Accidental Multiverse Planeswalker

“Uggghhhh.” I groaned as I woke up on the floor in a room that I didn't recognize, especially half-destroyed like it was. I also felt like my body had been crushed again... and then I remembered that I had just been run over by Halley's Comet. That really was one hell of a kiss!

“LILY!” A man's panicked voice yelled as he ran into the room. Unfortunately, I was right there in the way and he kicked me in the shoulder before he tripped and tumbled over me and landed with a thump and a curse. The man pushed himself to his knees and turned to glare at me, his long nose broken and bloody, and his greasy hair was a mess.

I ignored his glare, mainly because I was busy casting several spells on myself. Regeneration, Energy Boost, Enhanced Metabolism, Essence Enhance, and every other spell I could think of to restore my body to working condition. It was at times like these that I regretted never finding an actual healing spell, no matter how much I looked for one. Doctors and nurses only gave me enhancements.

The man pulled out a stick of wood from his... is he wearing robes? He was. I tensed for a moment, thinking he was going to attack me or something, then I relaxed when he pointed it at his own face and muttered something. An image popped into my head when I felt the energy from whatever it was. The word 'Episky' with a cost of a plain and a colorless magic formed and I was stunned that it was a minor healing spell. I spammed myself with it and felt my body start to recover when combined with my other spell enhancements.

The man ignored me and picked up the body of a redheaded woman. He started to cry and held her, rocked back and forth, and grieved for her.

I couldn't tell you how long we were there, only that we heard another set of feet coming up the stairs some time later. The man carefully put the woman down and pet her hair, then he seemed to turn away and it made a cracking sound as he disappeared. I was so shocked at what appeared in my head that I didn't react when a second man came into the room with a stick pointed around at everything.

“Lily? Are you... no. No!” The man with long black hair said as he stepped over me without trouble and knelt beside the red-haired woman. He checked her over and tears came to his eyes.

How many men does she have going? I asked myself, surprised at the man's vehemence. I also managed to not focus on the Apparate spell that was in my head. The cost was odd as well. A black, a white, four colorless, and then an X... meaning I could drop more magic into it to go farther than the several miles the basic spell allowed, at the cost of exhaustion.

“I... I'll get him for this. I promise, Lily. Peter won't get away.” Sirius said and stood. His eyes went to the crib that I completely missed, since my view was almost completely straight up, and he stepped over to it and picked up a baby. “It's okay, Harry. It's okay.”

Loud thumping sounds came up the stairs and the man dropped into a crouch with the baby tucked in one arm and held the stick with the other in a clear gesture of attack readiness. I looked up as a huge man stepped into view. I couldn't even see his face, he was that tall.

“Hagrid? What are you doing here?” The black haired man asked and relaxed as he stepped over me to get closer to the bigger man.

“Dumbledore sent me to protect little Harry.” Hagrid said and they had a heated argument about it.

It was then that I realized where I was. I slipped my mostly working arm over slightly and touched the foot of the man standing beside me. If I was right, then this was going to give me something interesting. An image formed in my head and 'Animagus Wizard - Dog' appeared. It was a 4/3 with a cost of two plains, two skulls, and one colorless magic. It also had the ability to change into a dog.

I couldn't resist the temptation and touched Hagrid as well. I gained a 6/6 'Half-Giant' that cost three plains and three colorless magic. It had the ability to summon random creatures, too.

I seriously debated jumping up to my feet and asking them to calm down, then remembered my legs were still healing. Minor Healing takes a while to heal major injuries, even spammed as much as I was doing it.

“You guys are really loud.” I said instead.

It was like pouring ice water on a fire, snuffing out the visible argument temporarily and leaving the embers glowing under the surface. Both of them jumped and turned to stare at me on the floor. Sirius had his wand pointed at me and Hagrid pointed his umbrella at me.

“Who're you?” They asked together.

“I'm not a death eater, if that's what you're wondering.” I said and pulled up my sleeve to show them. “I just... appeared here... and I'm really hurt.”

Sirius waved his wand over me and winced. “What the... how did you break bones apparating? You should have splinched!”

“I have no idea.” I said and sighed. “All I can say that I won't be doing it again anytime soon.”

Sirius huffed and lowered his wand. “You're more of a danger to yourself than anyone else.”

I chuckled. “I hear that.” I said and looked at the sleeping baby in his arms. “Do you mind if I hold the little tyke for a few minutes while you two argue? I love kids.”

Sirius glared at me. “Hand over your wand and I'll think about it.”

“That's going to be a problem. I don't have one to hand over.”

“Wh-what? You apparated without a wand? Are you nuts?!?” Sirius exclaimed.

“I lost it coming here.” I lied. “I'll go to Ollivanders to get one as soon as my legs are working again.”

Sirius huffed and looked at Hagrid, then shrugged and bent over to give me the baby. “I'll cast a silence spell to keep us quiet.”

“Thank you.” I said and accepted the baby. I wasn't surprised when an image appeared in my head called 'Boy-Who-Lived'. He was a 0/1 Wizard, had an ailment called 'Cursed Scar - Horcrux', and a blessing called 'Mother's Sacrifice'.

I felt an upsurge of emotions as I remembered my own child being born centuries ago. I never questioned why Chloe didn't want children, since I was open to the possibility. Of course, I also remembered how my first child had wrecked everything for her own selfish purposes. I actually didn't regret going to my death after that. It sent me to another world and I had a great life there.

Was it insensitive of me to ignore my child's plight of her own making? Yes. Did it really matter anymore? Not really. I wouldn't be making the same mistakes if I had another kid. I chuckled at that thought, of finding a woman here in the wizarding world, getting her pregnant, and raising a child to prove that I wouldn't screw it up this time, too.

I looked down at the sleeping baby in my arms and had a wicked thought. A very wicked thought. I discreetly looked up at the two silently arguing people above me and quickly cast an Illusion over Harry to hide him and tucked him under my arm while I also cast 'Boy-Who-Lived'. A perfect copy of the baby appeared in my arms and I smiled.

Guess who wasn't going to suffer at the hands of the Dursleys? I asked myself, just as the argument ended and the silence spell dropped.

“All right, fine! You take Harry to Dumbledore to get him checked out and I'll go after Peter!” Sirius said and plucked the baby out of my arms and handed him to Hagrid. “You might as well take my motorcycle, too. I'm not going to need it to hunt him down.”

I thought about warning Sirius, then shrugged. It would be easier to replace him after he was caught. I wasn't going to change too much right away, until it was necessary. At least, according to everyone else. As far as they would be concerned, everything would be fine and going the way they wanted it to. It wasn't going to be, though. No, I had lots of wrenches to throw into this machine.

“I'm sorry that we have to leave you here.” Sirius said to me after Hagrid left.

“It's not the first time I've been overlooked.” I said with a chuckle. “Good luck hunting down that stinking rat.”

Sirius squinted his eyes at me. “What did you say?”

“It's an American term for a nasty person that's a snitch. He rat you all out to the bad guys.”

Sirius blinked his eyes for a moment. “So that's what your accent is? You're American?”

“Born and raised in Kansas.” I said and held a hand up to him. “John Hansen. It's nice to meet you.”

“Sirius Black.” Sirius said and shook my hand. “I can send someone to...”

“No, I'll just lay here and recover for an hour or so. As soon as I'm mobile again, I'll leave.”

Sirius nodded and left at a jog.

I left Harry covered in the illusion and did as I said. I laid there and let my various spell effects heal me while casting Episky constantly. I would need to get to Flourish and Blotts to find books on healing spells. This world was going to be a treasure trove of artifacts, spells, and magic. The thing is, I was sure that if I hadn't gone to Smallville first, I wouldn't realize the potential that this world represented. That would have been a real shame.

Some time later, I felt energy flow through me as I was restored to full health and my mind cleared. I was a little surprised that no one else showed up to check on the Potters, though. Not the neighbours, not the Order of the Phoenix, and none of James' or Lily's friends. It was as if they all forgot about them sacrificing themselves to save their son.

I picked Harry up and looked around for essential baby stuff. A carrier, his toys, a baby bag stuffed with supplies, and a few other things. I was tempted to touch Lily and see what I would get an image of, then realized it would only hurt Harry to see her dead body, even if it was just an illusion or a copy. Instead, I went through the entire house from top to bottom and gathered up all the pictures, mementos, and anything else I thought represented Harry's family.

It was a lot and much more than a single person could carry. I chuckled and shook my head at being an idiot and already thinking like a wizard and not like a logical person. I went downstairs and outside, checked around that it was clear, and created a large panel moving van. I set Harry up in a car seat, cast the Sleep spell on him, and went to work packing everything into the back.

A few things I took the time to hold onto and get images of. A broomstick, the wands of his parents (only getting a 'Generic Unmatched Wand' from them), and several other things that I would find useful or would need regular replacing when repairing would no longer work, like the furniture.

When I was done, I hopped into the driver's seat and looked at baby Harry. “Let's go find somewhere normal to live and then we can raid Diagon Alley for everything its got!”

He was still under the sleep spell, so I was essentially talking to myself. I didn't care about that and told him all of the things we were going to do when he was awake.

*

Two days later, Bellatrix cackled as she finally smashed down the protection wards around Longbottom Manor. “Dolph! Go!”

Rodolphus Lestrange grumbled that he didn't want to get cursed in the face as he ran forward. He barely took ten steps when a bright beam of white incandescent light made the man's head and part of his torso disappear.

“That was a lot more powerful than I expected it was going to be.” A man's voice said from nowhere.

“Show yourself!” Rabastian spat and aimed his wand at the air around where his brother had just died.

“Why would I be that stupid?” The voice asked and Rabastian's chest caved in as he was flung backwards thirty feet and bounced several times before slamming into a tree and made a splat sound. “Even a simple Bludger spell is that overcharged? This is amazing.”

Barty Crouch Junior started to panic and sent killing curses and blasting hexes all over the place, seemingly at random.

“Stop that before you hit me, you fool!” Bellatrix shouted as she barely dodged a green light and carefully looked around.

“It would have been better to let him hit you.” The man's voice said.

Bellatrix laughed and shot a dark red spell at the voice. It hit something invisible and then bounced off.

“What does an overpowered Stunning spell do?” The voice asked and a thick red beam hit Barty Crouch Junior in the chest. He gasped and fell over, not moving. “Huh. He's dead. I really didn't expect that.”

“WHO ARE YOU?” Bellatrix yelled and shot off several spells.

“I protect this world's saviour.” The voice said and Bellatrix turned to see a very handsome man in his late twenties. He had brown wavy hair that was cut in a nice style, bright blue eyes, and a muscular build. He also wore muggle clothing of jeans and a t-shirt with a big yellow JL on the front of it.

Bellatrix thought about what he said and gasped. “Where? Where is the little bastard that defeated the Dark Lord?”

“He's safe and happy.” The handsome man said and raised a wand to point it at her. “You are a very beautiful woman, Bellatrix. It's too bad your personality ruins the rest of the package.”

“JUST DIE!” Bellatrix snarled and started casting hexes and curses. She was shocked when they all passed through the man without doing any damage.

“Like I said, only an idiot would give up an advantage.” The voice said from nowhere and everywhere. “I wonder what a simple blasting curse will do to you?”

“NO!” Bellatrix yelled and tried to run.

*KER-SPLAT!*

*

“Oh. It mulches.” I said as I faded into view behind where a large blood splatter was.

The door to the manor house opened and three adults came out with two of them carrying a baby each.

“John? Are you okay?” Frank asked.

“I'm fine.” I said and smiled at them. “How are you holding up, Alice?”

“I... I'm an Auror. I can handle... um...”

“Yeah, I wasn't expecting this, either.” I said and looked at my 'Matched Wand' that I had gained when creating a 'Generic Unmatched Wand' and held onto it and it morphed into what it was now. It was a focusing tool that multiplied a wizard's magic and allowed spells to be cast efficiently. I was just glad that I didn't have to go to Ollivander's and buy one. That would have been awkward.

“You're going to need a lot of practice to get your magical strength to a more manageable level.” Frank said and clapped me on the shoulder. “You're lucky that I won't run you in for these four... mistakes.”

I chuckled. “I hear that. I'll try to be more careful in the future.”

“Good. Now come on in and we can celebrate while I call in the crew to clean this place up.” Frank said. “Harry and Neville are having a ball playing with those toy broomsticks you gave them.”

I smiled and nodded at Augusta. “Thanks for looking after him for me.”

“He is a delight.” Augusta said and hugged him, which made Harry laugh. “They are going to grow up being great friends.”

“We can only hope.” I said and followed my new friends back inside.

“You might have a bit of a hard time with the head Auror.” Alice warned me as we sat in the living room. “She's not someone that likes it when a wizard takes the law into their own hands.”

“That's why I waited for the death eaters to breach the wards first. It might have been premeditated; but, it was still retaliatory.”

“For Merlin's sake, don't tell her that!” Frank said with a laugh. “If she thinks you manipulated things to kill the death eaters...”

“No, I didn't intend to eliminate them. Incapacitate and maim them? Yes.” I said, matter of factly.

Alice shook her head. “Don't tell her that, either. It's almost as bad.”

“Who is she, anyway?” I asked.

“Bones. Amelia Bones.” Frank said. “Let me call her and we can get things going.”

Augusta waited until Frank left the room before she spoke. “John, thank you for what you did today. I don't know what I would have done if anything happened to my family.”

“I only did what was right. Once I realized they were coming here for Neville, I had to stop it.”

Both Augusta and Alice beamed smiles at me. They both appreciated that my concern for Neville took precedence over my own safety.

“If I wasn't old enough to be your mother, I would seriously consider kissing you.” Augusta said.

“Mom!” Frank gasped from the doorway. “You just met!”

That made Alice and Augusta laugh and I chuckled.

“Relax, Frank. I think your mother can worry about her virtue on her own. Besides, she might change her mind in a few years.” I joked and winked at Augusta.

“Sweet Merlin, kill me now.” Frank said with a groan.

That set everyone to laughing and we heard a little bell.

“That will be the boss and the crew.” Frank said and pointed at me. “No admitting guilt!”

I held up my hands in surrender and he ran out of the room.

“You're going to be completely honest with her, aren't you?” Alice asked me with a calculating look on her face.

“Yes.” I admitted. “Starting off with a blatant lie and being caught later would be much worse than speaking the truth right from the start.”

Alice shook her head. “Be it on your head, empty as it is of sense.”

I had to hold in my laugh as a very handsome woman entered the room. She wore a monocle on one eye and her eyes scanned the room for threats.

“Skacklebolt, you're in charge of the investigation. Go out there and tell me what happened.” Amelia said.

“Yes, boss.” Kingsley said and took three Aurors with him.

Amelia and the remaining Auror walked over to me. “Before we get started, I assume you have a name.”

I stood up and bowed slightly as I took her hand. “John Hansen, at your service, my lady.” I said and lightly kissed the back of her hand instead of shaking it.

“I don't recognize the accent.” Amelia said. She successfully hid her blush from everyone but me.

“I was born and raised in Kansas, then moved around a lot. I still have an occasional country twang when I get angry or I'm caught in the throes of passion.”

Alice made a combined laughing and choking sound.

“I... see.” Amelia said and took her hand back. “Do you mind if I look into your background?”

“Good luck with that.” I said with a smile. “There's barely any records of me at all, let alone magical ones.”

Amelia gave me a look and then sighed. “It's the same here. Children disappear from their muggle life at eleven. If they don't have any distinguishing events in their lives, they can be notoriously difficult to find as adults, even in the wizarding world.”

I moved out of the way and motioned to my chair. “Please sit and make yourself comfortable.”

“I can remain standing for...”

I waved my wand as I created a copy of the comfy plush armchair. I used my own ability and not the wand, because it was a great cover. No one would suspect that I wasn't using their brand of magic.

Amelia looked surprised for a moment, then sat like she was sitting on a royal throne. Her spine was straight and her body was poised. “So, tell me how you arrived here in Britain.”

“It was an accident, actually. I had no idea I was going anywhere, let alone where I was going to end up.” I said and explained about landing in the Potter cottage after an explosion, meeting Sirius Black, Hagrid, and him taking Harry to Dumbledore.

“That man.” Amelia spat. “Why would he...”

“He wants to control how much Harry knows about being famous and needs him to appreciate returning to the wizarding world when it's time.” I said, summing things up perfectly.

“I sincerely doubt that James and Lily wanted Harry hidden away.” Amelia said.

“Good luck getting Harry's location from him.” I said with a smile.

Alice, Frank, and Augusta kept their mouths shut and they didn't tell her that Harry was right there in the same room with us and was in the corner with Neville and playing with toys.

Amelia sighed. “We can come back to that.” She said and gave me a stern look. “Tell me what happened, right from the beginning.”

“Well, according to the muggles, it all started with a big bang and the universe was created...”

“Not that beginning!” Amelia exclaimed and I grinned at her. She sighed again and waved for me to continue. “Starting with today, please.”

I nodded and told her about showing up to talk to Frank and Alice, letting them know that I suspected Neville was a target like Harry was, and then planned out what to do if my guess was right.

“I was the last line of defense if John couldn't hold them off.” Frank said. “It was a relief to let him soften them up first. Facing Bellatrix and her husband would have been bad enough. Having his brother and their childhood friend along as well? I thought we were done for.”

Amelia raised a single eyebrow at him and then looked at me.

“Well, I just got a new wand and it's very compatible with my magic.” I said. “So much so that normal spells are quite overpowered.”

Amelia looked concerned. “Can you show me?”

I looked at Augusta and she nodded, so I stood up and created a lead lined container that I used for green meteor rocks. I easily tossed in the heavy chair I created, surprising everyone, and pointed my wand inside. Amelia stood and looked in as well, as did Frank and the other Auror.

“Incendio.” I said and a five foot wide cone of fire came out of the wand.

“MERLIN!” Amelia gasped.

After a few moments, I ended the spell and the chair was a smouldering pile of ash.

“I... I see.” Amelia said and sat back down.

I vanished the ash and left the container. I made another chair as if it was nothing and sat back down.

“Tell me about the fight.” Amelia ordered.

I did so and didn't complain about her no nonsense attitude. I could tell that she almost didn't believe me, because her eyes kept darting to the container that I had incinerated the first chair in. When I was done, Amelia stood and told me to stay where I was, then she left the last Auror in the room to watch me and went to meet Kingsley.

“You actually told her.” Frank said and shook his head. “She's going to try and charge you with something. Just wait and see.”

I sat back in the comfy chair and smiled. I didn't tell him that I knew Amelia would appreciate that I was completely and brutally honest. I didn't hide anything or avoided answering her questions. In her eyes, getting the truth would be much more important than my intention to hurt death eaters. Killing them by accident wasn't going to bother her at all, not with the history her family had with them.

Amelia came back into the room with all of the Aurors and she had four wands in her hands. Kinglsey had several sheets of parchment in his hands and I glanced at them to see the spells used by the bad guys.

“Mr. Hansen, will you submit your wand for inspection?”

“Please, call me John.” I said and held my wand out to give her the handle. “I only ask that you not confiscate it to try and see why it's so powerful. It's not. I am.”

Amelia gave me a skeptical look and tucked the other wands into a pocket, then cast a spell revealing spell on my wand. Kinglsey started writing as she read off the spells, his eyes wide as she only spoke the names of basic spells. She went back through a day of spells and not just for the last hour or so, too.

“Do you have another wand?” Amelia asked as she stared at my wand.

“No, because I don't really need one.” I said and she looked doubtful. “I only have that one for identification and to hide my abilities.” I said and stood as I held my hand out to the chair I was just in. “Incendio.”

Amelia caught her breath when the normal spell effect lit the cushions on fire. Alice, Augusta, and Frank shook their heads at me.

“Finite.” I said and the fire snuffed out. I waved my hand at the chair and it repaired itself. I knew they would think it was a silent Reparo spell, making me more powerful than most wizards. It was just my own Repair spell and speaking it wasn't necessary.

“So, you could have killed them without a wand.” Amelia pondered.

“So could you.” I said and she looked surprised. “There's lots of ways to kill someone. Choke them to death, drown them, hit them over the head with a bat a few times, drop something heavy on them, electrocute them...”

“Stop!” Amelia said and I did. “Why are you telling me this?”

“I'm just being honest. If I wanted to kill them and not tell you about it, you wouldn't have been called at all. I can do magic. I would have gotten rid of the bodies and any evidence easily.”

Amelia didn't look happy.

“You're not going to charge me with anything, because I didn't do anything wrong and I am not a criminal, nor am I planning to be.” I said and held my hand out to her. “My wand, please.”

Amelia gave me a stern look.

I smiled and wiggled my fingers at her. My wand popped out of her hand and zoomed to mine. “Thank you.”

“Sweet Merlin, John!” Frank spat.

“What? She likes me.” I said and looked back at Amelia to see her surprised face. “Would you like to meet for tea tomorrow? You can tell me all about how frustrated you are at work and I can give you a foot rub that would make a Manticore purr like a kitten.”

Kingsley barked a laugh, Frank groaned, and Alice giggled like a little girl before she could stop herself. The Aurors were too stunned by my words that they didn't know what to do with themselves.

Amelia's stern look didn't fade as she glared at me. “I would rather lunch at the Leaky Cauldron.”

I grinned at her. “That's an even better idea. I'll contact Tom and book a private room, just so we can't be overheard as we discuss things.”

Amelia nodded and turned to the others. “Let's go. We have paperwork to file.”

“What about the... remains... from the fight?” Augusta asked.

“We've collected them.” Kingsley said. “Burial rites for their families.”

“I'll go clean up any messes.” I offered. “I did it, even if it was accidental.”

“Thank you, Mr. Hansen.” Augusta said.

“Madam, you threatened to kiss me before the Aurors showed up. I insist that you call me John.” I said with a crooked smile.

Augusta blushed, Frank slapped a hand over his own face, and Alice laughed.

Amelia smiled briefly. “See you at work tomorrow, Frank.”

The head auror and the crew left the room and I assumed they took the floo back to the ministry.

“I should kill you now.” Frank said and uncovered his face. “I am never going to live this down when I go in to work tomorrow.”

“Live what down?” I asked with fake confusion.

“You asked my boss out on a Merlin-cursed date after you killed four people!” Frank said and waved his hands wildly. “That's not even the worst part!”

“She accepted.” Alice said with a huge smile. “I agree. Frank's going to be teased relentlessly.”

I winked at her and walked over to where Augusta sat. “May I use the floo? I have a call to make.”

“You may.” Augusta said.

I leaned down and kissed her cheek. “Thank you.”

Augusta used a hand and pushed me away. “You are a scoundrel.”

“Actually, I've only dated three women in my entire life so far.” I said and stood up to smile warmly at her. “Amelia beat you to being number four.”

Augusta shook her head with a smile. “Go. Out of my sight.”

“Of course, Madam.” I bowed slightly and left the room. I could still hear them, though.

“It's a good thing you can't die from embarrassment.” Alice said with a laugh and Frank groaned again.

*

Amelia was reclined in a comfy chair and I was on the matching footstool, giving her aching feet the rubbing and massage of a lifetime. “Your hands... what they do... should be criminal.”

I chuckled and dug my thumbs into the soles of her feet on the pressure points to make her moan in pleasure. Having centuries of knowledge in taking care of a woman's needs was a gift that I wasn't going to ignore.

“So, who are you really?” Amelia asked and wiggled her toes, asking me wordlessly for attention there.

“My name really is John Hansen.” I said and moved to her toes to give them a good workout. “I really am from America and I grew up being a farmer. I've always loved looking out over the seas of grains and corn and knowing that my hard work was worth it by feeding thousands of people.”

Amelia looked into my eyes and nodded. She could see that I was being sincere.

I smiled at her and lifted one of her feet and lightly pinched her big toe. “This little piggy went to market.” I said and she smiled. I pinched the next toe. “This little piggy stayed home.” I moved on. “This little piggy had roast beef.” I moved to the second last toe. “This little piggy had none.” I gently squeezed the pinkie toe. “This little piggy went 'we we we' all the way home.”

Amelia let out a soft laugh.

“Oh, don't cry little piggy. I'll kiss it and make it better.” I said and looked into her eyes and slipped her little toe into my mouth and started to lick and suckle on it.

