Accountant Isekai

"Those dirty fucking high elves! I'll shove their drugs up their asses! I'll cut their tits off and make them eat them! I'll throw them out windows!"

King Eduard the Defenestrator had been ranting for the past half hour. His face seethed with rage and frustration. No one dared interrupt the monarch.

Eduard slammed his fist against the table.

"This is why I hate high elves! Why can't they be more like sea elves or even dark elves?"

"Frankly, I'm glad they aren't like dark elves," Dʰéǵʰom said.

King Eduard took deep breaths. After a few moments, he calmed down.

"I can't believe anyone, even the high elves, could take so many drugs. Count Blitzburg, you should have told me about this sooner," he stated.

"Your Majesty, your orders were to handle the high elves for you," Father pointed out.

"Yes. I suppose they were," regret crossed King Eduard's face.

I shifted nervously. His Majesty was fucking terrifying when he got pissed off. Finally, I found the courage to speak.

"I did the numbers. The only way we can keep paying for their drugs with their current population growth and the possibility of another population boom is by making Blitzburg into a wealthy merchant city," I said.

"And what is your progress on that?" King Eduard asked.

I sighed, leaning against a wall. Tiredness flowed through me. And I don't mean that I felt sleepy. It's weird. I'd never even noticed it before, but this journey took a lot out of me.

"Well, the merchants of Blitzburg have new financial recording techniques. We're also going to get money from a play director. And I have a plan to make the world safe for merchants to travel. But all those are long-term plans. We'll barely get enough money to survive in the next few months," I said.

King Eduard's face turned to one of contemplation.

"Count Blitzburg, have you tried growing the drugs the high elves want?" he asked.

"Yes, your Majesty. But I failed. They won't grow in Greenriver's climate. I had to have them imported," Father answered.

"That explains why they cost so much, considering how dangerous travel is," I thought.

King Eduard took a deep breath.

"Sir Gustav, are you ready for a history lesson?" he questioned.

"Always ready," I said.

"Right now, the high elves are peaceful," King Eduard the Defenestrator stated. "But this wasn't always to case. After the split between high elves and dark elves, the high elves ran out of their drug supply."

"I know where this is going, and I hate it already," Dʰéǵʰom groaned.

"Why?" I thought.

"You'll see," the god sighed.

King Eduard continued.

"The high elves raided surrounding lands. They stole whatever they could to buy drugs. Naturally, I crushed their raids on Greenrivers, but they're a pain in the ass to deal with. I didn't want to conquer them because that would mean I'd have to settle their disputes. So, I decided diplomacy was the best path. That's when the arrangement with the Blitzburg family and the high elves was made."

"What do the dark elves have to do with the high elves' drug supply?" I asked.

"Before the split, the high elves took magic mushrooms. These mushrooms could only be grown underground," King Eduard answered.

"Are these mushrooms literally magical, or do they just call them that?" I wondered.

"I've never looked into it before. It could be either," the monarch said.

The King waved it off before continuing.

"In any case, the dark elves no longer grow those mushrooms. But they still grow naturally in their caves. If we can set up a trade deal, either between the dark elves and the high elves or the dark elves and House Blitzburg, that should lessen the financial burden," King Eduard stated.

"The problem is that the high elves and dark elves hate each other. They're more likely to kill each other on sight than to engage in trade," Queen Eleanor added.

"And the dark elves aren't particularly fond of humans either. They don't hate us, but they see us as not religious enough," her husband said.

"I remember that time the Queen of the Dark Elves told you that you're unfaithful to the gods. It was the strangest moment of my life."

"Holy fuck! They think King Eduard isn't religious enough?" I thought.

"I'm just glad the dark elves don't worship me. You've probably forgotten by now, but I told you before that the dark elves are creepy," Dʰéǵʰom said.

"Yeah, you did. But why? Don't gods like religious people?"

"We do, but there's religious people, there's ultra-religious people, there's fanatics, and then there's the dark elves. You know how people find yandere' disturbing?"

"I do."

"The dark elves are the religious versions of yanderes," Dʰéǵʰom stated.

My body shivered. I could understand why Dʰéǵʰom didn't want to have anything to do with them.

A smile crossed King Eduard's face.

"However, we could use the religiousness of the dark elves to our advantage. While they don't follow Dʰéǵʰom, they greatly respect saints," he said.

"And we have a saint right here. Sir Gustav, perhaps you could negotiate a trade agreement with the dark elves? Not just for your family, but Greenrivers as a whole," Queen Eleanor added.

"An excellent idea," King Eduard agreed. "Despite his young age, Sir Gustav has accomplished much."

"I saw this coming, and I still hated hearing it," Dʰéǵʰom groaned.

