Accidental Multiverse Planeswalker

* Dredd (the 2012 film with Keith Urban as Dredd)

In 2080, the United States had become a dystopian post-nuclear war wasteland known as the Cursed Earth. On the east coast lies Mega-City One, a violent metropolis with 800 million residents and 17,000 serious crimes being reported daily.

The only force for order that remains are the Judges. They act as judge, jury and executioner, because the previous criminal justice system had collapsed under the sheer volume of crimes several decades ago.

Judge Dredd, one of the most decorated members of the Judges, was tasked by the Chief Judge with evaluating a new recruit named Cassandra Anderson. She was a genetic mutation that was a powerful psychic that could read both the emotions and thoughts of anyone nearby. She had marginally failed the aptitude tests to become a Judge and because her testing had been so close, a professional Judge was needed for her final exam.

In a 200-storey tower block called Peach Trees, a drug lord named Madeline "Ma-Ma" Madrigal executed three rogue drug dealers by having them skinned alive. They had been infused with Slo-Mo, an addictive new drug which reduces the user's perception of time to 1% of normal, and thrown down the middle of the tower block into the atrium, all the way from the top floor.

Before Ma-Ma could stop the reporting process, Dredd and Anderson were sent in to investigate the crime. They almost immediately learned that the entire tower building was a slum of the worst sort and that a drug den was there. Since it was their job, the Judges raided the den and arrested a thug named Kay, whom Anderson's mind probe revealed to be the one that carried out the executions.

Judge Dredd decided to postpone judging the man's case and to take him in for questioning, which meant they would have to leave the building. In response, Ma-Ma's forces seized the tower's security control room and sealed the building by closing its blast shield doors under the pretext of a security test, to prevent the Judges from leaving or summoning help.

With everyone trapped inside, Ma-Ma ordered that the Judges needed to be killed to stop the information about the drug den and her little criminal enterprise from being spread around. Judge Dredd and Judge Rookie Anderson were forced to survive an assault by dozens of armed thugs and they fought their way up as many floors as possible to try and get to the security station and release the lockdown.

When they arrived on the 76th floor, the Judges were assaulted by Ma-Ma and her men with heavy rotary cannons that ripped through the walls like tissue paper, which killed numerous residents and nearly did away with both Judges. Dredd saw an opportunity in the destruction as he added the multiple deaths to Ma-Ma's charges and he breached an outer wall to call for backup and then he and Anderson took their hostage and hid.

A very upset Ma-Ma, after wasting her trump card and not having it work, sent her best henchman named Caleb and his crew to search for the Judges. After a quick and dirty search, they meet the Judges and a very short encounter later, Caleb's men were dead and Dredd granted Caleb's request to let him go... and his screams were loud as he followed the same path as the three skinned bodies. Ma-Ma's screams of loss and frustration, echoed from the internal walls as much as Caleb's did.

When he reached the bottom, instead of splattering all over the atrium, a man wearing a business suit appeared and Caleb splattered all over him instead.

*

“GAH!” I yelled as something that smelled disgusting slammed into me and shoved me into the ground. It seemed to make a 'splorch' sound as it was mulched and blood splattered everywhere. I wiped at the gore on my face as I pushed myself to my knees and looked down at whatever it was that had hit me.

I almost threw up at the partially crushed face that had one dead eye staring at me.

“Did someone just throw a MAN AT ME?” I yelled as I stood and looked around. To my surprise, I recognized some of the designs that Dragon's granddaughter Theresa had shown me for the inside of the city block building. I shook my head at that thought, because it hadn't been finished yet and I looked up to see where the body had come from.

I saw several people staring down at me from about halfway up the much, much taller building. The design I knew of had only allowed for a hundred floors and this one was about double that. Two of the people I could see wore helmets to hide their faces, so that meant they must have had powers. I closed my eyes and waved a hand over myself to clean myself of the blood and gore and to dismiss that last thought.

That's an assumption that was based on the last world I was on. I thought and stored the man's body. I could fix him later and pop him into a sarcophagus for half an hour to bring him back. I opened my eyes and thought about having to walk all the way up to where those people where, then decided I wasn't wasting all that time. I rose up into the air and flew up at a sedate pace, just to see their reactions.

“HE'S A MUTANT!” Someone yelled and about thirty more heads appeared on the floors above where the two that wore helmets were, and they opened fire on me with automatic rifles and pistols.

I didn't bother using any magic and let my electronic protective shield take it all. It could take a massive heavy plasma weapon easily, so small arms fire was nothing.

“He's bulletproof! RUN!” Someone else yelled and suddenly all of the weapons were gone, as were the shooters.

I easily tracked them all and tagged them all with Dragon's tracers. No one fires on me and gets away with it.

The two people wearing helmets stayed where they were and watched me as I kept rising up and I stopped floating right in front of them. I saw the badges on their chests and the ornate armor on their shoulders. I also saw that one was a fairly large man, the other had a lithe female form, and there was a man kneeling on the floor and he was handcuffed.

“Greetings and salutations.” I said and nodded at them as I felt out for the Force.

It was barely a trickle here, which was disappointing, because I could feel the nuclear radiation through it and knew this world had suffered a massive nuclear holocaust. I used the little bit of Force that was available to touch the two people in front of me and the female gasped and bit her lip. I gained Judge Male and Judge Rookie Female from them.

“Anderson, report.” The man said in a harsh voice that seemed used to talking loudly all the time.

“S-sir, I... I can't read him.” The woman said.

The man turned his head only slightly to look at her and kept me in sight as well. “I thought you said that your main problem was that you automatically read the surface thoughts of everyone around you.”

“I did say that, sir.” She said and I could almost feel her trying to force herself to actively read me.

“Don't bother, Judge Anderson. My mind is much too powerful for psychics.” I said and motioned to the atrium about 75 floors below me. “I assume you know how I was assaulted by a man at near terminal velocity?”

“He was the main enforcer for Ma-Ma's drug cartel that have taken over this building. He was a multiple murderer and tried to kill my partner and myself.” The man said and tapped his badge. “Judge Dredd. I was sent here to deal with a related situation. Three murders.”

I couldn't resist and used the mind reading spell to pluck the real details from the man's brain. It was surprisingly well organized and he was fiercely loyal to the current justice system and upholding the law. I could describe him as a fanatic and I was sure he would agree with me.

“I suppose there's no need for me to feel guilty about a drug dealer's death, even if he died falling on top of me.” I said and discarded the man's mangled and mulched body from my inventory.

Neither Judge reacted to seeing it appear, which was almost funny, because they did watch closely as it once again made the trip down to the atrium. There wasn't even a sound this time and most of the blood had already been squished out, so the mess hadn't increased at all.

“So, would you like to deputize me for the rest of this operation or shall I let you class me as a vigilante and I'll take the law into my own hands?” I asked with a smile on my face.

“You're hardly dressed for police work.” Anderson said before she clamped her mouth shut and ducked her head slightly.

I chuckled and clapped my hands, then I made a few swishing motions with them and waved them over my body. My business suit changed to my superhero suit with a big 'H' on the chest. “Is this better?”

“N-no.” Anderson whispered and her cheeks turned red as she blushed.

“Are you done flirting with a respected officer of the law?” Judge Dredd asked me.

“Can I say no and still be deputized, sir?” I asked and the prisoner couldn't stop his laugh.

“No.” Dredd said and glared at me through his helmet visor.

“Sorry, sir.” I said and snapped off a perfect salute. “Private First Class Hansen reporting for duty, sir.”

Both Judges stiffened slightly and Dredd's mouth twitched as if he was trying to smile.

“What branch were you?” Dredd asked.

“Infantry, sir. Front line and always in the frying pan, sir.” I said and let the salute go.

Dredd's mouth actually did twitch into a bit of a smile at that. “Then you're on point as we make our way up to Ma-Ma's hideout. She has an illegal drug operation and we're taking it and her gang out.”

“I have everyone that shot at me tagged with tracers, sir.” I said and pulled a security device out from behind my back. It beeped happily several times and I looked at the screen. “Don't have too much fun, all right? The Judges need them intact for evidence.”

“Beep.” Eye responded.

“What is that thing?” Anderson asked.

“It's an Infiltration and Information gathering device called Eye.” I said and held it out to Dredd. “Building plans, security settings, and emergency procedures.”

Dredd glanced at it and saw the wireframe of the building and where we were on it. “I hereby deputize you with the powers invested in me. You will uphold the law and ensure the safety of any judges, witnesses, and prisoners within the current command area.”

“Yes, sir.” I said and held out a belt buckle to him. “Personal shield device.”

Dredd's eyes went to my own belt and saw the same thing. I nodded and he took it to clip to his own belt buckle. I held out a pendant to Anderson and she slipped it on and it disappeared inside her armored clothing.

“Thank you, Deputy.” Anderson said and glanced at the prisoner.

I nodded and gave him a pendant as well and then used a hidden wand to cast a levitation spell on the man and connected it to Anderson's badge. “He'll stay within five feet of you.”

“How are you doing that?” Anderson asked.

“Miniature tractor beam and anti-gravity tech.” I said and I could almost feel her disbelief. “I'll prove it when we're done here.”

“Let's go.” Dredd said. “We have to keep moving before more enemies attack while we wait for reinforcements to arrive.”

“Yes, sir.” I said and used Eye's directions to find the best route. “Do we deal with the gang members first or go right to the top floor?”

“Top floor.” Dredd said without having to think about it.

I looked down at the atrium below me and back at their faces.

“You're kidding.” Anderson whispered.

“I can be there in barely a minute.” I said and pointed up. “Do you want to come with me or not?”

Dredd leaned over the railing and looked up. “You're not carrying us, are you?”

I shook my head and created a clean hovercar from the last world above my head. I had to hold it, because it was only rated for thirty feet of clearance. I could have just used a piece of wall or something; but, having an entire car around them would let them relax.

“I don't want to know where that came from.” Anderson said before she climbed in the passenger side and her prisoner floated behind her and stayed outside of the vehicle.

“Handy.” Dredd said and climbed in the driver's side.

“It's damn near indestructible, too.” I said and flew up into the air.

My words proved right as we reached the top of the building less than a minute later. We were also pelted with small arms fire. I turned the car to let them climb out safely onto a balcony and then the firefight continued in earnest. I didn't want them getting hurt, considering it was my deputy duty, so I created a stun gun and successfully shot a dispersal shot and then individual shots to make sure they stayed down.

“Deputy.” Judge Dredd said and held a hand out for it.