Amelia's face went bright red and she clenched her thighs together as if trying to stop reacting to it.

I put her foot down after a few seconds and lifted the other foot and started again. “This little piggy went to market...”

*

“I can't believe you slept with her!” Frank exclaimed two days later during another play date for Harry and Neville. “I'm going to lose my job!”

Alice was having a great laugh about me conquering the stoic and stern Madam Bones.

“If she was rating your job performance by using my skills in bed, you would be head of the department by the end of the week. We're going out again on Thursday.” I said with a straight face.

Alice blushed and didn't stop laughing. It was just too funny to her.

“Merlin!” Frank said and stood. “I need some air.”

I watched him leave and then looked at Alice. “Do you want some tips that will make his toes curl?”

Alice looked thoughtful for a moment, then she blushed again and nodded.

I leaned close to whisper in her ear. “This is what you need to do the next time you're alone...”

Frank had a huge smile on his face for an entire week afterwards and wouldn't say why.

*

I looked out from the boat and over at the prison that the wizards used. I shook my head, because it was a shambling monstrosity. It didn't look like anyone had performed any maintenance on it since it was built, which was a shame, because it could be a beautiful building under all of the mess.

“I don't understand why you want to visit here.” Amelia said from beside me in the boat.

“Two reasons.” I said. “Curiosity and an epic need to see what the inside is like.”

Amelia huffed and pulled her thick leather coat closed. I had given it to her as a gift last week.

“Okay, three reasons. No, four.” I corrected and then chuckled.

“Well? Tell me.” Amelia said and leaned against me. “How did you get a permanent warming charm on this coat?”

“Magic of course. It's also indestructible and will never wear out.” I said and she gave me a stern look. “Okay, the third reason is that I want to meet a Dementor.”

“I am dating an officially crazy person.” Amelia grumbled and I kissed her cheek.

“Lastly, I want to meet your latest prisoner.”

“Sirius Black? The betrayer of the Potters?”

I nodded. “I told you I was there. I heard him tell Hagrid that Peter was the secret keeper and he went after him.”

Amelia nodded. “I don't know why the Chief Warlock didn't call you as a witness for the trial.”

“You're assuming he knew I was a witness.” I said and then smiled. “By the way, what trial?”

“Every criminal is tried and convicted before being sent here.” Amelia said. “It's standard procedure. He couldn't be here if he didn't go through the system.”

So that's how the old man and the minister got it to go through. They knew everyone would assume Sirius had a trial and was convicted, conveniently getting him out of the way with no one the wiser. I thought.

We rode the boat the rest of the way and two men met us at the shore.

“Warden Smithers.” Amelia said and I helped her off of the small boat. “Thank you for meeting us.”

“It's always a pleasure seeing you.” Smithers said. “I assume this is your guest?”

“It is.” Amelia said and turned to introduce me.

I took a deep breath and stepped off of the boat. I knew this was going to be a little painful, considering it was an island prison and they buried the dead on the land. Despite my preparation and my experience, a bolt of black energy shot up my legs and went right into my head.

“ARRGGHHH!” I yelled and clutched at my head as I dropped to my knees.

“JOHN!” Amelia yelled and knelt to hug me. “What is it? What's wrong?”

I couldn't answer her as hundreds of images flooded into my mind. A new artifact land formed above the other images called 'Azkaban Prison'. I ignored the special abilities and being able to send people there when I used it. I did not want to subject anyone to it. It cost eight magic, four skulls and four colorless. On the plus side, it did give me four skull magic on its own.

The island on the other hand, gave me three hundred and thirteen skulls. It also gave me a whole bunch of dark spells that I was sure I didn't want in my head. Drain Life, Torture, Inflict Pain, Entrapment, Soul Drain, and a bunch of others that I did not want. I didn't bother looking at the rituals or enchantments. The problem was, I didn't have a spell to let me discard them and I was stuck with them.

The creatures I now had available actually turned my stomach a little. Zombies called Inferi, Skeletons, Wraiths, Ghosts, Poltergeists, Plague Rats, Skeletal Bats, Rotted Hounds, Maggot Spawn, Insect Swarm, and a bunch that I refused to admit I had. I felt quite dirty now and like I wouldn't ever be clean again.

“John?” Amelia whispered and kissed my cheek. “Speak to me, John.”

“I'm... I'm fine. I just... this place...” I dropped my hands from my head and looked at her. “I never imagined it was this bad here.”

“John, you haven't seen anything yet.” Amelia said.

I have. I thought and smiled. “All right, I think I...”

That was the moment we were discovered by a Dementor. My anguish had apparently drawn it down from its patrol.

“Ah, here comes one of the guards to greet us.” Smithers said, apparently glad. The sick bastard.

The Dementor ignored everyone but me and I stood to meet it. Just as it opened its mouth to suck up whatever it could from me, I froze it in place with a wandless Stasis spell.

“What just happened?” Amelia asked as she looked at the immobilized Dementor.

“It was going to feed without permission, because of the pain I felt.” I said and walked over to it. I didn't wonder why I didn't gain them with the prison, because none of them ever touched the ground and only floated above it. I reached a hand out to it and Amelia grabbed me before I could.

“John! You can't touch them. They aren't fully corporeal and you'll suffer damage from it.”

I smiled at her and eased my hand out of hers. “Trust me.”

Amelia looked at the stunned warden and the Auror beside him. “If you scream in pain again, I'm putting you right back on the boat and we're leaving.”

I put my arms around her and gave her a soft and tender kiss. “Thank you.”

Amelia blushed and shook her head at me.

I let her go and looked at the horrible creature. I really shouldn't touch it, because it wasn't something I needed a copy of in my head, not with all of the other evil things I had gained. But, if I didn't take a copy, I wouldn't find out if it had any weaknesses or how to defeat it. If they didn't have a weakness, then I could make copies of them to fight each other.

I gathered my resolve and carefully put my hand in the one I could see. Amelia was right, it was caught between flesh and spirit. The image formed in my head as I felt frostbite settle into my palm and fingers. I gained 'Dementor Guard', a four skull cost undead ethereal creature, that had two activated abilities. Feed let them take happy memories and causes despair. Soul Consumption lets them absorb a soul. Their innate Frost ability was always on and caused Fog to form in warmer areas.

I let the hand go and stepped back as I cast healing spells on my frozen and slightly blackened hand. I also cast Regeneration on myself and the blackness slowly faded. It would take a while to get full feeling back after that encounter.

“John?” Amelia asked, concern in her voice.

“I'm fine.” I said and nodded at the warden. “Let's get to the tour.”

Smithers looked at the still immobile Dementor. “What about...”

“The condition will wear off after twenty minutes.” I said.

“Oh, then that's all right.” Smithers said. “Follow me, please. I'll show you were your generous donation is being applied.”

“Thank you.” I said and put my arm around Amelia as we started walking.

“You are going to tell me what's going on.” Amelia whispered as she let the warden and Auror walk ahead. “Also, I want that immobilization spell.”

“It's called 'Stasis'.” I whispered back. “I don't know if I can teach it to you. It's not a standard spell as you know them.”

Amelia sighed. “What else are you hiding from me?”

I smiled. “I'm not hiding anything. I just haven't offered to tell you every little thing in my life up to this point.”

“You're going to argue semantics with me? Me?” Amelia asked, her voice filled with incredulity.

I chuckled. “We need to get to know each other, my dear Amelia. We can't have large information dumps between us before we've spent two whole weeks together.”

Amelia opened her mouth to ask for just that, then she glared at me. “You just need to ask me and I'll tell you everything.”

“You will?” I asked and she nodded. “Who did you lose your virginity to?”

Amelia blushed and didn't say anything.

“I didn't ask that to embarrass you.” I said and held her a little tighter as we walked. We were almost at the prison. “I was making a point that full disclosure doesn't have to include information that someone doesn't really need to know or could be embarrassing.”

Amelia looked into my eyes and nodded.

The Auror guards on the door came to attention when we approached and the Auror with us opened the door. We went inside and it looked relatively nice. This was the main area where the Aurors assigned here hung out and it had a small cafeteria where they could eat.

“We are updating the cooking area and getting a bigger oven setup. More hot meals and hot chocolate is always a good thing.” Smithers said and showed us his office. It was nice and comfy, like all good offices were supposed to be, and it was full of brown and beige colors. Even the carpet was a deep brown that looked good enough to take your socks off and put your bare feet on.

We saw a small recreation area and then went up the stairs to the minimum security level. It was a little dingy and not well maintained. The prisoners here were in relatively good shape, because they only had short sentences and had minimal Dementor exposure. Expansion charms let them put a lot of people here.

We went up to the next level and the quality dropped considerably. Nearly everything had a layer of grime and dirt on it and the prisoners looked unhappy. Their prison uniforms were also dirty and looked like they hadn't been washed in a while. I wasn't surprised when none of them spoke to us.

We went up another level and the pattern continued. The closer we got to the highest floor and maximum security, the dirtier and more run down the prison was. It was as if the workers and cleaners just stopped trying to do their jobs on the higher levels. The same went for the prisoners and their clothing.

I was tempted to ask how many times a month they gave them baths. I didn't ask, because they would probably say never, and I didn't really want to know that.

We eventually made it to the top floor and it was like walking into an open sewer. The place was completely filthy and looked like the outside of the building. I noticed several windows, only they were just slits in the walls and no glass or barrier was in them at all. It was also bitterly cold and I could occasionally see my breath when I breathed out.

“Here he is.” Smithers said and pointed at a corner cell.

I tried to walk over to the bars and the Auror grabbed my arm. “I'll be careful.”

“John, you're not allowed to approach. Criminals on this floor are the most dangerous murderers in our world.” Amelia said.

“Amy?” Sirius called out. “Baby? Sweetheart? Love of my life? Is that you?”

I turned to look at her and saw that Amelia's face was red from embarrassment.

“We haven't dated since Hogwarts.” Amelia admitted.

“Aww, don't be like that Amy! You know I love you!” Sirius said and I looked back to see his face pressed against the bars of his cell.

“Hey, I know you from somewhere!” Sirius said as he looked at me.

Amelia ignored him. “He refuses to accept that he's an immature idiot that chased after everything that wore a skirt. He was also going nowhere with his life. I moved on and he didn't.”

“It wasn't like that.” Sirius said. “I gave up the wandering life for the two weeks we were together.”

I glanced at Amelia and mouthed the word 'virgin'. She sighed and nodded.

“It was a great two weeks.” Sirius said.

“How many witches did you spend a wonderful two weeks with?” I asked.

“Loads!” Sirius said with a laugh. “I was completely devoted to them while we were together.”

I shook my head. “I'm tempted to leave you rot in here for taking advantage of all those young women.”

“Hey, they enjoyed it.” Sirius said. “I didn't force them or anything.”

“Convincing them that you love them and will marry them when you graduate is practically the same thing as forcing them.” Amelia said. “I was such a fool to think that you really meant what you said.”

“I was a stupid teenager. What did you expect?” Sirius asked.

“Okay, I am definitely leaving you here for a month.” I said and stepped back by Amelia's side.

“Oh?” Sirius looked us over and smiled. “I see. You're jealous that I got to her first.”

Amelia blushed slightly and then looked angry.

“Actually, I feel bad that you were her first, not that I wasn't.” I clarified for him and Amelia looked at me with surprise on her face. “Hopefully, I've made up for your mistake. If not, we can go back to either her place or mine tonight and I'll keep trying to make her forget about it.”

Amelia looked thoughtful. “Susan...”

“We can drop the kids off with Alice. She loves having them over.”

“Augusta isn't fussy on having all three of them there at the same time.”

I chuckled and walked towards the stairs with Amelia back under my arm. “She loves Harry and dotes on him. She won't even notice Susan.”

“Harry?” Sirius asked. “Hey! HEY! Harry who?”

“Sorry! We can't hear jerks from this far away!” I said and Amelia laughed as the Auror closed the door to that level.

“Can you really get him out?” Smithers asked.

“As soon as we find the evidence that proves the truth. Or he escapes. Whichever comes first.” I said.

Amelia shook her head. “No one has ever escaped from here.”

“Really?” I asked with a knowing smile.

Amelia gave me a searching look and didn't ask me about what I meant. Not yet, anyway. I knew she wouldn't let it go, though.

“I'll fill you in later, I promise.” I whispered to her and kissed her cheek.

We went all the way down to the ground floor and the warden and the Auror stopped at the main door.

“Thank you for visiting.” Smithers said.

“Thanks for allowing the disruption to your schedule.” I said.

The warden smiled. “You taunted Black, so it was worth it.”

I chuckled and started to walk away, then whispered. “Let me know when the guards go back inside.”

Amelia nodded and kept glancing back as she pretended to talk to me. “No one is looking.”

I let her go and ran over to the building. “You might have to drag me away if this doesn't work.”

“I can't believe you want to repair it.” Amelia said, her voice full of disbelief.

“Well, I'm going to try.” I said and took out my wand to pretend, then put my hand on the wall and cast Repair. Unlike a normal spell from this world, mine was a single cost and did the work. I wasn't sure if it would work on something so big, though.

Nothing happened for several moments, then I felt a wave of exhaustion pass through me as a new image appeared in my head called 'Restore Building' and I felt all my skulls be used up. The whole building started to glow with a black light and Amelia looked at me.

“Is it supposed to do that?” Amelia asked.

“Maybe. It's my first time restoring a whole building.” I said as I pulled my hand off of the building and stepped back as I watched the effect the new spell was having. It was like watching the thing decay, only in reverse. Pieces of stone and debris seemed to crawl up the building and slot back into place. More and more of it crawled all the way up to the top of the building and then the glow faded.

The dull black stone now gleamed like clean obsidian, the windows were no longer cloudy with dirt and grime, and if I had to guess, the upper levels on the inside were now pristine in appearance for the first time in years. If not decades. I doubt anyone could tell me when it was cleaned last.

“We better get out of here before someone notices.” Amelia said and took my hand before jogging down to the dock and the little boat waiting for us. “Let's go.” She said to the driver and made me sit, then she sat in my lap and held on. “Now tell me what you meant.”

“I'm going to get Peter Pettigrew. I doubt that it's enough to get Sirius a retrial, considering they didn't really investigate the last time.” I said and she nodded. “I'll be back here to switch Sirius out for a copy.”

Amelia chuckled. “The Dementors would be on you in moments when you approach the high security wing. Not only that, if you somehow did get Sirius out, they would know a prisoner had escaped.”

I sat there and held her as I smiled at her. I waited for her to figure it out, then chuckled when she didn't say anything. “You do realize that Dementors don't have eyes, right?”

Amelia caught her breath. “They won't know you switched him with someone else.”

“Also, no one approaches the bars, because the prisoners are too dangerous. No one with eyes is going to bother looking too closely.”

“Sweet Merlin.” Amelia whispered. “We need to fix that hole as soon as possible.”

“Is that your job?” I asked and she scowled. “I was asking you, not discouraging you.”

“Oh.” Amelia lost the scowl. “No, the head of the department is in charge of several different things.”

“Then you know what you have to do.” I said an she nodded. “Kill them all and take the top job.”

“John!” Amelia gasped and smacked me on the head.

I laughed. “I'm kidding, of course. You keep being you and you'll have that job before you know it.”

Amelia sighed and looked sad. “John, you shouldn't joke about things like that.”

“I'm sorry, Amelia.” I said and kissed her tenderly. “I only meant to make you laugh, not remember what happened.”

Amelia cuddled in close and sighed again. “I know. I would have laughed six months ago.”

“That's because you're a pragmatic person and you deal with reality.” I said. “The downside is you only deal with reality and reality is a harsh thing to deal with all the time.”

Amelia nodded and hugged me.

“We should stop and buy something for Augusta and Alice for watching the kids.” I suggested. “Maybe a chair and a bull whip to keep the kids at bay?”

Amelia barked a laugh and shook her head. “I think a new wireless would go over well.”

“Now that is a great idea.” I said and smiled. “We might get a play date out of it for tomorrow, too.”

Amelia smiled and kissed me. “Offering to take them ourselves for a night would go farther, I think.”

I grinned at her. “Ourselves?”

“We are at almost two weeks now.” Amelia laughed softly. “Tell me all about yourself.”

“I thought you would never ask.” I said and kissed her passionately.

*

Two weeks later, I had been on a week long stake-out near the Weasley's home and made myself invisible with the Illusion spell. I knew the rat would show up soon, because he needed somewhere to hide out from both the law and the death eaters hunting him. Who better to be safe with than a predominantly Light family?

It was close to midnight when my ability told me that there was something in the garden and moving towards the vegetable patch. I had gained a connection to the land called 'Weasley Homestead' that produced food daily, like apples from the grove and vegetables from the garden. Everything was also growing faster than it normally would.

I lifted my wand and pointed it at the little scurrying thing. “Accio Pettigrew rat.”

The rat let out a terrified squeak as it was plucked right out of the vegetable patch and flew through the air to me. I created a cage for him and put him inside. I didn't say anything or let him know that I knew who he was. Why give myself away or let him know he was screwed?

I walked away from the house and no one noticed. I passed through the wards as if they weren't there, because I didn't intend the family harm. That was also why Peter had been able to cross them, too.

I walked across a field and over a small hill to see a Castle Rook from a game of chess, only it was the size of a real castle's turret. I went right over to the thing and walked around to the front door. I raised my hand to knock and the door opened. A very beautiful blonde witch stood there with a dreamy look on her face.

“Hello, there.” She said. “Would you like to come inside?”

I couldn't stop my laugh as I had a dirty thought. I had spent too much time around Chloe and her detective friends to not infer dirty thoughts whenever it was inappropriate or they said something so inviting for dirty thoughts.

She blushed deeply and then she beamed a smile at me. “I am happily married.”

“That's why I'm here.” I said and held out a piece of paper. “That's both proof and advice.”

“I know.” She said and tucked the paper into her pocket. “Are you sure you don't want to come inside?”

I laughed again. “Now you're intentionally teasing me.” I said and she nodded. “I appreciate the laugh, Pandora. I hope to see you later.”

“You will, John.” Pandora said. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” I said and bowed to her, walked over to their ward line, then disappeared from her sight.

“Who was that dear?” Xenophilius asked.

“Someone warning me about my death.” Pandora said. “He's a nice man and he's changing everything. Perhaps I will take his advice.”

Xeno chuckled and hugged her from behind. “Luna is looking for your perfect breasts again.”

Pandora turned in his arms. “She is, is she?”

“I may have suggested it and she smiled.” Xeno said.

Pandora kissed him. “I am so grateful for not having a fussy baby and only a fussy husband.”

Xeno laughed and pulled her back inside and shut the door.

I shook my head at the interaction and chose my destination, then cast Apparition and popped away.

*

“I'm starting to hate you being right.” Amelia said as she looked at the rejection forms for a new trial, even though there wasn't a first trial for Sirius Black. No transcripts existed and no one seemed to care about that. Money had surely changed hands. A lot of money.

“When I'm right, you get to punish me by making me do whatever you want for an evening.” I said.

Amelia gave me a stern look, then she smiled. “You're taking Susan tonight.”

“Consider it done, my dear.” I said. “What do you want to do with the rat?”

“I don't think there's anything we can do. No one is even paying attention to my notes and blatant hints about a cover-up.”

“I'll keep him on ice until you get into the job you need to start making changes.” I said and sat back in the chair in front of her desk in the Auror bullpen.

“We can't leave Sirius in there until then. It could take years.” Amelia said.

I smiled crookedly and she sighed. “If you don't know about it, it didn't happen.”

Amelia gave me a stern look again. “You make sure that I don't know about it until I need to.”

“Peter needs a cell mate.” I said with a grin.

“John, they would kill each other.” Amelia advised me.

“Do you think I could sell tickets?” I asked.

Amelia snorted and then laughed. “You would have most of the wizarding world trying to buy them. Three quarters of them to get Sirius back in prison and the rest to get Peter for actually being a death eater.”

I nodded. “If Peter's veritaserum confession wasn't enough, his dark mark should have been. Bagnold and Crouch are real hard cases.”

“He didn't flinch when his son's body was delivered.” Amelia said. “His wife cried enough for the both of them.”

“Mothers are like that.” I said and stood. “What time do you want me to pick up Susan?”

“You're really going to do that?” Amelia asked.

“Of course. You need a night alone sometimes, too.”

Amelia stood and pulled me in for a kiss. “You're making me fall for you, Mr. Hansen.”

“It's the thumbs. Women love the magic thumbs.” I joked.

Amelia shook her head at me. “Get lost and I'll see you at two thirty.”

“Yes, ma'am.” I said and kissed her.

*

Sirius Black sat in his cell and waited for his trial. It had been a month already and the Dementors were starting to be really irritating. What surprised him was that the cell was in really good shape, for some reason. He hadn't noticed at first, because most of the dirt and grime was still there. What wasn't there, were the crumbling walls, the weak metal bars, and the opened window.

He didn't question how glass had formed over it or why the place was warm. He wasn't that stupid. Asking why would only have things looked into and probably removed. He was not going to ruin whatever good luck he had after that fellow and Amelia had visited. He had played things a bit too teasingly and pissed the guy off; but, it was too much fun tweaking Amelia's chain. She was too uptight and needed to loosen up.

Sirius' thoughts were interrupted when something clinked and his cell door opened on its own. He hadn't seen, heard, or smelled anything approach.

“Strip.” A voice said and a very nice set of clothes and robes appeared out of nowhere.

Sirius wasn't going to question new clothes, not with the dirty prison uniform he was wearing at the moment. He stripped and felt something flow over him. He glanced down and he was completely clean.

“Thanks, whoever you are.” Sirius said and quickly dressed. He hadn't realized how demeaning it was to only wear a single thing every day and not proper clothing.

“Close your eyes.” The voice said and Sirius thought about protesting, then a blindfold covered his eyes anyway. “Start walking. I'll guide you to where you need to go.”

Sirius turned to protest, then felt something settle over his mind. He had felt the Imperius curse before and this wasn't it. He was completely in control, until the voice told him to walk and not speak. It was the oddest sensation for him, because he didn't feel like he was being controlled. His body just had to do whatever task was asked of him.

It seemed like a long walk and then he was inside a boat. Or something. It didn't feel like a normal boat. The engines started up and he fell over when the boat took off like the fastest broom on the market. He wanted to shout that he wanted to look and enjoy it, only he was told not to speak. The boat seemed to run aground and came to a stop.

“Step out carefully.” The voice said and Sirius did so. “I'm taking you somewhere safe, so relax and keep your mind on the here and now.”

Sirius nodded and then he felt really weird. It was side-along apparition, only it wasn't. He couldn't describe the difference, except the tube squeezing thing wasn't that bad. It was more like a slide.

“Here we are.” The voice said. “Step into the room and remove the blindfold.”

Sirius did as he asked, even if he couldn't see to do it, then he took off the blindfold. “What the hell is this?” He asked and looked around at the well furnished bachelor apartment.

“This is your new home.” The voice said. “Welcome to the basement of the Marauder's Mansion.”

Sirius blinked his eyes at that. “Excuse me?”

“You're an escaped criminal and need somewhere to hide out until your name is cleared.” The voice said. “There's lots of food and entertainment, both wizard and muggle. You're going to be here for a while, if the current political climate is going to continue, and it is.”

“Who are you?” Sirius asked and turned around to see if anyone was there. He didn't see a door to leave, either.

“I told you that I was leaving you to spend a month in prison.”

Sirius knew who that was and he had met him before. “Dammit, I can't remember your name.”

“It's John.” The voice said. “Not that it matters. You can't leave. Anti-apparition wards, anti-spell wards, Impervious cast on everything, and a few other things. This place is the perfect cell that's not a cell.”

“It's still a prison.” Sirius said.

“Well, it's not like I can let you go. They would put you right back into Azkaban.” John said. “Neither of us wants that.”

“What do you care?” Sirius asked.

“I don't care for you. Not really. You're arrogant and a jerk, and you treat women like they are disposable.” John said. “However, you are Harry's godfather and they put you in prison without a trial.”

“I was waiting for one.” Sirius said.

“You would be waiting a while, since they covered everything up and put you right in jail. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 galleons.”

Sirius was confused by the reference.

