A Random in Re:Zero

"Ugh, shit!"

I shuddered from the phantom pain of having my head ripped apart by a .44 Magnum bullet. The sensation lingered for a few seconds, along with the horrible afterimage of the whale opening its jaws to swallow me like a sandwich.

"What's up, Leandro?"

"Everything okay, boss?"

Rem and Nadir turned to look at me, interrupting their cleaning and forging activities respectively.

Since we were going to be working very hard on weapons production, I asked Rem to take charge of setting up Nadir's workshop, which looked like a dump.

The place was quite neat and well-organized. Nadir didn't even notice the changes, as he spent the entire day creating more weapons.

"I'm fine, it was just a sudden pain."

I dismissed the matter with a cheap lie, getting Nadir to return to work with a shrug. However, Rem wasn't convinced and reprimanded me.

"Don't try to hide it. The witch smell got stronger just now."

"You never miss anything, huh..."

I scratched the back of my neck, annoyed by the girl's perceptiveness.

"Come with me."

Surprisingly, Rem grabbed my arm and dragged me into the kitchen-dining room. With an authoritative gesture, she ordered me to sit down, which I did without complaint.

For a moment I thought I'd be interrogated, but contrary to my expectations, Rem turned her back on me and began chopping ingredients. In less than five minutes, he presented me with a lush array of vegetables and meat between two pieces of bread.

"I'm sorry, this is the best I can do for you."

"Funny you say that like it's such a small thing!" I exclaimed, smiling and taking a big bite of the sandwich. "Thanks, this makes it all worth it."

Rem looked down and expressionlessly adjusted her bangs.

"Is it really that good?"

"Yes, but I wasn't just talking about the sandwich. You being here means a lot to me."

My hands were shaking. The memory of the whale and my suicide were too fresh. If I weren't with Rem, I might have gone crazy by now.

"For me too..."

"What do you mean?"

Rem's words took me by surprise, and I couldn't suppress my curiosity. She clenched her hands against the fabric of her uniform.

"I only think about working and helping as much as possible, since I'm worried about being unnecessary, or even a nuisance. But you make it seem like everything I do is very important and valuable."

"Well, even if they're small actions, you put a lot of effort into them, and you do it with the best intentions. You may not realize it, but you're irreplaceable, Rem."

"Um." She nodded. "What I mean is, it always cheers me up to hear your praise."

Her cheeks colored slightly as she slurred that last line. At that moment, I realized Rem was showing me her vulnerable side to make me feel better. How messed up did I look to have inspired this act of compassion in her?

"Someone appreciating your efforts is the least you deserve, Rem."

I responded modestly, saying what I really thought. I wasn't special for treating her well.

I rubbed my eyes to regain focus and continue working. I'd already done the hardest part, which was dying; which reminded me of something else...

"Oh shit, the notes!"

I took out my smartphone to write down the exact date and time of the whale's appearance, setting an alarm to go off at that moment.

Rem leaned towards me to see what I was doing.

"Those strange symbols, how do you understand them?"

"Most of these are from the alphabet of my homeland. There are many languages, technologies, and concepts there that don't exist here."

She let out a small 'oh', looking at the screen with the same childlike curiosity as a few days ago, reminding me of that physical closeness we had, evoking in my thoughts the shame I felt for letting my imagination play tricks on me.

Nervous about having her almost right next to me, I felt my face start to heat up. I needed to do something to get away from her, but I didn't want to be rude or cruel. However, at that moment, Rem made an unexpected request.

"Are there more of those images you showed me?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Do you have any with your loved ones?"

It was easy to understand what she was getting at. Without saying anything, I selected a specific album, which was full of photographs of me with friends and family.

"Wow..."

Rem took her time looking at the photos, not just at the people in them; she seemed especially interested in the surroundings, the strange structures and vehicles that appeared there.

"You really come from far away... These places almost seem like they're from another world."

"Hahaha, right?"

"Besides, there are a lot of people with black hair like yours. That's not very common around here."

"I know, I'm very special..."

I combed my hair, exaggerating my gestures like a diva enjoying the attention. Rem pointed to another picture, one of me standing next to an adult woman and man, both of whom had similar features to mine.

"Are those...?"

"My parents, yes."

Rem looked at me, to which I smiled and nodded, as if to say I was okay with talking about it.

"What were their names?"

"Wanda and Marcelo." I decided not to correct Rem's mistake, which was that she'd mentioned them in the past tense as if they were dead. I'd supposedly lost everything I cared about, so I shouldn't suggest otherwise.

"You look like them. More like your mother."

"That's very flattering, thank you."

There was a brief pause. She probably didn't know what to say next.

"Do you miss them?"

"Yes a lot."

A shadow fell over my face as I said that wistfully. Wanting to change the subject so I wouldn't get depressed, she pointed to a video of a boy my age waving at the camera.

"Who is he?"

The video was of him walking down a narrow hallway, giving me a thumbs-up when he saw I was recording him. The hollow feeling in my chest deepened as I watched it.

"My best friend, Roman. He was the person who understood me best."

"Was he from a noble family?"

Rem's question confused me. What made her think that? Maybe it was the modern clothes, which she thought were expensive?

"No, why do you say that?"

"He looked very well fed."

The casual way she responded caught me off guard, and I burst out laughing. My friend was pretty heavy—probably over 220. She somehow managed to point that out in such a subtle way.

I hope he's doing well. I hope everyone is doing well.

"That's a good point."

We were silent for a while. I assumed we were both thinking about the past, about the things we'd lost. I was still struggling to accept the fact that I would never be with my family and friends again.

