Accountant Isekai

A tall god with the head of a snake and the legs of a goat closed a door so he could kick it open. He walked into the room beyond the door, muscles glistening from the oil he poured over them. Dʰéǵʰom, Horus, Thor, a short god with glasses and an 1800s doctor's suit, and a goddess wearing fancy purple robes followed him.

Inside the room were Zeus, Poseidon, Hades, Hera, Demeter, Hestia, and Athena.

"Why do you always kick open doors, H₃rḗǵs?" Zeus sighed.

"Fuck you, that's why," the snake-headed figure replied.

"Always so rude," Hera glared.

"I'm the rude one? Your bastard of a brother interfered with our world," H₃rḗǵs said, turning to Poseidon.

"I did no such thing," Poseidon said.

"Excuse me a moment," Horus spoke up. "Where do you keep the ambrosia? I want to be a good guest and get you some food."

"It's over there," Hestia pointed.

Horus left the room.

"You have a son in our world, a son who attacked one of Dʰéǵʰom's saints," H₃rḗǵs stated.

"And a whole stadium full of people," Dʰéǵʰom added.

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

"Do you have proof that it was one of my children?" Poseidon asked.

"He was using a trident, had power over water and earthquakes, had a similar attitude to your Greek gods, and as the god of humanity, I can tell who anyone's parents are by looking at them," Dʰéǵʰom said.

"And you actually believed a human-loving god like him?" the sea god laughed.

"As disgusting as Dʰéǵʰom's love of humanity is, I confirmed this information for myself," H₃rḗǵs replied.

"I'm sure you realize that this is a violation of our territory. It also violates the honorable treaty we made with you Olympians, and it's a dick move," the goddess in purple said.

That caught Zeus' attention.

"We've got you now, you bastard," Dʰéǵʰom thought. "One of the only things you care about is staying king. You'd do almost anything to keep that power, and you're desperate to keep us gods from fighting a war because of it."

"Dʰéǵʰom, is the village of Selfaeta filled with cannibals?" Gustav's voice came into his head.

"No. They stopped being cannibals a few hundred years ago," the god replied.

"If Poseidon has violated your territory as you accuse him of, I will grant you compensation," Zeus said.

"Poseidon brought that demigod into this world, and I want to right to take him out of it," H₃rḗǵs stated.

The Olympians, except for Hades, turned red with rage.

"This is ridiculous! I will not allow a demigod of Olympus to be struck down by you lot!" Zeus shouted.

"He tried to kill my only saint," Dʰéǵʰom replied. "If he doesn't die, he should at least be imprisoned."

"Dʰéǵʰom, do the people of this world have the technology to make parachutes? I mean, if I gave them the design of a parachute, could they make one that works?" Gustav asked inside the god's head.

"Yes, but it would take a few tries for them to get it right."

"Thanks."

"You know what I did to the last guy who harmed one of my sons," Poseidon said.

"Do you expect him to just get let go?" Thor's voice was like thunder. "If your son was in a world ruled by the Aesir, I'd have killed him already."

"Only an Olympian can bring divine punishment to the child of an Olympian unless that child does something especially horrible. If he broke an oath, violated hospitality, or killed someone in his family, I would allow you to kill him. But he did not," Zeus asserted.

"How about this, then," the god with glasses spoke up. "Why don't you take Poseidon's demigod to one of your worlds and make him swear an oath on the river Styx to not father another demigod in our world?"

"I'd prefer it if he was at least imprisoned, but this is probably the best deal I'll get," Dʰéǵʰom thought.

"This will be in addition to any compensation," H₃rḗǵs said.

"Dʰéǵʰom, could a parachute made in the materials available in this world and strengthened by magic survive getting thrown out of a 120-meter tall trebuchet?" Gustav asked.

"What the fuck is that lunatic planning? Whatever it is, it sounds awesome," Dʰéǵʰom thought before contacting him back. "I'm in the middle of a meeting right now. I'll talk to you later."

"Your demands are reasonable. I'd be happy to meet them," Zeus said.

"I would not," Poseidon stated.

"Poseidon, you should do what Zeus tells you to," Hades said.

"Is that right, Mr. Lord of the Underworld? If Zeus told you to jump off a building, you'd do it in a heartbeat! Zeus told you to kidnap your wife, and you did it without hesitation," his brother glared before turning to Demeter, hoping to get her back up.

"As horrible as that was, at least Hades had to be told to do it. Unlike a certain someone who violated me while I was grieving," she glared at him.

"I don't see what's wrong with kidnapping your wife," Zeus stated.

"Of course, you wouldn't see it that way," Hera said. "You don't know the meaning of the word restraint, or consent, or not cheating on me."

"And you want to wipe out humanity just because you don't want me to make more demigod children!"

"If that human god bastard didn't remind you of all your half-human children that you'd need to kill to wipe out humanity, you'd still be on board with wiping them all out! Besides, a race as sinful as humanity deserves extermination!" Poseidon declared.

"That's going too far, Poseidon! Especially when your Cyclops children are even worse!" Athena said.

The Olympians descended into petty bickering.

"Why do all our meetings with the Olympians end up like this?" the glasses god groaned.

"Because they lack the dignity and elegance of nobility," the purple-dressed goddess said.

"At least we didn't bring Loki like last time," Thor replied.

"I'm just glad I convinced Zeus to not want humanity to go extinct in our last meeting," Dʰéǵʰom muttered to himself. "If there's one good trait Zeus has, it's that he cares about his children."

