A World of Feathers and the Island of the Moon

Where am I? I'm probably not supposed to be here. Why does my slumber take me to this lingering memory? Why is the noise of my heart so loud?

-Thump-

Coming back here is probably some part of karma. Am I now the same as those who were once in this village? Am I gone? Have I finally succeeded?

The last thing I remember before coming to this place is falling asleep. I've wanted to rest for so long, but honestly even I'm surprised I finally got the nerve to do it. It had to be done, a purely logical decision on my end.

Logically it makes sense to fall asleep right before dreaming. But my sleep was meant to be permanent, and this doesn't feel quite like a dream. I suppose it is appropriate, most of what I'm good at is messing up. Right until the end I failed. It seems even eternal slumber can not be achieved by my hands. Yes, I suppose I must still be alive.

-Thump-

Yet I still do remember my end, I remember what I thought was my last breath. I remember a rope, I remember a tree. I remember the sound of a snapping neck and the feeling of something leaving me forever.

Was I cut down by someone? Should I have used another method?

No, It makes no sense but I think for once I didn't fail my task, yet somehow I am dreaming.

-Thump-

Maybe I'm wrong, I'm sometimes wrong. Maybe right now some stranger took me to an infirmary and I'm laying unconscious on a sanitized mat.

Either way, it doesn't matter. If I failed I can always try again when I wake up. Alas, there's still tomorrow waiting.

I suppose I haven't had a real dream in a very long time, and if this is a dream, and if someone stopped my righteous act, then it is the deepest sleep I've had for many years -Thump- and also the most vivid fantasy my mind has ever concocted. I... I can feel things... I have senses... Looking into the river reveals that I am completely myself, to the most miniscule detail.

My eyes are still bloodshot, surely from my long nights at the academy delving into the various magics.

-Da-Dum-

My hands are shaking, I suppose I must be excited by the opportunity for exploration of the human psyche in a dream like state.

-Da-Dum-

My hair is overly greasy and much longer than I would have let it grow before, I guess my style is changing.

-Da-Dum-

I look... I look. I look less kept than I thought I did. My expression is odd. I can not understand it. I usually carry a frown, but this is different. I don't think it's sadness, but I can't quite pin the meaning. I look exactly how I deserve to look I think, this is the effect of my lifestyle. Maybe I'll freshen up before trying again next time.

I have not been here... well the place that that is being imitated by my imagination... for a while, but I could never forget such a significant place. I remember it very well. I know this river. I remember those houses... I can still find who lived there in the recesses of my mind. We were a small and quiet people, but happy.

-Da-Dum-

Well the people were much quieter when they lived in the village. They don't tend to stop talking nowadays.

A part of me wants to not be dreaming... I think... a part of me wants to believe that this place is just like it was all those years ago. Wants to never have made that mistake, to never have committed such a sin.

-Ba-Dum-

But I know this is no longer the case. I know I must be dreaming.

I know this place is gone in the real world... merely ash and cinder. It has been that way for a very long time. I know I have moved on.

-Ba-Dum-

There is no benefit for me staying here, I need to go... elsewhere. This place brings back unfortunate memories... The void in my chest, my eternal reminder, aches worse the longer I wait.

-Ba-Dum-

Oddly my legs seem to act quicker than my mind, suddenly I'm moving... moving outwards. Familiar sights pass by my eyes while I run away... -Ba-Dum- a thing I am very good at. I pass the place I grew up, the place I held my first blade, the place where I made my first friend, the places people loved me.

I won't see this anymore, there's no point.

My neck and eyes hurt when I look up to the clear dark sky, a bile builds in my throat. Something must be in the wind, this dream must be causing this.

-Ba-Dum-

My chest aches greater, this accursed dream is causing my pain. It is just an artificial pain, a figment of my mind.

-Ba-Dum-

I can feel raindrops. It's raining now. I don't remember there ever being rain here when I was little, but a lot of things have changed around here since then.

-Ba-Dum, Ba-Dum-

There must be a mistake in my dreams, either that or these raindrops on my face are a sensory error.

The sky is still clear, no rain clouds exist above me.

My vision is blurry too, -Ba-Dum- has the sky always been so dark? I try to imbue mana into my eyes, yet that only makes my chest feel heavier. My eyes, now glowing of a subdued blue light, still full of red veins, can not see any better than before.

The rain covers my eyes it would seem... it is an odd place for rain to land, but this is an strange dream.

My legs have taken me far... deep into the forest actually.

-Ba-Dum, Thump-

Where I first met him. Where my crime began.

