A Series of Unfortunate Events!

Gildana was many things. She was someone who enjoyed getting her money's worth. She was someone who believed in long-term investments.

But the thing was, a gnome wanted one of the most precious things she sold: a bottomless and resizable backpack.

The witch didn't know if she should give the gnome what he wanted. After all, he was tiny. His life expectancy wasn't the best.

But he had nearly 9,500 golden coins to his name.

She had to look into it.

"Ok," Gildana told the gnome over the telecommunication pendant. "I think that we should get one thing straight, Sir Gnome!"

Dobri waited with bated breath. He didn't know exactly what he would be able to do should Gildana refuse to sell him the wares.

"Where did you get the money from?" The witch asked. For most people, that was a small detail. But for her, it was a detail worth looking into.

"Gretta Ironheart bought all my bartered wares," Dobri told her with bated breath. "She paid in gold coins."

Gildana nodded. She had heard about the dwarven lady. Buying things at the market price, which was fair, and then selling them at whatever price she deemed fit.

Which was not fair at all.

Gildana had gotten more than one down payment from Gretta in the past week. She knew that the dwarf was preparing for something, but she didn't know for what.

"Fine then. If Gretta was the one to buy off your wares, then I guess she can vouch for you." Gildana smiled, knowing that the gnome could not see her. "But I need a power of attorney from her that she will keep on buying your things!"

And the trap snapped around Dobri's ankle.

He began to blink. Being forced to sell only to Gretta was going to be problematic. After all, his entire business model depended on him selling the robes to the Black Market and getting bartered goods!

"But… if I sell only to Gretta, I won't make any profit!" Dobri protested.

Gildana's teeth were showing through her predatory smile. A hag most vile, Dobri would have thought, if he could only see her.

"Then, I suggest the following," the witch said, her voice sugary sweet. "You will sell to me as well. The bartered goods will pass through me. And you will buy the bottomless backpack on credit!"

Dobri narrowed his eyes.

That was unfair!

"But I noticed that your bottomless bags go for 5,000 golden coins! I have that much! I can pay right away!" He knew what the witch was trying to do to him.

If he bought the backpack on credit, he was going to end up needing to give it back if he was late to even one of the payments!

He was yet to buy himself a pony! How were his finances going to take such a hit?

"Well, yes, if you were a member of the Witch's Golden Club. But you never got into it! It costs only 1 gold coin, but you were too cheap!"

Dobri narrowed his eyes.

"I wasn't too cheap! You never offered it!" The gnome protested, knowing that he was in the right of it!

"I send you the newsletter!" Gildana continued, who remembered that she had really not offered it to the gnome.

She didn't understand why that was. Normally, she fleeced her customers for the last gold coin.

"Yes, and I have it before me!" Dobri said as he opened the small newspaper-like wall of text. "And there is only the promotion for oxen in here! Something you didn't hold up to!"

Gildana winced. She didn't much care how her customers were going to take it all when she double-crossed them.

 But she knew that Dobri was going to put up a fuss.

"Ok, fine, I will let you buy the bottomless backpack with cash!" Gildana took her small shot glass and drank the contents. Trying to console herself for the 15,000 golden coins which she had just lost. "Do you want it delivered, or will you come by?"

"What will it cost me to get it delivered?" Dobri didn't trust the witch anymore. Perhaps he should never have trusted her in the first place!

"The delivery for such a high-priced item is free," Gildana said, already mourning the loss of the mana stone she was going to have to fork over.

"Good! Then I want it delivered! Today!" Or Dobri was going to go to the only lawyer in Big Capybara, a shark, and a half who was also the richest woman in the village and get Gildana to cough up much more than a simple bottomless bag.

Gildana downed another shot glass, took ten mana crystals, cursed fate and Dobri, and then sent off her last bottomless backpack to the gnome.

"And remember," she knew that it was petty, but she had just lost 15,000 golden coins plus the 1,000 for the mana crystals. "You will now need to pay for the Witch's Golden Club!"

Dobri nodded. He didn't mind forking over one golden coin per month anymore.

"And do I get a newsletter for it with offers?" Most people hated those. But Dobri saw them as the penny-pinching opportunity they were.

As his bottomless bag was delivered, he heard someone place something in his mailbox.

"Do come by and shop again," it was what she was forced to say to all clients. But for the first time since she had started to dabble in insurance, Gildana felt that the words were bitter.

So bitter that not even the contents of her third shot glass could fix the bad taste in her mouth.

****

Dobri stuffed all the robes in his new backpack, noticed the fact that it didn't come with the original packaging, which meant it was already used, and then began to look through the newsletter.

He liked the pony deal on the last page. It was on credit, but the offer came with a saddlebag that refilled itself with fodder for the pony.

Besides, 10 golden coins per month was not all that much if the animal's food was also included in the price.

Dobri made Gildana tear at her hair, as she was forced to fork over the mildest pony in her entire herd.

The black one.

She just knew that Dobri had seen something gentle in the pony's big eyes and had gotten it because of that.

The truth, however, was that Dobri just wanted to be seen as a respectable merchant, and there were no white ponies left…