Horus returned with several bowls of ambrosia. He placed one in front of each of the Greek gods.

"Please enjoy them," Horus said.

He looked right at Poseidon when he spoke, trying to stifle laughter.

"Thank you, Horus," Zeus nodded.

The Olympians calmed down.

"I think Krewh's suggestion is entirely reasonable," Zeus said. "Poseidon will take his son and bring him to a different world and swear on the river Styx to never have another demigod H₃rḗǵs' world."

"I will do no such thing!" Poseidon shouted.

"You will unless you want to live as a mortal for a year again!" Zeus threatened.

That shut Poseidon up. The god of the sea jammed his spoon into the bowl of ambrosia. He aggressively shoved it into his mouth.

"As for compensation, would a shipment of ambrosia do?" Zeus asked.

"That would be good enough," H₃rḗǵs answered.

"Not the ambrosia Poseidon's eating. He can keep that," Horus stated.

"Don't worry. This will all be fresh ambrosia," Zeus said.

Zeus had no idea why Horus would expect him to give them ambrosia that someone was already eating, but he didn't care why.

"Very well. I accept those terms," H₃rḗǵs stated.

He and the gods who arrived with him exited the meeting room. Outside was a grand place on top of a mountain. Clouds formed stairs and ladders. Brilliant buildings of marble stretched high into the sky.

Horus leaned over to Dʰéǵʰom and whispered.

"How long do you think it'll take for Poseidon to figure out what I did to his ambrosia?"

"Hopefully, it'll be after he takes his son out of my world," Dʰéǵʰom said.

"What did you do to Poseidon's ambrosia?" Thor asked.

Horus whispered into his ear. Thor's face contorted with disgust.

"That sounds like something Loki would do," he stated.

"I did it before against Set," Horus replied with a chuckle.

"A rapist like Poseidon deserves it," Thor said.

They arrived at a large, marble parking lot. Horus' arms transformed into wings, and he flew off. H₃rḗǵs and the other gods from his world stepped onto a great golden boat. It took to the skies. Thor put on a pointy hat. He sat in a tiny cart that could barely fit him. A pair of goats pulled the cart away.

"I'm glad we were able to settle that matter with just the usual annoyance," H₃rḗǵs stated.

"Things could have gone much worse," Krewh nodded.

Dʰéǵʰom approached the goddess who wore purple.

"Nakki, we need to talk about Motteburh," he said.

"Why?" the goddess asked.

"The nobles are going way too far to maintain their power," Dʰéǵʰom answered.

"Too far?" Nakki scoffed. "What does that word mean to nobility? It is only natural for people to lord over their inferiors. Honestly, it's the commoners' fault for trying to go against their betters."

"Yeah, I know. Humans, gods, and a bunch of animals do that shit all the time. It comes naturally to them. But there has to be a limit to how far they can go."

"Why? If you don't oppress your inferiors, they won't know their place."

"Are you against nobles who think they should protect the commons? Rulers who think they should serve their people?" Dʰéǵʰom questioned.

"I'm not. It is only proper for nobles to protect those under them, but inferiors should know their place. If they don't, they should be punished for it," the goddess said.

"That's the goddess of aristocrats for you," he thought.

"When was the last time you visited Motteburh?" Dʰéǵʰom asked.

"It was a while ago. But my saints in Motteburh assure me that everything is fine," Nakki answered.

"Go to Motteburh yourself. Go in disguise, not as a goddess. You'll see just how bad things have gotten there. The nobles have forgotten their duty."

"I suppose I will entertain your idea, but I will god as a goddess. I will not broker disrespect from mortals," Nakki said.

"The Motteburh nobles won't be honest if you're there as a goddess. They'll do everything they can to make you happy," Dʰéǵʰom pointed out.

"As they should."

Dʰéǵʰom took a deep breath.

"I'm going to stay up all night playing Deity of Battle 3," he thought before speaking. "Listen here, Nakki. My saint wants to invade Motteburh and put all its nobles' heads on pikes. And if they don't shape up, I'm going to do more than encourage him. I'll personally help him."

"Oh, shit. I apologize for using language unbecoming of a noble, but I believe those words are appropriate," Nakki said.

"Then go into Motteburh disguised as a human. See what's going on there for yourself. Or, if not that, at least see the area around your saints. It won't be as good as going there yourself, but it's the bare minimum," Dʰéǵʰom commanded.

"I'll do that, but I need to finish planning and executing an event first."

"What kind of event?"

"A very important event," Nakki stated.

"Let me guess, you and your husband are having another wild sex party?" Dʰéǵʰom questioned.

"Of course not! How dare you accuse us of that? It isn't Lupercalia! We're having a normal sex party!"

"The goddess of aristocrates, everyone...no, wait, she's actually a very appropriate goddess for aristocrats," he thought.

"The party is next month. You can come if you want," Nakki offered.

"No, thanks. I'm way too busy," Dʰéǵʰom said. "Just make sure that you get to Motteburh right after it."

"You have my word."

"Alright. Now, I'll find out what my saint's up to."

"I'll have to do the same with one of my saints. Everything should come together soon enough," Krewh stated.

"Gustav, what's going on?" Dʰéǵʰom contacted his saint.

He sat in silence for a few moments. Then, he spoke aloud.

"That is completely insane," he spoke aloud. "And also really cool."

"The god of humanity, everyone," Nakki thought.