A Pacifistic Sword Saint

“It’s time to get ready for your first ball in Aulbert!” Helena exclaimed. “How excited are you, Lady Maude?”

Maude did her best to smile. Her heart felt heavy. I’m going to be so out of place at this ball, she thought. I shouldn’t even be allowed to go.

“I’m very excited,” she lied to Helena.

“And Duke Jaspar invited you, how exciting!” Helena was bustling around Maude’s room, getting all of the things that she would need to help Maude get ready. In the corner, on a mannequin was the iridescent purple shifting into pink gown that Helena had suggested Maude looked the best in when they’d gone shopping for a gown together. Sewn into the tulle wrapping around the bodice were little outlines of birds flying away. Three dimensional flowers had been sewn on the tulle around the area where Maude’s waist would be. It was a beautiful gown. Maude felt lowly and undeserving in comparison to it.

Why did I agree to this again? She wondered to herself. Maybe I should have never accepted Jaspar’s suggestion to try to enjoy society events in the first place.

“Yes, it will be lovely,” Maude murmured.

“Come with me this way, Lady Maude,” Helena said, gesturing toward the built in bathroom.

“I can wash myself,” Maude said, similar to all the other times Helena had attempted to serve her by bathing her.

“Not today, you will not,” Helena replied, shaking her finger at Maude. “Today is too special of a day for you to do it all yourself.”

Maude groaned, getting off the bed and following Helena into the steamy bathroom. The bath had already been drawn up.

“Don’t look,” Maude commanded Helena as she started to disrobe.

“Of course,” Helena replied turning away.

“Maude slipped into the steamy bathwater. She remembered back to the last several times she’d asked bathwater to be prepared for her at the Holloway manor. This was exactly what she’d been looking for at that time.

“Alright, you can look,” Madue replied.

“Wonderful,” Helena replied, whirling around and throwing a handful of rose petals into the water. She grabbed one of Maude’s wrists, and gently started filing Maude’s nails and cleaning out the gunk from underneath them. “Why are you being so fussy?” Helena asked. “Does the duke not appeal to you? Most of the girls in our kingdom would do a lot of nasty things to be invited to the ball by Duke Rosenberg himself.”

Maude sighed heavily. “The duke is fine,” she answered. “I just feel as though I’m stealing a spot from one of those ladies.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, starting on Maude’s other hand.

“Well…” Do I tell her? Maude wondered. Once I admit my feelings out loud, I won’t be able to take them black.

“Well…?” Helena prompted.

Will Helena judge me for having feelings for my enemy? Maude thought about all of the interactions with Helena up to this point. She probably won’t judge me, Maude thought.

“Honestly, I don’t just like the duke,” Maude replied. “I…” she felt her heart start thundering in her chest.

If I say it outloud, it means it’s true, Maude thought again. But it’s not as though not saying it outloud is going to make it any less true.

“You…?” Helena prompted with a look of voracious curiosity on her face.

“I wish to have a courting relationship with the duke,” Maude replied, meekly.

It was over. I said it out loud, Maude thought. Her heart was still pounding in anticipation of how Helena would respond. It’s true. It’s real. I want the duke.

Helena squiggled her eyebrows at Maude. “You don’t think I hadn’t caught onto that much?” Helena asked.

“What?” Maude asked, feeling her eyes widen at Helena. The pace of her heart quickened further. “Is it really that obvious?”

“No, I don’t think it’s that obvious at all, my Lady,” Helena replied. “You are exceptionally good at controlling your reactions. Only someone who sees you when you’re alone and less guarded could possibly tell that you have feelings for the duke. You light up around him in a way you don’t around anyone else.”

“Ah,” Maude replied, feeling her heart rate calm. “So Jaspar, himself, probably doesn’t know then?”

“I would guess if anything, he may have some inklings, but not much more than that, my lady,” Helena replied, finishing Maude’s second hand.

Maude sighed with relief. “Why are you relieved?” Helena asked. “You don’t want them to know?”

“I don’t,” Maude confirmed. “I don’t know how he feels about me, and there’s no way we could ever be together.”

Helena frowned. “Do me a favor, and dunk your head in the water so I can wash your hair.” Maude nodded at her. That hadn’t been the response she’d expected.

Maude dunked her head and ran her fingers through her hair to make sure it soaked up as much water as possible, before she resubmerged.

“Why are you uncertain about how Jaspar feels about you?” Helena asked as soon as Maude could hear her again. She started running a fragrant floral smelling soap through Maude’s hair.