“Stun gun.” I said and showed him the settings. “Wide area and individual. Wide for a short effect, individual for 6 hours of peace and quiet.”

“Nice.” Dredd said and held it out to me.

“Keep it. I have more.” I said and held one out to Judge Rookie Anderson.

“Beep beep!” Eye said and I checked him.

“It seems Ma-Ma's computer guy let in four Judges.” I said and showed them the camera footage.

Dredd's mouth seemed to become a flat line and he almost growled.

I glanced at Anderson and her mouth was the same shape. “Either you don't like them or they are here for a reason.”

“Both.” Dredd said. “Can that thing open this place up?”

“Beep!” Eye said loudly.

“He objects to you doubting him.” I said and Anderson smiled. “Just say when, sir.”

Dredd nodded and held the stun gun at the ready. “We storm the apartment and we take out Ma-Ma and her gang, secure the evidence of the operation, and bring them all in for official questioning to find any connections to any other drug trade in the city.”

“Beep boop.” Eye said.

“He's disabled the remote detonator on Ma-Ma's wrist that's connected to the demolitions explosives on the top floors.” I said and both Judges stiffened and stared at me. “They're packed into strategic spots in the walls and floors to bring the whole building down. They won't be easy to remove.”

Anderson let out a curse and Dredd looked angry.

“I'll add ten thousand murder attempts and hostage charges to Ma-Ma's list.” Dredd said.

I nodded and slipped Eye into the pocket behind my back and created another stun gun.

Five minutes later, it was all over.

The gang was unconscious, the corrupt judges were arrested and cuffed, and the majority of the drugs were destroyed. Samples were kept for evidence and I may have stored a kilo or ten for testing later.

Slowing perception down to one percent of normal? How was that even possible? What was in it to affect the human brain like that?

When the clean-up crew showed up to handle the hundred gang members that were under arrest, I felt a gun be pressed to the side of my head.

“It was awfully convenient for someone like you to show up just as we discovered a drug operation.” Dredd's voice said from behind me.

“Your gun won't work on me.” I said and didn't move.

“The barrel tip is inside the shield barrier.” Dredd said. “Subversive elements are not allowed to infiltrate the Judges. You will be brought in, interrogated to find out why you are really here, then you will admit to all of the crimes you've committed and will pay for them.”

“I've committed no crimes in Mega City One.” I said without lying. I had a feeling that he could tell.

“Beep.” Eye said.

“Not helping.” I said.

“What did he say?” Anderson asked. She hadn't reacted to Dredd drawing on me, so she must be just as disturbed at my presence as he was.

“He threatened to delete everything.” I said.

“No! We need that evidence!” Anderson exclaimed.

I smiled at her. “You misunderstand. He means literally everything. The Archives. The Repository. The Genetic Records. The List of Honored Judges. Everything.”

Everyone stopped moving and no one was breathing. There was no sound at all, which was quite an achievement for a room full of people.

“Anderson.” Dredd said in a whisper.

“I can't reach it in time, not if it really is an AI.” Anderson said, sadly.

The gun was removed from the side of my head.

“I hate criminals that subvert the law.” Dredd said.

“I'm sorry to disappoint you, sir. You have forgotten that at the moment, I am a lawful deputy.” I said and turned around to give him a huge smile. “You haven't revoked it yet or dismissed me.”

Dredd stiffened. “I rescind...”

Eye beeped from his back pocket and Dredd stopped talking.

“I was going to help you clean up your forces and the city, just because I could.” I said and glanced at Anderson. “There are certain benefits to being on the side of the angels.”

Anderson didn't react, even though I knew she was struggling to try and read me.

“Instead, I think I'll go out into the wasteland and fix the mess you idiots turned the planet into.”

There was a collective gasp from everyone, even Anderson.

“You're going to exile yourself?” Someone asked with disbelief practically dripping from his voice.

“It's not exile if you volunteer.” I said and everyone gave me incredulous looks.

“You'll be dead of radiation poisoning in less than six months.” Anderson said in a soft voice. “There's a reason most criminals choose execution over exile.”

“You'll never reach the next mega city without an official transport, not that they will let you in anyway.” Dredd said. “No n-rads or mutants are allowed inside.”

I shrugged. I wasn't going to argue that I could negate the radiation by ending the effect or that I was going to start installing atmospheric converters and topsoil reclaimers. It would take me too long to convert every piece of land into a viable land with my own power.

Plus, with the Force pretty much useless, I would have to touch the ground directly for each and every conversion and the odds I didn't get instantly sick by doing that, were pretty slim. The nuclear radiation was everywhere out there and saturated everything.

“I would like Judge Anderson to escort me.” I said and everyone there immediately said no. Everyone but her. She didn't say anything and slipped off her helmet to reveal her entire face. She hooked it to her other shoulder and walked over to me. Still without saying anything, she slipped off her gloves and tucked them into a pocket.

Anderson's eyes met mine and I gave her a slight nod of permission. She smiled and placed both of her hands at my temples. She closed her eyes and she tried really hard to push through my mental protections. She started to sweat as she struggled once more and I could almost feel her frustration that even with direct contact, she couldn't read my thoughts.

“Is it a huge turn on that I'm unreadable or is it too aggravating to deal with?” I asked her.

“Both! Neither! Argh!” Anderson grunted and let my head go.

“Does that mean you want to escort me or that you can't stand the sight of me?”

“No, I... I can't.” Anderson said with a sigh. “You're handsome, sure...”

I chuckled. “I know. No spark or even a lick of attraction.”

“Then why did you offer?” Anderson asked with a confused look on her face.

“That doesn't mean I don't want to get to know you better.” I said and then smiled. “Also, it would just be us out there. Who else is going to make you scream their name while you orgasm?”

Anderson's face went to a deep red as she blushed.

“How great was it that you didn't see that coming?” I joked and a few of the people around us laughed.

Anderson's red face stayed as she shook her head and put her helmet back on.

“Congratulations on passing your evaluation.” I said and shook her hand.

“Wh-what?” Anderson asked, clearly surprised.

“It's the true test of a Judge to face overwhelming adversity, keep a cool head, then follow through and finish the job.” I said and motioned to Dredd. “Just try to not let it go to your head as much as he has. It's not healthy.”

“Excuse me.” Dredd said in a deadly voice as he stepped forward.

“When was the last time you had a woman? Have you ever had a woman?” I asked and he growled. “Humanity is a social species. People need... people crave... personal contact. It's a desire that has existed since the caveman. Even back then, it was a survival instinct. Do you want the human race to go extinct?”

“It's already going extinct!” Dredd spat.

Anderson touched my arm and I stepped back to deescalate the situation. “The cities are overcrowded and having so many people crammed into them, isn't making things easier for people to live their lives.”

“I know. Eye has already confirmed what the average citizen experiences.” I waved around the half-destroyed room we were in. “This is not a rare occurrence.”

“That's why I want to become a Judge. I want to help and my abilities can let me do that.” Anderson said and her hand slid down my arm and took my hand. “You're not a bad person, are you?”

“No.” I said and she smiled a little. “I've done bad things. I've killed people. I even wiped out two entire xenomorphic alien species.”

Everyone in the room froze again and not a sound came from them.

“Now I'm here and I'll do what I can to fix things.” I said.

Anderson seemed to shake herself slightly. “How?”

“It's better if you don't know.” I said and glanced at Dredd. “I'm sure someone would try to stop me.”

“You'll be breaking the law?” Anderson asked and her hand gripped mine hard.

“Trespassing, claimings land I don't own, killing all the mutated species across the planet. You know, little things.” I said and her mouth dropped open in surprise. I chuckled and lifted her hand to kiss the back of it. “I better go. Work to do. Hostile wastelands to terraform. Animals to slaughter.”

Anderson blushed. “How can you say things like that so casually?”

I let her hand go and stepped back from her. “I've done them before and I have it down to a science. All it takes now is time.”

Anderson caught her breath when she understood. “How long?”

“If I only focused on locally? About a year.” I said and several people made disbelieving sounds. “I'm doing the whole planet, so about five years.”

“Ha! More lies.” Someone said.

“I hope you look forward to endless grassy fields and bright blue sky.” I said to her and floated up into the air. We were still in the apartment, so no one tried to stop me. I dissolved the amulet from the prisoner. “The shields only work for you, so there's no need to hand them over for judgment.”

Anderson put her hand on the spot above her breasts.

Perhaps I'll see you again when I'm done, Cassandra. I thought to her.

Anderson gasped and I could hear her heart beating from across the room. How did you do that?

Telepathic interlink. I thought back. “Goodbye.”

“You won't be allowed to leave.” Dredd said.

“I'm sorry, you don't have the authority to stop me.” I said and smiled at Anderson. “I quit.”

Dredd's new stun gun was in his hand and pointed at me. As he pulled the trigger, Anderson called out to him to stop and I apparated out of the building and up a hundred feet.

I felt the radiation that was somehow kept at bay by the gigantic thick and high walls of the city. I cancelled the effect on me and flew several miles, just outside the view of the city, and set up a dozen atmospheric converters and terraforming machines. I had to set them for a quarter of a mile of depth, from all of the radiation that had settled into the top layer of the planet.

I wasn't worried about them failing to work. If the machines could convert the most inhospitable environments into usable land and then install a breathable atmosphere on planets that were not made for human habitation, them sucking out the nuclear contamination from the dirt, air, and water, would be a piece of cake.

*

Five years later, Senior Judge Cassandra Anderson stood on top of the eastern observation point in Mega City One. The sight in front of her was one that she had never seen before, not even in storybooks.

Foot tall green grass spread out from the walls of the city for as far as the eye could see. The sky was a blue color that she had only heard stories about. The white fluffy things floating through it were a mystery, because no one she talked to had ever seen them before.

“Mooo.” “Mooo.” “Mooooo.”

Cassandra had to use her viewer to look straight down and she saw a very curious sight. Cows. Lots and lots of cows. They were pretty much gorging themselves on the tall grass and looked very happy while doing it.

“Are those what I think they are?” A woman's voice asked from behind her.

“Yes, Chief Justice.” Cassandra said and handed her the viewer. “For the first time in fifty years, there are cows.”

“That's not possible.” The older woman said as she looked. “How is that possible?”

“It's probably the same reason we don't need the breath masks while out here.” Cassandra said.

“Not that again.” The older woman said with a sigh. “There's no way that one man could do this.”

Cassandra ignored her opinion and looked up at the white fluffy things. One of them looked suspiciously like a cow. “Have you heard back from the excursion party?”