Nervousness flashed through me. My feudal superiors were sending me on a diplomatic mission! If I fucked this up, I was so fucked! I forced down my shaking. It was much easier than it was last time, but I was trying to stop a war back then. So...

Kneeling before the monarchs, I spoke.

"I would be honored to be your emissary to the dark elves, your Majesty."

"Good. I will make arrangements. You will have everything a diplomat needs. Also, I would like for you to make a more thorough trade deal than just the mushrooms. Perhaps put some precious metals into the mix?"

"I will, your Majesty," I promised.

"Excellent. Now, it'll take about a week to get everything ready," King Eduard said.

Oh, good. I had some time to prepare.

"Your Majesty, Gustav is our son, and we want to support him too," Mother stated. "We'll provide whatever we can."

King Eduard contemplated things.

"With your help, everything will be ready in two days."

Well, fuck.

"I have one request, your Majesty," I said.

"And that would be?" he asked.

"Allow me to introduce some financial ideas to the Underground Elves. I want to make sure we can trust their trade. If these go well there, perhaps you could consider implementing them in Greenrivers?"

"Very well. You may," the monarch replied.

The moment King Eduard left, I ran out into the courtyard with my retainers behind me. I spun to them so hard that it kicked up dirt.

"I want to say fuck half a hundred times, but I want to keep what little dignity I have left," I said.

"You have dignity?" Dʰéǵʰom asked.

"No, but I don't want anyone to know that I don't," I thought.

"What's the problem?" Johannes questioned.

"I don't have long to train you two," I said. "You should at least know some combat magic before we start on our journey. So, we have two options. Either I can teach you how to throw ineffective fireballs that will burn out from wind force a few meters away from you, or I can teach you how to magically enhance your bodies the fast and painful way."

Astrid smiled.

"Body enhancement for me, please."

"I'd like that too," Johannes nodded.

I took a deep breath.

"Are you sure about this? It's going to hurt a lot," I told them.

"I'm used to pain," Johannes assured me.

"So am I," Astrid stated. "I knew that I'd go through a lot when I decided to become the world's greatest swordfighter. I'm not backing down now."

"Alright, then. So far, you've been practicing gathering magical power and controlling it. Start by gathering magical power above your hands," I said.

"Didn't you say that you can use a two-handed weapon and cast body enhancement spells?" Astrid asked.

"You can, but it takes practice," I answered.

She nodded. Then, Astrid and Johannes started gathering magical power above their hands. I turned to Joanna. My wet nurse was standing close to us.

"Are you ready?" I questioned.

"I am," Joanna said.

Then, I turned to Astrid and Johannes. There was a great amount of magic power in their hands.

"Concentrate on the power hard. Remember the training you did to contain the magic?" I asked.

They nodded.

"Do that except push it in one direction," I instructed.

The magic in their hands slowly started moving, going a centimeter over the course of five minutes. I walked behind Johannes and Astrid. My gaze fixed on their hands.

"Take that magical energy and ram it into your arm as hard and fast as you can."

They focused even harder, their brows furrowing. Still, the magic moved very slowly. I grabbed their shoulders and yanked them back. The magical energy jolted backward with their bodies. Then, I pushed Astrid and Johannes forward, the magic flowing right into their arms.

Blood sprayed everywhere as their limbs were pierced. Johannes and Astrid's faces contorted with pain. Joanna ran over, casting a healing spell on them. Their wounds mended.

"That pain was nothing," Astrid bragged.

"Good," I said. "Because you're going to go through it again."

"W-What?"

"The first step to enhancing your body with magic is quickly forcing magic inside of your bodies. This is the fastest way to learn how to. By pulling you back and pushing you forward, I'm showing you how the magic rolling over your body should feel. Remember that feeling when you move it," I stated.

"H-How many times are we doing this?" Johannes asked.

"Until you take less than a minute to get the magic inside. After that, we'll focus on making it so it doesn't hurt you," I answered.

Astrid took a deep breath.

"So be it," she said.

Several hours later, she and Johannes were kneeling. They took heavy breaths.

"Good job. You did better than I thought," I said.

"How long did it take us the last time?" Astrid asked.

"59 seconds. I thought it would take you both another hour to get that far," I answered.

Johannes' face turned contemplative.

"A minute is a very long time in a fight. Are you sure less than a minute is good enough?" he questioned.

"It should be for a start. Just stay back a bit when fights start," I said.

"No! We're not staying back!" Astrid declared. "Let's keep going!"

An hour and a half later, she and Johannes were lying on the ground.

"30 seconds. That's as good as we can get it for now," I said.

Johannes sighed. Astrid groaned.

"Can't we do more?" she asked.

"No. We need to move on to something else," I answered. "How much pain are you in?"

"Joanna healed us. We shouldn't be in any pain, but we are," Astrid said.