However, I wasn't alone. I had the people from here.

"Are you sure Lady Crusch will accept your proposal?"

"If I wasn't, I wouldn't have had Nadir forging more than fifty weapons, ammunition and holsters."

That way, the battle would be much easier, drastically reducing the number of possible casualties. Besides, I wanted to see that whale turned into a sieve.

"Speaking of which, aren't they supposed to be pretty dangerous? Letting a bunch of soldiers have them is risky, to say the least."

"I've thought about that. I couldn't sleep because of what happened. Obviously, I understand the risks! One of the conditions of the agreement will be that every revolver and rifle will be destroyed when this is all over."

"Still, don't you think someone might keep one in secret or sell it?"

I shook my head slowly.

"I talked to Nadir about it when he started making them. Except for the original, every revolver and rifle has a small magic crystal installed inside. When this is all over, I'll activate a remote self-destruct spell to make sure there will be no weapon."

Almost no weapon, since as I said, I made the decision to keep the first revolver with me, to use as a last resort in a pinch, and also as a reminder that arrogant and intemperate actions have serious, often irreparable, consequences.

Once the weapons, holsters, and ammunition were ready, we loaded them into a rented carriage and headed to Karsten Mansion. Nadir greeted us as we departed.

"Good luck, boss!"

"Why do you keep calling me that? What a strange guy..."

Strange like a certain person who didn't seem to realize how ironic his thought was.

Thanks to the fact that I announced my visit a few hours in advance, there were already people waiting for us when we arrived.

"Sir Leandro, welcome. Please come in."

Wilhelm was one of those who greeted us. He bowed respectfully, either out of politeness or because of my status as a guest, even though his social standing was equal or superior to mine.

So I quickly returned the gesture.

"It's good to see you again."

"Same here." The old man looked at me with his eyes. "Your aura has changed since last time."

"If you're referring to my attitude, I'm working on it. I wasn't born a butler, but I'm trying to improve."

I smiled as I admitted my lack of class, but Wilhelm's expression didn't change. In fact, I noticed he was a little more serious and formal than when we first met.

"I heard what happened."

That's when I understood the reason for his solemnity. If he knew about the stolen revolver, he understood that I had indirectly caused the deaths of some knights.

"People lost their lives because of my mistake; I haven't stopped thinking about that since it happened. I'm very sorry for what I did, and I hope I can make amends."

"People will choose whether or not to forgive you, no matter what you do to make it up to them. But if guilt keeps you up at night, then it's no longer about others, it's about you."

Wilhelm explained it to me bluntly. What he meant was that I should forgive myself, right?

Well, that was going to be difficult. As much as I wanted to ignore it, there was a thought that had been tormenting me for a while.

"In the future, someone else will die because of my decisions."

Wilhelm was about to say something else, but at that moment, a certain cat boy approached from the mansion.

"Leandro! I'm warning you, don't try anything perverted with Lady Crusch, nya!"

Felix pointed an accusing finger at me, his expression filled with suspicion. I forgot my melancholy to return to my character, feigning surprise and indignation.

"How did you know what I was planning to do?!"

"Oh!? So you confess, nya!"

"Hmm, that's fine. I don't care if you already know my intentions. After all, it's your lady who will decide if she wants to experience the pleasure I can provide."

"T-That's never going to happen! Ferri won't allow it!"

I could clearly hear Rem and Wilhelm's sighs. They were both looking at me as if to say, 'Stop messing with him,' but I was having a lot of fun.

However, there were priorities. Time to stop.

"Okay, how about we just forget about this and move on?" I cut my ugly bastard act and regained my composure. "It would be very rude to keep the hostess waiting."

Reluctantly, Felix had to concede my point. He and Wilhelm took the lead to lead the way.

We went to Crusch's office. She was sitting behind her desk, wearing her usual men's suit.

"You can still see her tits. Fuck, what a beautiful woman."

The fact that she was trying to look less feminine only made things worse, because it made me wonder what she would look like in other clothes, or without them.

Man, I think I need a girlfriend.

***

Nadir returned to the tent when the carriage was out of sight. The place was empty and silent again, though the warmth from the butler and maid's prolonged presence still lingered.

"I never thought I'd see this place so clean and tidy. That Oni girl is very good at what she does."

Suddenly, Nadir tripped over his own feet and fell to the ground. This wasn't a slip or a side effect of overexertion, but a natural reaction to a shocking event.

Before him had materialized a celestial figure, the embodiment of dazzling beauty, a full-fledged star, though devoid of the brilliance and heat that would kill any mortal who stood close enough.

Just looking at her, Nadir began to weep uncontrollably, overwhelmed with happiness. Drawing on all his willpower, the blacksmith crawled to the goddess's feet, prostrating himself before her like a completely devoted servant.

"Your Holiness Pandora! It is an honor to welcome you to my humble home!"

"Nadir Ashveil, your diligence in following my instructions shows that your love runs deep. You've done a great job."

"Oh, Your Holiness! I feel unworthy of such praise! I only did the bare minimum expected of my humble self! Please allow me to continue serving you, so that my existence may have a purpose!"

Pandora's lips curved upward in a soft pout that only made her look even more perfectly beautiful.

"It will be so, Nadir Ashveil. You just have to continue supporting my beloved apostle on his path. Very soon he'll be ready for his next trial."

Pandora looked in a specific direction, as if she could see beyond the walls and the distance.

"I'm sure he'll be able to overcome it, and then I'll finally be reunited with him."