The older woman sighed. “They refuse to exit the decontamination room because the chickens inside the giant henhouse they found had pecked at every member and they think they're dying.”

Cassandra couldn't stop her laugh. “I suppose they don't believe the Geiger counters?”

“If it's already internal, it won't register.” The older woman said with another sigh.

“Idiots.” Cassandra said. “What about the medical tests on the birds and bugs flying around the city?”

“All clean. The autopsies don't show any brain alterations or exposure to radiation.”

Cassandra was quiet for a couple of minutes as she considered that. Birds of all kinds had died out decades ago and the bugs that were still around, were mutated and the size of rats. There were no official reports that all of those large bugs were now gone, even though everyone knew they were.

“He really did it.” Cassandra said with awe in her voice. “There's no other explanation.”

“He died years ago. No one survives when they go out into the Cursed Earth.” The older woman said and handed the viewer back. “Finish your observations and report back to the precinct by suppertime.”

“Yes, Chief Justice.” Cassandra said and watched the old woman leave the room.

“I thought she would never leave.” A man's voice said from above her.

Cassandra had her sidearm out and pointed up at a familiar tight costume that she had only seen once before. “Hansen.”

“Hey, gorgeous.” Hansen said with a smile on his face and floated down to land beside her.

“Still trying to get into my uniform, I see.” Cassandra said and holstered her sidearm.

“I've been waiting for five years. Are you up for a quick roll in the hay yet?” Hansen asked with a grin.

Cassandra huffed and then laughed. “Dredd would shoot you if he heard you talking to me like that.”

“Ah, I see.” Hansen said. “Good for you. And him. He needed a good woman to take care of him.”

“That sounds so sexist.”

“That doesn't mean it's not the truth.” Hansen said. He was silent for a moment, then he smiled. “Hey, do you want to know what to do to him to make his toes curl when you're in bed together?”

Cassandra's face flushed red. “I can do that on my own, thanks.”

Hansen chuckled and made a 'come here' gesture with his hand.

Cassandra sighed and leaned forward to let him whisper in her ear. When he was done, her face was close to being completely beet red.

“Trust me. If he doesn't have a smile on his face the next day, he's never going to smile.”

Cassandra couldn't make her mouth work after hearing such things from another man, so she nodded.

“Good.” Hansen said and took her hand to kiss the back of it. “My work here is done, so I'm leaving.”

Cassandra didn't say anything.

“No pleas for me to stay? I feel so hurt.” Hansen said and let her hand go. “I just came back here to find you and to say goodbye.”

Cassandra's hand went to the necklace and pendant that still rested just above her breasts.

“It's indestructible, so pass it on to your daughter when you feel it's time for her to come out of her shell.” Hansen said and Cassandra caught her breath. “You don't think I haven't been watching out for you all this time, do you? What kind of friend would I be?”

“But... you...”

Hansen chuckled and floated up into the air. “Remember, a Judge stays calm through adversity. I had to test you one last time.”

“Bastard.” Cassandra said with a smile.

“I knew you wouldn't accept.” Hansen said and waved. “Have fun being the first family to move out of a megacity.”

“What do you mean?” Cassandra asked.

“I made a nice house and homestead for you just over the ridge there.” Hansen said and pointed. “There's also a huge town around it for anyone else that wants to move there.”

“You... no... how...”

“The same way I've installed weather control machines that will never let any violent weather affect the planet.” Hansen said and waved. “Goodbye for the last time.”

“Goodbye.” Cassandra said and saw him glow gold for a few seconds, then he was gone. “No one is going to believe me.” She whispered and gathered her equipment before going back inside. For some reason, she couldn't get the thought out of her head about having a real house to live in.

* Armageddon (1998 film)

I appeared hovering in the air above a skyscraper and had no idea where I was. I glanced around and didn't see anything like mutated creatures or ruins or anything, so I could only assume I wasn't in some alternate dystopian world. As a precaution, I made sure my shield was still working and cast several diagnostic spells on myself and my current surroundings.

I was relieved that there were no airborne pathogens and I wouldn't be bringing anything unwanted with me when I moved on to the next world. Then again, I must have been here for a reason, even if it was something stupid like taking down a drug dealer. I chuckled at that, because I sure did take it to extremes as I terraformed Earth back into a habitable planet.

I put on an invisibility cloak and flew down to land in front of the skyscraper. I looked around and saw a small outside cafe and walked over to it as I changed my clothing from my supersuit to a normal business one. I didn't want to get extra attention by wearing an expensive one. I slipped the cloak off as I stepped around the corner and walked over to sit down at one of the tables.

“Hi, there!” A bubbly female voice said and I turned to see a cute young woman bounce towards me. She wore a beige t-shirt and beige pants and I didn't see either of those things.

My eyes couldn't stop looking as her quite nice breasts played a game of 'who can jiggle more' with each other. I was a little upset that I couldn't choose which one I wanted to win, then they stopped their game and I looked up at a beaming smile.

Without saying a word, I generated a bunch of local cash in my pocket, thanks to one of my gold jewels and handed her several high denomination bills. Her smile didn't change at all as she pocketed the bills.

“What can I get you?” She asked and took out a notepad from her back pocket and a pen from behind her ear.

I switched to a British accept to make my sudden appearance be more believable. “A regular coffee, a danish with cream cheese, a local newspaper, and if you haven't classed me as a first grade fool and you are feeling generous, perhaps your number and I can take you out tonight.”

She laughed and wrote out my order. “I'll be right back.”

“Thank you.” I said and sat back in the chair and made a prediction in my head. My eyes went right to her ass as she walked away. As I predicted, her cheeks were also playing the jiggle game and had captured my full attention.

She stood at the counter inside the shop for a couple of minutes and talked to the girl getting the coffee, then she came out with the coffee, danish, and newspaper on a tray.

“You are very distracting.” I said to her as she put the tray on the table. “If it's any consolation, I was just as mesmerized with the back as I was with the front.”

“Kelly told me you were staring at my ass the whole time.” She said with the same beaming smile.

“It's a great ass.” I said and took a sip of coffee. I winced slightly. “Much better than the coffee.”

She sighed. “I told her twice to change the filter.”

I took out another bill and handed it to her. “At least the service here is impeccable.”

She gave me another beaming smile. “Thank you.”

“You deserve more than that as a compliment.” I said and took a bite of the danish. “I was about to read the paper's headlines to see what's going on...”

“Oh. Well, I'll get out of your way.” She started to turn away.

I reached out and caught her hand to give it a little squeeze. “If you're not busy, I would rather have a beautiful young woman fill me in on the local news.” I said and she looked down at my hand. I turned it over and showed her that I wasn't holding onto her or restraining her. “I was travelling and just arrived in town.”

The beaming smile was back and she sat down beside me as she held onto my hand. “You're not going to believe this.”

Ten minutes later, I really couldn't believe it. A meteor shower had destroyed a space shuttle and killed the passengers four days ago. That wasn't the shocking thing, however. It was just a precursor for the real event. An asteroid the size of Texas was hurtling through space and was going to impact the planet in just under two weeks.

“Fuuuuck me.” I whispered and she heard it.

“Hey, don't be vulgar!” She said and let my hand go. “Just because you're handsome, British, and have money...”

I held a hand up to stop her rant before she got it going. “My sincerest apologies.” I said and leaned forward to gently caress the cheek of her face. “I was lamenting the fact that just as I show up and was lucky enough to meet you, the world is fabled to end.”

She smiled again. “I guess being upset about that is a good enough excuse to curse.”

I had to smile at that. “I have yet to curse enough about it, dear lady.”

She giggled and her hand took mine again. “My name's Barbara.”

“It is a pleasure you meet you, Barbara.” I said and lifted her hand to kiss the back of it. “My name is John. John Hansen.”

Barbara gave me a curious look. “That's not really a British name, is it?”

I chuckled. “I was born and raised in Kansas, travelled when I was still relatively young, and spent a long time in the British Isles.”

Barbara grinned at me. “You're an American Brit?”

I laughed at her joke. “Surprise! I'm a miracle baby!”

Barbara laughed, too.

She got off work half an hour later and then she got off on me. She had been working at that shop for two years and I had been the only interesting thing that had ever entered the place. I joked that I only sat outside, so she smacked me for it and we both laughed.

Her breasts were absolutely spectacular and she giggled and moaned in equal measure as I pretty much had my way with them. When I was done with them, I moved on to her ass and she kept giggling and moaning. I also played the nursery rhyme game with her toes and she laughed and moaned as she complained that no one had ever let her have so much fun while having sex before.

“It's too bad that the world is ending.” Barbara said as she cuddled into my side. Her hand lazily stroked my member and it quickly sprung to life for her. “Yes, it's definitely too bad. I finally find a great guy like you and we only have two weeks!”

I kissed the side of her head. “What if I told you that I had a plan to fix that?”

“You're going to NASA and joining that mining group?” Barbara asked excitedly and sat up to look at my face.

“I'm sorry, I cannot tell you that I really am going up into space and will deal with the asteroid.” I said and she let out a shout and hopped on top of me. “No! I can't tell you such a secret! I can't!”

Barbara laughed and her lips captured mine as she rode me pretty hard.

*

“Hello, Dan.” I said to the director of NASA's special operations as he entered his office.

“AHH!” The man shouted and dropped his coffee. “Where did you come from?”

“I'm skipping the jokes for now. Remind me later.” I said and Eye beeped at me. “Thanks, buddy.”

“Who... who are you?” Dan Truman asked.

“I'm someone that's helping to pilfer NASA's data on the asteroid.” I said and he looked shocked. “It was particularly more difficult than normal, so Eye was quite happy.”

“You... what...”

“You can still send the shuttles up for the mission to save the world. I need the cover.” I said and heard Eye beep. “Good work, buddy. Did you adjust their trajectories using four dimensional math?”

“Beep.” Eye responded.

“Great.” I said and stood as I slipped Eye behind my back. “It was nice meeting you, Director Truman.”

“You... wait. How did you get in here? This is my private office!” Dan exclaimed.

“It had the most secure connection to NASA's servers.” I said and walked over to him. I used the mind reading spell and sighed. “You can't scrub it and rework it somehow. No one will believe it.”

“You STOLE all our data! It's all compromised and...”

“Obliviate.” I said with a wand pointed at the man's face. “You've reconsidered the crew roster and you're adding John Hansen to the second crew. The plans are all approved and you're rushing the training. Even when most of the men fail, they are the best drillers and you need them there.”