Guilt flowed through me.

"I'm sorry. I told you this would be painful, but we can stop if you don't want to do this," I sighed.

"I can keep going," Johannes stated.

"So can I," Astrid added. "If we get in a fight, we'll want to at least have some magic."

I hesitated before speaking.

"If you really want to continue, we will," I said.

"Yes, please," Johannes replied.

"What are we doing next?" Astrid asked.

"Now, it's time for the really painful part," I stated. "You need to absorb the magic as it enters your body."

The two shivered.

"Imagine the magical energy being absorbed into you like water going into the ground," I said.

"Why can't we imagine ourselves eating it? That sounds easier," Johannes replied.

"It would be easier, but it's also more dangerous."

I pointed at the ground.

"When water fills up dirt, any excess water doesn't keep going into the dirt. It forms puddles on top of it. On the other hand, if you eat something, all of it goes into your body. Your body turns the excess food into fat. If you imagine your body absorbing magic like dirt absorbs water, you won't bring in excess magic. You will if you imagine yourself eating it," I explained.

Astrid breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you for warning us, Gustav. I don't want to get fat. It would slow me down," she said.

I held up my hands.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't explain things right. You don't get fat if you absorb too much magic."

"Then what happens?" Astrid asked.

"Whatever the magic gets absorbed in explodes into bloody chunks," I answered.

She and Johannes shared a look of shock.

"I didn't think using magic was dangerous," he said.

"It isn't if you know what you're doing. But it will be painful," I cautioned.

"You said that before, and it didn't stop us then! Bring on the pain!" Astrid declared.

Several hours later, the two were lying on the ground once again. Their bodies trembled.

"Why does it hurt more?" Johannes asked.

"Because your nerves are the first part of your body the magic goes into," I answered. "It doesn't do as much damage when you first absorb it, but there's more pain."

"Will it always be like this?"

"No. When you get good enough, there won't be any pain," I said.

Then, I looked over the two.

"You're doing a good job of absorbing it. Tomorrow, we'll work on actually enhancing your bodies," I told them.

"And here I was hoping that I could teach you wind magic sometime soon," Joanna sighed.

Dr. Minos raised his hand.

"What is it?" I asked.

He made a cow noise.

"I guess that'll be fine," I said.

"I'm interested in that too," Joanna nodded.

"What did he say?" Johannes questioned.

I grabbed a stick and started drawing on the ground.

"You remember how I asked his Majesty to let me introduce financial concepts to the dark elves?"

"Yes."

"Dr. Minos wants to know what those concepts are," I said.

"Can we hear them too?" excitement flowed through Astrid.

I nodded.

"I'll tell everyone," I stated. "So, first, let me ask you a question: how do you know if a guild is doing well?"

"I've never been to many guilds before," Astrid admitted.

Joanna stood up and walked over. Dr. Minos joined her.

"Typically, people judge how well guilds do by the number of members, the quality of the products, and the customers," my wet nurse explained.

I nodded.

"That's how they do it in this world. But what if the guild's members are spending too much money? How can you know that?" I asked.

"You'd have to inspect their records, but normal people don't have access to those," Joanna answered.

"Exactly."

I had drawn a graph with a line going high before plunging down.

"In my old world, there was something called the Great Depression. It started in a place called America when something called the Stock Market crashed. Basically, it was a place where people could buy stock, which meant they were one of the company's owners. One of the ideas behind stock was that you'd buy it, the price rose, and then you'd sell it when the price got higher," I explained.

Dr. Minos made a bull noise.

"It sounds like a great deal, and a lot of people thought the same thing. Pretty much everyone was involved in the stock market. Imagine if even the lowest of serfs and poor children were buying parts of companies," I said.

Shock came over everyone's faces.

"Even serfs?" Astrid asked.

"No country in my world had serfs at that point, but it should give you an idea of just how common trading in the stock market was," I answered.

"That's too many people," Joanna stated.

"You're right that it was," I said. "Too many people tried to sell their stock at once. This caused the price of stock to drop. Then, you had people who paid a lot of money for stock, money that they couldn't get back. Worse still, some people took out loans to buy stock. I think you can imagine what happened next."

My wet nurse shivered. Looks of dread crossed Astrid and Johannes' faces. Dr. Minos trembled.

"The economy was ruined?" Joanna asked.

"That's an understatement, but yes. It started in the United States, but it spread to other places, including my homeland. After the crash, the United States government wanted to make sure it didn't happen again. The crash had a lot of causes. The cause that's most relevant to us is that people had trouble comparing one company on the stock market to the others. So, they required the companies to release certain information in the same format as the other companies. This information is released in things called financial statements."

I smiled.

"And my homeland has its own version of the financial statements."