“Do you think he has feelings for me?” Maude asked.

“Without a doubt that man has feelings for you,” Helena replied.”I’ve never seen him spend as much time with a woman as he has spent with you.”

Maude felt like her face was on fire. “What is so special about me?” she asked.

“You’d have to ask the duke yourself if you wanted to know what he thinks, but I think there are a lot of special things about you. To start, you’re a sword saint, you’re a woman who knows how to fight, we live in times of war but you’re probably the most pacifistic person I’ve ever met…” Helena trailed off. “There are a lot of other reasons to like you too, Lady Maude, as you are also very kind, humble, and straightforward. I honestly feel as though if you were to become Duchess Rosenberg that you could make a lot of impactful changes to Aulbert.”

Maude’s heart felt light. “You think so highly of me, Helena,” she said, hiding her flaming face behind her hands.

“It’s true,” Helena replied. “Give your hair a dunk again, if you would.”

“Of course,” Maude replied, feeling grateful for the timing. She went under the water and started running her hands through her hair again to get the soap out.

Surely I’m not that great, Maude thought. Helena’s view of me is skewed. She thinks too much of me.

“How do you know that the duke has feelings for me?” Maude asked as she resubmerged.

“On top of how much attention he pays to you?” Helena was smiling. “He asked you to the ball.”

“So?” Maude asked.

“Most other balls he has paired up with someone out of convenience, usually that awful Lady Fronica.” Helena made a face as she said Fronica’s name.

“And how do you know I’m not the partner of convenience this time?” Maude asked.

“I guess that’s a fair point,” Helena said. “Though it seems like he has bent over backwards to ensure your comfort in the Rosenberg Manor since you were brought here.”

Maude shrugged. “That’s not really evidence either.”

“Alright, fine,” Helena grunted. “I see it in his eyes and the way he looks at you. It’s more of a gut feeling for me that he has feelings for you. I’m not really sure how to explain it.” Maude saw her walk over to the counter and grab a towel off of it. She walked back and put the towel next to the tub, and then turned away so that Maude could get out and dry herself.

“A gut feeling isn’t all that much to go by,” Maude replied, snatching the towel up and quickly starting to dry.

“Well then, I guess time will tell, my lady,” Helena replied, shrugging her shoulders.

“Indeed,” Maude replied. Though I’d love to know for certain right now if I even would have a shot with him, she thought. “Even if Jaspar was interested in me, though, it would be very difficult to overcome the fact that I’m a prisoner of war from an enemy country and become a duchess,” Maude pointed out.

Maude saw Helena stiffen. “My lady, I hate how much you bring that up,” Helena said.

“It just makes a relationship between myself and the duke very unfeasible.” Maude slid into the plush robe that she’d been wearing prior to her bath. “I’m dressed,” she said.

Helena turned around and escorted Maude out of the bathroom and sat her down at the vanity in her room. Helena picked up the brush and began running it through Maude’s hair.

“I don’t know that your status would really be a barrier,” Helena replied. “Given the fact that you are a sword saint and nobility from the empire that you betrayed, I suspect that you’re bound to have some opportunities at some point to gain a title of nobility in Aulbert.”

“Do you really think so?” Maude asked. “I am still being kept like a bird in a cage. You would think if I was trusted in any capacity that I would be able to fly free.”

Helena frowned at Maude in the mirror. “You’d have to ask his grace about that,” she said. “From what I can tell, you are quite trusted by the duke, so I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s someone more powerful than him that is keeping you locked away.”

Maude nodded a little, being careful since Helena was still working the brush through her hair.

“I just wouldn’t go so far as to suggest that it would be impossible for you to marry the duke,” Helena continued. “I think your outlook is a lot more hopeless than the truth of the matter.”

Maude felt some sparks lighting up in her chest. It felt as though there was a warm single flamed candle glowing in her heart. What if Helena is actually right? Maude wondered. What if I do actually have a bit of a chance with Jaspar?

No, she decided. I can’t let this feeling grow within me. She tried to snuff out the flame inside of her. It dimmed a little. If I let these feelings grow, I am only going to be let down.

“I suppose it’s possible,” Maude said.

“I would support you becoming the duchess,” Helena said with a smile in the mirror. “And because you’d make such a phenomenal duchess, I am going to do everything in my power to make sure you’re the absolute belle of the ball and the duke won’t be able to take his eyes off you.”

Maude giggled. “Thank you, Helena,” she said softly.

“My pleasure!” Helena replied, before attacking Maude’s hair.