Dan nodded.

“See you in a few days.” I said and apparated out.

*

“That is one big son of a bitch.” I said as the Firefly flew me around the thing and I dropped off a hundred harvesters to strip it and tear it apart. “I'm going to need a few hours to make an enchanted object big enough for it to be believable.”

“Boop beep?”

I chuckled. “It's not like they can come out here and measure the thing.”

“Beep.”

I laughed. “All right, fine. I'll make an illusion to fill in all the spots they won't be going to drill.”

“Beep beep.”

*

“I'd like to introduce the specialist astrophysicist that will be joining the second crew, John Hansen.” Dan Truman said and the oil rig guys had surprised looks on their faces.

“Hello.” I said and gave them a little wave.

“Are you serious?” Harry Stamper asked. “There's no way he's a scientist. He's damn near as big as Bear.”

The oil rig guys laughed, because Bear was a six and a half foot tall black man and weighed three hundred pounds. The astronauts rolled their eyes at the gruff guys, because they knew that brains didn't really depend on the type of body it was in.

“I can press three-fifty and give massages that make women orgasm.” I said and the oil rig guys hooted and yelled encouragement. “I can also run quadratic equations in the back of my mind and plot a course through space from the Earth to the Moon in about ten minutes.”

Hearing that made everyone quiet down.

“I've also changed the drilling equipment to resemble a rig's actual setup and not the makeshift thing that people that don't understand how to drill designed.”

“We gotta ssee that!” Oscar said with a bit of a lisp.

“I can fix that slurred speech if you want.” I said and everyone stared at me. “Um... I mean... I have mental techniques you can learn.”

No one said anything and I sighed.

“Dammit.” I said and froze everyone with Stasis. I did a selective Obliviate on them and then unfroze them. “Let's get to training our asses off.”

“Yeah!” Everyone shouted, then that's what we did.

*

“This is pretty scary.” Bear said with a soft voice that didn't match his large exterior.

The shuttles we were on flew through various debris and ice clouds that made looking at the landing zones very difficult.

“Don't worry. We'll be down before you know it.” I said to comfort the big man.

“That's what I'm afraid of.” Bear said as the shuttle swerved through space to avoid a very large chunk of ice. It wasn't actually there and was only a simulation on the computers and vidscreens that I had replaced the cockpit windows with. If anyone had the capability to observe from the outside, they would see the two shuttles flying around nothing at all.

We eventually settled down onto the landing site for the drilling to commence and everyone suited up and we piled into the crawler to drive the short way to the specific place to drill. Since Eye had selected it previously, there was more than enough drilling apparatus for everyone to use to make the proper drilling depth with plenty of time to spare.

We set the charges and both shuttles flew away before the timers on the bombs counted down. A bright flash of light later, and the giant asteroid that was the size of Texas, was now in two pieces and drifted apart at a phenomenal rate.

By the time our shuttles landed, the pieces of the death asteroid were well on their way to completely miss the planet and every other solar system object. The crowds cheered as we disembarked and we waved to the crowd.

“Damn, now I have to pay all that money back.” Rockhound said.

“Oh, I took care of it.” I said and pointed at the two dancers that were jumping up and down and held a sign with Rockhound's name on it. “Go have fun.”

“Thanks, man!” He said and gave me a quick hug, then he ran over to the two girls that gave him very enthusiastic kisses.

I turned around and looked for one particular face. I smiled when my eyes caught the curly blonde hair and I walked over to her with a swagger in my step. She was laughing by the time I reached her and she pulled me into my own enthusiastic kiss.

“My hero.” Barbara said with actual adoration on her face.

“I couldn't let the planet die, not with you on it.” I said and she beamed a smile at me. I gave her another kiss and waved at the rest of the crowd. “Let's go home.”

Barbara nodded and we left the others there to deal with the press and the adoration of the masses.

*

Thirty years and six kids later, Barbara refused the regen tank that was giving out offers to the Heroes of the Earth and their families.

“I'm more than happy to grow old with you, my love.” Barbara said as she hugged and kissed me.

“Are you sure? We could be 18 again and...”

Barbara laughed. “I hated going through it the first time! If I hadn't met you when I was twenty-five, I would have believed I wasted my youth completely.”

I had to laugh as well. “All right, darling. I'll refuse as well and I won't be trading you in for a younger model.”

“You better not, you British bastard!” Barbara exclaimed and then kissed me hard.

“Moooom! Get a room!” Our youngest groaned and that made us laugh.

“Sorry, sweetie.” I said and puckered my lips exaggeratedly. “Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Daddy kishes are on the way!”

Bonnie's shriek of horror cut through the house and several laughs echoed back. They all knew what that shriek meant.

I chased Bonnie for a few minutes before catching her, then I covered her giggling face with kisses.

“I think that's punishment enough, dear.” Barbara said and pried me off of our daughter.

Bonnie giggled again and took off running. “Thanks, mom!”

“No! She's getting away!” I shouted and pretended to struggle against Barbara's grip.

“Okay, she's gone to her room.” Barbara said, so I turned in her arms and kissed her passionately. She put her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. I held her and we kind of dry-humped each other right there in the living room.

All of our kids were in their rooms, so we let it go on for quite a bit longer than we should have. We had quite a bit of fun being naughty like that before we went to our room and then we were very, very naughty.

*

When Barbara died, the kids were all out of the house and had their own lives and families. The funeral was a huge affair and I looked just as old as Barbara did when she passed.

“I'm so sorry, dad.” Bonnie said and hugged me.

“Don't be. She lived a full life and it was full of family and love.” I said and hugged her back. “I think I can move on now as well.”

“No! You can't just...”

“I'm not giving up, sweetie.” I said with a smile and kissed her cheek. “I'm moving on.”

Bonnie took a deep breath and let out a sigh. “When... when do you think...”

“The doctors said maybe a week.” I lied and she started to cry. “Don't worry, sweetie. I'm not sick or anything.” I let her go and handed her a handkerchief. “I've left you all a huge settlement and the house is yours if you want it.”

“Oh, dad!” Bonnie said and buried her face into my neck.

“I'm so glad to have met you all.” I whispered to her. “I was worried that I couldn't find happiness without trying to force it, and I literally stumbled onto your mother at the first shop that I saw when I arrived here.”

“Can... can you tell me about it?” Bonnie asked.

“That depends.” I said and she lifted her head to see my huge smile. “Do you want to know if it was her beautiful breasts that mesmerized me first or her spectacular ass?”

Bonnie looked surprised for a moment, then she burst out laughing. “You... you... oh, my god!”

“I believe an old flame of mine called me a pervy bastard.” I admitted with a smug smile.

Bonnie laughed and laughed.

My funeral was a week later and Bonnie shared the story of how I had met her mother. Everyone laughed their asses off, because it really was a great story.

I gathered my Chi energy and covered myself in magic before I moved on.

* Deep Impact (1998 movie)

At a star-gazing party, a young man saw a startling thing that isn't a star that's on their charts. The teacher running the club sent the data to an observatory and the Astronomer there, Dr. Marcus Wolf, followed the data and observed a massive comet that had its normal trajectory altered and it was heading right for Earth. When he ran the numbers, he saw that it was going to actually impact the planet and freaked out.

Dr. Wolf piled into his car and frantically tries his cell phone as he drove down the twisting road from the observatory. In a fit of frustration from not getting a signal, he dropped the thing and bent over to pick it up... and a transfer truck sideswiped his car and ran it off of the road. Dr. Wolf died in the explosion and the data disk was left on the ground near the crash.

*

A year later, a nosy reporter named Jenny Lerner was investigating a well known senator, because she believed he was cheating on his wife and was having an affair with a woman named Ellie. Secret calls, a phone line that couldn't be traced, and meetings under assumed names, all added up to an affair in her mind.

After one of her confrontations with the senator, Jenny was pulled over by two black vehicles and apprehended. She didn't fight the request to go with the men and she was brought to a location and left in the room. She was nervous about the whole situation until the President of the United States entered the room. That really scared her, because she didn't know what was going on. An affair did not get the attention of the POTUS.

“Hello, Miss Lerner.” The black man said with a smile. “I assume you know why you are here.”

Jenny didn't have anything to fall back on, so she said what she was looking into. “Ellie.”

The president's eyes hardened. “What do you know about E.L.E.?”

Jenny's mind raced, because she knew the different pronunciation meant something very important. “I know that a sick wife and a popular senator retiring to take care of her, is a horrible excuse for a cover-up.”

The president sighed. “I told them that it wouldn't hold up under scrutiny.” He said and gave her another hard look. “What can I say to convince you to sit on this?”

Jenny knew she was in a bit of trouble, so she negotiated. “I don't know if it will matter. If I figured it out, it won't be long before someone else does.”

The president looked resigned. “I want you to stay quiet for 48 hours.”

“But, sir...”

“I know it seems as if you have me over a barrel here, Miss Lerner. I must remind you that it only seems so.”

Jenny closed her mouth.

“I need that long to convince the joint chiefs and my staff to release the appropriate data.” The president said. “I'll call a press conference then and...”

“I want first question.” Jenny said immediately.

The president gave her a look. “Do not press me, Miss Lerner.”

“Sorry, sir.” Jenny whispered.

“I will see you in two days.” The president said.

Jenny soon found herself back at her car and her mind was running a mile a minute. She had to get back to the office and do some research. She knew something much bigger than a senator's affair was happening if the president himself wanted her to stay quiet about it.

An hour later, Jenny sat back in her chair with a stunned look on her face. It wasn't Ellie that the senator was talking to. It was E.L.E. or Extinction Level Event. As in the dinosaurs.

Humanity was going to die.

*

I appeared in an alleyway and almost laughed. If the spaces I jumped from and to, were matched in the places they really were on each Earth, then the alley I was in was really an upscale graveyard. I wore my best black suit still and I left the alley. Unlike the last time, I didn't care much about getting attention. That worked out, because not a single person on the street paid me any attention.

I walked over to a large group that stood outside of what seemed like a very popular bar. “What's going on?”

“Jesus, buddy. Where have you been all day? Under a rock?” A man asked and pointed into the bar.

I looked and everyone was silent as the television reporter said something about a desperate plan, a lottery of some kind, and that the president himself was about to speak. When the black man on the screen stopped speaking, I cursed out loud.

“I agree with ya, buddy. What's the point of digging underground if the planet cracks open and then freezes from no sun?”