“It's a muggle finance board game. Kind of like chess, just with dice. One of the options is being sent to jail without a trial and not completing the board, the penalty being not getting the reward for completing it.”

“Oh. Well, now what?” Sirius asked and looked around again. “How long am I going to be stuck here?”

“Probably a long time. Years, more likely.” John said.

“You can't be serious!” Sirius exclaimed and then chuckled. “Don't respond to that. It's too easy.”

John chuckled, too. “Don't worry. I'll bring Harry by every few days.”

“Harry? You mean James and Lily's son?”

“Yes.”

“I thought Dumbledore took him to keep him safe!”

“He did.” John said. “He just doesn't realize it was a magical construct.”

Sirius looked thoughtful for a moment, then started laughing. “That... that is... an epic prank!”

“I thought you would like that.” John said. “He stashed the construct with Lily's sister, Petunia.”

“What? That crooked nosed old bastard!” Sirius spat. “I'll kill him for that! Petunia hates Lily and anything that's magic!”

“I know. That's why I switched out Harry. He's going to grow up loved, cared for, and happy... just like any normal kid should.” John said. “How about you give me a hand with that and teach him everything he needs to know to fit in with magical society?”

“Of course I'll help!” Sirius said. “I'm his godfather and pretty much all he has left.”

A door appeared in the wall and Sirius watched as it opened and the man he saw at the prison walked into the room with baby Harry in his arms.

“Paddy!” Little Harry said, excitedly.

John put him down and made sure he was steady on his feet.

“Pup!” Sirius said and knelt to accept the toddling boy as he walked over to him. He grabbed him under the arms when he was close enough before he lifted the baby up and twirled around with him.

“WHEEEE!” Little Harry yelled happily and his messy hair fluttered in the wind.

“I think this is going to work out just fine.” John said with a smile.

“What makes you say that?” Sirius asked as he hugged Harry.

“Free babysitter!” John said with a huge grin, which made Sirius laugh.

*

The years passed and I had to make occasional switches with the construct staying with the Dursleys. Each time Harry grew a large amount or once a year on his birthday, would give me a slightly better version of 'Boy-Who-Lived'. It still had the same ailment and blessing, even if it was being corrupted by Dumbledore's defunct blood ward on the house.

It was based on love powering it, so it was so weak that I could spit on it and it would snap. If he hadn't added in the option to hide the house from evil finding the boy, I would have broken it years ago. I also had to copy the monitoring spells he had placed on the construct as a baby. I shook my head at the things tapping the construct's own magic to power them and the ward.

Dumbledore was an idiot. If at any point, Harry said that Privet Drive wasn't his home, everything would shatter. It was a trusting old man and his ideals that put Harry in danger in the first place.

Amelia became pregnant and begged me to let her name the child a Bones if it was a boy. She even agreed to marry me if I would. I laughed at the offer and told her that I didn't need a piece of paper to tell me if I loved someone. I had learned that mistake and my relationship with Chloe had been both satisfying and fulfilling. At the time, I thought it was my last relationship and then woke up here.

Needless to say, if she hadn't already been pregnant, she would have been that night or the next day. She was very grateful that I agreed. She was six months along when her boss retired and nominated her to take over as the head of the department. She accepted and started instituting the changes she had wanted to do years ago. She only had two and a half months to do it, because she was required to take time off to have and bond to the baby.

She thought about bringing Kingsley in to be her backup until I told her that Dumbledore was a good friend of his. Rufus Scrimgeor was brought in instead and he learned everything he would need to run the place how she wanted it run, while she was off. He was grateful for the chance to prove himself.

Amelia had a little boy, much to her delight. Susan was seven now and she absolutely adored her little brother and wouldn't accept that they were only cousins.

“Why not make it official?” I asked Amelia as Jason suckled her breast. “Susan sees us as her parents anyway.”

“YES!” Susan and Harry yelled at the same time from the next room.

“What did I tell you about listening in?” Amelia asked.

“Not to get caught!” Susan said right away and then we heard two sets of giggles and two sets of feet running away.

I laughed and touched Amelia's hair. “She's not wrong.”

Amelia chuckled. “All right. I'll have the paperwork sent over tomorrow and we can sign them.”

I smiled as I had a brilliant thought. “Why don't we take care of Harry's at the same time?”

Amelia thought about that. “It has been a few years since we stopped trying to get a trial for Sirius. No one should notice Harry's guardianship changing.”

“I'll have the goblins do an account review right after.” I said and she gave me a crooked smile. “What? You know if they find something, they love raiding other people's vaults for compensation and fees.”

“That's exactly why you shouldn't encourage them.” Amelia said.

“Hey, they love me. I've had Harry's mail redirect ward redirected to send them the mail first. They get a kick out of all the cursed items Harry receives.”

“Getting to keep them and get fees and penalties from the senders has nothing to do with that, does it?” Amelia asked.

“I set it up that way as the cost of them doing the work. When they don't receive anything cursed for a while, I send them something for their trouble.”

Amelia sighed. “Please tell me you aren't sending the goblins cursed items.”

“Okay, I won't tell you.” I said, cheekily.

“John, you can't just...”

“They sent me a letter calling me a friend to the goblins.” I said and she caught her breath. “Yes, I know what that means.”

“John, you have to fight by their side in any conflict that happens.”

“That's what friends do.” I said and she shook her head. “I may have also dropped a few hundred thousand galleons into my vault and told them to have fun playing with it.”

“Sweet Merlin.” Amelia whispered. “Your abilities are broken beyond all reason.”

“I don't abuse them. Much.” I said. “I've always been a simple man. I'm a farm boy, remember?”

“What have you done with that, by the way?” Amelia asked with a knowing smile.

“I pretty much destroyed the Longbottom's greenhouses from overgrowth and made the Weasleys earn a lot of money from their orchards and vegetables.”

“That's all?”

“Well, the Lovegoods said they didn't mind the overgrown clinging vines. It brought them a lot of migrating Blimpies and said the nearby fairy colony loves the delicacy.”

“I'm not going to ask what Blimpies are.” Amelia said. “Have you been going around and seeing what else you can gather?”

“It's mostly colorless magic from the towns and cities. The countryside only gives me something extra if there's a special forest ability or an underground lake or cave is nearby.” I said. “Oh, that reminds me. I finally found Voldemort's Inferi cave and cleared it out.”

“You... you cleared it out.” Amelia whispered.

“Well, it took a lot of magic and about two hundred Cleanse Dead spells. I didn't have near enough skull magic for that, so I used a bunch of copy spell effects and copy spell abilities.”

Amelia stared at me and looked surprised.

“Hey, don't worry. I gathered them all up and put them in a shipping container.”

“J-John!” Amelia gasped. “You can't just...”

“I'll bring them to the Ministry in a few days to see if they can be identified. I just want to clean them up first and give your people the best shot at matching them with any missing and presumed dead persons.”

Amelia's face crumbled from that and tears came to her eyes. “John, you... are so thoughtful.”

“I can't help it. Back where I came from, I eventually gained the noble cause of helping people. I can't help myself and I stick my nose in all over the place, even if it does get brown sometimes.”

Amelia wiped at her eyes and laughed. “J-John!”

“I'm sorry.” I said and kissed her. “Switch breasts. Jason is sucking fumes.”

“Hmm? Oh! I forgot to do that.” Amelia gently moved the baby from one breast to the other. “Thanks.”

“I get to see them, so it's a win-win for me.” I joked and she huffed and gave me a happy smile. “I'll see you later. Sirius probably has Remus trussed up and upside down by now.”

“You are crazy to let them conspire with each other.” Amelia said.

“They need to come up with some good stuff to get Snape and Dumbledore back for what happened. I don't mind encouraging them.”

Amelia shook her head. “Why hasn't he tried to escape from you with Remus there to help?”

“He's tickled pink at the pranks we're playing. A fake Harry being abused by the Dursleys that's recording everything they do? A fake Sirius that's rotting in prison for a crime he didn't commit? A Dumbledore that's completely ignorant of everything around him being stripped away? It's hilarious for him.”

“That figures.” Amelia said and puckered her lips. “Bye, love.”

I kissed her for several seconds and left the room. “Kids! We're going to the Double M!”

“Marauder's Mansion! Marauder's Mansion! Marauder's Mansion!” Harry and Susan cheered as they ran over to me and hugged me.

“Ready? Here we go!” I said and hugged them back.

“Do the slide!” Harry suddenly said.

I chuckled. “Okay, get ready to let go.”

“YES!” Harry and Susan said at the same time.

We disappeared from there and appeared on the top floor of the mansion near the very high ceiling.

“WHEEEE!” Harry and Susan yelled as they let go and we dropped down and landed at the top of a giant slide. It had twists and turns all over the place and went down through six floors, through eight different rooms and the library, then we shot out the end and flipped over in the air before we landed in a huge foam pit.

“That was AWESOME!” Harry exclaimed and crawled over to Susan. “Did you see that? I nearly kicked myself in the head with both feet!”

Susan laughed and hugged him, then they crawled out of the pit. “Mom hates it when I do this.”

“Which is why you stopped telling her.” I said and jumped out to open the door to Sirius' room. “Hey, Sirius.”

“John! Perfect timing!” Sirius said and gave Harry and Susan a quick hug before they ran to the play corner where all of Sirius' failed experiments and toys were kept. “What do you think?” He asked and waved behind himself.

Remus really was tied up and hanging upside down.

“I see you added a mouth gag.” I commented and barely stopped my laugh.

“Yep! It's finally ready!” Sirius said and waved his wand at Remus to gently put him down and reversed the spell.

“It is one of our better pranks.” Remus said and shook my hand. “How is Amelia and the baby?”

“Tired and thirsty. You can pick which is for which.” I said and he smiled.

“Here it is. You know what to do with it.” Sirius said and handed a small thin wooden plate to me.

An image appeared in my head called 'Rodeo Clown - Trap: Prank Item'. It hog-tied the target and trussed them up as if they were to be slaughtered like an animal. The gag was to stop them from calling for help or cursing the caster.

“I'll try and get it planted as soon as I can.” I said and tucked it away. “I assume it's keyed to Snape's magical signature?”

Both Sirius and Remus smiled and nodded.

“Do you want him found right away or sometime later?”

That made them lean in close and discuss it heatedly. I stood there and waited for them to decide.

“If it can be seen by as many people as possible, we can accept the right away option.” Remus said.

I chuckled. “In the middle of the Great Hall at breakfast. Got it.”

Sirius barked a laugh. “I'll pay to see that memory!”

“As would I.” Remus said. “We're still working out what to do to Dumbledore.”

“I can wait and we can get them both at the same time.” I suggested.

“No, we should have something else ready for Snape by then.” Sirius said.

I nodded and turned to look at Harry and Susan carrying on. “We're going through with the adoptions tomorrow.”

“Finally!” Sirius exclaimed and Remus chuckled.

“Amelia wanted to wait. It's not like I can ever force her to do anything.” I said and he nodded. “No one is even talking about you now, so she thinks this is the best time to strike. With her off on baby leave, no one will suspect any paperwork going through with her name on it.”

“Oh, this is going to be awesome.” Sirius said and rubbed his hands together. “You're setting the goblins loose too, right?”

I nodded and he grinned.

“Excellent! I can't wait to get his reaction.” Sirius said and looked over at his great great grandfather's portrait. “Phineas can't wait to see it, either.”

“No one messes with the Blacks and gets away with it.” Phineas said. “Now hurry up and produce an heir from your own loins. Harry's a good kid and he's Dorea's great grandson; but, he's not my ideal to be the family head when you finally kick the bucket.”

Sirius laughed. “I'll get right on that.”

Phineas nodded and left the portrait to go back to Hogwarts. Being a former headmaster, he had that right.

“He's an ass.” Remus said. “He cares about family, though.”

“That's kind of why I've never burned his portrait.” Sirius said. “If mother's wasn't fireproof...”

“Just be glad she died before Arcturus and didn't have a say in his decisions.” I said and he nodded. “I'll let you two get to your favorite daily activity while I go rescue the kids from Sirius' stuff.”

Just then, a small explosion came from the toy corner and two loud laughs followed it.

“I think you're too late for that.” Remus said.

“Damn! See you later!” I said and ran over to see if they were all right. I heard Sirius and Remus laughing as they entered Peter Pettigrew's torture room.

*

Two weeks later, Severus Snape was strung up like a thanksgiving turkey in the middle of the Great Hall, with turkey feathers stuck all over him and a huge sign hung from his neck with a picture of Voldemort on it stating that he was ready for stuffing. The laughter was deafening.

Sirius gratefully handed over a hundred galleons for the memory and laughed his ass off for weeks.

*

Amelia and I stood beside each other, with Harry in front of us and a four year old Jason held in Amelia's arms. We all watched the Hogwarts Post owl fly around in circles above Privet Drive.

“Your construct is really that good?” Amelia asked.

“Apparently. The owl seems to be unable to tell the real Harry from the Boy-Who-Lived.”

“A lot of people are like that.” Harry said with a deadpan voice.

I put my hand on his shoulder. “It's all right, Harry. Now that you're going to Hogwarts, I can finally deal with that thing stuck in your forehead.”

“Did we have to wait this long?” Harry asked. “It's not like anyone would know that I don't have it.”

“They would, because of the monitoring spells on the construct.” I said. “Amelia agreed with me. She's looked them over and Dumbledore did a few things that he shouldn't have.”

“Unfortunately, it's nothing illegal in the wizarding world. Just immoral and callus.” Amelia said. “We can't stand here all day, son. Hold out your wand and send out a pulse of magic, Harry.”

Harry beamed a smile up at her. “Okay, mom.” He said and held out a 'Matched Wand' and cast Lumos.

The owl changed course and flew down to land on the ground in front of us.

“Thanks.” Harry said and took the letter as he gave the owl a treat. “Have a good flight back.”

“Hoot!” The owl responded and took off.

Another owl appeared in the air and came in for a landing. Amelia sighed and handed me Jason before she bent down and took the envelope. “Stay there.” She said to the owl and it furled its wings to wait. She opened the letter and frowned. “Someone has the trace on the house. Any magic cast here will be detected and a warning sent for doing magic around muggles. Two warnings and you can be expelled.”

“That sneaky old bastard.” I said and Harry chuckled. “No repeating that where Dumbledore can hear.”

“Okay, Dad.” Harry said and I could tell that he was happy that I didn't forbid him from saying it completely. It wasn't like he hadn't heard it every few days while being around Sirius, anyway.

Amelia wrote a note on the notice, a very stern one apparently, because the note changed color to red. She folded it up and tied it back to the owl's leg. “Take that back to Mafilda Hopkirk, please.”

“Here.” Harry said and gave the owl a treat. “Fly safe.”

“Hoot.” The owl said and flew off.

“Now for the show.” I said and kissed Amelia and gave Jason back to her.

“Be careful.” Amelia said.

“I will. Stasis is a cheap spell.” I said and she smiled. I hugged Harry. “Go ahead and read your letter while I rescue you from your old aunt and uncle.”

Harry grinned at me and did as I said.

I walked across the road and down the short walk to the front door. I knocked, just so the neighbours couldn't say that I broke in or wasn't polite.

Petunia opened the door and I was only slightly surprised that it was the movie version. To be honest, she wasn't that bad looking and just age had gotten to her. When she was younger, she was quite nice looking. I was quiet for a bit too long, because she scowled at me.

“Who are you and what do you want?” Petunia almost spat at me.

That made my decision of what to do an easy one. I thought and smiled as I cast Stasis on her. “Hi, I'm here to retrieve the young boy you've been abusing verbally and emotionally for a decade.”

Petunia couldn't say anything and was frozen there.

“Can I come in? I can? Thank you.” I said and stepped inside, picked her up with a silent levitation, and moved her away to shut the door. I carried her into the house and saw Vernon at the kitchen table reading the newspaper. The 'Boy-Who-Lived' stood over by the wall and waited for more commands.

“Petunia, who was it?” Vernon asked and didn't look up.

“I'm here for the Boy-Who-Lived.” I said and no one had a clue what I was saying, except for the Boy-Who-Lived. “Get your things. All of them. We're leaving.”

“Yes, father.” The Boy-Who-Lived said and took a good sized backpack from me as he strode over to the stove and climbed up onto it and plucked a near invisible camera from the hiding spot near the top buttons. He stood up on the stove and took a camera from on top of the refrigerator. He hopped down and walked over to the cabinet, opened it, and climbed the shelves to get the camera from the top of it.

“What's going on?” Vernon asked and watched as 'Harry' walked out of the kitchen and started retrieving cameras from the television, couch, fireplace, and the far corner of the room.

“I'm collecting the video evidence of all the verbal and physical abuse you and your family did on Harry.” I said and his face paled.

Vernon looked at his wife, who stood there with her arm in the same position as it was when opening the door. “You're one of them!”

“Actually, I'm just pretending to be one. It's pretty easy if you know how.” I said and winked at Petunia. Even frozen in Stasis like she was, I was sure that she was showing shock.

“I have to retrieve the ones from my cupboard and upstairs.” The Boy-Who-Lived said to me.

I nodded and he walked away to do that. “I hope you're happy with how you treated a quiet boy that only wanted you to like him.”

“We could never like a freak like him!” Dudley said.

“I'm sorry that you actually mean that.” I said and moved Petunia over to be beside her family, then dispelled the Stasis spell.

“Get out of my house!” Petunia said, angrily.

“It won't be for long.” I said. “The people around here do not take kindly to child abusers.”

“You have no proof, even if those fake cameras were real. They don't make things like that or that small.” Vernon said with satisfaction. “That's years or even decades away.”

“So are microcomputers held in your hands and processors the size of a cough drop.” I said as the Boy-Who-Lived came back down the stairs and handed me the backpack. “That doesn't mean there aren't prototypes for testing or for very rich people to buy before they are on the market.”

“R-r-rich?” Petunia whispered.

“You didn't think Harry's parents really were drunken deadbeats, did you?” I asked.

Vernon and Dudley nodded and Petunia looked a little sick.

“They were a witch and a wizard. They could do magic. Also, Harry's birth father was from an old and rich family. His inheritance could buy Buckingham Palace and...” I stopped and smiled at Petunia's green face. “...because of your behaviour and treatment of him, you are never going to see a single pence of it.”

“Hey, now! We raised that boy!” Vernon said and stood. “We deserve...”

“...to rot in prison.” I interrupted. “Good luck with that.”

“There's no hospital records for any of it.” Vernon said. “The old coot promised us.”

“Yes, and he didn't bother deleting the computer records, because he is a wizard and thought the paper copies were the only ones he had to vanish.” I said and Petunia let out a sigh. “Come on, Boy. Let's go.”

“Yes, father.” The Boy-Who-Lived said and followed me out of the house. We walked across the road and stepped over to Amelia, Harry, and Jason.

“Let's go.” I said and we walked down the road. I greeted a few people and they looked surprised that there were two Harry Potters. One was a little taller and looked well fed.

“Good job, Boy.” Harry said and pat Boy on the shoulder. “Thank you for everything.”

“Father said the same thing every time he visited.” Boy said. “Will I be scanned now? My bones hurt.”

I put a hand on his shoulder. “Don't worry. We've got a healer waiting to see you and to give you a full medical check-up. As soon as that's done and I get that thing out of Harry's forehead, I'll upgrade you to Harry's standard.”

Both Boy and Harry beamed a smile at me. “Thank you, father.” “Thanks, Dad!” They said at the same time and then they both laughed.

“We should change one of them to have blond hair or something.” Amelia said.

“Why? You know they would try to trick you by switching their hair.”

Both boys giggled evilly.

“Stop giving them ideas.” Amelia said.

“I'm sorry.” I said and winked at the boys, making them laugh some more.

We stopped at the expensive car we drove there and I opened the back door for Amelia to strap Jason into the car seat. Harry and Boy hopped into the other side and started chatting about everything that they did so far this summer.

I opened Amelia's door for her and she gave me a kiss before climbing in. I jogged around the car and climbed into the driver's seat. “All right, everyone. Hold on. As soon as we're out of sight...”

“WE JUMP!” Harry and Jason shouted.

“Jump?” Boy asked.

“We apparate with the car!” Harry said, excitedly. “I don't know how he does it, just that it's fun when he misses and we drop to the ground! He blew up two tires the last time!”

Boy laughed and Jason laughed because he was.

“Try to keep it to a foot or so, dear.” Amelia whispered.

I grinned at her and stepped on the gas. Everyone on the street watched us drive away and didn't stop looking until we took the corner and passed the little park there.

“Three!” Harry said.

“Two!” Harry, Boy, and Jason said.

“One!” They nearly shouted.

“JUMP!” They yelled and I cast Apparate and dumped a pile of magic into it.

We disappeared with a crack of thunder and reappeared near the top of a steep hill.

“JOHN!” Amelia gasped as we floated over the top and the road dropped down below us.

The kids laughed and screamed with happiness as we essentially flew down the incline for about fifty feet. The tires squealed as we hit and skidded slightly, then their spinning caught up to the vehicle's movement and we drove down the hill at twice the speed limit.

“YAY!” The kids yelled when the hill levelled out at the bottom.

“I am going to kill you for scaring me.” Amelia growled.

“I wouldn't do that without practising it first. I knew exactly how fast to go to make it as smooth of a landing as possible.” I whispered back. “I would never put the kids in danger.”

Amelia glared at me and I slowed us down and held a hand out to her. She sighed and took it. “Loving you is hard sometimes.”

“Only sometimes?” I asked with a grin and she shook her head. “When we get back to the mansion, Sirius and Remus can watch the kids and I can give a certain someone a well-deserved foot massage.”

Amelia blushed a little and nodded.

*

“Hi, guys!” Harry said as he dragged Boy into the play room set aside for them while the adults were busy.

“Hi, Harry!” Neville said.

“Hi!” Susan said and waved.

“Hello.” Hannah said with a slight blush.

“Everyone, this is Boy.” Harry said and put an arm over the slightly smaller version of himself. “Boy, that's my best mate, Neville, my best girl friend Susan, and her best friend Hannah.”

Susan blushed. “I'm your sister, not your girlfriend!”

Harry laughed. “I'm just teasing.”

“Hi.” Neville said and shook Boy's hand. “Is your name really Boy?”

“Yes. It's short for Boy-Who-Lived.” Boy said.

“Huh?” Neville, Susan, and Hanna said as one.

“But... I thought... Harry? Aren't you the Boy-Who-Lived?” Susan asked.

“That's what everyone thinks.” Harry said with a grin.

“But... but...”

“I'm Harry Potter-Hansen-Bones. He's called the Boy-Who-Lived.” Harry said and looked at Boy. “I wonder if you'll get a letter as well, or does the one I got apply to us both? The owl couldn't pick between us until I cast a spell.”

Boy looked thoughtful. “Maybe we need to talk to father. He might need to call the school.”

Harry had a huge smile on his face. “I think we need to talk to Uncle Sirius, too.”

Boy smiled and nodded.

*

“Now remember what I said.” I whispered to Harry and Boy as we walked towards the Leaky Cauldron. “We tackle him on our way through, apologize, and offer a meal to say sorry. I silence him and fake his acceptance. We drag him to a back booth and as soon as we're alone, you both grab any bare flesh you can.”

“Yes, father.” “Okay, Dad.” Boy and Harry said.

“Remember, we aren't killing him. Quirrell died when he gave up his body for Voldemort's spirit to inhabit during the summer and he's using evil spells and magic to maintain himself. We're just capturing the soul fragment and getting rid of the corpse.”

“Like you did for all those Inferi?” Harry asked.

“Exactly.” I said. “You wouldn't believe how relieved a lot of families were when Amelia and I returned their loved one's remains to them.”

Harry nodded and the three of us entered the Leaky Cauldron.

“Hello, gov'ner.” Tom said and smiled at us. “What can I get you today?”

“I need a booth in the back for three.” I said and pat Harry's and Boy's shoulders. “We just have to step into the Alley to grab a book before we have a nice sit down meal of your daily special.”

Tom beamed a smile. “I'll have it ready for you when you come back.”

“Thank you.” I said and started walking again. “We can do your real shopping after we eat, Harry Potter.”