My eyes, still enhanced with mana, only see one creature in the forest. A small bird, traveling through the treetops. It is not wet, the trees must have protected it from the rain. Maybe it used to live in these woods, back when these woods existed. I wouldn't know, I only ever went into these woods once at night. -Thump- I wasn't fully myself then, I still trusted him.

My legs took me the wrong way, I should have taken a boat down the river. That's what I did back then.

-Ba-Dum-

Now my legs force me to a place I should not be, the place it all began.

The rain is getting stronger, -Thump- my eyes more blurred. And although the trees are covering it, I can tell that the sky is darkening. -Thump, Thump- It's like my soul knows this place very well, and is screaming for me to stay away.

I try to force myself to stop, but it's as if my body is not under my control any more... I can't go back, my legs won't let me.

I can't face him. I won't face him again. I know he'll be there, he's always in the cave.

-Thump-

Why do my legs lead me there?

-Thump-

I escaped... the sins I committed to survive... the memory never leaves... but I escaped.

All the light of the sky has faded now, I can hear how they call me.

The pit in my stomach leads my thoughts, "Coward." "Selfish." "Traitor." the voices scream throughout the night.

Logically they were doomed anyway.

-Ba-Dum-

Logically it had to be done.

-Ba-Dum-

Logically it was a mercy.

-Ba-Dum-

But it's too much for me now, logic does not encompass this, logic does not permit my actions.

The growing pit in my stomach is not the only pain I feel now.

I remember the feel of the rope around my neck, it was painful, but it was what their voices demanded.

It was justice.

I can't do it again, and if I never wake up I'll never have to. I can stay here, I can die in my sleep.

The shaking of my hands has only gotten worse, my glowing blue eyes only turning to darker shades.

-Thump-

Worse still an older, burning pain comes fourth over my heart. The pain of betrayal... the pain of lies... the pain of losing all I've ever known and having to live with nothing and no one to care for me.

And it's all my fault.

I've tried to stay strong... I've tried to hold fast against the phantoms... but they're right. They would know better than I of my sins.

So I listened, I gave in.

They've wanted me to join them since it happened. -Thump- Honestly I'm surprised it took me so long to hang the noose.

My legs, beyond my will, start moving towards that cave.

I know he'll set me free, just like I did to him.

As I enter the cave, I know there is no turning back, -Thump- perhaps there never was.

Even in the cave the rain continues to cover my eyes, and I see him clearly as the day we departed.

A beast of red-skin, two horns, and the familiar smell of brimstone that never left him. He still has my dagger protruding out of his neck.

He didn't always look like this, he looked human when we first met. I called him Sam.

But his smell is the same, that smell that overwhelms my senses, that keeps me up at night. It is more abhorrent and terrifying than the smell of the smoke or the blood he made me bring upon these lands.

It had to end here, I know it -Ba-Dum-. No one escapes a devil I... in a way this is where it was meant to end.

Not only my legs now, but my whole body moves without warning -Thump Thump-. My hands steady against my will, eager to complete their task. -Ba-Dum Ba-Dum-

The Dark Sky above pierces through the entrance of the cave, the voices clamoring for my end. -THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP-

I will never have to feel this way again... I have to give in -Ba-Dum-... it is the purely logical choice.

As my body picks up the knife I stuck in devil's throat all those years ago, I hear a chirp.

Everything feels... different.

My body, still not under my command, grabs the knife and turns around... through the rain, I can see a little bird, a Nightingale.

It chirps again, a melodic and peaceful noise.

-Thump Thump Thump-

Suddenly, the night sky gets a bit brighter.

-Thump Thump-

Every chirp seems to lower the voices. Every chirp I start to gain more control of my body.

-Thump-

I collapse next to the devil I once called a friend, I have no strength left to stand.

I don't know what to do now, with the trembling in my hands I doubt I could stab myself even if I still wanted to.

My heart has stopped beating so loud, I suppose it must have burst.

"I... I don't want to die. But there's nothing left to live for."

Even I can hear the cry in my voice, and taste the salty rain that has fallen to my lips from my eyes.

I've must have truly gone crazy if I'm talking to birds, but I've probably been mad for years. Only someone mad could do such a thing.

Suddenly the Nightingale stops singing, and it hops to me. It lands on my lap and starts wiping away the tears covering my face with the top of it's head.

Strangely, the pain in my chest lessens for an instant. My shaking hands steady ever so slightly.

"Thank you little bird"

I sound pathetic.

"I hope I didn't kill you."

Then, the world shifts.

With the Nightingale still on my lap, I am taken back to the village.

I see my past self, I was a lot younger than I realized.

Behind that younger me is a burning forest, and a eye of the devil in my palm.

This would have to have been a few hours after I killed Sam.

I know what I did next, I'm so sorry.

-Ba-Dum-