I held in my sigh and looked at the television. “Is there an internet cafe or something around here?”

“A what-now?” He asked and looked at me like I was crazy.

“Never mind.” I said and looked around for a newspaper. I didn't see one. “I need a newspaper.”

“They deliver every morning.” The man said and then ignored me as he ordered six beers.

“It's cheaper to go buy a case.” I said and walked down the street. I wasn't surprised that he didn't respond.

I soon found a newspaper dispenser and knelt to read the date and saw an artist's representation of the comet and the Messiah, a cobbled together space ship that would be sent to deliver a nuclear payload to blow the thing up.

“I'm detecting a theme here.” I said and read the details. It meant another NASA visit and another raid on their secured systems. “At least Eye will be happy.”

*

“It's both familiar and different.” I said as the Firefly flew around the thing and I released a hundred harvesters to tear the thing apart. Since it was a comet and mostly ice and space dust, they should have the massive thing gone in only a few weeks. Just to make sure, I left several satellite relays along the route so that Eye could keep a close watch on the thing.

I didn't bother trying to join the mission or anything this time. I had Eye set a file error and rebooted their system without all of the flight and navigation data that they would need to fly the mess of a spaceship out to meet the comet. There was no need for them to risk their lives for something so easily handled.

A week later, I sat at a similar coffee shop outside and ordered the same order, except the young man wasn't happy about serving me at all. I gave him a dollar tip and told him that if he wanted to stay in the people service industry, he needed more practice with the people part. He huffed at me and walked away. I regretted giving him the dollar.

The television in the coffee shop blared that the threat had disappeared and that the Earth had been spared. A few people cheered and the rest shrugged and went back to their coffees. I chuckled and stood up, gave the server a little wave to piss him off, then I gathered my Chi and covered myself in my magic and popped away.

* Independence Day (1996 film)

I appeared on a busy street and no one really noticed. I shook my head at being ignored, then I started to notice something odd. The majority of them were looking up. After two worlds in a row where there was a world ending disaster coming, I was reluctant to look up as well.

I sighed and fought my instincts to ignore it, and looked up. “OH, COME ON! I didn't even get to arrive here before that? Really? REALLY?!?”

My shouts gained some attention and a few people started talking and pointing to me. I ran down the street and came to a stop when the space around me seemed to open up. A quick glance around told me that I was in Times Square in New York and I looked up to see the very middle of the giant miles-wide spaceship that hovered over the city.

I recognized some of it, so I went into meditation mode and dove into my Halls of Memory. Thankfully, I quickly found the movie section that Darcy and I enjoyed while relaxing in Kansas during the summer. When I watched the movie in fast forward, I barely managed to hold in a string of curses.

“Screw this!” I said as I dropped the meditation technique and changed into my supersuit right there in front of everyone. A few people gasped when they saw me and then they yelled in surprise when I flew up into the air. I ignored their reactions and flew at my best speed towards the bottom of the miles-wide space ship.

I knew exactly what happened when that giant aperture opened up and the main ship weapon was deployed. I bounced off of the energy shield and fell a dozen feet before I realized I hadn't flown through the thing. I growled and flew back up to it and touched it with the Force. The energy was odd and operating at a weird frequency that made it almost completely incompatible with everything else.

“Yeah, fuck you.” I said and created a heavy plasma cannon and strapped it on, then I put it on the highest setting and opened fire.

*WHHHOOOAAANNNN!*

The forcefield surrounding the ship flickered and died and the beam sliced up through the middle of the ship and through the main firing weapon. I didn't let the entrance opportunity pass me by and flew straight up and kept my finger on the trigger to burn a hole right through. I also created a security device and tucked it into the pocket at the small of my back.

“Have fun, Eye.” I said and he beeped happily.

When I reached the center of the ship and the loading bays for the troops to deploy, I hovered in place and reduced the plasma cannon to a lower setting before I spun around in a circle to use the plasma beam on all of the ground vehicles and armored suits. I ignored the alien screams and decimated as many of them as possible.

Eye beeped at me and I nodded before I used the plasma beam to cut into the control center and flew inside. The alien died with a kick to the head and I set Eye on the console.

“See if you can pilot this thing out to the ocean.” I said and he beeped. “If you can't decode anything, just wreck it all. We'll figure out what to do next.”

“Beep?”

“Go for the top right away?” I asked and he beeped. “It might work if we can disable their signals.”

“Boop!”

“Do the best you can.” I said and looked at the alien controls. Even with my experience with all of the aliens in the Star Wars universe, they had mostly been humanoid and the controls for ships were similar in some respects. Whatever was on the control ship, it did not look like a standard setup.

“Beep beep.”

“Just the thrusters?” I asked and he beeped. “That's good enough for now. I'll sink the thing when we're almost over the water.”

“Beeeeeep beep.”

“Cut the power after you get us going?” I chuckled and he beeped at me. “Okay, I'll wait to have fun.”

The massive ship started to move like a slow turtle climbing a slope and Eye beeped several times.

“I doubt I can cast a featherlight charm on something this big.” I said and Eye beeped again, as if laughing. “Do you know how big the dog would have to be to catch a frisbee this size?”

We both laughed at that images that brought to mind.

*

The citizens of New York were shocked when the alien space ship moved away from their city and then it seemed to light up from the inside. Explosions rocked the thing and it started to fall towards the water. It had far to go, so it took a minute before the thing crashed beside Staten Island and the people in the Statue of Liberty stared at the burning mechanical monstrosity.

*

“For Christ's sake, will someone tell me what the hell is going on?” The president asked in frustration.

“We don't know, sir.” General Grey, the USMC liason on his staff, said. “We thought they would continue to not react after they settled over all of the major cities around the world.”

“And now?” President Whitmore asked and looked at the other people in the room, including his pretty communications director named Constance Spano. He had hired her for her qualifications and kept her for her intelligence. She knew how to handle the press much better than he ever did.

“The U.S. is clear of the implied threat, sir.” Albert Nimzicki, the Secretary of Defense, responded.

“There goes the one over Toronto.” Someone said and they all turned to look at the old radar representation that they had to show the ships around the planet.

“Whatever is happening, it's happening systematically.” Constance said. “New York first, then Washington DC, then Los Angeles, and now Toronto.”

“This country is the focus.” President Whitmore said with a nod. “That makes sense. They are protecting home first and then moving on to the less likely threats to us in a descending order.”

“Any bets on Moscow, London, or Paris being saved next?” Someone asked.

“My money is on Tokyo, Japan.” Constance said and held up a ten dollar bill. “It's where I would go.”

Ten minutes later, Constance tried to not grin as everyone in the room handed her ten dollars.

*

“Now that was fun.” I said as I sat on the flight couch of a Firefly after Eye and I had taken down the last of the fifteen alien assault ships.

“Beep beep.” Eye said as we took off and flew up into the atmosphere.

“Maybe they'll have something on the mothership, like an alien baby learning program or something.”

Eye beeped a laugh at me.

“It could happen.” I said with a grin and he kept beeping. “Artemis, let me know when we're out far enough for me to deploy the modified Alliance space station.”

“No problem, John.” Artemis said and her speed increased after the pings on her hull stopped.

“We can drop off some harvesters to clear Earth's orbit on the way back, just like all the ones I left to consume all of the alien technology their crashed ships left behind.” I said.

“That's okay. I can take a few pits on my hull if they get through the shield.” Artemis said.

I smiled. “Then it's time to show these aliens that you can't mess with humanity and get away with it.”

My two friends heartily agreed.

*

The people of Earth on the current day side, were treated with a bright spectacle of epic proportions as the alien mothership exploded. The people on the current night side, saw the video. Nearly the entire population of Earth cheered.

It was just the leaders of the targeted nations that were quiet as they thought about whatever it was that had taken care of the potentially invading aliens before any of them could have mounted a defense.

*

“Do you want to stay and explore?” I asked Artemis as Eye seeded the computers of several colleges with the technology to defeat the aliens when they came back.

“No, this place is empty and not worth the effort to try and fly through or to wait for the mapping to finish.” Artemis said.

“Good point.” I said and pat the wall. “I'll summon you when I need you again.”

“Thank you for storing me and not erasing me.” Artemis said. “See you soon.”

I pat her again and dropped her into storage.

“Beep.” Eye said and I checked his screen.

“That's great, Eye. Faking a student's ID and submitting term papers to reveal the designs? Brilliant!”

Eye beeped several times.

“I appreciate everything you do, my friend. It's why I keep updating you when I can and store you as well, now that I can.” I said and he beeped once. “I'm sure we'll find more fun to have in the next world.”

“Beep boop.” Eye said and I stored him.

I looked around at the people in the park that hadn't seen the cloaked ship or me. I felt no connection with anyone here, not even the people I could remember seeing in the movie. I chuckled at that thought, because I had just altered the whole thing and pretty much removed the major culling of humanity that the aliens had perpetrated in the original.

I brought up my Chi and let the energy fill me as I covered myself in magic, then I disappeared.

* Twister (1996 film)

On a rural Oklahoma farm in 1969, young Jo Thornton and her parents learned that an F5 tornado, the largest ever recorded in history, was fast approaching their home. They made it into their storm cellar with the family dog; however, Jo's father was killed when the tornado tore off the shelter door while he attempted in vain to hold it shut. The next morning, the remaining family members left the shelter to see that the entire farm had been destroyed.

Twenty-seven years later, Jo had worked tirelessly to become a meteorologist and was obsessed with tornadoes, even becoming the leader of a crack team of storm chasers. Because of her work ethic and obsession, she was on the brink of divorce from a retired storm chaser-turned-weatherman named Bill Harding and had been separated from him for some time.

Bill travelled to rural Oklahoma to get Jo to sign their divorce papers while he also introduced his new fiance, a reproductive therapist named Dr. Melissa Reeves. Though Bill had no intention of staying, he quickly discovered that Jo had created 'Dorothy', a capsule-like device filled with weather sensors that he had conceptualized but never saw realized.

Dorothy would be revolutionary for tornado research, only it had to be deployed dangerously in the damage path of a full blown tornado. During the discussion to get her to sign the papers, Jo's team gets word that a developing storm would appear in the area and they rushed off to catch it. Bill and Melissa were forced to pursue them when Jo packed the unsigned papers.

The ensuing encounter was a disappointing one and one of Bill's tires was damaged. When they all stopped to assist and get the truck to a local repair shop with a diner nearby, Bill encountered a hated rival named Jonas Miller, who was also a storm chaser with his own team. Bill learned a new reason to hate the man, because he had stolen Bill's idea for a Dorothy-like device and planned to deploy his corporate-sponsored version first to receive sole credit.