As predicted, we were swarmed by people wanting to shake Harry's hand. The funny part was, they were doing it to both Harry and Boy. They didn't even bother asking who was who. We were jostled and pushed around, and I made sure we bumped right into Quirrell at the edge of the bar and managed to knock him off of his stool.

“Oh, I'm terribly sorry.” I said and picked him up easily. “I didn't mean to knock you off the stool.” I only meant to knock over your drink. “Please, accept my apology.” I said and cast Silence on Quirrell before I turned to Tom. “Make that four to eat, Tom. We might as well eat it now.”

“Right away, gov'ner.” Tom said.

“Please, join us.” I said and cast Mind Control on him as I helped Quirrell walk along to the back booth. “Sit down and then eat when the food comes.” I said and he did as I asked. I could almost see the rage in the eyes. “No, it's not the Imperius Curse.”

I had the boys sit on either side of Quirrell and positioned to strike and I sat down beside Boy. Tom delivered the four large stew bowls and the food looked delicious. Quirrell started eating right away.

“Thanks, Tom.” I said and handed him four galleons. “Can you cast a privacy spell? I'm sure the boys need some quiet after what happened.”

Tom tucked the money away and took out his wand. “Of course, gov'ner. Enjoy the meal.”

I nodded as he stepped back and a light fog covered the front of the table. It also blocked the sound, which was perfect. I also gained the spell 'Obscuring Mist'. Now that we were hidden, I took a breath and let it out, then cast a very dangerous spell to summon a creature. A Dementor formed in front of the table and frost covered the table and froze the food in the bowls.

“Do not feed.” I said and it paused as it opened its mouth to do just that.

It looked frustrated and I smiled.

“You may use Soul Consumption on Quirrell.” I said.

I swear the Dementor smiled as it floated partially through the table to grab Quirrell, who was trying to chip his spoon into the frozen stew. He looked up at the last second as the Dementor clamped its mouth over his. He let out a silent scream as a black mist seemed to form around his head, then the mist was sucked back inside and we saw a light pass between them. The Dementor glowed for a moment, then looked quite happy.

“Try this.” I said and took out a locket to place on the frozen table.

The Dementor gazed at it with empty eye sockets and looked back at me, as if questioning my sanity.

“You're an ethereal undead creature. It won't hurt you to try kissing it.” I said.

The Dementor shrugged and its hand partially passed through the table and grabbed the chain. It shivered and quickly pulled the thing to its mouth, then the locket glowed and a smaller bright light passed into the Dementor. It looked happy again and dropped the locket.

“I told you.” I said and took out a ring. “This might be a little more difficult. It's quite small and should have a bigger piece inside of it for you.”

The Dementor tried to pick it up and his hand passed through it. It made a kind of growl sound.

“Oh, I forgot about that aspect and you might not be able to touch it. Sorry.” I said and made a nice stand appear that had clips on it for jewellery work. I put the ring in it to hold it up. “Try that.”

The Dementor picked up the holder and put the ring to its mouth. A slightly brighter light came from the ring and the Dementor shivered. I put the locket and the ring away before I took out a golden cup. The Dementor didn't hesitate as it picked the thing up and sucked out a small bright light. It shivered a bit more this time, then it dropped the cup and floated back a little from the table.

A second later, the damn thing split in half like an amoebae and then the two halves grew out the missing parts.

“Wow!” Harry and Boy said at the same time.

“I didn't know they did that.” I said and looked at the second one, or the first one. They were identical, so it was hard to tell. “Do you both listen only to me?”

The Dementors nodded.

“Would you lie about that if it made me let you remain existing?” I asked and they shook their heads. I smiled and waved them forward. “I've got two more items to go, so I need you both to stick around for a while until I can get them.”

The two Dementors looked very interested in free meals.

“For now, can you go to the prison and annoy the warden?” I asked and I swear the two Dementors chuckled. “I'm tempted to send you after the death eaters, only I don't really know the names of them or how to find them.”

The two Dementors exchanged looks.

I did not miss the interaction. “Can you find them? Or find someone connected and then trace the Dark Mark enchantment?”

The Dementors nodded.

I chuckled. “Then please, go find a death eater and lock in on the dark mark to track it. You can start hunting down the others after that. You have my permission to consume their souls and those of their wives and children.”

The two Dementors looked very happy.

“If you guys split again from eating too many souls, make sure that you share the same orders with the others or I'll have to recall you all.” I warned them and they nodded. “Do you want me to cancel your Frost ability?”

The Dementors looked at each other again for several moments, then looked back at me and shrugged.

“It doesn't matter, I suppose. All right, go and have fun.” I said and they looked happy again. “Make sure you don't use your Feed ability too much in one place. Just skim all over and no one will know it was you.”

They held a hand out to me, as if thanking me, then they floated away.

“Dad, was that wise?” Harry asked. “You know they are dark creatures.”

I chuckled. “Yes, they are. But, they are my dark creatures.” I tapped my head. “I can keep track of them if I concentrate. It's how I found Boy, even behind the blood ward Dumbledore set up.”

“What do we do with Quirrell's clothing?” Boy asked.

I turned and looked to see the pile of ash and clothing on the booth seat. “You handled that wonderfully, both of you.” I praised them and they beamed a smile at me. I vanished Quirrell's clothing after checking it for anything valuable. “We just have to wait for Hagrid to pass through and we can be on our way.”

The boys nodded and I dismissed the fog, cancelled the Frost ability from the Dementors, and heated the stew up again. We ate the food that was still delicious, and waited for our target.

Twenty minutes later, the half-giant entered the bar. That was our cue and we scrambled out of the booth to catch up to the man. We followed him out into Diagon Alley and all the way to the bank. We all went inside and Hagrid went to the closest teller and handed the goblin a letter.

“This is from you know who about vault you know which.” Hagrid said, as if sharing a secret.

The goblin didn't even open the letter, which was a huge oversight on his part. “Follow me.”

Of course, no one noticed us going along with Hagid pretty much taking up everyone's attention. They all just assumed he was escorting us and we took full advantage of that. We even hopped into the same cart as him. Hagrid didn't comment, even when Harry and Boy screamed happily about the wild cart ride. They were adrenaline junkies, according to the standards from my last world.

The goblin grinned at the two happy boys and led us all over to vault 713. He did a fancy hand wave over it and the boys clapped, which pleased the goblin. Hagrid stepped inside the vault and picked up a tiny cloth wrapped bundle and tucked it into his outside pocket.

“Vault 683 for us, please.” I said and handed the goblin a gold coin.

“We don't need the cart.” The goblin said and we followed him down the corridor and stopped at the right vault. Harry took out his key and the goblin examined it, nodded, and unlocked the door.

“It's just as pretty as the last time I saw it.” Harry said and the goblin nodded.

“What is it up to now?” I asked.

“Over 80,000.” Harry said. “The goblins said we need to wait another year before we're allowed to invest in more muggle companies.”

I looked at the goblin and he shrugged. “I think we need to talk to a higher up soon. We're all missing out on some profit.”

“It's wizarding law.” The goblin said. “Only so much capital per year can bleed over into muggle investments.”

“Well, that's just stupid.” I said with a shake of my head. “Let me guess, the purebloods made that law to stifle the goblins.”

The goblin nodded. “They don't want to lose the economic power they control. If more people invest muggle and not wizard, they lose their influence.”

“Idiots.” I said and the goblin smiled. “More money in our own economy would only increase their economic power, not reduce it. More money means more spending. More spending means more goods need to be brought in or made. More goods means more people working to provide those goods. More people working means more taxes being paid and more goods needing to be bought in or made.”

The goblin gave me a searching look and then grinned. “You are smart for a wizard.”

“That's because I didn't grow up here.” I said and handed an expanded bag each to Harry and Boy. “Go ahead and fill them. Let's go and buy out most of Diagon Alley.”

Harry and Boy nodded and piled several sums into their bags consisting of gold galleons, silver sickles, and bronze knuts.

“Hello, there.” I said and looked up at Hagrid. “How are you, Hagrid?”

Hagrid gave me a searching look and didn't recognize me.

“Ah, you probably can't remember me, since you left with the baby before I introduced myself.” I said and held a hand out to him. “I'm John Hansen. I was there the night Lily and James were killed.”

Hagrid looked surprised and shook my hand. “Ah don' remember you bein' there.”

“Well, I was on the floor at the time and you only had eyes for the baby.” I said with a shrug. I didn't get an update to the 'Half-Giant' image in my head, which meant the thing he grabbed was a singular item. “You wouldn't have a quill and ink on you, do you? I need to send a message to McGonagall about sending my other son to Hogwarts this year.”

“I might have summit like tha'. Lemmie just search.” Hagrid started to rummage through his pockets.

“I'll hold those for you.” I said and held up my hands.

“Ah, thanks.” Hagrid said and started to pile things onto my hands.

I didn't react when he put the Philosopher's Stone into my hands. I just tried my best to let the image form in my head. I wasn't surprised when it took a while.

“Ah, here it is.” Hagrid said and pulled out a broken quill. “Just lemmie find the bottle.”

“Take your time, my friend.” I said and he did so. By the time he was done, I had images in my head for mice, flobberworms, treats for various animals, three baby acromantulas with different abilities, order forms for deadly ingredients, a receipt for flesh eating slug repellent, and a piece of raw steak.

“There you go.” Hagrid said and held up the ink pot.

“Just put it in my pocket.” I said and turned to let him do that. “Thanks, Hagrid.”

“Anytime.” Hagrid said and started to put everything back into his pockets.

Of course, I created a copy of the Philosopher's Stone and he put that into his pocket and I kept the original. I was sure that the copy would still work... for me. Since it was my creation, it wouldn't work for anyone else unless I allowed it, which was perfect.

“We're done!” Harry said and Boy nodded.

“Great.” I said as Hagrid finished taking the rest of his things back. “Mister goblin, we want to return to the surface.”

“Back to the cart.” The goblin said and we followed him back to where we had left it.

“Say, the boys like the ride a lot. Is there any chance that we could go on for a bit more and then go back to the surface?” I asked and held out a handful of gold coins.

The goblin looked at them. “Make it twenty galleons and I can swing by the dragon that's guarding the lower levels.”

“THERE'S A DRAGON?” Harry, Boy, and Hagrid yelled at the same time.

Both the goblin and I laughed.

“I'll make it thirty if you let us get a good look at the thing.”

“Done!” the goblin said and I paid him, then we had a very harrowing ride down to the lower levels. It was the most epic ride that any of us had been on and the boys damn near screamed themselves hoarse from enjoyment.

I had to cast minor healing on them a couple of times, just so they could make appreciative sounds when we stopped and looked at the huge dragon guarding the entrance to the lower levels. Hagrid was making similar sounds and begged to approach and pet the thing.

“I'm sorry, no amount would allow that. It's an attack dragon.” The goblin said.

“Awww!” Hagrid, Harry, and Boy said.

“Thank the fierce goblin for allowing us this close to their prized dragon.” I said.

“Thanks, Mister Goblin!” Harry, Boy, and Hagrid said.

The goblin laughed and we all climbed back into the cart and rode it back to the surface. The boys had just as enjoyable ride back, which meant there was a lot of magic at play. There was no way we could have that many downs along the way while constantly going up to the surface.

“Thank you for using Gringotts for your business needs and please come again.” The goblin said.

“What's your name?” I asked.

“It's Griphook.” The goblin said.

I smiled and held a hand out for him to shake. “I'll be sure to ask for you the next time we come here.”

The goblin gave me a skeptical look, then shrugged and shook my hand. I gained a 'Goblin Worker' image in my head. He cost two mountains and a colorless, was a 3/4, and had an ability to mine metals.

“You are a strange wizard.” Griphook said.

“Well, I did give the bank a ton of galleons and told them to have fun with it.”

Griphook caught his breath. “You're Mr. Hansen?!?”

I laughed and let his hand go. “I guess it shouldn't surprise me that you know my name.”

“No one has ever let us do what we wanted with their money. They always tell us what to do, even if it's stupid and will lose them money.” Griphook said.

“I really should check the balance.” I said and looked thoughtful. “Maybe in another few years or so.”

Griphook looked stunned.

“May your enemies die by your hand.” I said and led the boys and Hagrid outside. “We've got some shopping to do, Hagrid. We'll see you later.”

“Sure thing, John. I gotta git going maself.” Hagrid said and looked down. “Bye, kids!”

“See you at school!” Harry and Boy said and waved.

Hagrid nodded and walked away.

“That was so much fun!” Harry said and Boy nodded.

“Let's get the supplies we haven't bought yet.” I said and they pretty much dragged me all over the place instead of just to the spots we needed to go.

*

“This may hurt a little... or a lot.” I warned Harry as he laid down on the ritual table. Sirius, Remus, Amelia, Alice, and Frank had contributed to it. It was designed to protect Harry and to separate the spirit piece from his forehead. We had discussed using a Dementor and decided against it. We couldn't take the chance that it would take Harry's soul as well.

“I know, Dad.” Harry said and took a deep breath and let it out. “Cast Stasis on me and do the ritual.”

“My brave boy.” I whispered and pet his head. “Stasis.”

Harry froze still and Sirius started chanting. Remus spread the potion along the engravings around the table and they started to glow. Amelia held Jason tightly and whispered that everything was going to be all right. It was all designed to weaken the part of Voldemort that was fighting to stay in Harry.

I waited until the apex of the ritual and held my hand over Harry's scar. “Exorcise Foreign Spirit!” I cast and Harry's scar split open and a black mist flowed out. The wound bled like crazy and the mist formed into a weird half-human like shape. “Encapsule!”

An ungodly howl came from the thing as it shrunk down and was compressed into a ball the size of a basketball and dropped to the floor.

“Impervious.” I said and the container glowed for a moment, then I looked back at Harry. “It's all right now.” I said and waved my hand over his forehead. “Heal.”

The skin knitted together and the blood stopped flowing. I did it again and concentrated on his eyes, just in case the other healing hadn't done it. Amelia was suddenly there and handed me a damp wash cloth. I wiped off the blood to show the clear forehead and she smiled. A blood replenishing potion later, Harry looked like a normal kid again.

I held his hand and he smiled at me, because he knew that I was getting the upgrade for Boy. I needed to update him, because he had a copy of Harry's previous ailment, 'Cursed Scar - Horcux'. With that still in play, Voldemort might still have a remaining anchor.

“How does it look?” Sirius asked and came over to look. “Oh, my.”

“What is it?” Remus asked and looked himself. “No, he... he really...”

“Yes. No more cursed scar.” I said and unfroze Harry.

“That really hurt, Dad!” Harry shouted and sat up to glare at me.

“I know.” I said and hugged him. “I'm sorry.”

Harry hugged me back. “At least its over.”

“Almost.” Amelia said. “There's still the diary and the diadem.”

“I'll be taking care of the diadem when I go to the school to make sure Boy is registered properly.” I said and Boy ran over to hug me. “I'll give you Harry's changes in a minute.”

“Thank you, father.” Boy said and let me go. “Harry, you don't have your glasses on.”

Harry reached up and touched his face by his eyes, then he laughed when he saw his glasses were still across the room on the table there. “We won't need glasses anymore!”

Boy beamed a smile at him. “We'll be identical!”

“I still say we should make Boy a blond.” Amelia said and hugged him.

“Not on your life!” Sirius said. “How much fun are they going to have at school when a teacher calls on them? Or a fan tries to corner them? Or when...”

“Ease off there, you old prankster. Let them come up with their own ways to use their powers to confuse and annoy.” I said and Sirius pouted. “I didn't say you couldn't help them, just don't tell them what to do first.”

“Well, why didn't you say so?” Sirius asked and then grinned. “Hurry up and give Boy what he needs. They have some brainstorming to do!”

Amelia shook her head and Remus chuckled.

“Boy, this may hurt a bit.” I said pat the bed beside Harry.

Boy hopped up and laid down. “Did Amelia's friend get everything?”

“More than everything.” Amelia said and pet his head. “You were such a brave boy for taking all of that and never saying anything.”

Boy beamed a smile at her. “It was worth it. Now I get to be a twin again!”

“Yes, you do.” Amelia said and kissed his forehead. “Do you want me to hold your hand?”

“Thanks!” Boy said. “Harry has the other one!”

Harry lifted the hand he held and Amelia nodded as she took the one next to her.

“Healing won't work for this, since it's changing you fundamentally.” I warned him and he nodded. “Do you want a Stasis as well?”

“No, just Silence. I still feel the pain anyway.” Boy said.

I nodded and took off his glasses, then I put a hand on his chest. I silently cast Silence on him and then spoke. “Updating to Boy-Who-Lived, version 10.”

Boy opened his mouth and screamed silently for several seconds as his body deflated. Most of his bones had been broken at some point and healed, so the upgrade removed them and would replace them with proper bones. Any scars he had were erased, including the famous one on his forehead, then his body started to inflate.

Boy took in a huge breath and his eyes went to me. I could see his eyes focusing on my face and his mouth formed into a smile, then it became a grin. His chest expanded and he grew nearly three inches to match Harry. His skin color, which was a lot lighter from spending so much time inside, darkened slightly to match Harry's as well. Funnily enough, his hair stayed the same.

“Okay, that was freaky.” Sirius said and then he laughed. “Someone make a mirror! They have to see this!”

Amelia turned and waved her wand at the wall to make a floor length mirror appear.

“WOW!” Harry and Boy said at the same time and let everyone's hands go to run over and stand in front of the mirror.

“I'm you!” Boy said, happily.

“You're me!” Harry said, happily.

“Everyone is going to freak out!” Boy and Harry said together, then they laughed.

“This is going to be epic!” Sirius said and laughed with them.

“We are in so much trouble.” Amelia whispered to me and I couldn't stop my laugh, either.

*

“Hello, Hagrid!” I said as he walked down to the gates to meet me.

“How doya do, John.” Hagrid said and opened the gates for me. “Professor McGonagall's waitin' on ya, jus' inside the castle.”

“That's great. Thank you.” I said and entered the grounds. I stood there and waited for him to close the gates.

“Whatta ya waitin' fer?” Hagrid asked as he closed the gate and locked it.

“Well, I came across something and I have no clue what it is.” I said and gave him a crooked smile as I waved for us to walk up to the castle together. I knew what it was, because the image had a name. I just wanted to see if he would recognize it.

“If'n it's anything I seen b'fore, I might know what it is.” Hagrid said.

“Oh, I don't really care what it's called.” I admitted and he looked surprised. “I was just wondering if you would want it.”

“Ah don' rightly know.” Hagrid said. “What's it look like?”

“Do you know what a badger looks like?” I asked and he nodded. “Well, it's about twice as big as that at over 1.1 metres long (or almost four feet), three times as heavy at about 25 kilograms (or over 55 pounds), and it can fight like a pissed off Tasmanian devil.”

Hagrid looked shocked and whistled. “Where did you get somethin' like tha'?”

“I visited a really high mountain peak. All I really know about it is that it loves the snow and cold weather.” I said.

Hagrid rubbed his chin. “Ah can't say I ever met anything close ta tha'.”

“Me, either. I recognized elk, bobcats, moose, deer, goats, sheep, mountain lions, rabbits and hares, and a whole bunch of other animals. This one stumped me.”

“Well, if'n yer offerin' it up, ah can't rightly say no.” Hagrid said.

“Great! I'll pop by your hut with it after my meeting with McGonagall.” I said.

Hagrid nodded and we walked the rest of the way while sharing small talk about his job and how much he enjoyed it. The castle doors opened when we reached the steps.

“Welcome, Mr. Hansen.” Minerva McGonagall greeted me.

“Ah, Madam McGonagall.” I said and went up only two steps, took her hand, and kissed the back of it without having to bend over. “It is a pleasure to meet you.”

Minvera gave me a skeptical look.

I chuckled and let her hand go. “Forgive me, I'm a little old fashioned.”

Minerva's eyes roamed over my relatively young face and down my robes. “Emotionally, I assume?”

I laughed. “I guess you would have to assume that.”

“You look much too young to be old fashioned, Mr. Hansen.”

“Please, call me John.” I said and walked up the rest of the steps to stand beside her and offered my arm.

Minerva glanced down at my arm and back at my face.

I laughed again. “Damn, I need to rein my habits in more. I keep making that mistake.”

Minerva smiled and took the offered arm. “I think I can manage to pretend that you're a real gentleman for a while.”

“Touche, Madam.” I said and bowed my head in defeat to her. “I can still lead if you point the way.”

Minerva laughed softly and did so. We went inside the castle and on a nice stroll to get to her office.

I sat her behind her desk and she smirked at me, which made me laugh again for not stopping the automatic reaction, and I walked around her desk to sit in front of it.

“What can I do for a gentleman like you today?” Minerva asked.

I had to cover my mouth and faked a cough to stop my laugh. The thought that popped into my head was not appropriate. Not at all. As if she knew what I was thinking, she sat back in her chair and gave me a stern look as she crossed her arms under her breasts.

I could not stop my eyes from automatically dropping to them being offered up like that, even though they were completely covered by her clothing and barely suggested their size, let alone would allow me to make any kind of estimation of them.

“Mr. Hansen.” Minerva said, sternly.

“My sincerest apologies, Madam McGonagall. I didn't mean to... with the movement, I couldn't stop... that is, I usually don't...” I stammered and didn't manage to explain at all.

Minerva smiled as she uncrossed her arms and leaned forward again.

Oh, she played me! I thought in surprise and let show it on my face. Damn, she's good!

“Why are you here?” Minerva asked.

I took a deep breath and then spoke. “I was wondering if I could look at the entries for this year in the student registry book.”

Minerva looked surprised as well, then she sat back and looked thoughtful. “May I ask why?”

“I want to know if it has the correct entry.” I said. “You see, I adopted my son when he was seven, both in the muggle world and the magical world. The letter he received did not show that and the owl seemed slightly confused when it was delivered.”

Minerva kept her eyes on my face and didn't say anything else. She sat there for several minutes without speaking or moving. It was eerily cat-like.

I wasn't bothered by that, since I had decades of being used to Chloe's cat Shadow. He could stay still for weeks at a time and scare the hell out of the other team members when they least expected it. Chloe and I really spoiled that cat and he made us laugh in return. She never asked me to make another one when he finally used up his ninth life, though. She claimed that one cat was all she had room in her heart for and didn't need another one.

“Very well.” Minerva said when I didn't cave from the pressure she thought she was exerting on me. She stood and went to the desk at the far side of the classroom and took out a thick book. It was several inches thick and she brought it over to the desk. Instead of sitting behind the desk, she walked around it and stood beside me.

“Oh! I'm sorry.” I said and stood, then I waved my hand and created a nice comfy chair for her. “Please, sit at my side and show me the entries.”

Minerva looked stunned at the casual creation. “I only meant to sit where you are and you can look over my shoulder.”

“Oh. Ha ha.” I laughed, awkwardly.

Minerva looked at the chair and then sat down. She let out a little noise, almost like a purr, then she shook herself slightly and put the book down on the desk. She opened it up to the current year and looked at me.

“What is the last name you are looking for?”

“That's a bit difficult, especially if the book uses adoptive names, birth names, real names, or given names.” I said and her eyes widened. “There can't be that many students this year, so I would like to see the whole list. It shouldn't take too long.”

Minerva gave me another searching look, sighed, and flipped the page. “This also generates the list I read during the sorting ceremony.”

“Can this be changed?” I asked and leaned in close to her to read the names.

“Technically.” Minerva said and it was my turn to give her a searching look. “It can be done. It's just not normally necessary. Do you understand?”

I nodded and looked back at the book. I started to read the names on the list and saw 'Bones, Susan'. “I adopted Susan when she was seven as well. It should say Bones-Hansen.”

Minerva frowned. “If that's true, then this isn't updating properly.” She said and took out her wand. She cast several spells on the book and frowned. “This... this doesn't make sense.” She said and picked up a piece of paper from beside the book to read it.

I wasn't really paying attention because I gained the spells she used with me so close. Specialis Revelo to reveal spells used or ingredients used in a potion, a Generic Diagnostic spell, a Specific Diagnostic spell, and a Parchment creation spell that could be combined with the specific diagnostic spell.

“Albus stopped the book from updating birth names just after the Potter's deaths.” Minerva said. “Why would he do that?”

“I could think of several reasons, none of which are good.” I said and she looked at me. “Adoptions, deaths, births, and stolen or switched children.”

