despite his presence.

« Do you have anything planned on Wednesday ? » Thomas asked as she brought over the pavlova that had been waiting the whole afternoon in the fridge.

« No, » June frowned at his question in confusion.

« What about wednesday ? » Julian came back with plates and forks.

« It's your mother's birthday, » Thomas answered casually whereas she froze with the knife half plunged into the dessert.

« What ? Mom ? Really ? » Julian exclaimed loudly.

« I… » June frowned and counted in her head. « Yes ? »

« Don't make it sound like a question ! » Julian chuckled. « We have to do something ! »

« No, it's okay, » June smiled at him and went back to serving dessert. « Thirty-five is nothing to celebrate. »

« It is, » both men insisted at the same time making her chuckle.

« I don't celebrate my birthday, » June avoided Thomas' eyes because the only few birthdays she had ever celebrated were with him.

« No way, » Julian shook his head. « From now on we're celebrating it together ! »

« Alright, » she easily agreed with her precious son. « I'll prepare something on Wednesday. What would you like ? »

« Mom, » Julian sighed and gave her an exhausted look. « It's your birthday, I'm cooking for you. »

« Oh, » June felt her chest swell with warmth at her kind boy's words. « Thank you. »

« You should come over to our house, » Thomas suddenly broke in and burst her small bubble of joy.

« Huh ? » She asked dumbly.

« Yeah ! » Julian exclaimed excitedly. « You've never come over ! And it's your birthday, you're kind of supposed to do something different. »

« Oh. Huh. Well… I… » June frowned and tried to refuse as politely as possible.

« It'll be our honor to host it, » Thomas insisted in a determined tone.

« I don't think it's a good idea, » she frowned and willed him to understand every reason why it was absolutely wrong but he simply stared back in her eyes with firm confidence twinkling in the emerald pupils.

« Please, mom, » Julian took her hand in his and she melted.

« Alright, if it doesn't bother Lizzy. »