Enraged, Bill agreed to give Jo one day for her team to successfully deploy Dorothy.

None of the members of either team noticed the shocked man that had come out of the diner and stared at them after he had witnessed the entire encounter.

*

“Son of a bitch.” I said under my breath as the two groups of storm chasers had their confrontation.

I had arrived several weeks before and I had no idea why I had appeared here, because the newspapers had nothing in them and the locals had no news or had anything exciting happen anywhere in the world.

At least, they hadn't until now. One tornado in a day would have been a thrill, considering it was a small one and barely touched down. I could have the damage fixed and healed anyone that was hurt fairly quickly. My hopes that this was a nice and calm world were dashed with the scene that was happening in front of me.

I was in the world based on the disaster movie called Twister.

I let out a few curses after I watched the movie in my head. I was very tempted to start having a temper tantrum, with all the stomping around and everything, and sighed instead. I looked over at the main characters of the movie, Jo and Bill, and my next thought was to give Jo a reason to sign the divorce papers, since that was the only reason Bill had come back to visit.

My decision made, I walked over to the group that was doing its best to stop Bill from assaulting the blond idiot that made it difficult to not hate him on pure principle. No one noticed at first, since I slipped between a few of the group's members as if they weren't there, then I stood in front of Jo and gave her my best welcoming smile.

“Jo Thornton! I'm so glad to see you again!” I said pretty loudly and everyone stopped to turn and stare at me, a stranger that just appeared among them. This was the perfect moment for a critical strike, so I stepped close to her, wrapped my arms around her, and gave her a passionate kiss.

Jo seemed to react automatically as her arms went around my neck and she kissed me back just as enthusiastically. She let out a bit of a moan as well and I thanked my extensive experience with women for letting me distract her like this and for getting everyone's attention.

After about thirty seconds, I broke the kiss and waited as I held her. The look on Jo's face was priceless when she opened her eyes and realized that she had no clue who I was. I had intentionally used her maiden name to add to that confusion, because it put our potential original meeting before she was married.

“Oh... um... hey, there... you.” Jo said with a soft voice and blushed from embarrassment.

I snorted and then laughed, which made a couple of the guys smile and chuckle. “It was a long time ago, Jo. I don't fault you for not remembering my name.”

Jo looked relieved. “I'm sorry I don't.” She said and her eyes searched my face. “I really don't remember you at all.”

I grinned at her. “I looked a bit different back then, considering I was a generic farm boy with grand plans... to keep farming.”

That made a few of the guys laugh.

“It seems to have worked out for you.” A woman's voice said.

I turned my head to look at Bill's fiance. “It really has, considering I'm rich, well muscled, and can fuck like a horny rabbit.”

That really got the guys laughing and made Bill frown.

“You can't talk to her like that.” Bill said.

His fiance didn't seemed bothered by my curse and looked intrigued. “Did you develop that skill or have you always been able to do that?”

“Developed over years of extensive practice.” I said and Jo blushed. “Before you jump to conclusions, my last relationship was a committed marriage and we spent all of our time together before she passed away.”

“I'm so sorry.” Jo whispered and her arms around my neck tightened slightly.

“Thank you.” I whispered back and gave her a tender kiss.

“So, handsome stranger, what's your name and what brings you here?” One of the guys asked. He was short and a bit plump, with blond hair and a carefree attitude.

“Dusty!” Jo gasped and the man laughed.

“What? We all want to know.” Dusty said with a teasing smile. “Especially you, considering you're clinging to him like a monkey on a tree.”

Jo's face went a deep red and she tried to let me go.

I held on and her eyes widened. “He's just jealous. This is pretty comfortable.” I said and she blushed harder. “My name is John Hansen and I came here without any clue about why I was here, then I saw Jo and I just had to come over and say hello.”

“That was one hell of a hello!” Another guy said and the short woman beside him smacked his arm.

“This was... it was nice meeting you, John.” Jo said and looked like she was trying to get her blush under control. “My team and I have work to do and not a lot of time to do it.”

“Oh? Brushing me off already after a kiss like that? Do my feelings not matter at all to you?” I asked with the same teasing smile that Dusty had just used.

Dusty laughed at Jo's returning blush. “Damn, you're good.”

“Thanks.” I said and let Jo out of the embrace I had her in. “I can easily see that your work is important to you and I'll take my bothersome lips and bottomless pockets somewhere else.” I took her hand and bent over it to kiss it. “It was nice meeting you again for the first time.”

“Look at that! Gallantry 101.” Dusty said and slapped my shoulder. “Jo, you can't let this guy just walk away!”

“Dusty!” Jo and Bill said at the same time. Everyone looked a bit awkward between the pair, especially with Bill's fiance right there.

I wasn't going to let that opening slip by. “Are you looking for investors? An extra pair of hands? Endless foot massages?” I asked Jo and she looked thoughtful, then doubtful, then embarrassed.

“Investors!” Dusty and the guys said together.

I glanced at Jo. “Is cash okay? I doubt there's any point in transferring money into a bank account when we're out in the middle of nowhere.”

The look on the faces of her crew members were filled with hope as they practically begged her without saying anything.

Jo wasn't immune to their gazes. “Do you know what it means to invest in something like this?”

“Is a hundred grand enough to start?” I asked and everyone's mouths dropped open.

“Are you serious? Is he serious?” Dusty asked. “Somebody pinch me if he said what I think he said.”

The sole woman in the crew reached out and pinched his arm.

“Ow!” Dusty exclaimed. “It's really real?!?”

“I've got a briefcase in the back of my vehicle.” I said and they all stared at me. “I'm not going to carry it around with me. That's just asking for trouble.”

Their stares didn't abate at all.

“It's right over there.” I said and pointed.

“What the HELL is THAT thing?” Jo asked, shocked.

“It's called a Hummer.” I said and walked over to it. “It's a civilian version of an army all terrain vehicle.”

When I opened the back, they all crowded around it to stare at all of the available space.

“I could almost fit the whole lab in here.” Dusty said with awe.

“What's it in now?” I asked and he pointed to an old RV. “You drive around in that thing? You're braver than I thought.”

Dusty laughed. “You have no idea, buddy!”

A couple of the guys nodded.

I opened the floor and I caught their attention at the secret compartment that held several identical metal briefcases. No one spoke a word as I took one out and closed the compartment, then I opened the briefcase and they all gasped at the stacks of money.

“There you go. A hundred thousand dollars.” I asked and handed the open case to Jo, who looked stunned. “It's all legal and not drug money, counterfeit, or mob money.”

No one moved or spoke for about five seconds, then everyone on her crew had their hands full of stacks of money and hugged it. I couldn't tell who was mumbling about it really being real. Dusty was actually petting the money in his arms.

“If you accept my initial investment...” I started to say and I heard two moans and three almost growls. “...does that mean I can tag along and help out where I can?”

Everyone turned to Jo and she didn't wilt under the intense scrutiny. She couldn't have gotten to where she was if she buckled under pressure.

“I suppose you can tag along.” Jo said and the crew cheered. “If you haul a share of the equipment.”

“Mi casa, es su Hummer.” I joked and Dusty laughed. “I see that I have an easy audience for humor.”

“You really have no idea, buddy!” Dusty said and everyone nodded.

Jo turned to her crew. “Put the money back in the case and...”

“NO!” They yelled as one and the stacks of money were somehow no longer in their hands and had been stuffed everywhere from pockets to inside t-shirts. Dusty suddenly had two oddly shaped boobs and no one questioned it.

“Did you guys practice that?” I asked and they all looked pleased.

“Guys.” Jo said with a sigh, because the case she held was almost empty.

“I assume you all signed up for profit sharing, so that when this whole thing takes off, you'll all own a share?” I asked and they all nodded. I opened the compartment and took out another briefcase.

They stared at it as I opened it and handed it to Jo.

“I can give you another investment tomorrow. I just have to stop in Wakita first.”

“Wakita? Why would...” Jo started to say.

“FOOD!” Dusty yelled.

“We are NOT going to...”

“Jo! Meg and food!” Dusty said.

“Food!” “Food!” “Food!” The rest of her crew chanted.

Jo sighed. “All right, I'll call and tell her we'll be there tomorrow.”

“YES!” They cheered and hugged each other.

“Meg?” I asked, as I pretended not to know.

“My aunt.” Jo said. “Every time we're over that way, the guys beg for us to go and bug her.”

“Bug her? She LOVES us!” Dusty said and shared high fives with everyone.

I had to smile at that. “All right, which one of you needs some space in your vehicles? We'll get the Hummer loaded up and...”

“ME!” They all shouted and held their hands up, which made me laugh.

“I guess we're having a non-essentials repacking party.” I said and they cheered.

*

Word from the weather services that afternoon called for an F1 tornado forming in the area, so the slightly modified group of storm chasers drove around looking for the specific clouds where they formed. Bill drove Jo's truck for some reason, stating that he had more experience with things like that. Only one objection came with that decision and it was the new guy, so they all ignored it.

As the team pursued the developing F1 tornado, Bill accidentally got Jo's vehicle stuck in a long ditch, which eventually caused them to crash into a small bridge. They gained shelter under the same small bridge as the tornado approached and then it destroyed the truck, along with one of the four Dorothy prototypes.

With more storms developing in the area, Bill decided to use his own heavy truck as the lead vehicle for the group and they loaded a Dorothy prototype into the back. The team then pursued an intensifying F2 tornado that the radar and weather satellites had picked up.

Once again they encountered their rival storm chaser team that was led by Jonas; however, Bill used his instinctive storm knowledge to accurately predict the sudden change in the tornado's path. While driving and chasing the tornado they actually want, Bill, Melissa, and Jo, were separated from the rest of the storm chaser convoy and encountered two waterspouts.

While trying to get around them, the spouts changed direction and suddenly ambushed the trio inside the truck. They were thrashed about violently and even saw a cow flying by their window before both water sprouts dissipated. Bill and Jo were unscathed, while Melissa was badly shaken.

Not a word was heard about what happened to the cow.

*

“I thought you were supposed to be the expert.” I said with as little of an accusing tone as I could. I apparently didn't succeed in that as Bill scowled at me.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” Bill spat.

“A voice of reason, because you can't keep your anger in check during a normal discussion.” I said, calmly. “I can also drive with one hand and succeeded in not endangering my passengers for no reason.”