Minerva caught her breath.

“Like I said, those are not good reasons.” I looked down at the list and had to flip a couple of pages to get to the 'L' section. I didn't see 'Lived, Boy-Who', so I flipped along until I saw 'Potter, Harry' with no added last names of Hansen and Bones. “Can you break the spell or is it too delicate of a book to fiddle with the enchantments like that?”

“I can; but, I don't know if I want to.” Minerva said. “Albus must have done it for a reason.”

“If you tell Dumbledore, he will probably dismiss your concerns as unimportant.” I commented.

“Excuse me?” Minerva asked as she glared at me.

“He will probably say that it doesn't affect much in the long run, or something close, like it matters to the greater good if a few names are different or the children weren't invited while others he needs here are still coming.”

“Mr. Hansen, you cannot badmouth the headmaster in front of me.”

“I was only saying what I think he will say if you tell him the book has been tampered with.” I said and smiled at her. “If you want proof, I will sit right here and wait for you. It shouldn't take long.”

“You said that about looking at the book.”

“I found, or didn't find, the names I was looking for. Unless the book is fixed, I doubt I can enrol my son without adding his name to the book, correct?”

Minerva sighed. “Yes, he would need to be added to the register to appear on the sorting list.”

“Which can't be done without fixing the book.” I added.

Minerva looked conflicted for several moments, then she stood. “Remain in that chair exactly as you are, Mr. Hansen. I will return shortly.”

I thought about saying something sarcastic, changed my mind, and nodded instead. I didn't have to wait as long as I thought I would have to. Barely ten minutes later, an angry Minerva entered her office, slammed the door, and stalked over to me.

“How did you know he would say those things and dismiss my concerns?” Minerva asked and her anger was almost palatable.

“I've known how manipulative he is for years. Everything I've done to protect Harry Potter from abuse and also rescue his innocent godfather from prison has been subverted, diverted, and delayed.” I said and Minerva gasped.

“You... no, it's not true. Albus said he was safe and protected!”

“The police, teachers, neighbours, and anyone else the boy tried to tell, were obliviated of the memory and then charmed to either ignore any other complaints or to treat any complaints as lies.” I said.

Minerva dropped into the comfy chair with shock on her face.

“Ten years, the boy was abused verbally and physically.” I said and she shook her head. “Do you even know where he was?”

“No, I... Albus said...”

“...that you didn't need to know.” I finished for her and she nodded. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why didn't you need to know?” I asked and she looked confused. “The Boy-Who-Lived is the supposed savior of the wizarding world. Why couldn't you, Albus' right hand woman and staunchest supporter, know where the boy was hidden?”

Minerva couldn't answer me.

“It's because he was tucked away with Harry's muggle aunt, uncle, and their nasty son.” I said.

“What? No, that... why would he...”

“He wanted Harry to be appreciative of the wizarding world when it rescues him and gives him a reprieve from his relatives. To endear him to whomever does so.”

“Albus.” Minerva whispered.

“By extension, yes.” I said and she sighed. “So, can you fix the book?”

Minerva gave me a searching look for several moments before she nodded and started to work. The first thing she did was generate a sorting list as a record. Next, she cast several spells, one of which revealed spell components and effects, and she cancelled the one blocking the book's updating function.

I flipped back to the first page and saw Susan's name update to 'Bones-Hansen, Susan'. I smiled and didn't see 'Boy' there, so I flipped through to the 'L' section and didn't see 'Lived'. I flipped to the 'P' section and saw 'Potter-Hansen-Bones, Harry; Boy-Who-Lived'.

“There we go.” I said and tapped Harry's name with a fingertip. “No wonder the owl was confused when it tried to deliver the acceptance letter. Both names are on the same line.”

Minerva looked at it and then looked at me like I was crazy. “John, it's the same person.”

“Nope!” I said and smiled warmly at her using my first name. “Harry was created by James and Lily and I created Boy.”

Minerva looked very confused.

“Can you change it and put Boy-Who-Lived on a separate line? It should update itself after that.”

Minerva sighed and waved her wand at the page and the names moved down slightly and Boy-Who-Lived dropped to the next line... and vanished. The rest of the names on the page moved down one space to fill in the blank.

“What... what...”

“Allow me.” I said and flipped back to 'L' and pointed to 'Lived, Boy-Who'. “That will change to Hansen-Bones when we put the paperwork through, now that he's properly registered.”

Minerva was stunned. She stared at the book like it was going to bite her.

I chuckled and cast the spell to generate the new sorting list and handed it to her as I picked up the old one. “Shall we check to see who missed their invitations or who got them and shouldn't have?”

Minerva blinked her eyes at me for several moments, then she smiled and nodded. “You read and I'll mark.”

We did that for ten minutes and there were six names that had been added, one of which was Boy's. There were also quite a few names that were missing on the new list. The names that had been removed were Bulstrode, Crabbe, Goyle, Malfoy, Nott, and Parkinson, which meant I knew what to do next.

“I will generate the new invites immediately and take them myself.” Minerva said and stood up. “Thank you for bringing this to my attention, John.”

“It was my pleasure, Madam.” I said and stood as well.

“Please, call me Minerva.” Minerva said and held a hand out to me with a smile on her face.

I chuckled and took the hand, then I made a little show of kissing the back of it with a bit of flourish to make her laugh. “Who do I address the school fees to for Boy's tuition?”

“Just tell your account manager at Gringotts to credit it to Hogwarts.” Minerva said and then looked thoughtful. “Is his name really Boy?”

I nodded. “It's almost all he's ever been called, besides Freak.”

Minerva gasped and then glared at me. “How could you do that to him?!?”

I laughed and held my hands up in surrender. “Before you curse me, it was Boy that took Harry's place at the Dursleys and suffered at their hands. He was the one they abused.”

Minerva gasped. “No! Why would you...”

“It was Boy's job to protect him, of course.” I said and touched her shoulder. “It's all right. We gathered evidence the whole time and those muggles are now in jail and are being publicly shamed, so even if Dumbledore somehow interferes and gets them off, everyone is going to know they are the worst kind of muggles.”

Minerva looked happy as she put her hand on mine. “I knew that they were.” She said. “I'll try and keep Albus from finding out for as long as possible.”

“Thank you.” I said and let her shoulder go. “You should know that Mrs. Figg was involved in the cover-up as well.”

Minerva caught her breath. “Mrs. Figg?” She asked, confused. “Why would she do that?”

“I can only assume the money Dumbledore paid her to keep and eye on the boy, made her ignore everything after reporting it to him.” I said and Minerva's anger returned. “They can't arrest her for compliance and make it stick, because all of the paper reports from everything on the muggle side was removed.”

I didn't bother to mention the electronic records, because they were incomplete and the clerks hadn't added anything before the last two years. With no paper trail, there was nothing more for them to add. The video evidence and the medical report were pretty damning, though. The prosecutor was confident of a hefty sentence for both of the adult Dursleys.

Dudley was already in youth detention and was facing his own charges. Apparently, once Boy was taken from the area and everyone knew what was happening, all of the kids that Dudley and his gang had terrorized, came forward and reported beatings and theft of money and items.

I hadn't realized just how much they had done and would have tried to stop it if I could. “I better go. Hagrid is waiting for me to give him a gift.” I said and walked over to the door of her office, then had a very naughty thought and looked back at her. “Minerva? I have a box of things that I think you might like to have as well.”

“Oh? What is it?” Minerva asked as she put the registry book off to the side to create the new invitations.

I opened the door of the office and stepped out, created a huge cardboard box to the side and then filled it with all of the toys and treats that I had made for Shadow. I forced myself to not laugh as I closed it and picked it up to carry inside. I walked over to her desk and put the box down.

“Have fun with this.” I said and quickly strode back across the room and closed the door.

“WHAT IS ALL OF THIS?” Minerva yelled.

I laughed hard and ran down the hallway. I noticed a ghost floating up near the ceiling and created a giant pack of hand-sized firecrackers to throw up to it. “Tell Snape that the Marauders said hello!”

Peeves caught the pack and cackled a laugh. “Peeves likes you!” He said and flew away to go and cause mischief.

I changed directions and went up to the seventh floor and walked back and forth in front of the blank wall, then the Room of Requirement appeared. I had been tempted to wait to do this, then decided that now was the best time. I entered the room and inside was the lost Diadem of Ravenclaw. I pulled out an expanded bag and levitated the thing inside.

Just for fun, I left the room and walked back and forth and asked for something else. Something I knew would be there. The door reappeared and I entered to find piles and piles of galleons, sickles, and knuts. There was also a small pile of muggle money as well. Another expanded bag took care of that and I left there slightly richer than I already was.

I made it outside the castle doors before Minerva realized that she could probably catch me before I escaped. That thought made me laugh some more and I ran down to Hagrid's hut. Before I reached it, I ducked behind a convenient tree and cast 'Wolverine', a 4/2 mountain creature, and told it to behave like it would in the wild unless Hagrid told it not to.

I put a leash on it and walked the rest of the way to the hut. I banged on the door and Hagrid opened it, then the large half-giant squealed like a little girl as he dove past me and picked up the ferocious beast.

“Ye won' be needin' that' no more!” Hagrid said and snapped the leash from its neck.

“Hagrid, that thing...” I started to say when it reacted to being manhandled and swiped at Hagrid's face with its sharp claws.

“Aww, he likes me!” Hagrid said and hugged it. He completely ignored the bleeding cuts on his cheek.

“Have fun.” I said and he ignored me as he pet the thing that was struggling to get out of his hands. I shrugged and walked away. When I reached the gates, I put a copy of the key into the lock, opened the gates, and closed them after I passed through. I locked them again and made the key disappear before I walked away a short distance and disappeared.

*

“We would like to claim the Malfoy vaults, properties, and assets like we did for the Lestrange Family.” I said and pat the dog at my side.

The goblin across the desk laughed. “You wizards sure are interesting.”

“As long as we get everything intact before you raid them for cursed items.” I said and the goblin grinned. “Can you manage it, considering Harry Potter is the heir to the Black Fortune?”

The goblin took about ten minutes shuffling papers and reading things before he smiled a tooth bearing grin. “We can grant you a day to search for the horcrux before we claim clearance rights on the death eater properties.”

I stood and held a hand out to the goblin. “That's all I wanted to ask for.”

The dog barked as the goblin took my hand to shake it.

“In accordance to our previous agreement, you guys can have fun with everything else.” I said.

The goblin barked a laugh and let my hand go. “We haven't had this much fun in decades.”

“As long as you don't run the businesses into the ground, I honestly don't care what you do with them.” I said, which made the goblin very happy. “If you make them better and increase profits without gouging the customers or taking jobs from legitimate workers, or better yet, make even more jobs to get more people using your bank... you get your ten percent ownership in them... unknown to the Ministry, of course.”

The goblin nodded. “Becoming your silent partner has been the best investment for Gringotts Bank.”

“Which was the point.” I said and stood. “Let's go, Padfoot.”

“Woof!” The dog barked and wagged its tail.

“Here are the lists of properties and their ward schemes.” The goblin said and handed me the sheets of parchment. “Happy hunting.”

*

“Thank you all for your hard work.” I said to the sixty Dementors in front of me. They had worked very hard to hunt down all of the death eaters and their families. They were all well fed and looked happy.

“I can't believe there are so many and it's only been a short while.” Amelia said from beside me.

“Most people don't realize how prolific they can spread.” I said and looked at the Dementor in front. “I know you're the first one, so where's your twin?”

Another Dementor came out from the throng and nodded to me.

“I promised you both I would have something for each of you.” I said and took out the Diadem of Ravenclaw and the Diary of Tom Riddle. I had already given the little sliver of soul from Harry's scar to another Dementor. “Both of these were made at nearly the same time, so you don't have to fight over the bigger soul piece.”

The two Dementors looked at each other and then back at me.

I put the two items on a conjured table and stepped back. The one on the right picked up the diary and opened the thing to the middle. The other one picked up the Diadem. Two soul sucking abilities later and two bright lights disappeared into their mouths. Both of them shivered and then split into two more Dementors.

“You were that close?” I asked as I touched the diadem and incinerated the diary.

The four Dementors nodded.

“I'm glad I was able to help you.”

Amelia shook her head. “John, what are you going to do with them?”

“Oh, that's easy.” I said. “I want you all to float over to Azkaban prison and eat the Dementors there.”

All of them turned to look at each other and then looked back at me, as if questioning my decision.

“If my theory is right, any souls they've eaten, will go right into you when you consume them.” I said and they all looked very happy at the thought. “You are to take their place and listen to only the rightful orders to guard the place and to maintain security. You are to not leave the safety of the island, since that's your new home. If anyone orders you to leave there, if it's not to retrieve a prisoner from the Ministry, you can have their souls.”

“JOHN!” Amelia gasped.

“There's no other legal reason for them to be away from Azkaban.” I said and the Dementors nodded. “You can take turns guarding and patrolling and you can hide your real numbers if you wish. You're going to be there for the rest of your existence, so enjoy yourselves and try not to feed too much from everyone. You need to make your snacks last a long time.”

“Sweet Merlin.” Amelia said and rubbed her face. “John, you can't seriously expect them to...”

“I'll send you care packages every few months and make sure that you're all well fed.” I promised.

“John.” Amelia said and glared at me.

“What? I can.” I said and waved my hand and cast sixty two generic Animagus Wizards, thanks to copy spells and copy effects. “Who wants some tasty wizards?”

The Dementors descended upon the meal and the Animagus Wizards collapsed, their soulless eyes staring helplessly.

“I... I did not see that. I didn't.” Amelia said and turned away.

“It's okay.” I said and vanished the bodies. “I created them specifically for that purpose.”

“John, they... they were people and...”

“No, they were constructs. I only made Boy like he was, so his reactions would be genuine and he grew up as he learned. It's why I kept him and didn't dissolve him when his job was over. He has just as much right to live as Harry does, after what he's been through.” I said and hugged her. “That's why we adopted him.”

Amelia sighed. “I'm not happy with you.”

I chuckled. “What if I gave you a copy of Ravenclaw's Diadem?” I asked and held it out to her.

“Wh-what?” Amelia asked and looked at it and then looked back at the table where the original one still sat.

“Now that it's not corrupted by a piece of Tom's soul, I can safely copy it and not make another anchor for Tom to possibly return.”

Amelia took the diadem and looked at it longingly. She looked back at the original and then at me.

“We can switch them and no one will know.” I said and did just that. “I'll submit this, Hufflepuff's cup, and Slytherin's locket to the school as soon as Dumbledore isn't in control of it.”

Amelia gave me a searching look, nodded, and put the diadem on. “Oh... oh, my.”

“Is it as much of a rush as I expect it is?” I asked.

Amelia turned to look at me and then grabbed the one in my hand and shoved it on my head. I felt my mind open up and everything seemed brighter, easier to understand, and made sense. A second later, Amelia kissed me. The next thing I knew, we were naked on the ground and I was buried deep inside of her and making her squeal with delight.

The Dementors had floated off while we were busy.

*

“Now, you boys behave.” I said and rubbed their heads. It wasn't like I could mess up their hair any more than it already was.

“DAD!” Boy and Harry said at the same time and pushed my hands away.

“You be good, too.” Amelia said to Susan and hugged her.

“Thanks, Mom.” Susan said and looked at me. “Bye, Dad.”

I knelt on one knee and looked into her blue eyes. “I love you as much as I love Amelia, and that's saying something.” I said and put my arms around her. “Be safe, Susan. If any boy tries anything, you use that special curse I taught you.”

“John!” Amelia gasped.

“Your safety is as important to me as Boy's and Harry's are.” I said and puckered my lips.

Susan blushed a little and leaned in to give me a quick kiss. “I love you too, Dad.”

“Now have fun and try your best to keep destroying the test scores of your brothers.” I said with a smile and she giggled.

“Hey!” Boy and Harry exclaimed.

I let Susan go and stood. “We'll see you at Christmas.”

“Or every time you use the mirrors you better have packed last night.” Amelia said.

“We did!” The three of them said and grabbed their trunks. They were light and expanded to hold everything, as were their backpacks.

“Go find a nice compartment and try to find Neville here somewhere.” Amelia said.

“Bye!” They said and ran down the platform and hopped onto the train.

“I never thought I would see this day.” Amelia whispered.

“I wouldn't let anything happen to you, not after I arrived here.” I whispered back and hugged her.

“Is it over? Did you change enough?” Amelia asked.

“Mostly.” I said and looked at the train and waved to the kids hanging out the window. “We just have to see what Dumbledore is up to and if he thinks he still needs to test Harry or Boy for a prophecy that's been fulfilled.”

Amelia sighed. “He wouldn't come to the hall to check, even after I sent a message directly.”

“He thinks he's right and no one can divert his chosen path.” I said. “Let's see how his path falters with two Harry's for him to split his focus on.”

Amelia smiled. “Everyone is going to be so surprised when their names are read.”

“The best part about that is Susan is first to warn them, Boy is second to shock them, and Harry is last to surprise them.”

Amelia laughed softly. “Are you going to sneak in as a cat and see it for yourself?”

I thought about that and smiled. “My dear, you have a wonderful mind. I might just try that.”

“You can share the memory with me tonight.”

“Of course.” I said and kissed her, then we waved at the kids again as the train pulled away.

“Hey, you two.” Frank said as he and Alice walked over to us.

“Neville wasn't nervous, was he?” Amelia asked.

“Only about getting into Hufflepuff.” Alice said with a light laugh. “As if he could fit anywhere else.”

Amelia nodded. “I think they are all going there. Great friends stick together.”

Frank smiled and nodded to me. “Thanks for not getting me fired.”

“I told you years ago that you would be head of the department if Amelia judged you by my performance in bed.” I joked and Amelia smacked me. “What? He's head of the department, isn't he?”

“Ass.” Amelia said and Alice laughed.

“Now that we're almost completely children free, are you guys coming over for a drink later?” I asked.

“We would love to.” Alice said. “We need to relax!”

“Us, too.” Amelia said. “The last week or so has been frantic.”

Alice nodded and took her hand. “We should pop over to Diagon Alley. Madam Malkin has a few new things in.”

Amelia glanced at me.

“Go ahead. I'll call Sirius and tell him he has Jason for the night.”

Amelia smiled and kissed me, then she and Alice walked away and whispered together.

“We're either in trouble or we're going to have a good night tonight.” Frank said.

I looked at the two beautiful witches walking away and smiled. “I'm betting on really good. That is the sexiest ass swaying I've seen on our women in a while.”

Frank looked over at them and his eyes widened before he whispered. “Merlin.”

*

I was in the form of a black cat as I sat in a carriage and waited under the seat. The older students climbed in and the carriage drove off. No one seemed to notice the thestrals that pulled the carriages and that made me happy. The less the kids saw death, the better.

The carriage stopped at the castle steps and I hopped out and walked near the students, almost underfoot, just so everyone would think I was someone's cat. We entered the Great Hall and I slunk off to the side and sat in a high enough spot to see the whole place. I wanted the best memory for what was going to happen.

After a while the large doors opened and the first years filed in behind McGonagall. There wasn't as many as people thought, considering who the Dementors took care of. Nearly half of the Slytherin table was empty, which surprised a few people. The best part? No Severus Snape. He had been one of the last to be caught by them, because he almost never left the castle.

Minerva stopped by the stool and pulled out the scroll. “Abbot, Hannah!”

I watched attentively as she was sorted into Hufflepuff, then 'Bones-Hansen, Susan' was called. That caused a bit of a stir and she sat down on the stool proudly. She went right into Hufflepuff and sat with Hannah, who was relieved that Susan had made it. The other names passed without anyone really reacting, until it came to the one I was waiting for. Minerva even read it properly for me.

“Boy-Who-Lived-Hansen-Bones.” Minerva called.

The entire Great Hall gasped as a slightly different looking Harry Potter walked over to the stool and sat down. He didn't wear glasses or had the scar.

“Hufflepuff!” The hat called.

“YES!” Susan yelled and clapped hard, as did the rest of the table.

“Thanks, Hat.” Boy said and put the hat down and ran over to Susan to be hugged tightly.

Neville was next and the hat barely touched his head before calling out Hufflepuff. The boy nearly collapsed in relief and walked to his house table to loud applause. He was hugged quite tightly by Hannah and it made him blush. He didn't try to get away, either.

“Potter-Hansen-Bones, Harry.” Minerva called.

Once again, the entire Great Hall gasped as another Harry Potter that looked just like the other one, walked over to the stool and put the hat on.

“Hufflepuff!” The hat called out.

“YES!” Susan and Boy shouted before they and the rest of the Hufflepuff table erupted into cheers and claps.

Harry strode over to them and was engulfed in hugs and congratulations. Everyone else seemed too stunned that there were two Harry Potters. Even Dumbledore looked stunned with his too-wide eyes and slack mouth.

The rest of the names were called and the students were sorted. There were only three Slytherins this year, Daphne Greengrass, Tracy Davis, and Blaze Zabini. It was definitely going to throw off the class balance and change the schedules, especially with the extra Hufflepuffs. A few students and more than a few of the teachers, thought that certain students were going to go into Griffindor, and they didn't.

“We should have gotten him.” Ron Weasley said when the food appeared.

“I know what you mean.” An older student said. “He should be in Griffindor.”

“Who?” A pretty first year blonde witch named Lavender asked.

“Harry Potter.” Ron said.

“Why?” Lavender asked. “Shouldn't we want the Boy-Who-Lived instead?”

“They're the same person.” Fred Weasley said.

“Uh, if you didn't notice, there's two of them.” A bushy haired witch named Hermione said and pointed. “One is named Boy and the other is named Harry.”

“It's just a trick. He's not really the Boy-Who-Lived.” Ron said. “I can't be best mates with a trick.”

“You're not best mates with either of them.” George Weasley said. “They already have one, or two, or more if you count witches.”

“Just wait. He'll see I'm his best mate as soon as he comes to his senses and transfers back to Griffindor.” Ron said.

Hermione huffed. “You are delusional, Ronald.”

“Nobody asked you!” Ron spat.

Hermione gave him a look that clearly showed him that she thought he was less than dirt. “Fine. I'll try to not laugh too hard when you utterly fail to make yourself his best mate.”

“You'll see.” Ron said. “You'll all see. I'm his best friend and nothing can ruin that.”

Fred and George exchanged worried looks and then leaned in close to whisper.

I should have set up listening charms. I thought and tried to watch the rest of the hall. I couldn't really make out any other conversations, because I was too far away. I debated about leaving, then sighed and waited. I hoped that the old man wouldn't say what I was sure he was going to say, and waited to see if I was going to be disappointed.

The meal ended and Dumbledore stood and gave his speech about the forbidden forest, the banned items list on Filch's door, and about not going to the third floor corridor on the right hand side, if the students didn't want to die a painful death.

I glanced at Minerva and saw her frown, so it must have been true. It didn't make sense to set traps for the dark lord, if Voldemort wasn't possessing someone. I glanced around one more time, then hopped down and slunk around the edge of the room and slipped out the doors.

I quickly made my way to the third floor corridor and found the right door from the smell alone. My brand of magic wasn't limited by my own physical form, so I created a bunch of steaks on the other side of the door and then unlocked it. The Cerberus named Fluffy was happily chewing on them and I walked over to the trap door and unlocked it with the same spell as the door. It didn't have to be actually locked for the spell to open it.

I cast Incandescent Beam down into the trap room with the Devil's Snare and it lit up like the sun. I easily jumped down and landed without hurting myself. Having a cat body was really cool. I walked on and unlocked the door and stepped into the next room. I saw the flying keys and shook my head. A cutting spell cut the lock off and I entered the next room.

Since I was a cat, I easily walked around the chess board and went through the next door. Flames popped up and I laughed, which sounded weird from a cat's mouth. Another cutting spell removed the top of the door and a levitation spell took me through the opening and to where an empty room was.

I guess without Quirrell to bring a troll here, Dumbledore couldn't find something else to replace it. I thought and entered the last door. I was surprised that the Mirror of Erised was actually there, which meant it was moved later to a classroom for Harry to find it easily. Oh, damn. I forgot about the cloak.

I walked around the mirror, so I wouldn't look into it. I didn't want to know what a magic mirror would tell me my desire was. I cast several diagnostic spells on it and saw that it was unbreakable. That lessened my options. I sat there and stared at the back of the thing for several minutes, then shrugged. I put a paw on it to see if my ability would actually work.

I gained the mirror, wasn't surprised it was cursed, and found that it had the copied Philosopher's Stone in it. I chuckled and cast a bed sheet over it, cast Incarcerous to wrap it in ropes, then cast Reducio to make it much smaller. I picked it up in my mouth, since I didn't have pockets as a cat, and it couldn't be easily seen. I strode out of the room, satisfied that I had completed my task.

Going back was infinitely easier than going through, and I levitated myself out of the trap door. I cast another dozen steaks for Fluffy and cast the locking charm on the trap door and the door of the room when I left.

No one paid me any notice as I walked all the way back to the Entrance Hall. When I tried to go toward the large oak doors to leave, a shadow moved over top of me. I turned to look and saw a smiling Minerva looking down at me.

“Hello, there.” Minerva said and bent down to pet me. “You're a handsome one, aren't you?”

I let out a very loud purr, despite trying not to. It felt so good to have her rub my spine like that.

Minerva laughed softly. “I don't recognize you. Do you belong to one of the students?”

I'm not sure how she thought I was going to answer her, because I was stiff all over from her magic fingers. By all over, I meant all over. I had no idea that getting an erection as a cat felt completely different.

Minerva's hand suddenly stopped and she took in a sniff. It was odd seeing a person do that, then I remembered that she was a cat animagus. “Oh.” She whispered and then her hands were wrapped around me and she picked me up to cuddle me with one arm under me and one on my side. “You are very lucky that I am a little picky about my chosen mates.”

I was shocked about that, then lost all reason when she scratched under my chin with a hand and scratched the top of my head with the other. My very loud purr rattled my bones and it made her laugh. It was a good thing the mirror was unbreakable, because I would have bitten through it and shattered it.

“I don't see a collar; but, that doesn't mean much. Some students don't bother with such a unique cat.” Minerva said and stopped petting me to look into my eyes. “You're almost pitch black and dark as a shadow.”

I blinked my eyes at her and she smiled.

“Well, I suppose I can't keep you any longer or tease you any more. Do you want to be let out?” Minerva asked.

I thought about not moving, then decided she knew I was smarter than a normal cat and nodded slightly.

Minerva smiled and pulled me close to kiss my forehead. “Try to not break any more hearts.”

My eyes widened at her and she laughed as she opened the doors and then she put me down.

“If you ever come back this way, I may change my mind about an appropriate mate.” Minerva said and rubbed her hand down my spine again, pulled on my tail slightly, then flicked my ear. “To remember me by.”

I looked up at her and she waved her hands to shoo me away. “Mrow.” I mumbled around the mirror in my mouth and took off running.

“Goodbye to you, too!” Minerva said.

*

“You are absolutely crazy!” Alice said as she sat down on the couch with Frank.

We had all just watched the sorting and then me going through the traps as a cat.

“I told you he was.” Amelia said and cuddled into my side. “What did you do with the mirror?”

I pointed to the mantle over the floo and she chuckled at the little wrapped bundle there.

“You put a class four cursed artifact on your floo fireplace?” Frank asked and shook his head. “How are you still alive again?”

“Luck? Big brass balls? More power than brains?” Alice asked with a delighted laugh.

“All of the above!” Amelia responded and laughed, too. “I'll bring it to work tomorrow and deliver it to the Department of Mysteries.”

“Are you leaving the fake stone in it, too?” Alice asked.

“It's fake, so why not. Maybe one of the workers will discover it and get a kick out of it.” Amelia said.

That gave me a neat idea. “Hey, why don't we put other things in it? Like a running prank?”

That caught Frank and Alice's interest as they sat up straight.

“What should we add?” Alice asked. “An umbrella if it rains and someone needs one?”

“How about someone wanting a vacation and they get a pair of shorts and a bathing suit?” Frank suggested.

“Now you're talking.” I said. “Someone misses their coffee break and out pops a cup of coffee, only it's just the grounds and no water.”

Frank laughed, Alice grinned, and Amelia chuckled.

“Let's go to the table and work things out.” Amelia said and we all went with her to the dining room. “Does anyone want another drink?”

“We're going to be at this for a while, so grab the bottle.” I said and she nodded. “I can think of a few more scenarios. I can make anything we can come up with, so go all out with the suggestions.”

“This is going to be so much fun!” Alice said and took a small sip of firewhiskey that Amelia passed her.

*

A month later, a kind of exhibit had been set up in the Department of Mysteries where every member could walk by it whenever they wanted. They all knew that it was a class four cursed object and that at any time they looked into it, they could be ensnared and caught in the Mirror of Erised's effect.

Instead of worrying about that, they all tried their best to see what else was going to pop out of the thing. It seemed that whatever they desired at the time, the object they wanted, or something similar, appeared for them. It was a major curiosity for the Unspeakables and it gave them both apoplexy and fired their minds to think, since the object had never done that before.

During the double date nights we had with Frank and Alice, Amelia would tell us all about it and we would laugh our asses off, then arrange visits of our own and reload a few things while adding tons more.

*

Albus was a frustrated man. For months, he had been leaving clues for Harry to find and start investigating. He even tried to leave some for the other Harry, who for some reason, called himself Boy. It was too confusing to think about, so he ignored it and tried to convince himself that his latest plot would finally bring Voldemort out into the open to try and steal the Philosopher's Stone.

His fruitless search for Quirrell had turned up nothing, except for the last thing he did before disappearing. He had a good meal of stew at the Leaky Cauldron during the summer. That was it.

Albus sat back and rubbed his chin through his beard. He had another major clue for Harry to find and would provide the means as a Christmas present. A few minor compulsion spells would ensure the boy would go to the right classroom and search for what he desires. He would have to change Harry signing up to leave and make him stay instead; but, that was only a minor concern.

His plot needed the boy to be inquisitive and want to hunt out things. It was essential for the greater good that Harry be properly prepared.

Albus had no idea that Minerva had been keeping a close eye on him and removing the clues before they were found or retrieving them after they were. She would also ensure that Harry would be going home and his present would be delivered to him on Christmas morning. She had been invited to stay herself and had been quite happy to accept the invitation.

*

“DAD! MOM!” Harry, Boy, and Susan yelled as they jumped off of the train and ran towards us. We were tackled and hugged tightly, almost obscenely so, and we returned them with just as much affection.

“DAD! MUM!” Neville yelled as he went to Frank and Alice and did the same thing, while also receiving the same in return.

“I'm glad you kids were good.” I said and let them go. “How many more friends do you have now?”

“Eight!” Boy said.

“Eight!” Harry said. “They're the same ones!”

Susan laughed. “Our year mates and two older ones, Cedric in third year and Never Call Me Anything Else Tonks, in seventh year.”

“Well, it sounds like you had a great time.” I said and waved to Frank. “See you guys in a few days.”

Frank and Alice nodded, then we split up and went to our respective homes.

What followed was the best two weeks of Christmas vacation we ever had. Food, friends, family, fooling around, and presents. It couldn't have been any better. Even Minerva had a great time, and that was something special. She even got a little drunk on Christmas Eve and let it slip that she regretted letting a particularly handsome black cat escape from her.

“I'll find him again some day.” Minerva said and finished her drink. “Goodnight.”

“Night.” We all said and then Amelia and I exchanged knowing looks. We had agreed a while ago that we could never tell her that it was me.

Minerva walked back into the room and glared at me. “Don't think I forgot what you did!” She spat and then left again.

Everyone looked at me with accusing faces, even Amelia.

“What did you do?” Boy asked.

“I may have given her a huge box filled with cat toys, treats, and catnip, the very first time I met her.”

Complete silence met my words, then a single bark broke it. Sirius was a dog to hide and still be there, then he started barking like he was laughing. That was enough to get us all laughing.

The next morning was present time and everyone enjoyed their gifts. When Harry picked up a brown paper wrapped one with his name on it, I nearly shouted.

“Stop!” I exclaimed and everyone froze. “Amelia, if you would.”

Amelia carefully took it and cast several detect spells, then nodded to Harry. “Go ahead and open it; but, do not touch what's inside until I say it's okay.”

Harry nodded and unwrapped it. “It's a cloak.”

“Albus gave me that for him.” Minerva said.

Amelia cast more detection spells and closed her mouth with a snap.

I could tell she was fighting to not curse out loud.

“There are three compulsion spells on it.” Amelia said and Minerva closed her own mouth with a similar look as if fighting to not curse. “Give me a few minutes to clear it.”

We all sat there and let her work for a while. She used her wand to push the edge of it over and cast a few more spells. She smiled and nodded at the results only she could see.

“Okay, Harry. Go ahead.”

“Thanks!” Harry said and pulled the cloak out. “It's kind of heavy.”

“Try it on.” I said and he slipped it over his shoulders.

“WHOA!” The kids yelled.

“Your body's gone!” Neville said and reached out to pat the spot where Harry's leg was supposed to be. “That's so cool and weird!”

Susan laughed and touched Harry's other leg. “Neville's right. That's weirdly cool.”

“If you put the hood up, you'll completely disappear.” I said and Harry did so.

“Wicked!” Boy said. “You have your own invisibility cloak!”

“Woof!” Sirius barked.

“Ware Hawwy?” Jason asked and waddled over. “Hawwy! HAWWY!”

“I'm right here, Jay.” Harry said and his arms appeared to float in the air. “Want to be invisible with me?”

“YESH!” Jason said and Harry's arms picked him up and he disappeared into the cloak.

“Wow, that worked!” Susan said and pretended to look around, even with her hand still on Harry's leg. “Jay! Were are you? I can't see you!”

Jason laughed a toddler's high pitched laugh, easily giving himself and Harry away.

“There you are, you little scamp!” Susan said and dug her hands into the cloak to tickle him. “You can't hide from your big sister!”

Jason laughed and laughed, making everyone smile.

“All right, let's go eat everyone.” Amelia said and we all gathered together and went to the dining room.

I felt a hand take mine and I stopped walking to look down.

“Dad, can you keep this safe for me? I don't want to lose it.” Harry said and handed the cloak to me.

“I can do something better than that.” I said and let the image of the cloak appear in my head, then I tucked the real one into my pocket.

Harry saw how small it could get and looked at me with wide eyes.

“Here's a copy that will only work for you.” I said and made a copy called Harry's Cloak. I had learned a while ago the spell to rename things. “If anyone takes it, it's just a normal cloak and you can summon it back.”

Harry beamed a smile at me. “Thanks, Dad!”

“I have a question for you, now that you have that.” I said and knelt to whisper. “Do you want Boy to have one, too?”

“Can he?” Harry asked. “Would he want something from my birth father?”

“We can ask him later if he does.” I whispered with a smile. “I won't make any more if you don't want anyone else to have one.”

Harry's eyes widened. “You... will you... can I really...” He looked into the dining room at Susan and Neville. “Is it too much? Would they all want one?”

I turned him to look at me. “It's all right if you want to keep it for yourself, Harry. It's not greedy to keep your present for yourself. It was given to you, so it's yours to do what you want with it.”

Harry looked thoughtful. “Maybe... maybe just... just ask Boy. For now. If we use them a lot, or need them for something important, then later we can see if Neville and Susan want one.”

I smiled and nodded. “That was wise, Harry. I'm glad you thought about it and didn't just ask me to make a dozen of them for all of your friends. That could cause a lot of trouble.”

Harry nodded. “That's what I was thinking. It will be hard to keep it a secret with all of us having one.”

“That's exactly right.” I said and stood as I hugged him. “You're a good boy, Harry.”

Harry blushed and hugged me back, then he ran into the dining room to sit beside Boy, who immediately handed him a plate of food that he had already served up for him.

I joined them and kissed Amelia, whispered what was said, and she smiled and kissed me again. We all sat and had a very nice breakfast and then had a great day relaxing and telling stories.

*

Albus stood in the empty room where the Mirror of Erised used to be and tried to remember when he had moved the mirror. Or if he did. He was sure that he had put it here and now it wasn't there. Since no one had known that it was there, it had to have been himself that had moved it. He ignored the slight damage to the doors he had passed through and couldn't decide where he would have put the mirror.

In his slightly confused state, he completely forgot that Harry Potter was supposed to remain in the castle. He left the room and started a long and meticulous search through the various abandoned classrooms for the elusive mirror.

In fact, it had been on display at the Department of Mysteries since September first. The Unspeakables were still finding things popping out of it, which kept Amelia, Frank, Alice, and John in fits of laughter.

*

Back at school, no one was surprised that Harry and Boy were pretty much treated as interchangeable. They were even called the Hufflepuff Twins occasionally, because they were pranking rivals to the Griffindor Twins, Fred and George Weasley. A healthy competition had started, seemingly at random. No one knew what had set it off and no one knew if it would ever end.

One of the four would have a horse tail one day, another a clown afro another day, one would have polka dots all over the next day, and the last might have a duck beak and could only quack. It was a never ending stream and it gave a lot of people a good laugh.

One day, everyone thought it was especially hilarious when the Weasleys entered the Great Hall and Fred had a plug for a hand and George had a plug receptacle for a hand. No one knew what was going on, until Harry and Boy stood and pointed at them.

“HOLD HANDS!” They yelled and clapped their hands together.

Fred and George looked at each other, shrugged, and the plug and receptacle joined together. A bright spark blew out from their 'hands' and their robes changed to lab coats. The hair on their heads stood straight up and glowed a bright iridescent red like a neon sign. Their noses expanded into round balls and they eyes grew, too.

The whole student body lost it and laughed and applauded. The muggle raised children all recognized the twins as Beaker from the Muppets and laughed even harder. When the twins tried to talk and ask how it was done, they could only say 'Meep' constantly and no actual words.

“Meep! Meep meep meepmeep meep!” Fred said.

“Meep meep!” George agreed.

Everyone laughed and laughed.

“That's how you start a new year!” Cedric said and gave Harry and Boy a high five each.

*

“I'm supposed to tell you that you're a bad influence on the boys.” I said and watched the memory again with Sirius and Remus. “But, damn. That's a good prank.”

“Isn't it, though!” Sirius said with a huge grin on his face.

“They designed it themselves.” Remus said, proudly. “We just helped with the spell work and the runes for the engraving.”

“The tricky part was transfiguring the hands to match.” Sirius said. “It wears off after an hour, so it doesn't affect their classes.”

I nodded and then grinned. “They are a little shameless about it.”

Sirius and Remus laughed.

“Normally, you hide and hope no one finds out that you did it. This?” Sirius said and waved at the meeping twins. “If the boys didn't show them, they might not have tried to hold hands before it wore off.”

I nodded. “So, are we sending them a howler?”

Sirius and Remus looked at each other and then grinned. “Prank Howler!”

“Amelia is going to kill me for encouraging you nuts.” I said and then smiled as I clapped my hands together. “What do we do to them that will make them keep going?”

*

An owl delivered howler had just opened up and congratulated the Hufflepuff Twins on a successful prank... and then it berated them for taking credit and exploded all over them. Harry and Boy now looked just like Elmo, spoke in rhymes, and giggled for several minutes when you tickled their tummies.

The entire student body laughed their asses off. So did most of the teachers. They appreciated a good prank, too.

*

Time moved on after that. School was attended, work was done, pranks were played, and cleaning up started to happen at the Ministry. Several ministry officials had mysteriously been kissed for no reason. No one could explain why their soulless bodies had been found at Azkaban. One of which was the Senior Undersecretary, Deloris Umbridge.

She had been a real piece of work. Corruption, blackmail, bribery, bigotry, forging fake documents, and a host of other things. Once she was dead, all of her victims came forward and helped solve several mysteries and problems that the Ministry had for several years.

This led to a full sweep and new loyalty oaths to the Ministry and to uphold the law. This did not sit well with the members of most of the old pure blood families. They had gotten their positions by less than normal means and didn't want to stop that system from working for them and their friends. They tried to fight it and were ousted faster than if they had accepted it and only refused the oaths.

Needless to say, the Ministry was streamlined down to bare bones and new hiring policies had to be enacted to allow more people to be hired. No one was granted a job as a favor to be paid later to their patron.

*

Albus remained frustrated for the rest of the school year. He even started to ignore the Wizengamut summons to concentrate on the Voldemort problem, never realizing that there was no longer a problem to be dealt with. No one told him and Minerva kept watch to see if he was going to do anything too foolish.

The kids came home for the summer, had great marks for the year, and had a nice time with everyone. An old owl would show up occasionally to deliver a letter or two. I always healed the thing and it didn't make much difference. It was old and going a little senile, so not much could be done for it.

“Ron again.” Harry said and tore up the first letter.

“He still didn't take the hint?” I asked.

“No, and I even told him that he would have to pay me more than my allowance a week to be my friend.” Harry said and tossed the parchment into the fireplace.

I chuckled. “Who's the other one from?”

“Someone named Ginny.” Harry said and read who it was addressed to. “Oh, it's for the Boy-Who-Lived.”

“Boy! You got a letter!” I shouted and Boy ran into the room.

“Really? Another one?” Boy asked and opened it up. He sat down and read it for several minutes, then grinned. “She says she's my biggest fan, read all of my books, and she wants to be my wife when we grow up!”

Harry rolled his eyes and looked at me. “Dad, tell him he can't.”

“Can't what?” I asked with a smirk.

“Dad! Geez!” Harry said and raised his hands in defeat.

“I'm not going to tell him he can't see her, especially since he is exactly what she thinks he is.” I said. “He's not you. He's the Boy-Who-Lived. It's his job to protect you, even from a fan-girl.”

“Really, Dad? I can?” Boy asked.

“Let me see what she's asking first.” I said and he handed me the letter. “She wants you to come over for a visit so she can meet the hero of the wizarding world in person.”

Boy looked excited and tapped Harry's back. “Are we going to blow her mind?”

Harry gave him a grin. “You greet her first and I'll come in and ask you what you're doing in a loud voice.”

Boy snorted and laughed. “She might faint!”

“We can hope.” Harry said. “Dad? When did she say?”

“Whenever we want.” I said. “How about tomorrow? It's Saturday. At least one of her parents should be home.”

“Okay.” Harry said. “Boy, go ahead and accept. Send it with one of our owls, though. Their old one might stay here for a while to recover. He hit that window pretty hard.”

Boy laughed and wrote out a note that said, 'Harry, the Boy-Who-Lived, and I were coming to visit tomorrow and we would show up after breakfast'.

“Perfect.” Harry said and Boy ran off to send it.

“You are getting as bad as Sirius.” I said with a chuckle.

“Naw, he wouldn't try passing a girl off to someone else.” Harry said.

I laughed. “Okay you got me with that one.”

*

“Ohmygod, ohmygod, oh... my... GOD!” Ginny screamed and ran over to her mother.

“What is it, Ginny?” Molly asked.

“HARRY'S COMING HERE TOMORROW!”

Molly winced and rubbed her ear as she took the note from her daughter. “Oh, he really is.”

“WhatdoIwear, whatdoIwear, what... do... I... WEAR?”

Molly laughed and hugged her. “Just wear the nice skirt and blouse I bought for you to go to Diagon next week to pick up your school supplies.”

“GOOD IDEA!” Ginny yelled and ran to the stairs and disappeared up them.

“Honey? What's with all the yelling?” Arthur asked as he stepped into the kitchen.

“Ginny's crush is coming here tomorrow.” Molly said and continued to cook. She was almost always cooking something.

“Really? Blimey.” Arthur said. “What time?”

“Just after breakfast, dear.” Molly said and handed him a fried kipper and the note.

“I love these.” Arthur said and sat down at the kitchen table to eat and read. “Oh, he really is.”

Molly laughed at her husband repeating what she said. “Should we invite everyone?”

Arthur chuckled. “He's coming to meet Ginny, not have a party.”

“It would only be a few people.” Molly said.

*

I apparated with the car onto another sharp incline and Harry and Boy yelled happily as we bounced and skidded down the rest of the way. I knew where we were going because I had been here before. I drove down the road and came to a stop near what should have been a driveway and wasn't much more than a walking path.

Of course, their little Ford Angola could probably drive on a sidewalk without hitting a pole while the Mazarati Gran Turismo I was driving had a hard time not filling a traffic lane on a normal sized road.

“It's technically a driveway.” I said and squealed the tires on the pavement, then skidded the car sideways as I turned down the walking path towards the Weasley's home.

“Go DAD!” Harry and Boy said together and laughed as we bumped and slid across the rough ground towards the odd shaped house and the little garage beside it.

I jammed on the brakes and turned the wheel to make the car spin around, shoved it into neutral, then coasted backwards to come to a stop right in front of the garage.

Harry and Boy applauded my performance.

“Thank you, thank you. I'm here all week.” I joked and they laughed. I stepped out of the car and came face to face with the Weasley Twins.

“What the heck was that?!?” They asked at the same time instead of their normal stilted speech.

“Just something me and the boys do on the weekends when Amelia's busy with Jason.” I said and Harry and Boy climbed out of the back seat.

“Wicked.” The twins said.

“Where's Ginny?” Boy asked.

“We should warn you...” Fred started.

“..to not hurt our Ginny's feelings.” George finished.

“Hurt her feelings? Why would I do that? She's going to be my wife!” Boy said, excitedly.

The twins exchanged worried looks.

“Did he just say...” Fred started.

“...what we think he said?” George finished.

“Relax, boys.” I said. “You know Harry hates the spotlight, right?”

The twins nodded.

“It's Boy's job to protect him. So, he's going to do that.”

The twins just stared at me.

“Let me put it this way. Ginny gets to be with the Boy-Who-Lived and Harry gets to meet someone that will like him for himself and not his fame.”

“You don't care about that?” Fred asked, not bothering with their twin-speak.

“Why would I? I'm famous!” Boy said. “So, where is she? I bet she's as anxious to meet me as I am to meet her!”

“In the house.” George said and Boy ran by them and over to the front door.

“This is either going to be epic or a disaster.” Fred said.

“Just wait for the scream.” Harry said and ran after boy.

“What does he mean?” The twins asked me.

I grinned. “You didn't bother telling Ginny that Harry and the Boy-Who-Lived are two separate people, did you?”

Their faces drained of color.

“IEEEEEE!” Ginny's shrill scream cut through the air and then two loud laughs followed it.

*

“There's really two of you.” Ginny whispered for the hundredth time as everyone sat down outside at the picnic tables for lunch. Boy was beside her with his arm over her shoulders. Harry sat across from me.

A whole bunch of people had been invited by Molly to visit and meet Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived. Some were Molly's friends and a few were from the Order of the Phoenix, or would have been if it ever reformed. None of them knew that they were two separate people, except for a few of them.

“I can't believe how alike they are.” Pandora said as she hugged Harry from behind and then hugged Boy from behind. “They have separate personalities, too.” She looked at me and sat beside her husband. “Thank you for convincing me to avoid a mistake.”

My eyes went right to Luna and she beamed a smile at me as she ignored where her parents sat and sat right next to Harry.

“Hi, Luna.” Harry said. “Dad told me all about you.”

“I know. Mom told me all about you, too.” Luna said. “In case you were wondering, our first child will be named James to honor your birth father. You can choose his middle name, even though I already know what it is.”

Harry looked at me with raised eyebrows. “You weren't kidding.”

“Nope. I've never lied to you about important things.” I said.

“What did you lie about?” Xeno asked.

“What I did with Peter Pettigrew.” I responded and all of the other adults reacted in some way. I ignored them. “I said he was stashed far away in a secret hideaway and would be well taken care of until Amelia can get his death eater status submitted to the Wizengamut to free Sirius Black, who is innocent.”

Shouts of disbelief and accusations of lying flew all over the place.

“So, where is he really?” Xeno asked. He was also ignoring everyone else.

“He's in the room right next to the playroom.” I said.

Harry coughed and stared at me while Boy laughed.

“I knew Padfoot and Mooney were sneaking off to do something when we weren't looking!” Boy said.

“What did you say?” The twins asked as one and ran over to him.

“Padfoot and Mooney. They're my uncles.” Boy said.

“This... explains so much.” Fred said and shared a look with his tiwn.

George nodded. “The Marauders are our idols.”