“We were trying to get to the tornado.” Jo said.

I chuckled. “You don't drive through two others to get to the bigger one. You stop and wait for them to peter out and then go after the target.”

“Oh, yeah? If you think you can take the lead, why don't we load a Dorothy onto your big stupid box car!” Bill said. “Oh, wait! We can't! It's not secure enough or has a loading area like our trucks do!”

I wasn't going to let that go. “Will you really GIVE UP all of your ASSUMED power over JO'S CREW and let ME handle the next storm chase? Will you really?”

Deathly quiet fell over everyone and no one said anything for almost ten seconds.

“Aren't you going to deny that you came here and completely took over?” I asked and Bill didn't say anything. “Aren't you going to admit that you're playing off your old friendships and that you're completely forgetting that you GAVE UP on all of them and haven't even called or talked to anyone since you left?”

The silence was so thick that only Melissa's breathing could be heard.

“You took your fiance, a woman that has had no experience at all with the life you USED to live, into a deadly area and fully expected to meet a powerful force of nature with almost no preparation.” I commented while I discreetly cast a calming spell on Melissa as I touched her shoulder. “She loves you and you're getting married. This isn't your life anymore.”

“John...” Jo started to say in a soft voice.

“You are acting like a reckless idiot that doesn't care about himself or the people around him.” I said and let Melissa's shoulder go to look right into Bill's eyes. “Are you going to throw away yet another future with a wonderful woman, just because you want one more moment of excitement?”

Bill opened his mouth to say something, then he closed it. He tried again and nothing came out. He closed his eyes and sighed, then spoke. “No.” He whispered. “No, I can't do that again. I made that mistake once and I won't do it again.”

I produced the divorce papers and held them and a pen out to Jo. She reluctantly took them and signed her name on the dotted line. I folded the papers and handed them to Bill, only to see him hand them to Melissa.

“I need help unloading my truck.” Bill said.

“I'll do it while you are all eating in the diner.” I said and he looked surprised, as did the others. “Don't worry, I'll be careful and won't damage anything.”

“What about you? Aren't you going to eat?” Dusty asked.

I nodded. “Order me a burger and fries, gravy on the fries, and a glass of soda pop.” I said and clapped him on the shoulder. “I'll pay you back afterwards. You know I'm good for it.”

Dusty chuckled and he walked off with several of the others. Jo gave a longing look at Bill before she went as well. Bill avoided looking at her as he put an arm around Melissa's shoulders before he led his fiance after them.

“Are you really going to do all that work yourself?” The only other woman on the crew asked.

“I need for everyone to see that I'm not just a pretty face, Haynes.” I joked.

Haynes smiled at me. “You've got a nice butt, too.”

“You're hitting on me!” I fake gasped and put a hand over my heart. “I thought you were Tim's woman!”

She laughed and lightly smacked my chest. “I'm only his assistant.”

I stopped my fake surprise and gave her a pointed look. “Wait, really? You're not together with him?”

Haynes shook her head. “I thought I'd take a chance, since Jo doesn't seem interested in you at all.”

I admired women that went for what they wanted, so I stepped close to her and discovered that she was my preferred height. “Please tell me you're not wearing heels.”

“I'm sorry.” Haynes said and pulled up a leg on her pants and showed off the heavy boots she wore with an almost three inch heel.

“Dammit.” I said with a sigh and she softly laughed.

“Am I just too short to try anything with?” She asked, teasingly.

“Hell, no. I've had a relationship with someone who was only four feet tall. It made sharing oral sex a hell of a lot easier.”

Her eyebrows rose and her eyes widened at my admission.

“The reason I asked, was because at five and a half feet, it makes these feel a whole lot better.” I said and took her into a hug.

Haynes let out a sound of contentment almost right away and then she settled perfectly against my body. “I can always keep my boots on.”

I laughed and she did, too. I let her go and motioned towards the diner. “I need to get to work and I'll be in soon.”

Haynes nodded and walked away.

I was a little surprised that she wasn't trying to shake her ass at me. “I'm not seeing any extra swaying.”

Haynes turned to smirk at me. “I haven't decided if you deserve to have it yet.”

“Ha!” I barked and gave her a bow with a flourish of my hand. “Well played.”

Haynes winked at me and entered the diner.

I walked over to Bill's truck and made short work of taking off the securing straps holding the Dorothy prototype in the back of the truck, then I made a bit of a show pretending to pull out a mechanical lift from under the Hummer. I raised it up to the truck bed and easily slid Dorothy out of the truck and onto it. I repaired Bill's truck and pulled the lift over to my Hummer and raised it up to the roof before I loaded Dorothy on top.

I made sure that if anyone was watching, which I was sure they were, they wouldn't see anything that wasn't explainable. I secured the prototype to the Hummer's roof easily, since it was designed for a ridiculous cargo capacity, then I put the lift back under the Hummer and dissolved it. I pulled out two black armor panels from the back of the Hummer and set them up in front of Dorothy to protect it.

My job done, I locked the Hummer up and walked towards the diner. I ignored the running feet I could hear and I took my time. I entered the diner and swivelled my head as I looked around for Jo and the crew. Haynes waved to me and I waved back and walked over to their set of tables. I intentionally did not notice Jo's slightly laboured breathing or her windswept hair.

“The food looks good.” I said and picked up the hamburger. I gained 'Basic Hamburger - Jalapeno Hot Sauce (coated)' and barely managed to not laugh at the prank. I cancelled the effect it would have on me and took a huge bite. I made appreciative sounds and chewed up the bite, then took another.

Everyone at the table stared at me as I ate and Jo glared at them all.

I finished off the burger and only took a small sip of my glass of soda, then I ate the fries. “My compliments to the cook.”

Dusty had a look of utter astonishment on his face. “Didn't you taste it at all?”

“It was a good burger.” I said and drank the rest of my soda pop.

“Maybe it was a bad bottle?” Tim asked in a whisper.

“No, I tested it. It's like an 11 on the hotness scale.” Dusty whispered back.

“If everyone's done eating, we should get on the road. Wikita is fairly far.” I said and stood.

“Good idea, let's go.” Jo said and she gave another glare around at everyone, then she was out the door and stood there. Her truck had been trashed and now she looked like she didn't know where to go.

I followed the group out and everyone except me said goodbye to Bill, who avoided me as he checked out the back of his truck.

“Jo, you can have my spot for now. We're only going over to Meg's anyway.” Haynes said.

Jo seemed to jerk a little, then she nodded and went to Tim's truck and climbed into the passenger side.

“I guess that means you're riding with me.” I said and saw her smile.

“Good luck.” Melissa said and held a hand out to me.

I glanced at Haynes and she nodded, so I took Melissa's hand and bent over it to kiss it. I then pulled her into a hug and whispered in her ear. “You're really close to my perfect height, so I'll tell you a secret.” I kissed her cheek. “I can vibrate my tongue up and down ten times a second.”

Melissa let out a little squeak and her shocked face really made my day.

“I enjoyed meeting you, doctor. I hope you can build a wonderful life with your chosen man.” I said and took Haynes' hand before I walked over to help her climb into the passenger side of the Hummer. When I climbed in and started it up, Haynes turned to look at me.

“What did you say to her?”

“I told her I can do this.” I said and hissed at her as I showed her my vibrating tongue.

Haynes stared at me for a moment, then she burst out laughing. “She... she's a sex therapist... and...”

“...I told her a surefire way to get any woman off.” I grinned at her and she kept laughing while I drove after the vehicles in Jo's crew. Bill's truck went in the other direction.

Haynes calmed down about five minutes later, then she gave me a sultry look before she had my erection in her mouth and showed me that she could use her tongue to get me off, too.

*

I used a wand as I cast several End Effect spells up into the sky, all along the route we drove, to delay what I knew would be happening that night. We all needed a good night's sleep and I didn't want it interrupted by a tornado warning.

We all showed up at Meg's place and she greeted us all like returning heroes, even me. I helped her cook food for everyone and their opinions of me rose that much more, because if I could keep up with Meg's cooking, then I was worth keeping around.

That night, Haynes didn't bother trying to pretend that she wasn't going to sneak into the spare room I was in. She just ignored everyone's stares and followed me right into the room. Since she didn't care if they knew, I didn't bother casting silence spells. I didn't regret that decision, because she made the cutest sounds and was as loud as a siren when she came hard.

Of course, she wanted the tongue treatment first, just to see if it really would make a sex therapist's job easier. She wasn't disappointed.

The looks on everyone's faces when we showed up for breakfast the next morning, would be going into my Halls of Memory in a place of honor. Jo's bright red embarrassed face and Dusty's face full of disbelief, were just the highlights. The rest were a mix of 'I can't believe you did that' and 'I wish I could have done that', even Jo's aunt Meg.

We packed up and left with well wishes and promises to return as soon as possible. Haynes was back in the communications truck on the CB radios to keep everyone coordinated and on the right roads with the maps guy nicknamed Rabbit. His real name was Robert and he was pretty anal about storing the maps properly, which made him perfect as the navigator.

“Tim said that we have increased activity about half an hour from here.” Haynes said over the CB.

Jo picked mine up and clicked the handheld microphone. “Anything more specific than that?”

“Just a sec.” Haynes said and was quiet for a moment. “It's in the prediction software that you and Bill cobbled together and it says it could become an F3 pretty quickly.”

“Okay, people! We're on the official clock!” Jo said and nodded at me. “Rabbit, get us there soonest.”

“On it!” Rabbit responded and quickly gave us the coordinates for the best spot to set up a monitoring station. We all arrived there and set up the computers, monitoring equipment, and the communications station.

I added a few little things to enhance things, thanks to Eye and his skills. “Jo, we should check over the Dorothy I installed on my Hummer.”

“Are you sure it's good enough for this?” Jo asked as she followed me over to my vehicle.

“It will take a lot of suck and blow before it gives in.” I joked and Dusty laughed pretty loudly.

“You're horrible.” Jo said with a slightly red face.

“That's not what Haynes said last night.” I responded.

“It was AWESOME!” Haynes yelled and everyone laughed.

Jo and I checked over the deploying mechanism and I looked at the individual sensors inside.

“Are you sure this is going to work?” I asked as I picked one of them up. “A ball is not aerodynamic.”

“What do you mean?” Jo asked.

“There's nothing on this that will allow it to be caught up in the wind.” I said and tossed it into the air and caught it when it fell down at a normal speed. “Unless the tornado has a tremendous amount of force to pull Dorothy apart or to suck out the contents, these things are not going anywhere.”