Boy looked at Harry, who nodded.

“We live in Marauder's Mansion.” Harry and Boy said at the same time.

The twins looked faint and their mouths dropped open in shock.

“I can confirm that is what the house is called.” I said and the boys nodded.

“We also have a giant slide that goes from the top floor to the basement.” Boy said.

“The firepole only goes down four floors. Any higher and you keep breaking your ankles, even with cushioning charms.” Harry said. “Yes, we know from experience.”

“What did the healers at St. Mungo's say?” Luna asked.

“The same thing they tell anyone else doing stupid things. Stop doing that, you idiot!” Harry said with a grin and Luna giggled.

Ron sat at the far end of the next table and avoided looking over at the other kids. Getting rejected as a friend again had hit him hard and he was sulking. I had tried to talk to him to tell him to stop trying so hard and to just be himself. He didn't listen and still believed that he had to be Harry's best friend.

“I would love to get an interview, even if it's not by Pettigrew himself.” Xeno said.

I thought about it for a few seconds and nodded. “Why don't you both come over with Luna next weekend and stay? We can show you around and the kids can hang out some more.”

“That sounds wonderful.” Pandora said. “Thank you.”

“Us, too!” Fred, George, and Ginny said at the same time.

I glanced at Molly and she smiled. “All right, but you're responsible for your sister. Make sure she has enough clothes and her night things. We have lots of toiletries and toothbrushes to spare, so there's no need to bring any.”

“You share toothbrushes?” Ginny asked.

I chuckled. “No, we just lose a lot of them during prank wars. Usually from transfiguration into weapons and sometimes as ammunition and projectiles. We have hundreds of new ones as replacements, along with soaps, shampoos, hairsprays, and a bunch of other things.”

“Tons and tons of air fresheners, too!” Boy said. “Padfoot likes sneaking in a dungbomb sometimes.”

Fred and George looked like Christmas Day was happening twice this year.

“Now that you've fully enticed my twins, can you tell us what you do?” Molly asked.

“I'm a stay at home dad.” I said and everyone gasped and stared at me. Apparently, it was a taboo or something that I didn't do some kind of job. “I take care of the kids and maintain the house, do the chores, and cook the meals.”

“But... but, why?” Molly asked.

“Amelia's busy with her career. I would never ask her to not work at doing what she loves.” I said. “It would be like Arthur asking you to stop baking because he wants to make cookies for himself.”

“Good heavens!” Molly gasped and waved a hand in front of her face. “Arthur would never do that!”

“Exactly.” I said and smiled at her. “Can you pass over the cookies?”

That made Pandora and Xeno laugh, Arthur snorted and coughed, and Molly grinned as she handed over the large plate of them.

“Take as many as you want, dear.” Molly said.

“Thank you.” I said and took one, then I gave one to each of the kids.

Soon, the plate was empty and the people around us were eating a delicious cookie.

Before we knew it, the afternoon had wasted away as we all talked and watched the kids playing games. Most of the adults started to leave before suppertime and Molly thanked them for coming.

“We should leave, too.” I said and shook Arthur's hand and nodded to Molly. “Thanks for letting us come over.”

“I'm sorry it blew out of control and became what this was today.” Molly said. “Word spread fast.”

I nodded. “Let's go, boys.”

“Okay, Dad.” Harry and Boy said and stood up.

“We'll walk with you.” Ginny said and Luna nodded.

I followed the four kids out to the front of the house and hung back a little, just to see what was going to happen.

“You don't have to kiss me like that.” Luna whispered to Harry.

“Like what?” Harry whispered back.

“Watch.” Luna said and the two of them looked a few feet to the side where a blushing Ginny stood with Boy smiling at her.

“I really liked meeting you today.” Boy said.

“M-me, t-too.” Ginny said.

“See you next week.” Boy said and stepped close.

“S-see y-you.” Ginny whispered.

Boy leaned in and kissed her cheek, which made Ginny blush hard.

“Like that.” Luna whispered and looked down.

Harry looked at Ginny's red and happy face, then he looked at Luna.

Go for it, Harry. I thought.

“Okay Luna, I won't kiss you like that.” Harry said and leaned in close.

Luna sighed slightly without looking up to see how close he was. “See you later, Harr-mmmm!”

Harry kissed her right on the lips. It lasted for several seconds and he stepped back to see Luna's bright red and shocked face.

“That's not fair. I thought we had to wait to do that.” Boy said.

Harry smirked at him.

“You're not leaving me behind!” Boy said and turned to Ginny, who's face was still red. He leaned in and kissed her on the lips for several seconds, too. “There! We're still identical! What you can do, I can do, too!”

“Really?” Harry asked and put his arms around Luna to hug her. “Then do this.”

“Easily.” Boy said and hugged Ginny, who's face now matched her red hair.

“I bet you can kiss longer than him.” Luna prompted Harry and then blushed.

She probably didn't mean to say that out loud. I thought with a silent laugh.

“Oh, it's on!” Boy said. “On three, Harry! One, two, three!”

Thus started the very first of many future joint snogging sessions.

I drove away with two happy boys as they waved at two very embarrassed and very happy girls.

*

The next weekend saw the start of the first ever multi-family prank war. The Lovegoods, Weasleys, Hansen-Bones, Longbottom, Black, and Lupin all competed for the best prank. We were all a little surprised that Pandora and Xeno had easily gotten in the first shot with Wiggle-Finger curses and stopped the rest of us from casting anything in response for nearly thirty seconds.

Half of us had suffered from clown-colored afros and tickle hexes from them before the first return shot came from Sirius casting caterpillar eyebrows on Xeno, who just laughed, said there was no difference, then the spells really started flying.

“We are never getting the color charms out of the carpet.” Amelia said two hours later as she collapsed next to me on the tongue of the giant shoe that used to be our couch. I would have to remember that spell.

“This place looks like the best expired potions trip I have ever seen!” Sirius said from the floor, which made the adults laugh and the kids looked at us in confusion. “You'll understand when you're older.”

No one knew how Remus had somehow managed to make a Jelly-Legs curse work on Sirius' arms as well as his legs. He was just a torso and had squiggly lines for limbs right now, which was hilarious.

“You are so teaching us that spell, Mooney.” Fred's mouth said from his forehead.

“I think we also need a visit to the spell reversal ward at St. Mungo's.” Pandora said. Her breasts were twice as big as they were before and they glowed bright blue when they weren't blinking. She also had one small leg and one large leg. “I forget how many layers it takes for a full restoration.”

“Thirteen, dear.” Xeno said. He tried to pet her head and kicked her arm by mistake. “Oops, I'm sorry. Who actually managed to switch my hand and my foot?”

“Me!” Luna giggled. She was currently wearing a panda costume and her wand was a bamboo stick that she was trying her best to eat.

“Don't chew on that, sweetie.” Pandora said.

“But, I'm a panda.” Luna responded, a little sad.

“Here, try this.” Harry said and held out his hand. In it was a thin bamboo stick.

“What is it?” Luna asked and easily bit into it.

“Licorice made to look like wood.” Harry said. “George tried to get me to eat soap earlier.”

“Well, you were a monkey at the time. You didn't know any better.” George said in his defence.

“I think we all suffered from the lack of common sense today.” I said and no one tried to counter that statement. “So, who wants to do this again tomorrow?”

“ME!” “We do!” “Us!” Everyone yelled at the same time, then we all started laughing.

*

When the weekend was over and everyone else had left, I pulled Pandora and Xeno aside while Harry was kissing Luna.

“I meant to give you this before and just never got around to it.” I said and pulled out a copy of Rowena Ravenclaw's Diadem.

“Oh, Sweet Merlin.” Xeno whispered and pet it. “Great great great grandmama's lost treasure.”

“Thank you so much, John.” Pandora said. “If you weren't so devoted to Amelia, I would kiss you like she does for this gift.”

I shook my head. “I won't disrespect her, or you, by accepting that offer. Not even in jest.”

“I know.” Pandora said and leaned in to kiss the tip of my nose. “It will be years before it is time to return the other founder's gifts.”

I smiled and nodded. “Will we see you again in a few weeks?”

“Sooner. Luna is quite taken with Harry.” Pandora said and we looked over to see them hugging each other like a treasured teddy bear. “Neither of them have had someone like them for themselves in such a way before.”

“I agree. Siblings and best mates don't count.” I said. “Do you want to interrupt them or should I?”

“I will be more coaxing and less jarring.” Pandora said with a knowing smile, then pulled a happy Xeno that was still petting the diadem, over to the kids to break them up.

*

Thanks to Amelia's efforts behind the scenes and the missing death eaters, the dark faction's supporters pretty much evaporated. She helped clear out the corruption from the law making authority, especially Albus Dumbledore. He hadn't even responded to his dismissal from his posts on the Wizengamut and the International Confederation of Wizards.

The wizarding world started to slowly change as well. With the goblins owning a percentage of a lot of businesses, they wanted more clients and more money going into their own vaults. A booming economy was how to accomplish that, so they invested and new businesses popped up, more jobs were created, and more money flowed into the economy.

By the time the second year at Hogwarts started, everyone started to notice the changes, except for one person. Albus Dumbledore. He was still solely focused on Voldemort and drawing him out. Little did he know that he was just setting himself up to be sent to St. Mungo's long term care ward for the senile. It was only a matter of time.

*

“Remember, no snogging where the prefects can catch you.” I reminded my boys and Amelia smacked my arm. “What? I'm not stupid enough to tell them to never do it. They would do it more, just to defy me. You know that.”

Amelia sighed. “Yes, you taught them too well.”

I chuckled and the boys laughed. “Hug your mother, tell her you love her, and go find your girlfriends.”

Harry and Boy did just that, they even kissed her cheeks, and ran off.

“Those boys are getting more like you every day.” Amelia said as she stood with a happy face.

“Oh, no. You're all mine, my dear. They can find their own Amelias.” I said and hugged her. “Oh, look! They just did!”

We looked across the platform and saw Boy and Harry kiss their girlfriends, making both girls blush.

“You're not afraid they are going to switch out to try and trick them?” Amelia asked.

“Not at all. Luna and Ginny can tell them apart already.” I said. “Plus, you're right. They are a lot like me. Neither of them would ever cheat on their chosen wife, because they know that wife would never forgive them.”

“Damn right I wouldn't.” Amelia said and then waved to someone. “There's Frank and Alice.”

The couple came over to us and we greeted each other warmly with hugs and handshakes where appropriate.

“Another celebratory drink tonight?” Alice asked. “Non-alcoholic, of course.”

“It is starting to be a tradition.” Amelia said with a soft laugh. “How are the growing pains?”

Alice reached down and rubbed the small bump on her belly. “Neville can't wait to be a big brother.”

“He's been telling everyone he meets about Alice's pregnancy. We didn't even need to put the announcement in the Daily Prophet, because everyone already knew.” Frank said and we laughed.

We all turned at the train whistle and waved to our kids as the train pulled out of the station.

“I'm going to miss doing this when the kids are grown.” Amelia whispered.

I gave her a sly smile and wiggled my eyebrows at her. “We can do something about that if you want.”

Amelia laughed and smacked my arm again. “I'll get pregnant again the day I become Minister of Magic!”

I gave her a significant look and my sly smile became a grin.

“Don't you dare!” Amelia said, slightly panicked.

“Hey, you just gave me the motivation.” I said and hugged her. “This is all your fault.”

“No! No, don't! You can't!” Amelia protested before I kissed her deeply and passionately.

“We are so screwed.” Frank said and Alice giggled like a little girl.

*

Less than a year and a half later, I was laughing my ass off as a perturbed Amelia glared at me.

“Dammit, you really did it.” Amelia said after the announcement came over the wireless. She was the newly elected Minister of Magic. “How in Merlin's name did you do it?”

“Best... prank... ever!” Sirius howled with laughter and rolled around on the floor.

“I had... the best... motivation.” I said and stopped laughing long enough to catch my breath. “It's time I got to work.”

“Huh? You don't have a...” Sirius stopped talking when I picked up a blushing Amelia. “Oh. Good luck, mate!”

“Thanks. It's a dirty job and I love doing it!” I said and strode from the room.

Sirius burst out laughing again.

*

“Oh, for Merlin's sake.” Amelia said as she looked at her schedule for the next year. “Why did the old minister agree to this?”

“Dumbledore.” I said with a sigh and looked at the schedule. The Tri-Wizard Tournament was being held at Hogwarts this year. “You're hiring me as an undersecretary this year. I want a salary of a galleon a year and irregularly scheduled personal playtime with the new minister.”

Amelia gave me an incredulous look for a moment, then she let a smile grow from nearly ear to ear. “You are going to be under me all year.”

I blinked my eyes for a moment. “Uh... perhaps I misspoke. I meant...”

“No, no, no. You already offered and I accept, dear undersecretary.” Amelia said, her smile now predatory. “I am going to have a lot of fun with you this year.”

I opened my mouth to protest, then sighed. I dug my own grave, so I was stuck with it. “Yes, dear.”

*

The Quiddich World Cup between Ireland and Bulgaria went off without a hitch, even after Ludo had been caught stealing from people by paying bets with leprechaun gold. He was serving five years in Azkaban for it. After a lot of investigating and three vials of veritaserum applied liberally, we worked out who he owed money to, how much, and discovered the real victims from the false claims.

I paid the people back and added the totals to Ludo's fines that he would have to pay. The ones happiest about it were the Weasley Twins, because their winnings let them buy ingredients and make stock to start their mail order business for pranks. I wasn't surprised that my boys were junior partners and had been investing some of their allowance into the burgeoning company as well.

With no death eaters around, no attacks happened and everyone had a great time for the week we were all there camping. The game had only lasted a day and we didn't care. We stayed and had fun anyway.

The school year started and nothing of note happened, except that I arranged to be there for the greeting of the other two schools. There were two things that I needed to take care of. Well, three. I couldn't do two of them openly, though. The third could be done discreetly and not necessarily privately. I showed up just before the other schools were to arrive and walked over to greet Minerva.

“John, it's so nice to see you again.” Minerva said and glanced around at everyone, shrugged, and leaned in to kiss my cheek.

“Ooooo!” The students said in awe and stared at us.

I chuckled. “I don't think they are used to having their stern teacher show a little affection.”

“I hug my lions all the time.” Minerva said. “Especially Hermione and Lavender. They're so smart and brave! The perfect Griffindors.”

I looked over at the two girls and they were blushing. “Humble, too.”

“Hi, Dad!” Harry and Boy said as they waved from the Hufflepuff group.

“Hi, boys.” I said and waved back. “Excuse me, Minerva. Duty calls.”

Minerva laughed softly and waved me away. “You're sitting beside me for meals.”

“I wouldn't dare sit anywhere else.” I said with a smile and walked over to the kids. “How are you since the last time we talked?”

“Good.” Harry said. “Luna was being picked on, even though she's my girlfriend, so we pranked the Ravenclaws and then got them stuck in detention for a month.”

I laughed and looked over at Luna, who waved to me. “Hi, sweetie! Harry just told me that he's doing his duty as your boyfriend.”

“He told them that if they didn't leave me alone, none of them will ever grow their hair back!” Luna said, happily.

I looked at Harry and he just grinned at me. “You have to give me a copy of...”

Harry took out a vial and handed it to me. “Boy sent one to Pandora already.”

“Good boys, good.” I said and they nodded.

“I see something!” A young boy shouted and pointed.

“I better get back to the teachers.” I said and rubbed their heads, did Neville's as well, then I gave Susan a hug and a quick kiss before I jogged over to stand next to Professor Sprout.

“I want to say you're spoiling them.” Pamona whispered. “It's just so nice to see a father care so much about his kids that I can't.”

I chuckled. “It's nice to see you, too.”

“Is that a house?” The same boy asked. “Wow! It's a flying house!”

That set off a lot of chattering and speculation.

“Quiet, now! They are coming in for a landing!” Minerva said.

Everyone fell silent and watched as the house-sized blue ornate carriage led by giant flying Abraxian horses, came in for a landing and trotted to a stop at the steps of the castle where the students were waiting.

Albus, as the headmaster, walked over to the door and opened it. He helped the headmistress down, a giant of a woman named Madame Maxime. They exchanged greetings and then the Beauxbatons students filed out behind her. They were dressed impeccably, boys and girls alike, and inappropriately for the Scottish Highland weather. At the head of the students was my third thing to handle while here. Fleur Delacour.

Even with the boys of our school not that close, some were becoming glassy-eyed already from her powers. I glanced at Harry and Boy and both were unaffected. I stood close by the main entrance, so the procession passed quite close by me. I felt the Veela aura pass over me and an image appeared in my head. 'Pheromones' that would make people slightly suggestible.

That's neat. I thought, and I was thankful that I was unaffected by it. The last thing I needed was to have a seventeen year old girl put me under her power. That would not go well at all. I quickly cast Dispel Effect and then Ennervate on everyone to wake them up.

We didn't have to wait long for the next school to arrive. An ancient Spanish ship rose from the waters of the Black Lake and dropped anchor at the shore. The passengers disembarked on a gangplank and I didn't recognize the headmaster, which meant the Dementors had searched a long ways to hunt down their prey. Igor Karkaroff was no more.

Albus greeted the man as if they were old friends and led the Bulgarians into the castle. Someone shouted about Victor Krum being there and a few people laughed. I didn't pick up anything as they passed, so I wasn't worried about trying to help anyone there.

Minerva clapped her hands to get everyone's attention. “All right, everyone! In order from youngest year to oldest, file in and split to your house tables. Professors, we are last and will split to go to the head table.” Her eyes went to me and I smiled.

“I'll be your shadow.” I said and she smiled back.

“Execute!” Minerva said.

The children peeled off from where they stood and walked four abreast into the castle and into the Great Hall. The tables filled up quickly and then the teachers entered and the doors shut behind us. I stayed right with Minerva as she went to the right and around the outside of the room to get to the head table where Albus was in the center and had each headmaster on either side of him.

I held Minerva's chair for her and sat her, then did the same for Pomona beside me, and sat myself. I leaned forward and whispered an apology to Professor Vector for not being able to reach her from my spot.

“You are such a gentleman.” Vector smiled. “Are you and Madam Bones...”

“I am completely devoted to her.” I said. “Our children would flay me alive if I ever tried to leave her.”

“So would she.” Minerva laughed softly. “Especially now.”

“Why is that?” Pomona asked.

“She's pregnant.” Minerva said and gave me a playful glare. “Can you guess who was responsible?”

“I am happy to admit that I am completely guilty.” I said unabashedly, which made them laugh.

After a couple of minutes, Albus stood and started to give some announcements. He greeted and welcomed the other two schools, and I pretty much ignored him as I looked at the Beauxbatons students. Some of them were visibly shivering.

“Tuck in!” Albus finally said.

“Minerva, please excuse me for a few minutes. I need to start the inter-school cooperation early.” I said and stood, not trying to hide what I was doing at all.

“What are you going to do?” Minerva asked.

“I am just applying some goodwill.” I said and walked over to Madame Maxime. “Pardon my intrusion.”

Madame Maxime turned her head to look at me. Sitting down, she was at my height of six feet.

“I noticed that some of your students are struggling to adjust to the colder temperature here. Would you mind if I approached them and applied warming charms on them and offered them thicker garments? I will make them the same style and color as their normal uniforms.”

“Why do you offer this?” Madame Maxime asked, apparently wary of strange offers.

“I'm the Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic. It's my job to ensure both the safety and the welfare of guests to our country.”

Madame Maxime turned to look at Albus and he smiled and nodded. “Very well. You may assist them.”

I held my hand out to her and she smiled as she reached out to take it. “Thank you for your graciousness.” I said and kissed the back of her hand. “I will do this task with haste.”

Madame Maxime nodded and I let her hand go and walked around the head table towards the Ravenclaw table where the Beauxbaton students sat at the end. No one had missed my little show that I did specifically to get their attention.

“Your headmistress has granted me permission to provide you all with assistance.” I said in perfect French, without an accent.

This seemed to stun everyone into silence, even those at other tables. I did not tell them that I used a Copy Ability spell on Madame Maxime and copied her 'Speaks French fluently' ability.

“If I can ask one of you lovely ladies for your assistance, I can demonstrate, as to not scare anyone about what I can do.”

“I will do it, just to ask how you can speak so well.” A very pretty brunette said and stood up.

“Thank you very much for your help.” I said, still speaking French, and took her hand to delicately kiss the back of it.

She blushed, as I suspected she would. I needed her to accept my help without impeding me, so I pulled her close and turned her around slightly, in a little twirl, to make her uniform flutter in the air. She blushed a bit more and looked happy at getting attention.

“Firstly, a warming charm.” I said and cast it on her.

She glowed slightly and shivered as the cold left her. “Thank you.”

“You are quite welcome.” I said and smiled. “Now, an update to that lovely uniform that you wear so well.”

Her blush returned and then she gasped as her uniform seemed to thicken, expand slightly, and made her look like she was in her early twenties and not seventeen. “M-m-monsieur!”

“How is it? Thick enough?” I asked and she nodded as she ran her hands over it.

“It is still comfortable.” She said, quite pleased. “Thank you.”

“It was my pleasure.” I said and used her hand to guide her and made her do another half-twirl before I sat her back on the bench where she came from.

“Me next!” The girl across from her said and held a hand out to me.

That made a few of her friends laugh.

“I would need longer arms to reach from here, madame.” I said with a warm smile. “I'll come around.”

She beamed a smile at me and I did the same little dance and show for her. She sat down afterwards with a deep blush and a rapid heart beat.

“I'll take the charm and the outfit. I don't want the show and dance.” A boy said and the other French students laughed.

I chuckled and put my hand on his shoulder. “Are you sure? I can make your coat flutter like a skirt.”

The others laughed again as the boy blushed, then he caught his breath as I cast both the warming charm and the uniform upgrade.

I didn't want to embarrass them, so I walked along the table. “Eenie, meanie, miney, moe. Catch the tiger by the toe.” I said and touched each boy's shoulder on this side of the table and gave them the upgrade.

The boys and girls were astonished as the boys had their things changed in only moments.

I walked around the table and touched the shoulder of each of the boys on that side. “If he hollers, let him go. Eenie, meanie, miney, moe.” I stopped beside Fleur and held a hand out to her. “Madame, if I may offer you the same courtesy?”

Fleur gave me a particularly pointed look and I felt a strong dose of her pheromones flow over me. When I didn't change my facial expression, she looked surprised.

“Fleur.” The girl beside her said.

“N-no, I... you... just do me like you did the boys.” Fleur said.

I couldn't help myself and a bark of laughter escaped my mouth. The other French students caught onto the joke right away and they all laughed as well, because that was damn funny. Fleur blushed and she couldn't look away from me.

After a few moments, I managed to speak normally. “My apologies, Madame Delacour.” I said and bowed my head to her. “Your wording brought illicit thoughts to my head and I laughed before I could stop myself. Please, do not be embarrassed.” I glanced at the other girls and smiled. “As the Americans would say, it was a mere... slip of the tongue.”

That made all the boys laugh and all of the girls blushed.

I lightly touched her shoulder and gave her the warming charm and the uniform upgrade. “If you need anything else, let me know.”

“I do not expect to need anything else.” Fleur said and her blush didn't lessen.

“Perhaps.” I said and cast 'End Effect or Ability' on her.

Fleur gasped and her eyes widened.

“Now, who's next?” I asked and the other girls put their hands up in the air. I smiled and got to work.

*

“Mom is going to kill him.” Harry whispered to Boy as they watched their father give better clothing to the french girls, kissed their hands, and danced with them in the Great Hall.

“Once she beats him nearly to death first.” Boy agreed. “Do you want to tell her or should I?”

Harry thought about that. “We can call her together tonight. Either we'll both be in trouble with Dad over it, or neither of us will be.”

Boy smiled and nodded.

*

After everyone ate, the impartial judge of the tournament was brought out. The Goblet of Fire. Albus made a big show about the whole thing and said it was open only for students of age and he would draw the age line himself to stop those younger than seventeen from entering. There were a lot of protests over that and he quieted them down after a few moments.

“If you wish to be a school champion, return here in an hour when the cup is lit and enter your name. The champion choosing will happen here at the this same time tomorrow night.” Albus said. “Goodnight, all.”

All of the students filed out and I smiled at them until they were gone, then the doors to the Great Hall were closed and I walked right over to the Goblet of Fire, the second thing I needed to deal with.

“Mr. Hansen, what are you doing?” Albus asked.

“Inspecting the judge.” I said and placed a hand on it as I took out my wand.

“Are you a master of ancient relics and enchantments?” Albus asked.

“Are you?” I asked back and gained an image of the cup in my head.

I was glad I touched it when I did, because Albus had already modified it for a fourth school to accept student names. I altered it to just names and also added in a little thing about changing whatever name was on the paper to match the person adding the name and their magical signature. It was wonderful the kinds of spells you could find in the Department of Mysteries when you visited regularly.

“I cannot let you use your wand on such a precious artifact, Mr. Hansen.” Albus said.

I gave him a pointed look, sighed and shook my head, and put my wand away. “All right, I won't cast any detection spells on it.”

Albus smiled at me and his eyes did a little twinkle.

“If anything happens because you stopped me from checking the cup first, the full weight of the Ministry will be coming for your head.” I said and stepped away.

“Nothing will happen, Mr. Hansen.” Albus lied and took out his wand. He walked around the Goblet of Fire and drew the age line. “There. No one below seventeen can cross that line without consequences.”

I clamped my mouth shut and walked over to Minerva to whisper. “As a cat animagus with superior reflexes, can you crumple up a piece of paper and toss it over the line and into the cup?”

Minerva raised her eyebrows at me.

“That's just one solution.” I whispered. “A long stick. A ladder. A conjured platform...”

Minerva sighed. “What do you want me to do? He won't let any of us near the cup once it...”

The Goblet of Fire flared to life.

“...ignites.” Minerva whispered back.

“I warned him about the consequences.” I smiled. “Let's see what happens tomorrow night.”

*

It was hilarious.

The first part, and the speech, was both enlightening and repetitive. Victor was picked for Durmstrang, Fleur was picked for Beauxbatons, and Cedric was picked for Hogwarts. Everyone clapped and congratulated the champions, especially Hufflepuff because Cedric was their poster boy.

Then another name came out of the flames.

Albus pretended to be surprised by this and reached up to catch the paper. He let a small smile appear on his face before he read out the name, then he sucked in a sharp breath.

“Albus? What is it?” Minerva said.

“It... it's nothing. Just a mistake.” Albus said and took out his wand.

I was ready to stop him from transfiguring the name on the paper and summoned his wand. It shot out of his hand and flew over to me. I caught it and held onto it. “Go ahead and read the name that came out of the goblet. We're all waiting to know who the fourth champion is.”

Albus sighed in defeat. “Albus Dumbledore.”

The entire room lost it completely.

I laughed and laughed.

*

“You haff to cancel it.” The Durmstrang headmaster said in his strong accent.

“I'm sorry. We can't.” I said, speaking up for the Ministry representative. “Not only have there been major investments with time, resources, and services, the monetary impact of cancelling would ruin a lot of people's lives... especially those of the chosen champions and their families.”

That caught their attention.

“As the Goblet of Fire is a magical artifact, when you submit your name, you are actually signing one half of a magical contract. When your name is chosen by the impartial judge, the contract is completed and you are required to compete. All other contracts are discarded.”

“How can Albus compete? Hogwarts already has a champion!” Madame Maxime exclaimed.

“That is easy to explain.” I said and pointed at the old man. “Someone, and I can't legally say who, as that could invalidate my participation in this historic event, manipulated and probably confunded the Goblet of Fire to accept names for a fictional fourth school.”

“Albus! How could you?” Minerva asked, her face angry.

Albus mumbled something and didn't say anything else.

“Excuse me? What was that?” Minerva asked.

“He said 'it was supposed to be Harry Potter'.” I repeated for them. “I'm not sure how that could happen, since Harry can't step across the age line or submit his name under a school he didn't know existed.”

“Are you intentionally being ignorant?” Fleur asked me.

“Yes, because if I openly acknowledge that the headmaster wanted to put my fourteen year old son into a tournament that is so dangerous that it was cancelled for hundreds of years, I would have no choice but to strangle him with his beard. Since he is a chosen champion, I would be punished for interfering with a champion's participation.”

Fleur reached out and touched my arm. “I am sorry, Monsieur Hansen.”

I lightly pat her hand. “It's all right. As soon as the tournament is over, I will be able to duel him and then remove his existence from this world. No one will ever have to deal with his incompetence again.”

“Albus Dumbledore is the most powerful wizard alive.” The headmaster of Durmstrang said.

“No, he's just the most well known.” I said and everyone looked at me in surprise, even Albus. “No, I can't prove it by creating Fiendfire...” My hand was covered in rolling flames and little flame animals before it disappeared. “...creating gold from nothing, which is impossible...” I said and turned my hand over and gave Cedric a chunk of gold the size of my fist. “...or creating life from nothing.”

They all stared as a mountain lion appeared at my feet.

“Go ahead and roar for them, Sheba.” I said.

“RRRRROOOOWWWW!” Sheba roared and made them all jump.

I created a huge raw steak and gave it to her. “Go on outside and wait beside Harry and Boy for me. If Hagrid doesn't want another pet, there's a nice mountain range to the west.”

Sheba nodded to me, walked over to the door, used a paw to pull the handle, and left the stunned room.

I created a copy of the Elder Wand and held it out to Albus. “You're probably going to need a new wand. I don't want to be accused of interfering, even if I acquired it from you to stop you from cheating.”

Albus took it and sighed. “Yes, it's not responding to me.” He said and handed it back. “You need to be careful with...”

I snapped it in half, making him gasp and clutch his chest with a hand, and I tossed the pieces into the nearby fireplace.

“You... you... you...” Albus stared at the fire.

“I already have a wand.” I said with a shrug. “So, are there any questions?”

“Yes, how are we changing the events to reflect the new champion?” Madame Maxime asked.

“We aren't. They remain the same.” I said.

“But... Albus helped set them up. He knows all about them.”

“He does. Which means the other champions will also be informed what the tasks are beforehand. That way, it's all legal and above board.” I said. “Also, we planned for emergencies like this and extras of everything have been brought in, just in case.”

Madame Maxime nodded. “Then what is the first task?”

“Dragons.” I said and nearly everyone sucked in sharp breaths. “Nesting mothers have been brought in and each champion is tasked to get by them to retrieve a golden egg. Inside is a clue to the next task. I would tell you now, except it would only distract you from the first task. As soon as the first task is over, you will all be told what the clue is.”

“You seem very comfortable with all of this.” The Durmstrang headmaster said.

“That's because I've been prepared to deal with this for about thirteen years.” I said and they looked surprised. “I tried to get it stopped before it was approved, except it was going to make too much money for the Ministry with all the wizards wanting to be in the audience with their children to watch. Plus, the previous Minister was an idiot and lined his pockets in bribes.”

“We know of such politicians.” The Durmstrang headmaster said. “Scum and filth.”

I smiled and nodded. “Madam Bones is not a politician, so she's the best Minister we've ever had.”

The man barked a laugh and Madame Maxime smiled.

“Any other questions?” I asked and looked at all their faces. “I'll be staying nearby the castle and will be close at hand if you do need anything.”

“Where?” Fleur asked, sounding quite interested.

“You'll see it when you walk towards Hagrid's hut and the field set aside for your Abraxian horses.” I said and took her hand to kiss it, did the same for Madama Maxime, shook Victor Krum's hand and his headmaster's, kissed Minerva's hand to get her to laugh and smack me, shook Cedric's hand and clapped him on the shoulder, flipped Dumbledore off and made the other champions laugh, then I left the room.

Hagrid was absolutely delighted to get another pet.

*

A knock came at the door to my temporary home and I opened it to see a nervous Fleur standing there with two other young women.

“Hello! Do you want the okay news or the life changing news?” I asked in perfect French.

“Huh? What?” Fleur asked, confused.

“The okay news is that I can keep cancelling your Veela aura for you, except it has to be done daily.” I said and her face looked sad. “The life changing news is that I can remove it completely... and you really shouldn't do that.”

“Excuse me?” Fleur asked, her sadness now slight anger. “It is my choice and...”

“...as soon as you have it permanently removed, you're going to need it and you'll be back here begging for me to try and somehow give it back to you.” I said. “I can't. It doesn't work that way. It's either temporary or permanent. It can't be given back.”

“Monsieur, I want you to...”

“No, you don't understand. It is a part of you. A part of your heritage. Stopping you from using it around young boys that can't control their own hormones is not a problem.” I said and cast the end effect spell on her. “Stopping you from defending yourself when in dangerous situations, is not something I want to be responsible for.”

“How do you know that...”

“...you can manipulate people with it? It's one of my abilities to determine powers and effects.” I said. “Your body is yours. It has specific parts for a reason.”

The two friends blushed.

“Yes, like a breast.” I said and they blushed harder. “It is beautiful, appealing, and its use can bring men to their knees.”

Fleur nodded. “Yes, monsieur. It is a curse.”

“No, it is only a difficult thing to master. You need practice, patience, good friends, men of stronger will, friends who shouldn't be jealous that men look at you as only a beautiful woman. They ignore your brilliant mind and sharp tongue at their peril.”

Fleur blushed at the praise. “Monsieur, you... why do you say such things?”

“Because you can be powerful if you embrace it. Stop fighting it and use everything that your birth gave to you.”

Fleur looked thoughtful for a moment, then she nodded. “Very well, monsieur. I will do as you ask.” She said and stepped forward to hug and kiss me.

I quickly stepped back and held a hand up to stop her. “Not with me. That wasn't an invitation.”

Fleur looked both angry and embarrassed as her face went bright red.

“Not with my sons, either. We all have girlfriends that we are deeply in love with.”

The two friends exchanged looks and then looked at me with sad faces.

“If I hear of you trying anything with them or their girlfriends, or trying to spread lies about me, them, my family, or anyone connected to me, I will strip you of everything you have.” I said.

“You are not untouchable, monsieur.” Fleur said in a deadly voice. “Just because the mother of your children is the Minister of Magic...”

“She won't do it. I will. Personally.” I said.

“You cannot threaten me like that!” Fleur spat.

I smiled and snapped my fingers as I cast six spells on her. They removed all of her inherent abilities that her Veela heritage gave her.

Fleur's almost ethereal beauty faded slightly and she looked quite plain. “What... did you... do to me?”

“I removed all of your Veela powers. Confidence, strength, beauty, superiority complex, agility, and grace. For the next twenty four hours, you are just a normal average girl.” I said and used magic to gently ease her out of my front door. “The next time you think you can plot revenge on me and my family for your own mistake and your earned embarrassment, I'll make you this way permanently.”

Fleur flinched and shrunk away from me.

“Take care of her.” I said to her friends. “People aren't going to recognize her.”

“We don't recognize her.” One of them whispered.

“Come on, Fleur. Let's take you back to the carriage. No one should see you like this.” The other one said.

“They would not believe us if we said it was you.” The first one said and the three of them walked slowly back towards the Beauxbatons carriage.

Harry, Luna, Boy, and Ginny walked down the path to the front door.

“Hi, Dad!” Harry said. “What did they want?”

“Fleur wanted me to take her Veela parts away.” I said.

Harry and Boy laughed.

“Stupid! They are a part of her. Suspending them will be hard enough on her.” Boy said.

“Forget the French tarts.” Ginny said. “Luna said her room has the best view, now that it's at Hogwarts.”

“It really does.” Luna said and smiled at me. “Thanks for doing this.”

I bent down a little to kiss her forehead. “Anytime, sweetie.”

“Dad! She's my girlfriend!” Harry said and hugged her.

“I'm sorry, son. Luna's a bit irresistible with how cute she is.” I said with a smirk.

Boy smacked my arm like Amelia does. “Mom said to do that for teasing us.”

I laughed as I ruffled his hair and then I stepped back to let them inside the Castle Tower that was identical to Luna's back in Ottery St. Catchpole. “There are cookies and milk in the cooler by the bed.”

“Thanks, Dad!” Harry and Boy said and the four kids ran up the stairs.

I shut the door and went back to going over the plans for the first task. I had expanded the stands and sold tickets for people to watch the champions fight against dragons. The only change was that they weren't real dragons. They were constructs, as were the eggs they were protecting. No one knew that, though.

I wasn't surprised that Fleur didn't come back the next day. She also didn't try to go after my sons or their girlfriends. Scaring her was the last thing I wanted to do; but, when you play with fire, you needed to be ready to get burned. I just hoped she took my advice and embraced her heritage, rather than run from it.

*

The first task was a smash hit. We made thousands of galleons selling tickets and the spectacles the champions made with months of prep time to fight dragons, made the whole thing spectacular to watch.

The best match was Fleur's. She was an angry witch as she grew clawed hands and threw blue fireballs at the Swedish Short-Snout, ran in unafraid of the dragon's flames, and fought it in hand to claw combat.

I had ordered the dragon to play along and to give us all a good show and to not make it easy on her. It delivered on that and gave Fleur several hard blows that could have knocked a normal person out of the fight. Fleur just grew angrier and fought harder. She put two fireballs into the dragon's eyes, making it scream in pain, and used the distraction to steal the egg and escaped the arena.

“Okay, even I'm impressed by that and I helped set this thing up.” I said and the other judges chuckled. “I'm giving her a solid 9. If she hadn't let the dragon recover after that sixth fireball barrage, she could have ended the match five minutes ago.”

“That is good point.” The Durmstrang headmaster said. “However, she made good showing. I say 10.”

The other judges were split between our opinions and Fleur ended up with a 9.5, the highest of the event.

Fleur looked quite happy with the result, then her eyes locked onto mine. She seemed to flash anger for a moment, then she lifted her head in defiance and stalked off.

“Women.” The Durmstrang headmaster said with a chuckle.

I chuckled as well. It seemed like Fleur actually did take my advice to heart.

Dumbledore got the lowest score, because he just put the dragon to sleep and walked by to get the egg.

*

The Yule Ball was uneventful. Everyone had known for years that Harry and Luna were together. They barely registered as part of the crowd. Even me being there with the Minister of Magic didn't make an impact.

The best part was that Fleur had found a date that wasn't a drooling mess. She actually enjoyed her night and reluctantly nodded to me before she and her date left.

*

I set up a giant television screen with four quadrants in it. Each champion had a miniature camera on them to record their view, and the second task to retrieve something they would sorely miss was at the bottom of the black lake.

Dumbledore being the arrogant man he was, walked across the lake without breaking the water's surface and a merperson delivered a safely encased Fawkes to him. He got a 5 from everyone.

Cedric was the most creative and used a lure to get the giant squid to pick him up and take him to the merpeople's village. His bubblehead charm let him retrieve his girlfriend, who was also encased safely in a waterproof bubble. He gave the giant squid its favorite food to thank it and it delivered the two of them back to the docks. He had a 10 from everyone.

Victor managed a complete transfiguration into a shark and pushed his date from the Yule Ball up to the surface. He had 9.5 for his masterful spellwork and successful transfiguration. He lost points just for the time he took pushing his date's bubble.

“You should have bitten into it or dragged it.” I whispered. “Good job.”

Victor nodded and hugged his date.

Fleur was at a disadvantage, because of her Veela heritage. She hadn't asked to have part or all of it negated for the task, though. She fought through it and retrieved her Yule Ball date. She only got 8 from everyone, and that was only because she took so long.

“You could have cast featherlight on the bubble.” I whispered to her as she got her marks.

Fleur glared at me, then she sighed. “It would have helped.”

“Either that or another dose of Gillyweed for him. Two swimming is faster than one.” I whispered and then chuckled. “I've had a lot of time to think of what people would be crazy to do, so don't be discouraged. I have a unique perspective.”

Fleur gave me a searching look. “Yes, you do.”

*

The last task was the maze. I couldn't help myself and cast a different portkey location on the fake Tri-Wizard Cup when I placed it in the center of the maze. I had guessed right and Albus was first, so he grabbed it and was whisked away. I placed the real cup in the center and apparated to where Albus was sent.

“So, it seems I've finally found my prey.” I said in Voldemort's voice.

“I knew it was you this whole time!” Albus said and brandished his new wand as he started casting spells at me. They all fizzled. “Wh-what... what... what did you do?”

“I put up anti-magic wards.” I said and waved around the graveyard. “Do you recognize this place?”

Albus looked around, then gasped when he saw the angel and headstone he stood near. “Tom Riddle.”

“This was all your fault, old man.” I said and produced another copy of the Elder Wand.

“No! You broke that!” Albus gasped.

“A copy.” I said and cackled a laugh.

“You are going to meet your downfall, Tom! Harry Potter is going to become a great wizard and...”

“Who cares about Harry Potter?” I asked. “Only the Boy-Who-Lived can defeat me! The prophecy said so!”

Albus looked stricken. “No, I... I was sure that... he was marked and...”

“A lot of children were marked by Voldemort, old man.” I said and pointed the Elder Wand at him. “Prepare to meet your fate!”

Albus looked at the wand in his hand and back at me. He looked defeated, so I smiled and waved the wand at him and cast Stasis on him and then a stunner.

I took out a copy of the memory from him and one from me, with vials, and tucked them into his pockets. I released the Stasis spell and then used a Ministry approved porkey to send him right into the long term care ward of the hospital. I grabbed the fake cup and it sent me back to a hidden alcove near the entrance of the maze. I stepped out and heard lots of applause and cheers.

“Congratulations, Miss Delacour.” Amelia said and presented Fleur with the thousand galleon prize and raised her hand with the real Tri-Wizard cup.

Fleur's eyes went to me and instead of a glare, they were soft and thankful. I blew her a kiss and winked at her. She laughed and looked out over her adoring fans, her face happy and full of joy.

*

“Second place wasn't bad, Cedric.” Harry said and pat the older boy's shoulder at the leaving feast. “You even beat Dumbledore.”

Cedric chuckled. “I know it was unrealistic; but, I had big plans for that prize money.”

“Did you?” Boy asked and smiled at Harry. “Do you want to ask or should I?”

“We can do it together.” Harry said and took a deep breath.

“HEY, DAD!” Harry and Boy yelled at the same time, making everyone at the Hufflepuff table laugh.

I slipped off an invisibility cloak and spoke. “You rang?” I asked from right behind Harry.

“GAH!” Harry gasped and Boy laughed.

“Cedric had plans for that money.” Boy said. “We want you to help him.”

“Is that all?” I asked and they nodded. “All right. As a favor to the boys, a no interest loan for one thousand galleons to be paid back when you're old and grey.” I said and tossed him a small expanded bag. “Did you bother trying to sell that chunk of gold yet?”

Cedric looked too surprised to speak.

“I'll take that as a no.” I said and leaned in close. “Get the Weasley Twins to take you into London to a good jeweller. You'll get a decent price for it.”

Cedric just stared at me and didn't respond.

“Boys, get the twins and fill them in.” I said and walked away towards the Ravenclaw table.

“Okay, Dad.” Harry and Boy said before they went to the Griffindor table.

“You did a nice thing for him.” Fleur said as I approached.

“Well, he's not rich like some people.” I said and she laughed. “How is your beau doing?”

“He is surviving relatively well.” Fleur said with satisfaction. “Thank you for your advice... and your warning.”

“I didn't want to scare you. It was just necessary for you to realize that not all things can be solved by petty revenge or hurting someone's feelings.” I said and touched her shoulder briefly. “I'm glad you never came back to ask for help.”

Fleur smiled. “As am I.”

I said farewell to the other Beauxbatons students and went to the head table. Amelia was there with our little girl in her arms.

“One last round of flirting, hmm?” Minerva asked with a soft laugh.

“You didn't see my lips anywhere near them.” I said and kissed her cheek to make her laugh again. I sat beside Amelia and kissed her cheek and the baby's forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Amelia said and her hand rested on my chest.

I smiled and put a hand on that hand and let her feel my heart beating. The rest of the Great Hall seemed to fade away and it was just us. Amelia matched my smile and leaned in close for me to hug her and the baby. Jason seemed to appear on our laps and I chuckled and pulled him into the hug, too.

*

Time moved on and the kids quickly grew up. Ginny had the wedding of her dreams when she graduated and she was deeply in love with Boy. He moved into the Weasley home and paid for it to be updated out of his own money. The joke shop and the other investments we made with the goblins had made our vaults grow well beyond their capacities and more vaults had to be opened.

Harry and Luna put their wedding off for a year to travel with her parents looking for exotic creatures in various countries across Europe. Thanks to the diadem copy her father had, they actually tracked down a Crumple-Horned Snorkack after about nine months. Now they were famous and were good friends with Newt Scamander and his son that was close to their age.

Susan married another Hufflepuff named Justin and had a double wedding with Neville and Hannah. They had their own careers and full vaults, so no one was hurting for money. Hannah was also expecting and Neville was applying for the Professor of Herbology job at Hogwarts, because Pomona Sprout decided to retire.

Amelia decided to stop having kids after our daughter and we devoted ourselves to Jason and Emily. They were loved, cared for, and had the best childhoods, just like all of our kids did.

Sirius was finally cleared and released. Just like Boy, I decided that Paddy would live and be updated into the healthy version of Sirius. Sirius let him keep the compensation from the Ministry, so they were both rich, and they had the best time getting dates and switching out in the middle. At one point, they missed a cue to switch and Sirius walked in on Paddy going doggy style on their latest date.

Instead of being outraged at being tricked, the witch confessed love for the both of them and then begged for them to be with her at the same time. Sirius and Paddy laughed, clapped hands, and double-teamed the woman... much to her pleasure and delight. They immediately stopped dating anyone else and stayed exclusive with each other for years and then decades.

Remus accepted my offer of removing the wolf half of his body. He fell ill almost immediately and only lived for two years before his immune system ate itself and he died. It was a horrible thing to have happen and we were all sad about it, even if he thanked me every day for curing him of his furry little problem. I didn't offer to 'help' any other werewolves.

Albus died in the long term care ward, still believing that I was Voldemort. The memories were entered into evidence and promptly forgotten, because the prophecy orb had gone dark before Harry and Boy entered Hogwarts. The old man's ramblings were written in a book by Rita Skeeter and became a best seller, 'The Delusions of the Leader of the Light'.

The few times I tried to introduce advanced technology into the wizarding world, it was dismissed as a fad and quickly suppressed and forgotten. It made updating things for Amelia much harder. Progress in the wizarding world lagged so far behind the muggle world that by the time the muggle raised and muggle born were in positions of power, they had been too out of the loop to change things.

Hermione and Lavender left the wizarding world and married a set of brothers. No one thought it would come to anything, then something called social media was created and they were the wives that supported the men to do it. They became some of the richest muggles on the planet.

*

Time marched on, decades passed, and changed things for the muggles while the wizarding world stayed the same. Instead of making things better, it made everything worse. Sudden population surges caused the muggle world to devolve into a multitude of smaller wars that spanned most of the globe.

Almost no one in the wizarding world knew what was going on until it was much too late. Air sirens cut through the air all over Britain and even wizards knew what that meant.

I created a Generic Kryptonian and he looked weak, because he didn't grow up naturally using his powers. “Can you fly up and see what's happening?”

“I can try.” He said and looked frustrated. After a few moments, he grunted and jumped into the air. He didn't go far the first time, barely 60 feet. He landed and growled, bent down and made his hands into fists. He leapt again and went three times as high.

“John, what are you doing?” Amelia asked. Her grey hair styled and in a bun.

“Trying to see what's going on.” I said and then the Kryptonian leapt and flew up past the low hanging overcast clouds.

“Will the kids be okay?” Amelia asked.

“Honestly, I can't speculate past...” I stopped talking when the Kryptonian dropped down and slammed into the ground, his skin pale. “No, they... they wouldn't.”

The Kryptonian looked sad and nodded.

“John?” Amelia asked.

“We're dead.” I whispered. “The muggles have killed us all.”

“What do you mean?” Amelia asked, her voice scared as she hugged me.

“Nuclear bombs.” I said and looked up to see the clouds part and a giant missile streaked right towards us. “Planet killers.”

“I will protect you!” The Kryptonian said and jumped at the last second to meet the missile head on, barely ten feet away from me.

I didn't even get the chance to kiss Amelia goodbye when the bright light wiped us from existence.