Jo's mouth fell open and she stared at me as if I had killed her puppy.

“Guys! We need a lot of aluminum cans!” I said and everyone turned to look at me. “We're going to cheat with aerodynamics and add little air catching designs to these things!”

“That's BRILLIANT!” Haynes yelled and ran over to us.

I caught her as she leapt and brought her into a tight embrace and kissed her soundly. “We'll probably have to split up and raid garbage cans all along the highway and at every gas stop from here to Wakita.”

“We'll get going right away!” Haynes said and kissed me before she let me go and ran back over to the truck she shared with Tim. “Let's go! We don't have much time left to get this done!”

I gave Jo a look and she nodded, so we closed Dorothy up and we joined in with the search for as many cans as possible.

Less than two hours later, we had several garbage bags full of cans and I handed out templates and carpet knives. We all piled into the mobile lab and used every available surface to make as many air-catching pieces of metal as we could. We updated both Dorothy prototypes with aerodynamic sensors and we waited for the best storm potential before we deployed my Hummer with Jo and I inside to hunt it down.

Luckily, the F3 that had been predicted the day before had seemingly upgraded and was going to become an F4. We tracked it to an open field and I drove the Hummer right into the path of the thing. Jo was fascinated by the size of the thing and she didn't say a word as I came to a stop and dissolved the straps holding Dorothy and the blocking plates.

I cast sticking charms on the tires of the Hummer before the gigantic tornado passed over us. Dorothy was ripped right off of the roof and flew up into the funnel shape, as designed. It opened up and all of the aerodynamic sensors flew out of the container and relayed an almost endless stream of data back to the computers at the staging area.

“Oh, my god.” Jo whispered as she looked up into the center of the enormous tornado.

“Yeah.” I said. “It will probably take months to sort through all of the data those things are giving off.”

“At least.” Jo whispered and watched as the thing spun over us. When it moved off, Jo gave me a questioning look.

“I told you, it's like a tank. Really heavy and armored.” I said and pat the dashboard.

“Is that why we weren't sucked up like everything else?” Jo asked.

“Nah, that's plot armor. There's no way the main character of the story will be hurt or killed.” I said and she looked surprised for a moment, then she laughed.

“If I'm the main character, why didn't I get the guy?” Jo asked.

“You waited too long and didn't grab me as soon as you saw me.” I said with a grin and she laughed again. “Haynes said that you weren't interested and took her shot instead. I had to respect her for that.”

“Damn right!” Haynes said over the CB.

“Plus, I'm a sucker for women that know what they want and go for it, so I'm keeping her.” I said and there was a shout of happiness from the radio.

“I can't tell if she's happy because you're committing or because you're rich.” Jo said.

“YES!” Haynes said and I laughed.

“We're coming back to base, so get ready.” I said and turned the Hummer around.

Haynes made another happy sound and clicked off.

As we drove, I discreetly used a wand to continue casting End Effect and Cancel Effect along the route, to stop the formation of the main tornado that was the star of the movie, the F5, or the Finger of God.

Thankfully, it worked.

We arrived back at the temporary base and Haynes greeted me enthusiastically by shoving her tongue down my throat. I accepted the challenge and our tongues battled relentlessly for several minutes as the people around us made gagging noises and told jokes at our expense.

We ignored them, of course. When we broke the kiss, we stared into each other's eyes and we both saw that the other was pretty into the relationship, which meant I would be sticking around on this world for a while. When I whispered that she would be the reason I was going to stick around, Haynes looked very pleased and quite happy.

Because we had a delivery system worked out and it actually provided real-time data, we spent a day waiting and did the same procedure when another tornado started to form. The data comparison was essential to the computer models of both the funnel clouds and the tornado's formation.

With two sets of data for comparison, the crew now had years of data to work with and could retire to an actual building for their real work and to use their college degrees for something other than running around the mid-west chasing storms. It wasn't that they hated going out, it was just that they had suffered so much frustration during their other trips that it was a relief to not have to go back out for a while.

Of course, with me footing the bill for everything, the very nice office building I bought for them to use, went over like an out of control forest fire when they found out about it. I was quickly covered in hugs and pats on the back, and I am never mentioning Dusty kissing my cheek and offering to surprise me from under my desk when I least expected it.

Needless to say, I have never entered my office.

*

Three years later, Jo and her storm chaser crew became famous for developing and releasing the world's very first meteorological prediction software that could be installed in any computer and could predict the formation of tornadoes a month in advance. No one was ever caught by any unexpected natural disasters and people were either fully sheltered or evacuated the danger areas a week before the tornado formed.

Not surprisingly, everyone bought the program and Jo and the team became very rich practically overnight. It had actually taken about three days; but, no one was complaining about that.

Everyone in the main gathering area that we used for meetings, watched as a nervous Jo walked over towards me. I turned in my chair towards her and tried to not smile at her subdued posture.

“John, I... and everyone here... want to thank you for everything you've done.”

“You mean Haynes?” I asked, faking confusion.

Dusty laughed and a few of the others shook their heads at me. Haynes just looked smug.

“No, I...” Jo took a deep breath and let it out. She took a piece of paper out of her jeans pocket and held it out to me. “We decided to pool our money together and we had an accountant go over everything.” She said and unfolded the paper. It was a check for an obscene amount of money... if you weren't already obscenely rich.

“What's that?” I asked and didn't reach for it.

“It's everything you've spent on us... on the crew... on the building... the vehicles... everything.” Jo said and wagged it in front of my face. “Please, take it.”

“Will it make you happy?” I asked and she didn't say anything. I looked around at everyone. “What about you guys? Are you happy that she's giving up so much of your money?”

No one said anything and looked at Jo.

“We thought it was the right thing to do.” Jo said.

I held my hand out for it and she gave it to me. “I guess I know where I stand now.”

Jo smiled at me and looked happy, as if she had done me a great service.

I stood up and looked at the check for a couple of seconds before I spoke. “Thank you for fully accepting me into the crew by paying me off and throwing my invested money back in my face.” I said in as sarcastic of a voice as I could.

“Wh-what?” Jo asked, shocked.

“It just warms my heart that I've been here all this time, and worked so hard, that you would finally admit that I wasn't a waste of space.” I said and huffed. “I never suspected that you would buy me out of the entire business and then expect me to be grateful about it! Are you an idiot?”

Jo's mouth dropped open and a couple for the guys made startled sounds.

“I gave you money because I believed in what you guys were doing! You wanted to protect the future victims of disasters that wreck families and sometimes entire communities!” I said and let some passion out into my voice, even though I was pretty much putting on a show because Jo really didn't want me to stay with all the work done. “I wasn't waiting around and hoping that you could somehow scrimp and save enough to pay me back! I'm not that shallow or selfish!”

Jo looked too surprised to speak, as did the others.

“I was helping you guys make history! Then you did!” I exclaimed and waved around the room. “What was the first thing you did after that, though? Did you celebrate? Did you congratulate the team that worked their asses off for years?” I asked and shook my head. “No, your first thought was to take as much money as you thought I was owed, and tried to pay it back.”

No one spoke at all and some even looked guilty.

“Have I ever, even once, asked for any money back or said that I expected to be paid when you finally succeeded? No, I didn't. I was in this as much as possible and I was invested in the outcome, just like everyone else here.” I said and now Jo looked guilty, too. “More than half of the code for the program was my own and I didn't even ask for credit. Do you know why?”

Jo didn't speak and only shook her head.

“Because this was a team effort. We all worked hard. We all spent endless hours collating the data from the sensors. We all worked together to make a program that was essential to the future of the entire world... and it works.” I said and Jo looked quite sad. “I sincerely thought I was a part of it all. I really did.” I pulled out a set of keys from my pocket and held them out to her. “You can have these, since you now own everything and apparently want me gone so badly that you did this as soon as you could.”

“J-John...” Jo whispered and watched as I turned my hand over and let the keys go. They dropped to the floor with the soft sound of metal on carpet.

I walked around her and went to the door. I felt them all staring at me, so I stopped before opening the door and turned around. “As for this.” I held up the check for them all to see it. “Here's what I really think about your generosity.” I spat and tore it in half, then half again. “I hope you all have a good life.”

The pieces of paper fluttered to the floor as I went out the door.

“John!” Haynes shouted and came out after me. She caught my arm when I was halfway down the hallway to the elevator.

“Don't.” I said and didn't turn around. “Don't defend her and say she didn't know what she was doing.”

Haynes sighed and her hand moved up to my face. “I'm sorry.”

“Yeah, me too.” I said and turned my head to face her. “You do realize this wasn't about the money.”

Haynes nodded. “Jo didn't like that you've been a better team leader than she was, even though we don't storm chase anymore. She thought if she paid you off that you would step back and let her take over again.”

I shook my head. “I wasn't leading. I brought you all along as equals. I never took control from her or undermined her. I always put the team first and we all benefited from it.”

Haynes sighed. “Jo didn't see it that way.”

“No, she didn't.” I said and turned my body to face her. “I'm sorry it had to end this way.”

“Are you?” Haynes asked and looked up at my face.

Instead of answering, I took her into a hug and gave her a passionate kiss for several minutes. When I stopped kissing her and let her go, she had tears in her eyes.

“You'll never know how happy I was that I wasn't stuck with Jo as a partner.” I said and caressed her face, then I went to the elevator and hit the button. I stepped inside and turned to look at her. “The ending sucked; but, being with you all this time was worth it.”

Haynes nodded and blew me a kiss as the elevator doors started to close. I stopped them and took out a pendant and necklace. I tossed it down the hallway and she caught it. She stared at the tornado shaped gold pendant and I hit the door close button.

“It's something to always remember me by.” I said and the doors closed. I rode the elevator to the ground floor and went out through the front doors. I went to the Hummer and turned to look up at the floor that everyone was on. They were all there in the windows, except for Jo. I waved at them, then dissolved the Hummer.

I saw the surprise on their faces, so I waved again to get their attention. I made an illusion of angel wings on my back and flew up into the air. The looks on their faces was priceless and I would add them to my memory halls with the other times I shocked them. I stopped flying right in front of the windows and the crew stared at me.

I cast a Sonorus charm on myself. “Be good to each other.” I said and they looked shocked that they could hear me.

Jo was suddenly there and had her face pressed against the window to stare at me with eyes so wide that I thought they were going to pop out. I chuckled at the sight as I gathered my Chi and made my body glow a soft gold color, then I covered myself in magic and disappeared.